Part One

I hate my life. That's the easy way to put it. I hate life. I despise my mere existence. The past haunts me. Guilt, undying guilt....I sent the only man I have ever loved to Hell. Yes, true, he was brought back, but to cause him so much pain....it was my fault. I put my closest allience, or she should've been, in a coma. I was played by Parker...I want revenge. More so, I want an escape. I want to leave life behind. I want....God, look at me! I'm whining, bitching, at everybody! God, I miss Angel so much...at Graduation, he just stared at me with those piercing eyes....

I felt like I was going to die. I felt my breath catch in my throat, and my heart skipped a beat. He broke up with me! I should be over him! is what I thought. But I could never be over my Angel. Even when I die.... I'm going crazy thinking about him. Literally. I'm standing on my balcony, gazing up at the stars. Shimmering diamonds set against black velvet. Black velvet that will soon reflect red.

Though I'm sure any man on this earth would think me beautiful at the moment, I doubt it. Cloaked in a long, flowing white satin gown that clings to my skin as if it would vaporize otherwise, sleevless, and my hair is down, flowing over my shoulders. It glows in the pale, pale moonlight. The gown will soon portray crimson.

I feel as if I'm falling through some abyss that I can't comprehend or imagine. I can't imagine it because it's real. I feel like I'm being crushed beneth this weight....I can't think. I can't breathe. All I can do is feel pain. I'm pushing everybody away. Willow, Xander, Anya, Spike, Giles, even my Mom. And Cordelia. We'd been keeping in touch since she went to LA. I even pushed her away...

A knife gleams in the light. The handle is entraped in my palm. I pick it up and feel the cool metal slice my flesh, savoring the pain. Blood flows freely from the cuts on my wrist. Some people might call it suicide. I call it redemption. Salvation. I will escape this Hell, finally. I will finally pick up the pieces of my shattered heart, and I know I will one day see my Angel again. Someday....the one regret I have is that, my final thought, is-

He never said goodbye......