Mr. Clean by bcfan

Mr. Clean

AUTHOR: bcfan
FEEDBACK: bcfan@shaw.ca
RATING: MSR
THANKS TO: Redwyne, for her kindness and support.
SUMMARY: Scully enjoys the view.

There was a file folder stashed under her arm and a pizza box in her left hand as Scully approached the door to apartment 42 with a smile on her face. It was a beautiful spring Saturday. After Mulder signed off on their report, she intended to drop it off at the Hoover before taking a relaxing stroll to enjoy the cherry blossoms.

She raised her hand to knock - but froze in concern at the odd odour. She sniffed. What was it? An acrid combination of ammonia and pine wafted towards her. Had there been a chemical explosion? Had Mulder been drugged again - or worse? Scully placed the pizza box on the floor to free her gun hand in case of emergency, then rapped smartly.

"Mulder," She demanded. "Are you there?"

Within seconds the door flung wide. Tension eased to shock to overt admiration as Scully openly stared. Mulder was wearing - nothing. Or practically nothing. Only a pair of ratty blue flip-flops and white nylon running shorts prevented Mulder from total exposure.

"Come on in, Scully," Mulder sounded obviously puzzled as to why Scully stood there with her mouth partly open, "I'll be with you in a minute. Let me go wash my hands."

"What - what are you doing?" Scully swallowed and made a mammoth effort to regain her composure. Look away, she chastised herself, before you start drooling. Mulder's tight runner's butt moved under the thin shorts as he bent over the sink and washed up.

"Spring cleaning. I just finished the bathroom," Mulder replied cheerfully, wiping his hands on the front of his shorts and walking towards her.

Good God, Scully thought, now they're partly see-though. She schooled her face into a neutral mask and inquired pleasantly, "What brought this on, Mulder? I've never known you to make such an effort."

Mulder motioned her to the sofa, retrieved the pizza from the hall, and sat facing her.

"Thanks for bringing lunch." He smiled affectionately. "As for the cleaning, well..." sheepish, "It was a combination of two things. One was seeing how the other half lived at the Arcadia housing community."

"Yes," Scully agreed, "We saw some pretty upscale accommodations. But what's the other thing?"

"Umm..." he hesitated. "Let me ask you one question first. Are you afraid of mice?"

"Not at all."

"Me neither." Mulder nodded vigourously as if to convince Scully. "I'm not afraid of mice at all. But that doesn't mean I like mice, either. You don't have to be afraid of something to dislike it, do you?"

Scully smiled inwardly at Murder's protestations. She knew Mulder - the bravest man she'd ever met - became uneasy around rodents. He'd rather face a slime monster than a rat.

"What happened, Mulder, did you see a mouse in here?"

"Yes." A deep sigh. "I got home last night and when I sat on the sofa, a big black mouse ran out from the kitchen." He held his hands apart as if measuring a trout, then smiled wryly at Scully. "It's these little signs that help me decide when there's a need to clean."

"You know, Mulder, when I called you last night to tell you about dropping off the report today, you weren't home."

"I got your message, Scully," he shrugged. "I spent the night at the Gunmen, then bought some supplies on the way back home this morning. I'm gonna clean everything and hopefully the mouse will leave and go next door. Visit some of my neighbours for a while," he grinned.

"Mulder, you mean you haven't caught the mouse?" Scully shook her head. Sometimes, she wondered - she just didn't understand Mulder's thought processes at all. Everyone knew if there was vermin, you had to exterminate it immediately. Or perhaps - Scully suddenly realized - Mulder just didn't want to look for it.

"No - ah - I was hoping it would just leave if I cleaned the place up and it didn't have any food."

"That's it," she declared, "After we finish eating, I'll stay and help you. We'll buy a trap to kill the mouse, too."

Mulder lowered his pizza slice, his face a study as gratitude and dismay seemed to alternate in expression. "Scully, you don't have to slog through my gunk. It's a beautiful day outside. Enjoy."

"No. I want to do this. Do you think I could borrow a t-shirt though? I'm not exactly dressed for cleaning." She didn't want to ruin her sweater set.

"Sure, Scully. Or you could be like me." Mulder fake- leered and waggled his eyebrows, sweeping his hand down his bare torso. "It's a lot easier to get a shower than wash clothes. Waddya say?"

Scully couldn't help herself, she started laughing. "That's the worst line I've ever heard. No, I won't be going topless for this, even if you are."

Scully smiled to herself, hearing a muttered "spoilsport" when Mulder headed towards the fridge with the half- empty box. She considered Mulder's retreating back and long legs. Scully intended to enjoy her afternoon's view. She was only human.

Mulder ducked into his bedroom, then handed her a clean grey t-shirt. Scully pulled it over her head and surreptitiously breathed in his faint scent. This is going to be a good day, she thought, even though she felt ridiculous swimming in his garment. Mulder, however, made no comment. He merely grinned, then oh-so-casually began, "Umm Scully, if I clean the rest of the place, could you handle cleaning the kitchen?"

Her suspicions confirmed, Scully merely said, "No, I think we need to be more methodical than that. If the mouse came from the kitchen, that's the first room we should clean. We'll examine the room for evidence of entrance and egress points while we're scrubbing. And since you," she paused to appreciatively sweep up and down his toned torso, "are so tall, you can tackle washing the walls."

"Washing - the walls, Scully? I don't think a mouse walked there," he complained.

"If we're going to do this, we'll do it right." Firm reply. "By the end of today, we'll have your apartment ship- shape."

Mulder looked glum. "I forgot you were a Navy brat."

Soon Scully began scrubbing the countertops and emptying the shelves one by one, pausing at regular appreciative intervals to watch the play of Mulder's muscles as he climbed up and down on the chair to clean the walls.

Crouching low to wash the last cupboard, she saw something at the back - a very small hole.

Scully turned and admired the streak of grime running diagonally through Mulder's sparse chest hair. It gave him a rakish look. She retrieved her flashlight and spotlighted the hole.

"Hey, Mulder," she called him over. "This appears to be the only entry point so far into your apartment."

Scully looked up at his worried face, then stood and gave his arm a friendly squeeze. "We can seal this section off with a patch. You'll still need to buy traps though..."

"Wait a second, Scully. Are you sure we have to set mouse traps?" Mulder was chewing on his lip, a sure sign something was bothering him.

"Why don't you want to?" Scully asked, curious.

"I snapped one on my hand by accident when I was a kid." He winced. "It gave me a real appreciation of how painful traps are. And - well," it came out in a rush, "What if I caught one, Scully? What would I do with it? What if it didn't die right away?"

Scully sympathized, but shook her head. "You can wait and see if there's another sighting, Mulder. But if there is - it's either a trap or poison."

"We'll get this place so clean no mouse will dare enter," Mulder declared. "What next?"

"Before we scrub the floor we need to tackle the fridge and stove. What's that powder on your back stove element?"

"Baking soda. Old grease fire. But look," Mulder opened the oven door with a flourish, "We'll just have to dust in here." The oven was spotless.

"Lucky," she dryly replied.

Soon they were on hands and knees on the floor sharing a bucket of water. They worked in companionable silence until the floor sparkled.

Three hours later, the apartment was shiny clean and the pair was filthy. Even the fish seemed to be bubbling more cheerfully in their tank. Mulder wasn't a slob really, Scully thought - just a man who spent little time at home and, when he was here, focused on other things. They hadn't seen the mouse, but there was evidence of its destruction - besides the cupboard hole, there was a chewed modem wire and droppings behind the fridge.

A slow smile spread across Mulder's face as they paused. "That's it, Scully. I now declare this a mouse-free zone. It wouldn't dare come back."

A sudden knock and Mulder strode to the door. He opened it to an elderly woman with a cane in one hand and a bag of cookies in the other.

"Mrs. Stanley," Mulder sounded surprised. "I haven't seen you in quite a while. Do you need anything?"

"My yes." She peered at Mulder's chest in evident fascination. He looked down and blushed slightly, then stepped back and motioned her into the room.

"I'll just get my shirt and be back in a moment..."

"No need, no need sonny. I enjoy a man with a fine physique as much as the next girl." Mulder looked helplessly at Scully, and she chuckled to herself. Yes indeed, Mrs. Stanley, I agree with you there.

"Sorry to interrupt you and your girlfriend," she continued, and Mulder smirked, "But I have a problem. I hear you're an FBI agent - that means you must be good at investigating things."

"Yes, ma'am. Agent Scully and I both work for the FBI."

"Well, my pet mouse Clarence disappeared yesterday - or was kidnapped. I can't believe he would leave on his own but I couldn't find him anywhere in my place. Would you mind tracking him down for me? I brought my homemade cookies along as bait. They're his favourite," Mrs. Stanley declared proudly.

"Could you please describe your mouse, ma'am?" Scully solemnly intoned, biting back laughter at Mulder's crestfallen expression.

"Well," Mrs. Stanley smiled, "He's about six inches from nosetip to tail, with the most beautiful black silky coat you've ever seen." She handed Mulder the plastic bag. "If you find him, I'd be very grateful."

"We'll do our best. I might even have an idea of where to start looking," Mulder sighed, then escorted Mrs. Stanley to the door. He turned and collapsed on the couch before beginning to chuckle. Scully joined him and soon they were laughing helplessly.

"Your place is too clean now, Mulder," Scully tittered. "Better spread some cookie crumbs!"

"I'm not doing this without you, Scully. Are you free tomorrow? We have big game to catch."

"Catch a wily miscreant? I wouldn't miss it for the world."