After 20 years of what I thought was an ideal marrage to a woman and after fathering 3 children, I thought I had my future neatly planned. Then at the age of 43, out of the blue, everything crumbled. I was driving home after picking up my daughter from school. A new neighbor was cutting his lawn not wearing a shirt. He was extremely attractive to me, which meant he was 6' tall and about 275 pounds with moderate body hair. My foot lifted from the accelerator, the car slowed down. I was staring and my face was turning red, breathing became labored.
I caught myself before I became too obvious. I felt guilty for having those feelings and the strength of them frightened me. After all those years of fighting my feelings and praying for deliverence they were as strong as ever.