THE

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Hell on Wheels

(1967)  Crown International Pictures  Director:  Will Zens  Starring:  Marty Robbins,  Connie Smith, Robert Dornan

All the goodness of an Elvis flick....only...um,...without the Elvis.

You too will be saying, "I can't believe it's not Elvis!" Waitaminnit.  I gotta start ranting here.  I know it's a little early in the game for such nonsense, but by now (if'n yer a faithful reader) you'll know it's bound to happen. What the hell is the fascination connected with NASCAR?  This film, starring one of my favorite country and western minstrels, Marty Robbins, features stock car racing and an infant form of NASCAR.  Adtually, at this point in NASCAR's development, ya really can't tell any difference between it and, say, a choreographed demolition derby.  My rant is: can we really conside this a "sport" and the contestants "athletes"?  Hell...I can drive as fast as my car can go and make left turns all the live-long day....I'm NASCAR material!

The only reason I'm ranting is the general public's habit of awarding this high speed circle-jerk's "competitors" huge amounts of adulation, and our fair, compassionate corporations (note the sarcasm) handing over huge endorsement deals to guys, who in my opinion, are nothing more than valets with lead feet.  Kato could drive the Black Beauty like a madman,  but did the Green Hornet see that worthy of a raise?  I'd like to think not.... I remember a time when athletes had to perform an amazing feat of physical stamina or endurence to score a sweet endorsement deal...not just sit behind the wheel of a machine that was built to go fast.  Why don't they give the car money, instead of who's driving?  To me..it's doin' all the work....

Anyways, The Plot: Marty Robbins portrays "Marty" (naturally...who looks oddy like a clean cut version of Sully Erna or the heavy metal band Godsmack in this film), a stock car driver/musician (aren't they all? ), whose jealous brother, Del (John Ashley), also his mechanic, decides to start racing because he's tired of Marty hogging all the spotlight and cash.  Bob Dornan (yes...the senator) plays the two's other brother, a G-Man who's all about blowin' up "shine stills" and stopping "likker-runners". Confused?  This flick plays kinda like a weird prototype for "The Dukes of Hazzard"....

The Rhino Home Video DVD

Del falls in with a gang of moonshiners, gets shot,  and while Marty's trying to help him out, hot on their trail comes brother Steve (Dornan).  What a tangled web we weave.  Sometimes, at about five minute intervals, we cut to Marty at the club performing.  If Elvis woulda been in this flick, it woulda been a hit.  marty and Steve get Del to the hospital, and the film ends with Marty serenading a little girl (Holy shades of Giant Gila Monster!).    The End. Reccommended highly for those Elvis fans who have been told to cut down on their daily Elvis intake, yet miss the great taste of real Elvis.  NASCAR fans might find it interesting as well.  And, despite the low price (I picked up my copy of the disc for 9.88), the Rhino DVD is excellent, if for the picture quality alone.