Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour

by Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: ladyorla@yahoo.com or jaelle@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part 18

***

*BBBRRRRIIIINNNGGG!!!!*

Ukyou sat up with a jerk. *Damn hotel alarm clocks! Do
they have to be so loud?* She yawned and looked down at
Ryoga. He was still asleep.

"Unbelieveable." Ukyou muttered as she got up. "I swear
an earthquake wouldn't wake him up."

She fixed some coffee for Ryoga and some tea for herself.
Coming back to the bed she smiled down at him.

"You're so kawaii..." Ukyou touched his forehead. "My...
P-Chan."

"Who're you calling _P-CHAN_!!!!!" Ryoga sat bolt upright,
his eyes wide open and glaring.

"Uhhh..." Ukyou was stunned for a moment, then she giggled.
Ryoga stared up at her. "Ukyou?"

"Well, now I have the secret weapon!" Ukyou giggled. "Just
call you P-Chan and you wake up! You're so easy to tease."

Ryoga grinned and grabbed her, pulling her back down on the
bed. "So are you!" he said and tickled her.

Ukyou wriggled. "H-hey! Cut that out!!!"

Akane and Ranma walking past Ryoga's door, looked at each
other.

"Do we really want to know?" she asked. Ranma grabbed her
arm. "Move along now, move along."

***

"All right everyone," said Ukyou over breakfast. "We need
to discuss something."

"What's that?" asked Akane. She, Miya and Kiyone stopped
eating to look up. The rest of the group kept going,
having learned from various diverse painful experiences
not to surrender food unless they had to.

"Well," said Ukyou. "There's the small matter of
timetabling."

"Huh?" asked Godai.

"I mean that, due to our accidental sidetrips to Burma
and so on, we're somewhat behind schedule." said Ukyou.
"We're only in Hong Kong and the time on the tour's almost
up."

"Can't be, we've only been travelling around for..." Suka
looked at his watch. "Ummm..."

Miya sighed and pulled out a pocket calendar, "She has a
point Suka, we are running out of time. You have to get
back to your studies."

"You can no go home!" said Shampoo. "Shampoo just get
here!"

"Sorry, Shampoo, but we're not doing this trip for YOU!"
snarled Ukyou.

"But... but..."

"If you're going home what did I pay for?" Mousse asked.

"A hiding place from all your fans," said Ryoga. "If you
don't like it we can throw you back you know."

A sweatdrop trickled down Mousse's hair. "Never mind."

Ukyou leant back in her chair, flicked her hair behind
her, "Anyway..." she began.

Nabiki's eyes narrowed. "Oh my, it seems Ukyou has a
personal reason for leaving."

"What?" Ukyou was startled.

"Poor dear," Nabiki said solicitously. "You must have
sweet blood for the insects to bite you so." Everyone's
eyes went to Ukyou's neck. "Either that," Nabiki finished.
"Or the vampires are out in force."

Everyone looked at Ryoga, who looked at Ukyou's neck and
crimsoned.

Ukyou put her hand to her neck, the awful truth dawning
on her face. Konatsu handed her a pocket mirror and she
checked her reflection.

"Oh my god!!!" Ukyou clutched her hair tightly around her
throat and blushed bright red. Nabiki smirked.

"Uhhh... _anyway_," said Ukyou. "Getting back to the
timetable..."

A flutter of movement caught Mikado's eye and he frowned.
Then he tapped the person next to him on the shoulder.

"Godai," he said quietly. "You know that pot plant by the
door?"

"Yeah," said Godai, who'd almost tripped over it on the
way to breakfast whilst daydreaming about Kyoko.

"It's not there anymore."

"Oh, did the hotel staff remove it?" Godai asked
disinterestedly.

"No," said Mikado slowly. "It's over by the window now."

The two men stared at the pot plant. It was definitely the
same one as the one that had been by the door.

"How..." said Godai, when it moved again, this time
towards the table.

"What the...?"

"CHAAARGE! CHARGE I SAY!!!!!"

"Oh NO!" yelled Ukyou, turning to see the pot plant charging
towards her. "NO!!!"

"UKYOU-SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! BANZAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!"
Tsubasa Kurenai burst out of the pot plant and landed on
the table in front of Ukyou. "I missed you sooooooo much!"

*Argh,* thought Ukyou. *This is ridiculous, I'm just trying
to have BREAKFAST for crying out loud!!!!*

There was a loud snap behind her.

*I better think of something REAL QUICK or Ryoga's going to
give up on the cutlery and start trying to break Tsubasa.
Actually, that wouldn't be a bad idea. Oh, but then Ryoga
would get put in prison. Ummmm... ummmmm...*

As the group sat there stunned, the decision was taken
out of their hands.

"My my, the beautiful ones certainly cue up to follow you
around don't they Kuonji-san," said a smooth voice.

Tsubasa turned to see Mikado Sanzenin, one of the Golden
Pair of Martial Arts figure skating standing behind him.
"What...?" was all he got out before Mikado gently pulled
him into his lap and kissed him.

Everyone's eyes bugged out. The Nerima crowd's especially.
*Oh great kami, Mikado doesn't know... Damn I wish I had
a camera!* thought Ryoga, Ranma, Konatsu and Ukyou together.

Finally, Mikado broke the kiss. "You're safe now with me,
miss." he said.

Tsubasa stared at him. "You... you... WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
Crying, he fled out the door and into the distance, never
to be seen again.

"Oh, how sweet, that she should react so," said Mikado. "I
shall treasure the memory of our kiss."

"So will I," said Ukyou.

"Mikado-kun!" said Kiyone. "You can't just..." her voice
trailed off as Nabiki grabbed her shoulder and whispered in
her ear. "Never mind. I think you got what you deserved."

"You really think so?" asked Mikado.

"Oh yeah."

"Okay people, the timetable!" shrieked Ukyou, clinging
grimly to her original plan. "We're all out of time, so
we're going home now or I'll hit you with the table!
However we're going to take the scenic, coastal route,
that we were supposed to see on the way in home, so you'll
all get to see something new."

"But Shampoo already seen it," protested Shampoo.

"Did you think I was bluffing?" demanded Ukyou, lifting
the table, breakfast and all.

"You want fight now?" Shampoo rolled up a sleeve.

"Not over breakfast," moaned Godai. "It's bad for the
digestion!"

"Put down the table Ukyou," ordered Mousse. "I've already
had to pay for the door to your _room_," he glared
meaningfully at Shampoo, who subsided somewhat. "The
coastal route is fine... it's not very populated is it?"

"Not too badly," said Ukyou. "Don't worry Mousse, if it
gets too much for you, you can hide in my..." her mind
realised what it was saying. "Mikado's room." she
finished.

"Oh, goodie. Will I be safe there?" Mousse asked.

"Just don't put on a dress," advised Ranma.

"Don't worry, I'll leave that to YOU Ranma." said Mousse,
smiling.

***

Ranma and Akane were the first on the bus, they took their
usual place up the front. Ranma smiled at Akane.

"I'm glad we're first." he said. "There's something I need
to talk to you about."

"Sure."

Ranma cleared his throat and fidgeted. "Well, you know that
Shampoo is... well... she's probably going to... ummm..."

"Try to sit with you and shove me out of the window?" supplied
Akane. She nodded. "Don't worry, I'm _not_ going to get upset."

Ranma stared at her. "Huh?"

"I'm not going to give her the satisfaction." said Akane simply.
"Besides, I trust you."

"You _do_????"

Akane rolled her eyes. "Yes, dummy. We're getting married soon,
we're past this nonsense, okay?"

"Nihao!" Shampoo bounced on board.

Akane sighed. "Some of us are at least."

"Airen! Wo Ai Ni!" Shampoo made a beeline for the seat opposite
Ranma. There was a sudden blur of movement and Suka and Miya
plopped themselves in the seat. Shampoo stopped and glared.
"What you do?" she cried angrily.

"What?" Suka asked doing his best Shinobu impression. "There
are plenty of seats. We like this one."

Shampoo fumed, then she spotted the one behind Ranma. *Aha!*
She started forward. There was another blur and Kiyone, Godai
and Konatsu stared up at her innocently.

"Can we help you?" Kiyone asked.

"Aargh!" Shampoo stamped her foot. She looked around, there
was a seat filled by Mikado - no way. The only other option
was...

"<Having problems, Xian Pu?>" Mousse asked pleasantly as she
sat down beside him.

"<You shut up.>" grumbled Shampoo.

Outside the bus Ryoga finished checking the tyres and gave
Ukyou the thumbs up. She smiled at him. "Get on board, honey."
she said. "I'll wait for Nabiki."

"What is she doing?" Ryoga asked.

"She said she had to make a quick call to Japan, to check on
Kuno."

Ryoga's eyebrows lifted. "She checks up on him?"

"If Kuno was my husband, I'd check on him." said Ukyou. "Who
knows what he could get up to by himself."

Ryoga laughed and got on the bus. A moment later Nabiki emerged
from the hotel, she smiled at Ukyou as she reached her. Ukyou
shivered, smiles like that from Nabiki usually meant something
unpleasant.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

Nabiki nodded. "Tacchi's fine, he destroyed the kitchen, but
all he burnt were his eyebrows." she rummaged in her purse and
pulled out a paper bag and handed it to Ukyou. "For you."

Ukyou frowned. "If this is more chocolate mousse, well... I
don't need it."

"This is what you need _after_ the chocolate mousse." said
Nabiki getting on the bus.

Ukyou opened the bag and looked at the contents. "Ah." she
murmured. "How thoughtful."

***

The bus rolled along the half-empty road. The day was hot,
the sun was shining, the tempers were short, but otherwise,
everything was normal.

"Get off airen!"

Or as normal as they get around here.

Shampoo glared at Akane, who lifted an eyebrow back at her.

"Why should I get off him?" she inquired from the position
she'd taken up on Ranma's lap. "He's MY fiancee, _I'm_
getting married to him. As long as it doesn't bother
anyone else here, I don't see a problem."

"It bother Shampoo!"

"Note I said anyone _else_, not you!"

"Grrrrrr..." Shampoo drew out her bonbori. "You take final
piece of cake! You die now!"

Mousse leapt up, "Shampoo! Not here!"

"Yes here!" said Shampoo. Then the bus turned left and she
was jolted off balance.

"Argh!" Suka dodged one bonbori but the other one hit him
between the eyes and he fell to the floor unconcious.

"HEY!" yelled Miya. "Those things are dangerous. You put
them away right now!"

Shampoo snorted derisively at her. Miya's eyes narrowed and
she drew a long length of chain from her belt. "Don't mess
with me." she warned.

"Knock it off you guys!" yelled Ukyou. "This is a tour bus,
not a bar!" She drew her spatula. "Put the bonbori down
Shampoo!"

"You go to hell!" Shampoo retorted. "You just jealous."

"Of what? _I'm_ not engaged in a pathetic chase after Ranma
any more."

"Uh oh," said Mousse.

"You jealous cause you get second best," said Shampoo.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!!"

Ryoga tried to block out the noise of the fight and watch the
road, but when he heard Ukyou's scream he couldn't help it,
he looked in the mirror.

"NO FIGHTING ON THE DAMN BUS!!!" he yelled.

There was a faint thud.

"OH MY GOD I THINK I HIT SOMEONE!!!!" Ryoga's scream hit
registers he hadn't hit since puberty. The fight abruptly
stopped. So did the bus.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod..." Ryoga began to hyperventilate.

Shampoo, Akane and Miya looked guilty. Ukyou vaulted over the
unconcious Suka and hit the door controls.

"I'll go see. You all stay here and NOBODY MOVE!!!" she
ordered, strapping her spatula to her back as she walked out
the door.

***

*What just hit me?* thought the figure sprawled in the dust.
One minute he'd been walking along the highway, the next
flying through the air. Slowly, Hikaru Kazeten got to his
feet and surveyed the damage. He was fine. Of course. He
smiled slightly arrogantly.

Except his clothes were filthy.

He frowned.

"Hey there, are you okay?"

Kazeten looked up, rubbing his head. A pretty girl looked down
at him.

"I'm SO sorry," she said. "We didn't mean to bowl you off the
road. Are you alright? Do you need medical help? Oh nuts, you
probably don't understand me... Uhhh..."

"I understand you," he said. "Why wouldn't I?"

Ukyou blinked. "Oh you're Japanese!"

Kazeten drew himself up and brushed himself off.

"I'm fine," he said. "A little dirty, but fine."

"Wow," said Ukyou. "You must be pretty tough, the only
other..."

"Of course," Kazeten interrupted her arrogantly. "I AM a
martial artist of some renown."

"Oh," Ukyou raised her eyebrows. Kazeten waited for her to
be impressed. Somehow the declaration didn't seem to be
having it's usual effect. He examined Ukyou more closely.
Pretty, seems nice enough, a bit common though, and what
was with the spatula?

"I'm sorry," said Ukyou, noticing his puzzled expression.
"I didn't introduce myself. My name is Ukyou Kuonji,
pleased to meet you."

"Hikaru Kazeten." He pronounced his name importantly and
waited for her to recognise it.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"It's... nice to meet you," said Ukyou eventually. "Look,
I'm really sorry about what happened. Can we give you a
lift?"

"No." said Kazeten.

There was another uncomfortable silence.

"Oh, okay then. Well, bye!" Ukyou turned to leave.

"Miss Kuonji?"

She turned back "Yes?" she said expectantly. *Ah, the fall
must have damaged his manners and now he's recovered!*

"You _do_ realise that you have a large spatula strapped to
your back don't you?" Kazeten asked.

Ukyou blinked. "Of course, it's not like you can miss it
or anything!"

Kazeten nodded. "I see, very well then. You may be on your
way."

"Oh THANK you so much!" said Ukyou sarcastically.

Kazeten nodded regally and set off again. Ukyou fumed all
the way back to the bus.

"What happened was there someone, are they okay?" demanded
Ryoga frantically.

"There's good news and there's bad news," said Ukyou. "The
good news is you didn't hurt him."

"So what's the bad news?" asked Ranma.

"The bad news is you didn't hurt him."

"Huh?" everyone was confused. Ukyou shook her head,
indicating 'I'll tell you later'. "Mikado, you take the
wheel. Ryoga go lie down for a while. And everyone, new rule.
No fighting on the bus."

The bus continued on its way.

*** 

 

Chapter 19

Index