Dead Reckoning A Storm may be dangerous,  But jealousy could be fatal! “A slickly accomplished thriller.” ~ The Hollywood Reporter  "Uhhhh .... huhuhuhuh ... they said slick.” ~ BoDee

The Dock - A crowd has collected around a yacht. They seem to be highly agitated and excited as Susan Blakely, (Whom my spellchecker wanted to name "Bleakly" ... LOL), is escorted from the yacht by the Sheriff. I assume they are wanting her to get them all Back Stage Passes for Rick's next concert! Oh ... this IS the actual opening scene ...

* Oh Man! Its one of those “Thinking out loud” scenes that foreshadow the whole movie! Thank you Mr. Movie for leaving a little suspense about the ending ... Doh!
* She's got the whole movie in her pretty little head and WE the audience have to go in there to get it? From what I know about Susan, I suspect there should be plenty of room for all of us AND a guest!

Fade to the Party - Ohhhh, it looks like yet another Republican Fund-raiser at Stately Wayne Manor!

* Hahahaha ... her memories have credits!
* Film Credit - The Production Designer's name is Richard Wilcox … (Dick Wilcox)? You know this man has a chip on his shoulder and its got being pantsed in High School written ALL over it!

High society elite gathers to celebrate the birthday of successful plastic surgeon, Daniel Bernard. He is joined by his devoted wife, Alex. But trouble soon stirs with gossip about Alex's Prenuptial Agreement, and her alleged “former lover” Kyle Rath. Away from the party, Alex gives Daniel an unexpected “Gift” in the hallway.

* Huh? It looks like Alex's entire dress is tucked into her cleavage!
* Hey Daniel ... 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot ... Capeesh?
* Aren't Alex and Daniel in plain view of anyone at the bottom of the steps?
* I’d love to have in Pesos what these two spend in a single week on Viagra and Premarin!
* Danny boy says she's “bad” ... I think we, the viewing audience, have found common ground with the good doctor … Neh?

After the Party - Daniel records the events of the party in his journal while they get ready for bed. Alex gives him yet another gift of $10,000 for his “New Toy”.

* He needs $10,000 to play with his new toy? On her last birthday I heard that her “new toy” only took the cost of 2 D-Cells.

The Yacht Club - Alex surprises Daniel with a new yacht and they go onboard to share an intimate moment together. A mysterious man boards after them, stows his gear and prepares the boat for it's maiden voyage.

* Hahaha ... As they run down the pier she's passing him on a solid yellow line ... Harbor Police!
* Their yacht is called the Daniel B? Next to it is the Maureen S. What is this, some kind of Nautical AA Meeting? Where is the Bill W.?
******** GIGOLO ALERT ********
* As Kyle goes onboard and stows his gear we get not only a nice BOOTEY SHOT, but also a FULL PACKAGE SHOT! God Bless the Cameraman!!!!
* The Bernard's are down below ... Uhhhh, didn't Daniel just go there a couple scenes back? *Snort*
* Daniel & Alex are doing “IT” again? You have GOT to be kidding me! THIS is just plain WRONG!

Soon Daniel discovers they are underway on a surprise afternoon cruise courtesy of Alex. They are both shocked to see Kyle Rath at the helm and not Leo their regular guy. Daniel starts to suspect something is amiss! In a dubious playful act Daniel sprays Alex with Champagne, but she is decidedly not amused.

* For office purposes only, all potential murder victims will hereafter be signified by a goofy bright red wool hat.
* Uhhh ... if anyone onboard gets near a coherent plotline hop on please!
* Champagne spews all over Alex - This is a pale metaphor for what WAS my lunch!

Down below Daniel makes-up with Alex as she cleans up from the champagne incident. Soon the weather starts to turn bad and Daniel discovers that Kyle has a gun in his gear. Instead of riding out the storm at sea the group decides to make a run for Shellcroft Island for the night. Before docking Daniel has a close encounter with the mast and later falls on deck.

* I think we all learned from the Howell's how rich folks pack light for these afternoon cruises.
* Daniel apologizes by saying he was “inappropriate, insensitive, and inordinately insanely crazy” about Alex! ('Scuse me Mr. Screenwriter, but there are 25 other sections in the thesaurus ... Check it out)!
I guess I’ll acquiesce that the point is Moot!
* Alex reflects the mood of the audience by waxing nauseous ... she implies that if her husband loved her he would use Kyle's gun and shoot her . He does not ... clearly he doesn't love her as much as we do!
* WETHER <--- Worst spell of weather yet! LOL!
* Kyle steers this freakin boat like a Tilt a whirl on Ritalin!
* Yellow rain slickers are deployed to everyone in lieu of actual life vests!
* There is a big brouhaha when Daniel falls. Wha ... Is he carrying HazMats in his pocket? Geez ... He acts like someone just turned gravity on for the 1st time or something!  GRAVITY - not just a good idea Daniel, ... IT'S THE LAW!

Seeking shelter at the old Lighthouse on Shellcroft Island tension builds as the trio settles in. Daniel records his suspicions about the other two in his journal and tempers flare as jealousy rises between them.

*Oh Great! Now they can all die on dry land!
* Hey - That's my freakin Living Room!
* Why are they playing the mysterious music while she is looking into the cupboards anyway? Exactly what is “Martha Stewart” looking for? “Oh Daniel, look!  It's your favorite, ... Aged Mouse Scat!”
* Clearly Daniel has not yet recovered from his fall ... either that or his Libido is writing checks his body can't pay! No more visits to the Yfor you Mister!
* Now all of the sudden the Lovebirds hate each other? WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! And we're off on a tangent!
******** BLEEP! PLOT POINT! BLEEP! ************
* Daniel accuses her of having a hidden agenda because of the Prenup - (Been reading those illuminati conspiracy books again Daniel)?
* The good Doctor is seen still writing in that book ... "Dear Penthouse Forum, I have never written a letter like this before, but ... "
* She is a "young wife"? .... look again!
* “Why didn't you just do IT on the Dock” He asks? Because it was cold & wet & stuff & Kyle could have caught a chill .... DOH!
* We are reminded YET AGAIN that Alex & Kyle had an alleged affair!
* Kyle comes in ... he's got wood ... Weren't they just talking about that very thing?
* We learn that Kyle is a “Goodtime sorta guy with a naturally sunny disposition”.
* Kyle scavenges for food in the bag. They got Salmon, Caviar, and Foie Gras yet Kyle is reduced to gnawing on a Triscuit. Is Kyle the only one here concerned about food? Check his bag (which he apparently didn't bother to bring with him) and you'll find that along with a gun he has Cheetos, a microwave burrito, and a Slurpey!

Daniel tries to make up with his wife while Kyle begins boarding up the windows to ride out the storm. Having mended their differences Daniel agrees to help Kyle while Alex waits inside.

* Mr. Cameraman ... Stop zooming in on her face ... she hasn't emoted since “Rich Man Poor Man” dammit! Just loop in some footage of Kyle stowing his gear on the Yacht if you want to pad the film!!!
* Daniel teaches Alex an exercise that if done 4 times a day will insure she never has to come see him. (Come on .. fess up! How many of you actually did this exercise)?
* That red hat just seems to be getting longer and longer. Daniel's head is starting to look like a Summer Sausage!
* Kyle asks for just a little help boarding the windows. Alex and Daniel get their panties in a wad because they have to get offa their crybaby whiny-assed butts and actually contribute to the whole "Survival" thang!.
* Left behind Alex lights up ...now we KNOW she is evil!

Outside Kyle taunts Daniel with suggestions that he and Alex had an affair. They are distracted by Alex's cries for help when a fire breaks out inside. Once it is put out a tense moment ensues when Kyle gives Alex a gift.

* This begs the question - If these are her memories, why are we seeing scenes that she is not in?
* Daniel is agitated not only by Kyle's taunts, but also by the fact that he seems totally unable to master the whole hammer/nail concept.
* They run when they hear Alex crying for help inside. They are deaf, however, to our cries for help!
* A fire has started in the house. She blames the wind in the fireplace, but we know it was her smoking, Dammit!
* What bearing the fire had on ANYTHING is anyone's guess????
* Kyle cops a pretty substantial 2 handed feel of breastage ... very subtle, (like he is adjusting the headlights on a Semi kinda subtle)!
* After picking up the Giraffe necklace for Alex at the Zoo's Gift shop, I suspect that Kyle also picked himself up a Big Ole Pair of “Brass Monkeys” , (ifyouknowwhatimeanandithinkyoudo)!
* Daniel “You Little Bastard!” - Hey that's Mr. Bastard to you!

Outside once again Daniel suggests that Kyle go call the Coast Guard on the ship's radio. Kyle makes a token effort but after a mishap on the dock returns to the Lighthouse. It is clear that Kyle has no interest in summoning help.

* Daniel wants Kyle to go to the yacht and call the Coast Guard ... Ahem! Are your freaking legs broken or something Doctor? ... Geez! (Sure Daniel,  he'll get right to that after he finishes boarding up the windows, gathering firewood, and doing your damned taxes)!
* Kyle "The Goober" Rath does his little Laverne and Shirley dance before jumping into a Dingy and dropping both his oars in the water ... Hey, bein' a idiot is a lot of fun when nobodies lookin', ain't it? Before you louse something else up Kyle, THIMK!
* When Kyle was laying on the deck laughing and up to his ears in water, did anyone think about the opening page on Ricktopia or was it just me?
 

Kyle returns to the Lighthouse to find Alex alone. At first Alex is cold to his advances and he proceeds to rape her. Downstairs Daniel is heard returning and when Kyle pulls a knife in a threatening ovation to Daniel, Alex suddenly turns into a willing enthusiastic lover. Later,  there is much tension as they attempt to conceal their tryst from Daniel.

* ?Que’? Where the Hell is Daniel? Did he go to call his freaking publisher or something?
* Kyle strips off his shirt in an attempt to awaken the audience. It works and the word *Thud* appears on Chat screens everywhere!!
* Holding Alex's arms over her head Kyle proceeds, (as usual), doing all the damned work ... one handed yet, (Kung Fu Grip don't fail me now)! <--- Say he is handier then a pocket on a shirt!
* Don't knock yourself out Kyle!  I strongly suspect that Alex's panties aren't exactly glued on!
******** MAJOR GIGOLO SHOT ********
* Judging by Kyle's expression one is left to wonder if he was caught up in the rapture of passion or if he had just caught wind of the plot?
* In the aftermath this scene is comprised entirely of meaningful looks being exchanged, (suddenly we have gone from "The Last Tango in Paris" to "My Friggin Dinner with Andre")!

On the Mainland a friend of the Bernard's calls the Coast Guard out of concern.

* Chi Chi is seen wearing the very latest in high end FrumpWear ... nothing says "Your All That!" like a Purple moo moo!
* Could Chi Chi BE anymore condescending? I would like to take this opportunity to apologize on behalf of Caucasians everywhere!

The next AM Kyle and Daniel return to the boat to move it from the rocks. Once onboard Daniel hides his journal and disarms Kyle's gun. In an unguarded moment Kyle kills Daniel with a hammer blow to the back of his head.

******** WARNING THIS IS A MAJOR PLOT COMPLICATION ************
* Where did Kyle get 2 more oars? (Ohhh, I see the Good Prop Fairy visited last night).
* Where did they get a gas stove??? And perhaps I am Nitpicking here, but as Alex pours it is very clear that she is pouring water, (for tea we assume), into the cup, yet when Kyle comes in he pours him a cup and immediately starts throwing it back like a Soy Mocha Grande, No Whip.
* The whole Kyle falling over the rail thing seems to have had no bearing whatsoever on anything except to make him look even more evil for killing Daniel!
* Daniel falls yet again, (He is starting to favor one of those Bobbing Bar Birds isn't he)?
* Bonk-bonk on the head! Bonk-bonk!
* Kyle finally teaches Daniel the hammer/nail concept ... it's about Freakin Time!
* Daniel Bernard - With 2 votes, you are the Weakest Link ... Good bye!

Returning to the Lighthouse Kyle tells Alex of what he did. She acts upset feigning that while she asked Kyle to kill him, she didn't really mean it. Together they go to a cliff face where Kyle has dumped the body. A plan is hatched to bring the body back up and concoct a story to cover the murder. Alex now seems to support Kyle's actions.

* Daniel's dead body is shown at the bottom of a cliff laying on his back with his left arm extended.
* Hey guys ... Why drag his body back in a wheelbarrow and dump it. Why not kick him overboard, which could have easily been done on board. Note to Kyle - one must have an IQ 10% greater then that of the wheelbarrow before using it!
* Kyle tells Alex that her hesitation “skidd” him in the most laughable display of accidental aussie accent so far!
* If you are figuring out the logistics of moving a dead body around this is an indication that things are not working out really well!
* You need a Freakin' Flow Chart to follow Alex's moods!

 
 
 Continue to Part 2