Will: Hey.
Barry: Hey. You got the time? Um, I'm supposed to meet my date here at eight.
Will: Oh, it's ten after. You know women, they love to make an entrance.
Barry: (annoyed) Apparently so does Will.
Will: Oh. Uh, I'm Will.
Barry: Oh, nice to meet you.
Will: Nice to meet you.
Barry: Nice to meet you, too.
[awkward pause]
Barry: You know, I don't go on a lot of dates, but at some point aren't we supposed to be at the same table?
Will: Not always.
Barry: Cousin Karen didn't do you justice. You're hot.
Will: She didn't do you justice either. You're--you're here.
Will: Let's order. Kind of a late lunch so I-- and you're holding my hand.
[Barry lets go of Will's hand]
Barry: It's just, uh-- Dating... it's, uh, a little new for me.
Will: Were you in a long term relationship?
Barry: Six years. It was pretty serious.
Will: Oh. What was his name?
Barry: Mary Elizabeth.
Will: Was that his drag name? 'Cause I think I may have seen his show.
Barry: No, it's a woman. I've never been out with a guy before. You're my first! (laughs nervously)
Will: Huh.
Waitress: Can I get anyone a drink?
Will: Oh, yeah.
Barry: What do we homosexuals drink, Will?
Will: Well, legally we can drink whatever we want. That was established in the Flaming Schnapps Act of 1983.
Barry: (laughs) Ha ha ha ha! Oh, man, this is going great. High five!
(Barry holds up his hand. Will smacks it uncomfortably.)
Barry: I'm sorry I'm late. I didn't know what to wear for our second homosexual date.
Will: Oh, traditionally, whatever's hanging on your homosexual chair in your homosexual bedroom.
Barry: Here, I, uh, got you a present. It was 49.99.
(Barry hands Will a gift box. Will opens it.)
Will: Oh, look at that. It's a... rainbow flag beach towel.
(Will pulls a gigantic rainbow flag beach towel out of the box.)
Barry: Do you already have one? You probably already have one.
Will: No, I don't. And it'll come in handy, when I want people from space to know that I'm gay.
Will: I didn't... I didn't send you those flowers. Karen, in her twisted way, thought she was trying to help.
Barry: Oh. Heh. I thought it was a little weird when the card said, "Thanks for all the good gay sex, honey."
Barry: I'm sorry I'm not better at this. I was bad at being straight, now I'm bad at being gay.
Will: I'm sorry, Barry, I just-- I don't feel the same way about you.
Barry: Oh.
Will: But I know someone out there will. You're gonna do great. Look, let's-- let's order. You know, it says "no sharing," but I say let's share. And dare them to oppose us.
(Barry opens the door. He's wearing pajamas and his hair is mussed.)
Barry: (surprised) Will?
Will: This is my friend, Jack. He'll be assisting me in this project. Now get dressed, we're going to the gym.
Barry: It's after midnight.
Jack: You're not ready to be seen during peak cruising hours.
Will: Here's your starter kit: All the Tales of the City books, Kiehl's non-alcohol face toner, Ethel Merman Gypsy, Angela Lansbury Gypsy, Tyne Daly Gypsy, and Pez.
Barry: Why Pez?
Will: Because it's fun. See, candy comes out of the neck.
Barry: There's so much to learn.
Will: Well, you're in good hands. I just had a beautiful manicure.
 |
|
