I was 17 years old when I found myself pregnant with Erik. Needless to say that I was very happy. My boyfriend Sylvain and I where excited and already fighting for names. I was hopping for a girl and him for a boy but the most important was to have a healthy baby. On the evening of october 12,1988 I started to have cramps and heavy bleeding.I was so scared and couldn't stop crying. We went to the hospital and after waiting for hours a doctor came to see us. I will always remember the cold look he had on his face when he told me to forget about it. My baby was dying and there was nothing he could do about it. He send me home to wait for my son to die. All the way back home I was crying and praying God. I thought God listen to my prayers because the bleeding stop not long after our arrival in our appartement. I went to bed that night thinking of my precious son and thanking the lord for his help. Little did I knew that it was only the calm before the storm. I woke up the next morning in a pool of blood and I had lots of cramps. It was worst than the day before. I called my doctor and he told me to go to the hospital right away he will meet me there. I got there as fast as I could but it was too late. My son was born still that same morning. He was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. He was perfect. Too perfect for this world. He was only 17 weeks old. The day my son died he took away with him my innocence and a huge part of me.That day I knew that I would never be the same person again. I found myself pregnant again only a month after his death. I was devastated and very afraid. I didn't make any plans or buy anything. I was sure my baby was going to die too. I tried very hard not to get attach to this little one but of course it was impossible. I was afraid to see blood and each time the baby wasn't moving I was nervous. I needed to feel him move all the time. I gave birth to my son Jonathan Erik August 16,1989. A beautiful and perfect little boy. I was so happy and relieved. In 1991 Sylvain and I went out seperate ways. I am please to say that we are good friends and we always help each other. Not long after our separation I met my husband Frank. We both wanted a child so after only a few months we decided to try for one.I had few miscarriages and gave birth to my third son Michael on February 25,1993. I had other miscarriages after him and my doctor told me to forget about having any more. My pregnancy with Michael was very hard and painful and I almost lost it after 2 months into gestation. Having another baby will mean putting my life and the baby's life in danger. Well 5 years later I decided to try for a last one.My husband wasn't too sure about it but he understood my desire to have one last little baby. I knew the risks but I was ready for them. A month later I found myself pregnant again. It was a hard one and I was always sick. On february 25,1999 I gave birth to my last son Jarred. My miracle baby. Nothing will ever replace Erik. He will be in my heart for as long as I live. Each year my boys and I remember him by having a cake and releasing ballons.
Not many people know about Erik. I have done my best not only to protect myself but my son as well against the people who doesn't know and don't understand. As grieving parents we all heard things like:
"Get over it"
"it's for the best"
"You'll have other children"
And many more.
I love you my precious little angel.