FADE IN: INT. SMALL ROOM – MORNING Autolycus is seated at a small table enjoying a breakfast fit for The King of Thieves. He’s not paying attention to the noises around him and barely flinches at a loud crash just outside the door. He does look up when the door is thrown open. For a moment he is speechless then a broad smile lights his features as he stands up. AUTOLYCUS Xena! Gabrielle! They are standing in the doorway, neither of them looking particularly happy. Autolycus is on his way around the table to hug them until he gets a look at them. AUTOLYCUS (cont’d) Good to see you? GABRIELLE Autolycus, what’s going on here? XENA And why are you a part of it? AUTOLYCUS One at a time. He gestures to the table. AUTOLYCUS (cont’d) Hungry? XENA Not particularly. GABRIELLE Please, just tell us....

AUTOLYCUS Okay. It’s simple really. This fellow Kadmus, he got wind of the fact there were people out there in the world who were fans of yours. He decided that holding the symposiums were a great way for them to get together. XENA While he makes a small fortune charging them for the right. AUTOLYCUS I’m sure that’s what it seems like on the surface.... GABRIELLE You mean it isn’t? He hesitates for a moment then smiles. AUTOLYCUS Okay it is like that, but really Gabrielle, it’s not like he forces these people to come here. They come of their own free will. XENA And that’s supposed to make this all right? AUTOLYCUS I get the feeling that no matter what I say; I’m not going to win here. XENA I’m glad your leg healed so nicely. It’ll make a better noise when I break it. AUTOLYCUS Now Xena.... XENA Don’t you ‘Now Xena’ me, you.... GABRIELLE Autolycus, why are you doing this? AUTOLYCUS Because they pay well? XENA That was totally the wrong thing to say.

AUTOLYCUS How could I turn it down? I got a message a few weeks ago. Kadmus offered me a small fortune to come speak at this thing. GABRIELLE Define small fortune. AUTOLYCUS Five thousand dinars. GABRIELLE Yup, that’s a small fortune. XENA Autolycus, Gabrielle and I aren’t wild about someone using us to make money. AUTOLYCUS I’m getting a sense of that. GABRIELLE Xena, before we do something rash I think we need to understand this thing from both sides. XENA And you suggest? Gabrielle takes Xena’s arm and pulls her off to the side for a private conference. FADE TO: INT. MERCHANT’S ROOM – MORNING Xena is now alone and walking through a room with tables arranged all around it. As she looks at the tables she sees they are piled high with scrolls and pictures and replicas of her sword and chakram and Gabrielle’s sais.

XENA Oh, this just gets better and better. Approaching the table she picks up one of the chakrams. It’s much lighter than the real one, but the detail is pretty good. Xena motions to the woman behind table. XENA (cont’d) How much? WOMAN Hundred and fifty. XENA Right.

She places it back on the table and continues to walk around the room. In a corner she sees several young people sitting at a table playing something that looks like a card game. As she approaches, she listens to their conversation. BOY 1 I have a Joxer I’ll trade for a Caesar. GIRL 1 Yeah, right. Keep dreaming. BOY 2 How about an Aphrodite for an Ares? GIRL 1 Sure. Dite is more fun anyhow. XENA Isn’t that the truth? They stop what they’re doing and look up at her. GIRL 1 Excellent costume! XENA Thanks, it’s just something I threw on. What are you guys doing here? BOY 1 We’re trading to complete our decks. XENA Gotcha. You enjoy this game?

BOY 2 It’s great!  After you trade and make the best deck you can, then you can play and Xena and Gabrielle can beat the bad guys. XENA Who’s the best card? GIRL 1 Why, Xena of course. She beats just about anything. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY Gabrielle and Autolycus are moving down a hallway, crowded with people who apparently work for Kadmus. AUTOLYCUS He should be around here somewhere. Autolycus spots his quarry and leads Gabrielle over. AUTOLYCUS (cont’d) Kadmus? A middle-aged man turns to him. The first thing Gabrielle notices is that he appears to be in a perpetually bad mood. KADMUS Autolycus, what can I do for you? AUTOLYCUS Actually, I think it’s more what I can do for you. This is a very dear friend of mine that I think you’ll enjoy meeting. Kadmus, may I present Gabrielle, the Battling Bard? KADMUS My, my. It is a pleasure to meet you. Gabrielle smiles and nods, but remains quiet. CUT TO: INT. MAIN ROOM – DAY Xena has gone back out to the inn’s main room where the symposium attendees are gathered. Seeing a small group seated at a table near the fire, she makes her way over. XENA Can I ask you a couple questions? The women all smile and gesture for her to join them. XENA (cont’d) I don’t mean be rude, but why? ADEL I’m not sure I understand? XENA Well, why come here and listen to stories about someone else? Why pay good money to do this? ADEL Because the stories are great. Gabrielle wrote some of the most amazing scrolls about their adventures and it’s nice to hear people who really knew them. XENA But why Xena and Gabrielle? Why not Hercules and Iolaus?

KATHA Because Hercules and Iolaus are not two ass kicking babes. XENA Ass kicking babes? KATHA Sure, not only are they two women out on their own, but damn, they’re beautiful too. XENA I see. And this is appealing? KATHA Have you been under a rock? The strain is starting to get to Xena and she pinches the bridge of her nose as she tries to stop an oncoming headache. XENA Apparently. CUT TO: INT. STAGEROOM – DAY Autolycus, Kadmus and Gabrielle are walking through a large room with a stage set in the front of it and several benches set up through it for the audience. KADMUS And this is where our guests speak. GABRIELLE And exactly what do they speak about? KADMUS Knowing you. They come here and tell their adventures with you. Then they answer questions. GABRIELLE Questions about us? KADMUS Yes. GABRIELLE I can only imagine the questions. Autolycus affects a falsetto voice and swoons. AUTOLYCUS Oh, is Xena really that tall? Are Gabrielle’s eyes really green? GABRIELLE Aren’t you in enough trouble?

KADMUS So I’d like to offer you the chance to speak here. I’ll be happy to pay you. GABRIELLE Really? KADMUS Of course. GABRIELLE How much? He seems to be thinking about it before he finally shrugs out his answer. KADMUS A thousand dinars? Again, Gabrielle doesn’t say anything, she just gives him a smile, that Autolycus knows isn’t a happy one. KADMUS (cont’d) I have a couple of things to attend to before the show starts. Why don’t you think about it and I’ll be back in a while? Gabrielle watches him leave then turns back to Autolycus. GABRIELLE And he’s a dirty thief too. AUTOLYCUS Hey! I resent that. He’s a crook, not a thief. He’s got no style. He sighs and shakes his head as he lays his hand on her shoulder. AUTOLYCUS (cont’d) I’m sorry about that. I didn’t realize. GABRIELLE It’s not your fault. Just goes to prove if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. AUTOLYCUS You’re going to get him, aren’t you? GABRIELLE You know it.

CUT TO: INT. MERCHANT’S ROOM – DAY Xena is back to inspecting the tables. This time Kazia is with her. XENA Thanks for the rescue back there. KAZIA No problem. I know how some of them can get. XENA Nuts? Kazia chuckles as they continue through the room with Xena inspecting each table. KAZIA It’s not that. Really. They’re just very passionate about all this. XENA See, that’s the part I don’t understand. Why not get passionate about their own lives?

KAZIA Because most of our lives are boring as wheat growing in Amphipolis. XENA Okay, THAT I understand. KAZIA Exactly, and your adventures give us something more in our lives. It’s not that we don’t do fine the way we are, but most of us don’t have the courage or even the means to go out and do what you two did. By celebrating your adventures, we get a little adventure of our own. XENA But why not just get together on your own? All of this costs a lot of dinars. KAZIA Simple answer? XENA Sure. KAZIA Because it’s fun. Come here. Kazia takes Xena to a table piled high with scrolls. She picks one up and hands it to Xena. KAZIA (cont’d) Your adventures have inspired other bards to start writing. Some stories are about you, fictional accounts of adventures. Look at this. Xena takes the scroll; she reads a few lines and looks to the guy running the table. XENA How much? MAN Ten. With a sigh she, retrieves a few coins and hands them over, then she sticks the scroll in a pouch at her belt. XENA Gabrielle’s gonna freak.

FADE OUT. END OF ACT TWO