...LIKE A KAYAK?

"We're not -- we're not like penguins, Michael!" She spluttered. "You can't just drop a shiny rock at my feet and expect to woo me. Women want more than that."

"Oh." A pause. "Would it help if I threw one at you?"

- A conversation taking place... somewhere.

Author's note: I wrote this a few years ago when I was living in Augusta. Although neither the fishing hole nor I are no longer there...neither is Bert, for that matter...the sentiment, I believe, stays the same.

As my friend, Bert, and I were on our way to our fishing hole (the current one) we passed an outdoor sporting goods store. You know, the kind of place that sells tents, sleeping bags, Gortex boots; stuff like this. The store isn't actually outside on the lawn or anything

...Anyway, in front of the store was a big sign (Augustians apparently like things such as this; for instance, White House Cleaners, a dry cleaning business, was running a sign in front of its shop that said, simply, "We didn't clean Monica's dress"). So, on this sign was written, "Nothing says I love you like a Kayak"; I found this rather odd.

Author's note: :Just a little background for those of you who might be new to this page. Bert and I go fishing a lot, but seldom, if ever, catch anything; this, of course, is because the Great Trout is annoyed with us, but we have no doubts that He'll get over it. While on our way to where we have decided to fish that day we pay attention to the odd signs and advertisements along the roadways. And believe me, there are many of these in beautiful Augusta. Mostly we do this because it amuses us. We are rather simple like this. He and I can sit for hours, and often do, discussing the finer merits of sports bras as outerwear jogging apparel, the geopolitical ramifications of taking Hussein out of power, why Bert forgot the binoculars again, or lengthy debates about which Godzilla movie is the best one. In short we babble and grunt at each other and enjoy each other's company while we aren't catching anything.

Remind me to tell you about the woman with the penguins under her car hood.

End note:

So, this sign said, ""Nothing says I love you like a Kayak", and I have been puzzling over it ever since.

Does this mean that if I suddenly showed up with one on an anniversary or birthday that all would be well? Would it make up for that bowling ball with my finger holes cut into it that I got for her last year?

I can picture the conversation:

"Do you know what today is?" she would ask.

"Of course, sugar-bottom," I would say with a straight face. "Today is the 'four hundred and sixty-ninth gamillion-breath-we have-taken-together' day. Just wait till you see what I got you!"

"It's not another bowling ball, is it??"

...Later, as she is packing her bags...

"But...but, don't you see?? It's a kayak!"

...Yep, just a bad deal all around.

So, (I like this word apparently) I'm contemplating sneaking out to the sign and changing it to say, "Nothing says I love you more than I love you."

What do you think?

I was thinking as I was showering earlier...(I do both often) that Thanksgiving is coming up. So, with that in mind I guess I have this to say:

A gift, be it bowling ball (provided the finger holes are the correct size), a kayak, or even one of those really cool Automatic Change Sorters says only, "I appreciate you."

If you want to let someone know that you love them, the only way to do that is to say it.

Remember that before you go traipsing off, a slave to advertisements; your significant other (and your credit card) will be the better off for it.