"FEM BOY!!!"
The ringing challenge carried clearly over the courtyard wall.
"FEM BOY! I know you're in there. You and the old
freak. Come out and face me like a half-man and a pervert,
you cowards."
Ranam jerked, almost destroying the perfection of the
complex kata he was practicing. A wide grin split his face and
he cracked his knuckles.
"Man, this is gonna be great." Abandoning his solitary
practice he trotted quickly out of the doujou and toward the
street-gate.
"If you won't come out . . .I'm coming IN!" There
was the sound of splashing water. A rumbling predatory call
shivered the stone wall and a massive winged figure soared
over the wall.
"Ok panty-freak . . .show me what you've got."
Ranma relaxed into a modified horse stance and watched as
Taro Pantyhose dropped from the sky like an avatar of death.
Ranma grinned to himself. He was going to let panty-boy get
just a liiitle closer, then hit him with a modified ######,
slicing off a few tentacles. He'd been practicing and the attack
was stronger and faster than before. Then, when panty-boy
climbed away from THAT attack he'd surprise him with . . .
Ranma's thought chopped off as a column of hot water from
a concealed water cannon blasted Taro from the sky. At over
2000 Li/min. the torrent of water pinned the all too human
boy to the ground like a butterfly under an anvil.
"Ahhhh Maaaaaan." Ranma kicked the ground in
disgust. "I coulda' taken him." He turned and faced one
of
several squads of Amazon warriors converging on Taro from
all sides. Ignoring Ranma the leader watched Taro writhing
under the pounding water for a few more moments.
Apparently satisfied at what she saw she raised a hand,
stopping the water cannon. Within seconds the three quarters
drowned boy was neatly cocooned in a mesh of kevlar and
steel. As an added precaution one of the Amazons locked a
shock belt around Taro's waist enabling them to send 250000
volts at .05 amps through his body at will.
"HEY." Ranma protested. "I coulda' taken him he said.
Why'd ya hafta' butt in like that?"
"My apologies." The squad leader bowed to Ranma.
"But the War-master gave us explicit instructions."
"Yeah? Well I'M tellin' ya different." Ranma jerked at
the groggy Taro. "Let 'im go." Ranma cracked his knuckled
again. "This is a Man-to-Man fight. You girls got no business
buttin' in."
"I'm very sorry. I can not . . ."
"LISTEN you . . ." Words failed Ranma. Ignoring the
Amazons he went over to Taro and started tugging at his
bonds. "Hey, how'dya get this stuff off . . ." A piece of
the
webbing came loose. "Never mind . . ." Muttering under his
breath Ranma began to peal Taro like an onion as the
Amazon's milled helplessly around.
"The War-master will not like this . . ." Began the
squad leader.
"The War-master can kiss my . . ." Ranma muttered as
he tried to disconnect the shock belt.
"Kissing husband good thing."
Ranma groaned as a sleek purple and white silk beauty
dropped from the sky next to him.
"Shan Pu. What're you doin' here?"
"Come stop husband make mistake."
"I AIN'T your husband. An' the only mistake 'round
here is your dam . . ."
Shan Pu shot him a darkling look.
"darn" Ranma hastily corrected. "DARN Amazons.
What'd they hav'ta do this for." Ranma pointed at the trussed
Taro who had regained consciousness and was now mumbling
around his gag.
"Amazon do what Shan Pu say." She walked up and
ripped the tape off Taro's mouth. "What stupid Panty boy do
here?"
"YOU let me GO you stupid BIT . . ."
Shan Pu clapped a hand over his mouth.
"You no make big noise. You be quiet. Talk nice
understand?"
Taro nodded and Shan Pu removed her hand.
"I'LL KILL YOU!!!" Taro roared, straining at his
bonds, which creaked alarmingly. "WHEN I GET LOOSE
I'LL . . .urrrrrrk" Shan Pu's hand clamped around Taro's
throat and she lifted him off the ground , slapping the gag
back in place with her free hand.
"You listen good panty-boy. You know rules. No
fighting, no big noise near home." She slammed him against
the wall a few times, chipping the stones. "This Akane nap
time. You disturb rest. Shan Pu warn before. You no listen.
No warn again." Shan Pu looked around the squad members.
"Li Sonji, you come."
A petite, busty Amazon with grey eyes and a mischievous grin
bounced forward and stood before Shan Pu.
"Yes, War-leader. How may I serve?"
"You like get married?" Shan Pu pointed at the
trussed Taro, who stared bug-eyed over his gag. At Li Sonji's
hesitation Shan Pu pulled a concealed blade and with two
swift slashes bared Taro from the waist down.
"You like get married?" Shan Pu repeated.
"Ohhhhh. Yes, War-leader." Li Sonji purred, staring at
the bound Taro like a starving child at an unwrapped
chocolate bar. Then her face fell. "But I do not make enough
to support a husband. I'm sorry War-leader."
"No sorry. Shan Pu know panty-boy high maintenance
husband. If take panty-boy will get promotion."
Taro was shaking his head violently back and forth as he
made desperate bleating noised behind his gag.
"I . . .I'd like to" Li Sonji said, looking wistfully down
at her prize. "But I want a career in the Guard. I've already
been accepted for OCS training with an engineering speciality.
I'm not sure I'd have time to take proper care . . ."
Shan Pu cut her off. "No problem. Career very important. Shan
Pu no
expect Li Sonji give up school. Go in with friend. Get two . . ."
She looked down at Taro. "Three. Go in with three friend. Share.
Cost less per-person and get better tax break. More present at wedding
and holiday time."
Li Sonji perked up at that. Sensing she was wavering Shan
Pu went in for the kill. "Take rest day off. Call friend. If
on-duty tell take day
off . Shan Pu say all right. Call friend." Shan Pu repeated.
"Try out." She pointed to the frantically squirming Taro.
"If no like, bring back."
Grinning Li Sonji bent and heaved Taro over her shoulder.
When he continued to struggle she brought one small hand
down sharply across his bare buns. "Be good . . .or mama
spank." Winking at her grinning comrades she bounded away
toward her quarters.
"Dam . . .uhhh Darn it" Ranma corrected himself
again. "Darn it Shan Pu. Whadja go an' do that for?"
"You play with panty-boy later. He need learn no
make noise Akane nap-time."
Ranma stomped up to Shan Pu, his battle aura flaring. The
effect was less than it might have been since they all knew
Ranma didn't fight girls. "What're ya doin' interferein' with
a
Man-to-Man fight? I'm gettin' tired of this. I can take Taro. I
don' need a buncha skirts fightin' my battles. If ya don't stop
buttin' in I'm gonna . . ."
"What do?" Shan Pu slid closer to Ranma, pressing
tightly against him. "What do . . .husband?"
Ranma gulped and stepped back quickly. Nervously he looked
around and noticed the troop of Amazons surrounding him.
This was bad. They didn't fight fair any more. He couldn't hit
girls and they always did . . .things. He flushed as he
remembered the last time he'd been cornered by a bunch of
Amazons. It had taken MONTHS for the dye to wear off.
And all Akane could do was laugh and say how CUTE he
looked with curls. Ranma shuddered again. Why couldn't they
have just killed him? What ever happened to the good old
days and the kiss of death?
"No worry." Shan Pu said, taking pity on him. "Panty-
boy can play in few week. After learn lesson. And great-
grand-mother come teach new technique. Come after eat
dinner. After teaching Akane chi technique, then teach
Ranma. Ranma like new technique?"
"Yeah, I guess so." Ranma sighed, kicking at the
ground. "It's just that . . .I mean, I didn't even get ta fight
that soul eater last week. It's just not fair."
"No can let Ranma get hurt. Akane not like that. She
get upset Ranma get hurt fighting. Amazon no let Akane get
upset." Shan Pu said as if it were an inflexible law of nature.
Around him Ranma could see the other Amazons nodding.
Kicking another inoffensive clod of dirt Ranma turned and
walked back toward the doujou. Man, he was so bored he
even missed Happosai. Too bad the little pervert wouldn't be
out of traction for another six months. Stopping just before
the doujou door he changed his mind and headed inside the
house. He was tired of kata. The aborted fight with Taro had
left him feeling restless. What he really wanted was a good
fight. Now who did he know that hated his guts? Hmmmm.
Hated his guts AND was willing to risk war with the Amazon
nation? The list was suddenly much shorter. A rustling noise
caught his attention. An intruder? Great. Maybe a demon
from the ten-thousand hells. Or a ninja assassin. Or . . .
Stealthily Ranma moved forward, every sense attuned to
danger. Maybe a fighting monk from a cursed temple, bent on
revenge, or a devil woman that Pop had offended. Ranma
stopped in front of an apparently blank segment of wall.
"I CHALLANGE . . ."Ranma slammed the concealed
door open. "you?" Ranma's shoulders drooped. "Oh. Hi
Mu
Tsu. Hi Ryouga. Howzit goin' ?"
The lost boy and the blind magician scrabbled frantically into
the shadows of the hidden passage until they recognized
Ranma.
"Saotame-sama, you must help . . ."
"For gods sake Ranma, it's horrible. In gods
name . . ."
"Geeez guys. Slow down. I can't understand if ya
both talk at once." Suddenly Ranma was struck by a thought.
"Hey, you guys wanna fight? I mean ya ARE pretty pathetic,
but the two of ya together MIGHT make be break a sweat."
"You wish us to fight you, Saotome-sama?"
"WHAT? We are fellow martial artists in trouble and
you bargain?" Ryouga shrieked in a whisper. "Like a shop-
keeper? Have you no honor? RANMA PREPARE TO
DIEEEE!"
"Man, that's the spririt." Ranma clapped Ryouga on
the back. "How 'bout you duck-boy?"
"If you can aid in our escape." Mu Tsu whispered. "I
shall gladly rip your head from your shoulders and defecate
down your neck."
"Great!" Ranma enthused. "I shoulda known I could
count on you guys to hate my guts." Glancing up and down
the corridor Ranma motioned for the two to follow him. He'd
taken about three paces when he suddenly had a thought and
turned back. Sure enough the other two were headed in the
wrong direction. Stomping softly after them he grabbed each
by the hand and led them back the other way.
*************************************************
" . . .now this is the tricky part."
Ranma whispered.
"I'm gonna go distract the guard." Ranma pointed at the
nearest tower, part of the complex that defined the outer
perimeter of the expanded Tendou compound. "Once I'm in,
you" He tapped Ryouga on the shoulder. "Blow a hole in the
wall. It backs onto one of our warehouses. But DON'T go
through the hole."
"Huh? Why not?"
"Because." Ranma explained patiently. "That's just
what they'll expect. Instead you and duck-boy head right back
here. While the guards and stuff are looking THERE." Ranma
pointed at the wall." We'll be going out the side door. Easy
as
pie." Ranma looked pityingly at the two boys who in turn
were looking back in undisguised admiration.
"Brilliant tactics, Saotome-sama. I always knew you
couldn't be as stupid as you seemed. Not and dress yourself
without help." Mu Tsu added.
"Ranama-kun!"
"Oooops. Busted." Dejectedly Ranma turned to face
the newcomer.
"Oh good. You found them."
"Look, here's 50,000 Yen."
"That's sweet of you, little brother. But Kodachi's
already given me my allowance."
"Geeez. What I mean is, just forget you seen us.Okay?"
"Oh, but little brother, I HAVE seen you. You
wouldn't want me to LIE would you?" Huge, luminous eyes
looked innocently up at him. "That would . . ." A single
tear
rolled down a smooth cheek. "That would be WRONG!"
"Gaaaaa."
Suddenly Nabiki laughed and ruffled his hair affectionately.
"Sorry, Ranma. I couldn't resist. If you could have SEEN
your face."
Almost shuddering with relief Ranma wiped his brow. "Don't
DO that, please? So,Okay, ya won't tell anyone ya seen us, will
ya?"
"Sorry, little brother. I'd like to help out, but these
two . . .HEY" Nabiki called loudly. "You two GET BACK
HERE!"
Ranma jumped at the sudden bellow. Following Nabiki's glare
he turned to see Mu Tsu and Ryouga trying to sneak away.
From their movements it looked to Ranma like they'd been
taking sneaky lessons from his old man. Amateurs, he thought
looking at their sloppy form. Given that much head start his
old man would've been half way to Hokkaido AND had time
to filch dinner for five on his way out the door.
Grabbing Ryouga and Mu Tsu each by an ear Nabiki started
toward the door, berating them as she went.
"WHAT did you think you were doing? You both
need new clothes. We're spending ALL morning shopping.
I'm ashamed to be seen in public with you. And you promised
to help out at the center. I'm working VERY hard to get my
teaching certificate and volunteer work counts a LOT. You
BOTH promised to help illustrate story time while I'm
reading. And you KNOW how the children LOVE p-chan and
mumu-chan . . ."
The last thing Ranma saw was Mu Tsu's pitiful face turning
toward him, silently begging 'Help meeee', as Nabiki dragged
them away.
*************************************************
"Ranma dear, how delightful to see you.
Would you
like some tea?"
"MOM!" Ranma looked around wildly. His mindless
wanderings had taken him by his mother's rooms. " Uh, I
mean mama, Hi. Yeah, uh, sure. That'da be . . .uh That
would be nice" Ranma didn't really want any tea, but he was
bored. Maybe his mom could tell Shan Pu and the rest to cut
him some slack.
"So dearest, how has your day been?" Nodaka took
the kettle from the stove and poured water over the tea-
leaves.
"Ahhh.Okay, I guess. Just kinda boring."
"Well, you could visit with Akane. She is your wife
after all. And the mother of your unborn child."
"Gaaaa." Ranma paled and flushed simultaneously at
the thought of his bride. His PREGNANT bride. "Yea but . . .
she might BREAK or somehin'. I mean, what if I make her
mad, or upset or . . .or . . ." Visions of all the horrible things
that might happen to pregnant women filled his mind.
Stumbling back under the onslaught of these nightmarish
visions Ranma banged into a closet. The door popped open
and a small avalanche fell out on Ranma's head.
"Ouch. Uh, hey mama." Ranama gingerly picked up a
wrapped package. "Uh, new sword?" He asked worriedly,
looking from the package in his hand to the ever-present
wrapped kata at Nodaka's side.
"No, dearest." Nodaka laughed. "Just something I'm
holding for a friend. I'll probably send it back to them soon.
Now come over here."
Obediently Ranma dug his way out of the jumble of stuff and
went over to his mother, standing by a window.
"I understand your fears. Why when I was pregnant
with you . . ."
Ranma shivered a little. It was so STRANGE to hear his
MOTHER talkin' about stuff like that.
". . .like I would break in the slightest breeze. He was
really very sweet. But look down there." Nodaka pointed and
Ranma could see Akane, dozing in the sun. Irresistibly his eye
was drawn to the gentle swell of her belly. Swollen with his . .
.their child. He flushed, remembering how THAT had
happened. And squirmed in embarrassment, remembering the
honeymoon.
*************************************************
"Shan Pu expect hear scream pleasure.
Many scream
pleasure or Shan Pu make Ranma scream, not pleasure."
"She's right, sugar." Ukyou added. "This first time
is
VERY important to a young shy girl. So don't screw it up."
Nervously Ranma watched Ukyou finger her battle spatula."
"I'm sure Ranma-sama will do his best."
Ranma was getting dizzy trying to keep up with the three girls
surrounding him. "However, I have made some notes."
Kodachi handed him a stack of three ring binders. "With
illustrations. They are numbered and cross indexed." She
added helpfully.
Ranma was almost sick with worry already. Thinking of what
lay behind THAT door. Not that he didn't lo . . .lo . . .not that
he wasn't ok with being married to the un-cute tomboy.
SOMEBODY had to do it after all. It might as well be him. It
wasn't like he was afraid, or nuthin'. He'd had lots' of
experience with . . .well he knew a lot . . .AAAAA. He'd
never even KISSED a girl. Well, not really. And now he was
supposed to . . .A cold sweat broke out all over his body.
What if he hurt . . .she didn't like . . .what if he made her
CRY! Ranma had almost bolted then, but the three girls
caught him. And started giving 'helpful' advice.
"Geeeez. Why doncha just WATCH an' see if I do it
right." Raman burst out, exasperated.
"An EXCELLENT idea Ranma-sama."
"Husband have good idea."
"Way to go sugar. I didn't know you had it in you."
"Wha??? Nonononono. I didn't mean . . .you
can't . . ."
It hadn't helped any when Akane started laughing and
couldn't stop. So they stayed.
*************************************************
And they'd never gone away, Ranma thought looking
down
at his napping wife surrounded by an outer ring of Amazon
guards. In the center Akane lay with her head in Ukyou's lap,
while Ukyou and Kodachi played some sort of card game.
"You needn't be afraid of hurting Akane." Nodaka
continued. " She is a strong girl, who will provide strong
children." Nodaka looked down at the scene of domesticity.
While they watched Shan Pu trotted up, pausing to drop a
kiss on the sleeping Akane's cheek before dropping beside
Kodachi and dealing herself into the game.
"And she has such good friends, to care for her and
her children. Akane and her children are sure to have long,
happy lives with friends like these."