-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WRITTEN BY Susanne Beck -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DIRECTED BY Denise Byrd -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PRODUCED BY Carol Stephens -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SCREENGRABS Judi Mair -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARTWORK Lucia -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- EPISODE TITLE GRAPHIC MaryD --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FADE IN: EXT. HILL - MID-MORNING XENA and GABRIELLE are walking up a long, slow hill. Argo plods along behind them, looking more pack mule than warhorse. They’re all covered in mud. It’s on their clothes, on their skin, in their hair. Even Argo’s coat is spotted with giant blotches of it. GABRIELLE (sotto voce) What I wouldn’t give for a nice, hot bath right about now. XENA So you’ve been saying for the past hour.

GABRIELLE And I’ll keep on saying it until one conjures itself up. (beat) C’mon, Xena. Look at us. We look like a couple of mud wrestling rejects from Aphrodite’s Pleasure Palace! They continue walking. As they come to the top of the hill, Gabrielle’s eyes light up, and a smile wreaths her face. GABRIELLE (cont’d) Xena, look!  My prayers have been answered! Spread beneath them is a small, immaculate, well-ordered TOWN.  All manner of TOWNSFOLK, dressed in shades of brown and black, walk with stately precision to and fro, intent on whatever task is at hand.  The scene is quiet, and seems very peaceful. GABRIELLE (cont’d) Oh, I can feel that hot bath now. She begins to trot down the hill, only to be pulled to a stop by Xena’s hand on the back of her top.  She pulls free and spins on her partner, eyes flashing. GABRIELLE (cont’d) What? Xena’s expression becomes serious. XENA There’s another town an hour’s walk away.  Let’s aim for that one. GABRIELLE Are you kidding me??  Xena, I refuse to walk another step until I’m clean. I’ve got mud in places no mud should ever be!

XENA Gabrielle, this town.... It’s…. just…not right for us. GABRIELLE Not right? Gabrielle turns and looks back down upon the peaceful scene. GABRIELLE What’s not right about it?  I mean... okay, those people could use a few fashion tips, but otherwise, it looks clean, and peaceful.... And look! There’s the Inn!  I bet they’ve got tubs the size of a Roman bath in there! Xena sighs. XENA Have you ever heard of Virtua? GABRIELLE Who’s she? XENA It’s not a she. It’s an it. Xena gestures to the town. XENA (cont’d) THAT… is Virtua. GABRIELLE Okay, so it’s got a funny name.... XENA Gabrielle, they worship the Virtues here. (beat, somewhat ruefully) To the letter. Understanding dawns in Gabrielle’s eyes. GABRIELLE Hmm. XENA Yeah. It’s like that town where Tara got arrested for dancing.  Only here, not only can’t you dance, you can’t laugh, you can’t sing, you can’t.... Xena’s list is cut off just in time by two fingers pressed firmly across her lips. GABRIELLE (dryly) I think I get the picture. (beat) Xena, I just want a bath. We don’t have to stay there.  I’m sure we can both do “virtuous” for an hour. She looks down at herself. GABRIELLE (cont’d) Or two. Xena remains silent as she tries to disguise a scratch to her mud covered posterior with a stretch.  Gabrielle catches it and smirks. GABRIELLE (cont’d) C’mon, Xena, I know you want to be clean as much as I do.  I mean, you’ve got a lot more on than I do, and I bet underneath those leathers, you’re hot… itchy… sweaty…  She makes a mock sniff of her partner, then backs off. GABRIELLE (cont’d) …stinky.... Xena rolls her eyes, then grins.

XENA All right.  But no more than an hour. GABRIELLE Yes! As Gabrielle resumes running down the hill, Xena lifts her arm and sniffs. XENA (sotto voice) Or two. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. TOWN - DAY Xena and Gabrielle are walking through the town, Argo in tow. They respond to the stares of the townspeople with polite nods. GABRIELLE (softly) Wow.  I’ve never been in a silent town before. She looks on as a large family passes silently by. GABRIELLE (cont’d) Even the children are quiet. As they continue to walk deeper into the town, the first human voice is heard.  It is that of a BLIND BEGGAR, dressed in brown rags and huddled on the corner of one of the buildings. BEGGAR Alms for the poor! Alms for the poor! Gabrielle stops, and considers.  Her natural compassion demands that she help the man, but her purse is thin, and she’s unsure how many dinars it will take to get a bath.  She looks up at a nudge from Xena.  GABRIELLE (softly) What? Instead of answering, Xena lifts an eyebrow, looks at the beggar, then around the town, then at Gabrielle. Gabrielle’s expression lightens. GABRIELLE Oh! I get it. Charity, right?

Xena grins. Gabrielle reaches into her pouch and pulls out a dinar. Walking forward, she places it in a crude wooden bowl at the beggar’s feet. GABRIELLE (cont’d) Here you are, sir. Enough for a good meal, and a room besides. BEGGAR Oh, thank you, good woman! You are virtuous indeed. Grinning, Gabrielle straightens. The beggar leans forward and sniffs. BEGGAR Are you a pig farmer? Xena snorts as Gabrielle reddens in embarrassment and takes a step back.  She quickly gathers herself.  Now that she has given almost half of their money to the beggar, the thoughts of a steaming bath in a cozy inn fly out the proverbial window. She sighs. GABRIELLE Can you tell me where your public baths are? BEGGAR Surely. Straight up this path and to your left, good woman.  Best baths in Virtua.  You can’t miss them. (beat) Of course, you’ll have to leave your pigs outside. Xena snorts again. Gabrielle shoots her a look.

GABRIELLE I’ll… be sure to do that, sir. Thank you for your kindness. BEGGAR And thank you, good woman. May the Virtues bless you and yours. GABRIELLE And may they bless you as well. Collecting Xena with a look, Gabrielle heads in the direction indicated, only to detour off to the right as something catches her eye. It is a GARDEN the likes of which even she, in her many travels, has never seen. Flowers of every imaginable hue bloom in a riot of color nearly as far as the eye can see. The entrance to the garden is protected by an ornate ARCH. FRESCOES of the VIRTUES decorate the arch, adding even more beauty and color. Gabrielle is entranced. GABRIELLE (cont’d) By the gods, Xena, have you ever seen anything more beautiful? Without thought, she steps under the arch in order to more closely examine the garden. Before she can go another step, she is suddenly surrounded by a group of black-clad GUARDS carrying long SPEARS.  She is grabbed by the arms and pulled back through the arch. Her face an angry mask, Xena jumps forward. XENA What’s going on here? GUARD CAPTAIN This…woman…was caught trespassing in the Sacred Garden. XENA So? GUARD CAPTAIN It is a crime of the highest order. If she is found guilty, the penalty (beat) is death.

FADE OUT. END OF TEASER