(4/1/02) ... Both NASA and the RLS Community were flummoxed this week by the unexpected arrival of RLS ET's from the Dragon Nebula!!! Officials at NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center confirmed that indeed the "Dragonites", as they wished to be called, had immediately set course for Earth upon receiving the space delayed transmission signal of "Hard to Hold".
     While for decades there has been speculation that other Life Forms in the Galaxy have been monitoring the Cosmos for signs of intelligent life, Dragonite spokes alien, Grabba Dragon,  corrected this by declaring, "No, we have just been looking for the perfect Zort, (translated to mean 'Butt' in their Cryptic tongue)"! No doubt their efforts were generously rewarded upon first viewing of the "Towel" scene in HTH! Grabba added that the goal of their mission to Earth was for each of them to take a turn getting under Rick's "Dorkmac"! We here at the "DO" are all kinda hoping against hope that translates into "Guitar" in the Dragonite language!

BaHaaaaa Index:
LOL showed strong this week with LMAO a strong second. LMFAOPIMP still suffering from Soggy Bottom and hopes to do better next week.
Useless True Facts:
In 1910, Harry Houdini was the first person to pilot a plane in Australia!
Today in RLS History: Scooby takes a notable trip to the vet after he earns the local nickname, "The Hound of the Boinkerville"
TWIWTA: 
Why don't they call Go-T's "Mouth Brows"?

No cameras or recording devices of any kind are permitted. No outside food or drink is permitted. Lawn chairs, stadium seats, umbrellas, and cellular phones are also prohibited. Smoking is prohibited in any pavilion seating area. No backpacks, duffel bags, large purses, suitcases, sleeping bags, pup tents, inflatable Aero beds, (with or without pump), totes, or any other large crap you drag in here will be permitted inside the facility. No Dancing Roosters, Silly String, signs, or anything else that might conceivably distinguish you as a sovereign human being. All items carried into the facility will be subject to search and personal judgment on our part. Don't even think about sneaking in a Video camera in here cause we are onto you and got a really big guy named Bob who has a special implant and can spot that sh*t a mile away! If ya even LOOK like your THINKING about taking notes we'll kick your @$$ out of the venue all the way to Beaver Creek, OH. Ohhhh,  you think that's a funny name for a Town do you? Well, we didn't come to your town and start making fun of names like Bumble F*ck, MO or Monkey Bottom, RI now did we? So get offa your High Horse and follow the dammed rules! And your Little Dog Too!

What! No body cavity search? Do they think these pithy restrictions go nearly far enough? Needless to say the situation in Kettering has become a source of much discussion over the past week with several Divas endorsing the idea of an "All Nude" concert as to prevent anyone concealing a camera or weapon. In fact, as we here at the "DO" analyze the situation it occurs to us that the ONLY person at the Venue who can truly be trusted is Rick, therefore he should take it upon himself to personally pat everyone down at the gig before show time! 

* Last week, we logged into Karma Chat, created a Private Room and spent a good 30 minutes swearing a blue streak just to see if there were any new Censor words. While we were alone at the time we later felt funky and ashamed and stuff! Sorry Gawd! (4/1)

* Look, every now and again we get something wrong, but that doesn't mean we are "total screwups". Take last week for instance. Perfect! Well, apart from the pic of Rick  that omitted the words "as big as a stallion's ...". We regret the oversight! (4/1)

Rooster: "I'm the Cock of the Walk here!"

"I have been strutting around these RLS Gigs for a long time before EFX! Back in the day, it was me who ruled the roost, not Godzilla down there! Fans were packing Dancing "Me's" to concerts while 'youknowwho' was still in his Short Pants! I say, Back Off Puff, and go back to frolicking in the Autumn Mist where ya belong cause ... The Rooster is Forever Baybeeee!"

Dragon: "Sorry Cluck Boy, It's My Day Now!"

"Listen Weathervane Breath, catch a clue here! You can crow all ya want bout this, but that Chicken scratch closes out of town! Look at me, I am hot AND immense! The Peeps talk about me all the time and the only thing they haven't done with my pix is to slap em on Trading Cards for the love of Pete!  So just give it up ya overgrown Capon, before I "Serve ya up" with a side of slaw and a biscuit! You want that in Original or Extra Crispy?"

Why don't you tell me, WHAT the hell are you gonna do?
Me and Barbara we might have to Duel!
You see if, I see the DRAGON I might be a fool… I'm  begging you PLEASE!!!

Take off those Leathers… (oh, baby do it)
Take off those Leathers… (You know they'll only trip you up…)
Take Off, Take Off
Take ‘em off….. Take off, Take Off (do it)
Nobody's gonna scold you…

Now tell me, Leather pants? RICK, now, that's a pity….
You see, you could be streaking all around the city…
We're thinking sans boxers, RICK, it'd be so pretty….
Can I be the first to  IGE?

Now who's this GUITAR god we've been dreaming of?
In leather pants that fit just like a glove?
He sits on stage. Oh, Yes! I think it's love. We're begging him PLEASE!!!

Take off those Leathers… (oh, baby do it)
Take off those Leathers… (You know they'll only trip you up…)
Take Off, Take Off
Take ‘em off….. Take off, Take Off (do it)
Nobody's gonna scold you…

(French)
mettez l'outil dans le cadre. Listen to me baby…
prenez-moi mon amour. I asked just to take them off…
Vous savez que vous voulez. I'm beggin you please…

Dear Editorita-in-Chief,
I went to get my limited edition issue of the DO, you know the Dong/Hiney edition, only to find it wasn't on the BACK PORCH where I asked the boy to leave it. If he can't leave it near my REAR ENTRY, could he at least ring my bell, and when I hear his DONG i'll come running to get it. I so love your periodical.

Thank you,
BOOT 

Dear Boot, 
We are soooo sorry that your boy didn't fulfill his "Newsboy" duties. That's what happens when ya send a boy to do a "Da-Man's" job, neh? In the future we will make sure that he works on his aim and timing and is more sensitive to your literary "needs". So remember, when you hear that "Dong" that ain't Avon Freakin calling!

Thank you,
The Editor