"Happy Birthday, Malcolm!"

His friends had all gathered in the messhall after alpha shift for a surprise party. Malcolm knew he had put up only token resistance to being lured to the event by Travis and Hoshi. To be honest, he was rather enjoying the party.

Trip was providing a bluesy harmonica rendition of "Happy Birthday to You" when Chef himself emerged from the galley. He placed a heavily laden tray on the decorated center table and stepped away as everyone crowded close to admire his handiwork. Having more or less expected the usual pineapple cake, Malcolm was surprised to see what appeared to be an accurate replica of a photon torpedo.

"Chef," Archer said, "you've really outdone yourself this time!" In a much quieter voice, he continued. "Is that what I think it is? Is everything ready?"

Any reply was muffled by Malcolm's shout. "Get back, everyone! That's an order. I'm not kidding, it really is going to explode!"

As if on cue, the foil nosecone of the torpedo blew off the base with a convincing bang, raining glittery debris over a considerable radius and revealing the cake within the torpedo housing. "Pineapple, of course," Reed murmured.

"Okay, Malcolm, how'd you know it was gonna blow? We were all real careful to hide the hardware!"

"When it comes to weaponry, Mr. Tucker, you have no secrets from a highly skilled Starfleet armoury officer. After dealing with that Romulan mine, this one was--pardon the expression--a piece of cake."