I found this on Robert Anton Wilson's webpage...It's a hoot!

This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed,

nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:  "Hi! I'm John, and  this is Mary."  Mary: "Hi! We're

here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."  Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking

about? Who's Hank, and why would I  want to kiss his ass?" John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, he'll

give you a million dollars;  and if you don't, he'll kick the shit out of you."  Me: "What? Is this

some sort of  bizarre mob shake-down?"  John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank

built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do what ever he wants, and what  he wants is to

give you a million dollars, but he can't until you kiss his ass."  Me: "That doesn't make any sense.

Why..." Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it

worth a little kiss on the ass?"  Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..." John: "Then come kiss Hank's

ass with us."  Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?" Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."  Me: "And has

he given you a million dollars?"  John: "Well no, you don't actually get the money until  you leave

town." Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"  Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you

to, or you don't get the money, and he kicks the shit out of you."  Me: "Do you know anyone who

kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?" John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for

years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."  Me: "Haven't you talked  to her

since then?"  John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it." Me: "So what makes you think he'll

actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the  money?" Mary: "Well,

he gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise;  maybe you'll win a small lotto;

maybe you'll just find a twenty dollar bill on the street."  Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?  

John: "Hank has certain connections.'" Me: "I'm  sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre

con game."  John: "But it's a million dollars,  can you really take the chance? And remember, if

you don't kiss Hank's ass he'll kick the  shit of you."  Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to him,

get the details straight from him..."  Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."  Me: "Then

how do you kiss his ass?" John: "Sometimes we just blow him a kiss, and think of his ass. Other

times we kiss Karl's ass,  and he passes it on."  Me: "Who's Karl?" Mary: "A friend of ours. He's

the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a

few times."  Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank

wanted you to kiss his ass, and that Hank would reward you?"  John: "Oh no! Karl's got a

letter Hank sent him years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."  John

handed me a photocopy of a handwritten memo on "From the desk of Karl" letterhead.

There were eleven items listed:

1.Kiss Hank's ass and he'll give you a million

dollars when you leave town. 2.Use alcohol in moderation.

3.Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.

4.Eat right. 5.Hank dictated this list himself.

6.The moon is made of green cheese.

7.Everything Hank says is right.

8.Wash your hands after going to the bathroom. 9.Don't drink.

10.Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.

11.Kiss Hank's ass or he'll kick the shit out of you.

Me: "This would appear to be written on Karl's letterhead."  Mary: "Hank didn't have  any

paper."  Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting. " John: "Of

course, Hank dictated it."  Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"  Mary: "Not now,

but years ago he would talk to some people."  Me: "I thought you said  he was a philanthropist.

What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because  they're different?"  Mary:

"It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."  Me: "How do you  figure that?"  Mary: "Item 7

says Everything Hanks says is right.' That's good enough for me!"  Me: "Maybe your friend Karl

just made the whole thing up."  John: "No way! Item 5 says  'Hank dictated this list himself.'

Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash

your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows  those things are right, so the rest must

be true, too."  Me: "But #9 says 'Don't Drink,' which  doesn't quite go with #2. And #6 says 'The

moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."  John: "There's no contradiction

between 9 and 2; 9 just clarifies 2. As to 6, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for

sure."  Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."  Mary: "But

they don't know if the rock came from the Earth,  or from out of space, so it could just as easily

be green cheese."  Me: "I'm not really an expert,  but I think the theory that the Moon came from

the Earth has been discounted. Besides, not  knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it

cheese."  John: "Aha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is

always right!" Me: "We do?"  Mary: "Of  course we do, Item 5 says so."  Me: "You're saying

Hank's always right because the list says so,  the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we

know that Hank dictated it because the list says  so. That's circular logic, no different than saying

'Hank's right because he says he's right.'" John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see

someone come around to Hank's way of  thinking."  Me: "But...oh, never mind. What's the deal

with wieners?"  Mary blushes. John says:  "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way.

Anything else is wrong."  Me: "What if I don't  have a bun?"  John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener

without a bun is wrong."  Me: "No relish? No  Mustard?"  Mary looks positively stricken. John

shouts: "There's no need for such language!  Condiments of any kind are wrong!"  Me: "So a big

pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?" Mary sticks

her fingers in her ears: "I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."  John: "That's disgusting.

Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..." Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."  Mary faints.

John catches her:  "Well, if I'd known you where one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time.

When Hank kicks the shit out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss

Hank's ass for you, you  bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."  With this, John dragged Mary to

their waiting car, and sped off.