Chapter 4

"Itz sooo hoooot." Ranma-onna sank back into the wading pool
until just her nose was above the ice-filled water. Unfortunately keeping
this petite breathing apparatus above water ensured that other not-so-
petite attributes were exposed to public scrutiny.
"Quit whining Ranma. Everyone's hot. And for goodness sake put on
a shirt. Don't you have any modesty?"
"Ha. . . least I got someth'n to be modest about."
"What did you say?"
"You heard me. Or is your hearing as underdeveloped as the rest
of you?"
". . . ."
"Oh Ranma-sugar!"
"Husband all right?"
"I'm going upstairs to take a bath and change."
"Oh My! Don't cry, Father. I'm almost sure there's not enough
water in the pool to drown Ranma."
"Bhwee hee hee hee."
"Ah Tendou my old friend. You must be very proud. It's not often
that young people have the discipline to master the 'Water Buffalo
Crushes Dung Beetle' technique."
"Dearest, did a pipe break?"
"A perfect example of the second law of Ranmadynamics." Everyone
turned to look at Nabiki. "The second law of Ranmadynamics states that
stupidity can neither be created nor destroyed. . ." She looked down at
Ranma who had been cold-stamped into the bottom of the kiddie-pool.
". . . it can only be converted to pain. Oh, and Ranma. . . you forfeit
your deposit if you damage the pool."

Akane closed her eyes and sank into the furo with a sigh. The hot
water helped soak away her anger. Besides it always felt so cool when she
got out. She heard a commotion downstairs. "That baka. . . fighting with
poor P-chan again. . . or. . ." She shied away from that thought,
unwilling to examine it too closely. "Humph. . . like I care who he
hugs." Akane sank deeper into the water.

"Ranma, for that insult to Akane I cannot forgive you."
"Hiya porky. I thought I smelled bacon cookin'."
"You've avoided the just retribution of heaven long enough. Now
my body shall be the instrument of divine wrath."
"You've been watching 'Samurai Night Live' again haven't ya
P-boy?"
"What of it? It's cultural and full of historical significance."
"Yeah? Like what?"
"Uh. . . like significant historical culture and ... uh...
cultured significance and other significant cultural stuff you wouldn't
understand."
"Right. You just like to watch Aonuma Chiasa intro the movies
wearing that itty bitty metal bikini."
"Rrrrr..."
"Hah, like you'd ever understand anything cultural. I wonder what
Akane would think if she knew. . ."
". . .aaaaaaaa. . ."
"Boy and she calls me a pervert."
". . .nnnnnnn. . ."
"Now if you want really good movies, I mean movies with realistic
fighting and weapons, nothing beats 'Shogun Sunday.'"
". . . mmmmmmm. . ."
"I mean, just admit Akane's built like a brick 'n that's why you
watch 'Samurai Night', to see a real girl. Not because the movies are any
good."
". . . aaaaaaaa.... DIE!!!"
At this point a person even slightly more sensitive than a glass
of cold spit might have gotten the same queasy feeling of the man who
just realized that perhaps he should have kept the pin and thrown the
grenade.
"Huh? Wassa matter piggy-wiggy?"
"Yeeeeaaaaaaaaaa!!!" Of course if Ryouga were even a little
smarter than a box of hair he might not lead with his chin so often.
"Oh my. I'll just hold dinner back a few. . . thirty minutes?
Shall I?"
"Look out!"
Ryouga was startled by the cry and jolted by a petite red-head
smashing him aside. . . just as a thunderbolt shattered the window he'd
been standing in front of.
Ranma-onna wasted a brief moment to make sure Ryouga was alright,
then spun around. . . to see a short thickset man holding a sawed-off
nickle plated shotgun in rock steady hands.
"Don't try it girlie."
Ranma-onna froze. A shotgun was nothing to take lightly. Still a
defender had to recognize the threat and react to it. This period of
"reaction time" always gave the attacker the advantage. . . sometimes a
quarter second or more. One-on-one Ranma was confident he could take the
gun away and hurt this guy so bad he'd have to feed himself with his
feet. No, it was the others, pouring into the room from all directions
that worried him. He counted nine, with more coming. One shotgun aimed at
every person in the house with some left over. Ryouga took a step forward
and was immediately butt-stroked by a second man who'd come out to join
the first.
As Ryouga went to his knees, Ranma-onna gave out an exaggeratedly
girlish scream and rushed to his side.
"You idiot. Are you all right?" Ranma hissed sotto voice.
"Heh. I'm fine, but THEY don't know that do they?"
"Man, you take chances. We gotta be ready if they. . ."
"No talking. Inside with the rest." Ryouga went inside, leaning
on Ranma-onna to increase the impression he was injured.

"Hey boss, we're missing the youngest daughter and the fat guy's
son. And we've got another girl too, a redhead." Boss? Ranma followed his
captor's gaze and saw. . ."
"Jiro!" Tendou Soun's voice was suffused with rage. He took a
step forward. . ."
"What good are daughters?" Jiro asked rhetorically in a voice
smooth as a water slide into hell. "Sons, now sons are a man's pride. But
then a man without sons needs his daughters to breed grandsons, doesn't
he? But you have three. Daughters. And you really only need one."
Soun went grey about the mouth and eyes, would have fallen if
Genma hadn't caught him.
"What do you want?" Soun's head snapped back as Jiro backhanded
him.
"Now isn't this pleasant? Two people coming together to discuss
business."
"Yokichi-sa. . ." Nabiki doubled over as one of the Yakuza thugs
punched a shotgun barrel in her gut. Ryouga started forward with a snarl
only to be brought up short by Ranma-onna's hand on his arm.
"That's right girly. Tell your boy friend to be good.." Ranma-
onna demurely lowered her head to veil the hate in her eyes. She could
feel the barely leashed fury radiating up Ryouga's arm. "Not yet." she
silently commanded. "Not yet. . . wait . . . wait for an opening." And
somehow Ryouga understood, for she felt his tension lessen.
Soun looked at his oldest daughter, frightened but maintaining
the composure befitting the daughter and grand-daughter of samurai. He
looked at his middle daughter, curled on the floor clutching her
stomach. . .
"HENTAI!!!"
None of the Yakuza even twitched at the soprano scream. Not so
for Tendou Soun, his friends and family. Every head snapped around to
look with horror in the direction of that sound. . . every mind filled
with one thought..."AKANE" followed a second later by "Oh Shiiiit!"

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