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In Loving Memory of
Aiden John Machado
2/17/00

After two years of infertility treatment, several operations, and two Invitro Fertilization cycles, I conceived. Our first ultrasound showed 2 eggs had implanted, our second ultrasound showed only one little beating heart. The second egg that had implanted was eventually reabsorbed by my body. The pregnancy was progressing fine other than some mild Placenta Previa.

My husband and I were so happy to have been blessed with this pregnancy. What a dream come true. Little did we know, our dream would be short lived.

I was 15 weeks pregnant and in bed sleeping the night before my four month check up when I woke up soaking wet. I wasn't sure what happened so I cleaned myself up, changed my clothes, and lay back in bed. The wetness continued. I called the doctor and he said to wait until the morning since I had an appointment at 9 A.M. and I had no signs of labor. I immediately pulled out my pregnancy books and starting reading. I determined that I either had a bladder infection or my water had broken.

When the ultrasound tech put the ultrasound probe on my stomach and the screen was almost completely black, I knew my water had broken.

From the doctors office I was transported to the hospital to be admitted. I was hospitalized for a few days and sent home on complete flat out bedrest. I met with a specialist from Women and Infants Hospital who really had nothing good to say about the situation. She was very negative and I was discharged with a hopeless feeling inside me.

I was told that if my sac didn't reseal itself I would be at risk for infection and if the water didn't rebuild itself, the baby would not survive because the baby could not grow properly. The main problem being that water is needed for lung development. I was also told that at any time the cord could prolapse. Terminating my pregnancy was not an option so I opted to go home on bed rest hoping and praying for a miracle.

Eleven days later I went back to the doctors to see if my water was rebuilding itself. I sat in the waiting room over an hour even though I was not supposed to be sitting; my doctors orders were that I needed to be on flat out bed rest. Once on the ultrasound table I began having severe contractions, so strong that I could barely breathe.

The ultrasound pictures were nearly black, this concluded that the sac had not resealed and there was barely any water. Though the baby was still fighting for his life, his heart beat was strong as were his kicks. Since there was minimal fluid I could feel his every move. That evening, at home-while laying in bed around 11 P.M. I felt the baby kicking very quickly and very strong, my Mom was upstairs with me .....after a few moments he stopped. I later found out that the cord had prolapsed and those kicks were my baby's last movements. I called the doctor and was admitted into the hospital where I was induced. I labored all day delivering Aiden John at 4:50 pm on February 17, 2000 weighing 5 ounces, he was 8 inches long.

There were a few very special people there at the hospital with us. When I delivered they went out to wait in the hall. We didn't think we were going to let anyone see him but once he was delivered and we saw how perfect he was we wanted to share the opportunity with our family if they wished. We got to spend two hours with him. Aiden was so precious. He was so tiny he fit in the palm of my hand, his little feet dangling down around my wrist. He was tiny-but perfect, with the cutest little finger nails on his tiny little fingers. I will never forget him.

We got to spend two hours with Aiden and then I had to go down for surgery to remove the placenta. The surgery was a blessing in disguise. I don't know how I would have ever let him go if it hadn't been for needing the surgery.

I spent the night in the hospital and was discharged the next day. Leaving that hospital with out my son was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. It broke my heart, my heart actually ached for him. I cried all the way home and for days and days after. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, it was all I could do to breathe. I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone, I could have just died and for sure, part of me did. I will never be the person I was before Aiden. Things are different now, the world is different. I think differently about this life and the world we exist in.

A few days later we had a private funeral and buried Aiden with his Grandfather at St. John's Cemetery. It makes me feel a little comforted to know he is buried with my Father-in-law, he is not alone. It was the smallest casket I have ever seen in my life. It was a hard thing to experience but nothing compares to the feeling I felt leaving the hospital without my baby.