THE

'S

HERCULES AGAINST THE MOON MEN

(1964 Governor Pictures) Director: Giacomo Gentilomo  Starring: Alan Steel, Jany Clair

Y'know..as a kid I read way too many comic books....

I can remember this becoming a source of frustration for me as a wee, young lad only once .  Like anyone who grew up reading comics in the late 1970s on through to the mid 1980s, I partaked of several of the great advertisements that funnybooks contained during that period...in this case, the old "The Insult that made a Man out of Mac" Charlie Atlas ad. It was the last day of school, circa 1986, and I was smitten with a young lass who could have cared less whether or not I existed, much less actually knew that I was a part of the sixth grade class we both shared.  So being the 12 year old genius that I was, I made the leap and ordered Atlas' course, thinking, "Hey...I'll bulk up over the summer and when the 7th grade year begins...she won't be able to help herself when she's around me.  I'm gettin' noticed!"  I also made a mental note at that moment the time I spent in Mrs. Brody's english class reading issues of Blue Devil and Firestorm the Nuclear Man was not time wasted, for I wouldn't have came up with this brilliant idea had it not been so.

"I'll make you a man in 7 days.....my ass! Needless to say, the kit came, I discovered it was a big scam, and I do not possess Abs of Steel.  Probably because I sat on my ass and read more issues of Blue Devil during the summer instead of actually working out. THE PLOT:  Hercules (or is it Machiste?  Hee hee...gotta love the marketting of foreign films in the US during the sixties) is called to the city of Samar by a friend to defend it from a robot-like Moon Man and the city's evil Queen, who both seem hellbent on sacrificing all the young people of the town to attain some significant amount of power.  Ain't it always the way?

"So, baby...wanna stop by and see my 'etchings'?"

"Biddy biddy biddy...Watch out, Buck!"

Herc (portrayed by Steve Reeve's clone, Alan Steel) falls for a young maiden in the city, is brainwashed by the Queen into falling for her instead (wow...I haven't seen that since, oh...HERCULES UNCHAINED...that's one thing I love about these flicks.  Not only is Herc big and strong...but usually dumb as a post when it comes to women, something I can identify with completely).  He escapes from a wicked deathtrap (pictured above with all the spikes) and battles rock monsters.  What else can one ask from a film?  Herc saves the day and all is good.  THE END.

The mid 1980s Goodtimes Home Video VHS I own, as well as the excellent recent Retromedia DVD I recently purchased (above).

Now....this is a Hercules for me.  In the past I have commented on the fact that I completely dislike Kevin Sorbo and that whole televison show he was involved with...even if it was a brainchild of Sam Raimi. Why?  Because (and I may just be old fashioned....well, if so...YOU DAMN KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!  Young hooligans, what with yer rockin' and rollin' music and hot rod cars....In my day... ) when I think of Hercules, immediately I get mental images of guys like Alan Steel and Steve Reeves, all manly and full of facial hair....not some guy who looks like a  reject from a Renaissance festival.  Whenever Reeves had a problem...he just threw a marble column at it and conked the bad guys heads together.  And...for Zeus's sake...he didn't solve problems with touchy-feely methods like talking through them.  Remember kids, violence is your friend. And tell 'em Charles Atlas sent ya.