As I grew older and could come to understand the war greater, I found myself inexplicably fascinated with it. All though I established myself from an early age as an avid historian, no other period in our world's history has fascinated me more than the Second World War - especially the European Theatre of operations. I recall that my family and teachers were most concerned that I would grow up to be a National Socialist when I studied WWII, for my studies almost always concentrated around Hitler's Germany. Every single facet of the German state, the German people and the German army of the time fascinated me. I always seemed to sympathise with the Germans, even from a young age when my parents diligent reminders of the evils of the Nazi state should have shifted my views. Nonetheless, every time I saw a WWII documentary, I would secretly hope that once - even if it was just this once - Germany would be victorious.
Many other clues to my past began to emerge as I aged. I developed an inexplicable fascination with Germany itself - it always seemed to be a home away from home to me, a distant place I longed to see at least once in my life. It would be a long time before I realised that was not simply a longing to see a country that interested me but a longing to return to a country that was my home away from home. The German language in particular fascinated me. My mother used to remark that German seemed like a harsh, angry tongue but to me it seemed oddly beautiful. I seemed to have a much easier time picking up German phrases and words than I did any other language and this extended to my ability to imitate, albeit somewhat loosely, a standard German accent. While most of the people around me held a distinctly black-and-white view of the Nazi State I was quick to challenge their views, as thought it was my duty to defend the reputation of the German people and army.
More than anything however it was the Wehrmacht - the German armed forces - that gripped my interest. I never held much of an interest in military history in general (all though there are specific conflicts elsewhere in history that I take interest in, my interest in them is massively dwarfed by my fascination for the Wehrmacht and it's fields of battle) yet the Wehrmacht, especially the Heer (Army), always held an odd appeal to me. All though all of my close relations, with the exception of a handful of Italian relatives, had fought on the Allied side of the conflict it was always the Wehrmacht with whom I sympathised. To me the German army of the time period represented the perfection of warfare - a brutally efficient attack force that revolutionised modern military tactics. All though I was fully aware that Germany winning the war would have had horrific consequences for the Human race, some part of me secretly wished that the Wehrmacht had been able to successfully overcome the Soviets and secure total victory in Europe.
All though these and so many other signs were present in my life, I never made a connection to the possibility of a past life - I was raised a Roman Catholic and it would be some time until I adopted a belief in reincarnation. My journey only began when I was introduced, quite by accident, to a now good friend of mine. From the moment I met this man (whom I shall call Charles for the sake of privacy), I felt a bizarre and overwhelming connection with him - he seemed so incredibly familiar to me. It turned out that we were both born and raised in the same city and, as such, my conscious mind asserted that we must have met each other before and simply forgot - yet my subconscious always knew otherwise. Charles and I developed a close relationship in a short period of time and the foundation of that relationship proved to be our similar views on the Nazi State and the Second World War. He always seemed to be an authority of some sort in my life, a figure to whom I could look for instruction and guidance when it was needed. It was only after my own explorations that he began to discover the possibility of his own past life in the Wehrmacht and we both now suspected that he was a General in the German Army and, more notably, my own commanding officer for much of the war.
Despite this first link, it would be a short while until I began to experience my first memories of the second world war. My awakening began when I saw the breathtaking German film Der Untergang (Downfall) for the first time. From the moment the film began to the moment it ended, I was completely captivated by this portrayal of the Battle of Berlin and the subsequent collapse of the Nazi State. To this date it remains my favourite movie of all time. For the first time in my life I was seeing these men who fought valiantly to defend their Fatherland in a real, Human way - even Hitler himself was portrayed as a distinctly Human character with his own thoughts and feelings.. More importantly, the events of the film fascinated and deeply moved me. The effects of this Battle seemed so profound and something about it resonated deep within me. At the time I dismissed it as sympathy for the distant relatives I had in Germany during the final hours of the war, yet I always knew there was something more. When the film portrayed General der Artilerie Helmuth Weidling's capitulation broadcast on May 2nd 1945, I felt so moved that I thought I may well have broken down in tears.
For days after seeing the film, I could not take my mind off it. I know now that seeing the film had set in place a series of events that would forever change the way I look at myself and those around me. The war no longer seemed to be a distinct but fascinating period of history to study - it was as though Der Untergang had made some kind of deep, personal connection with me. Several months later I experienced my first memory of this past life.
I do not want to go into detail about individual memories here for personal reasons, but my first memory came to me as the result of a dream. To this date it remains the single most vivid dream I have ever experienced in my life - so much so that I was completely unaware I was dreaming until the moment I awoke. I dreamt of my death in the streets of Berlin on May 2nd, serving as an Oberst (Colonel) in the German Heer, leading a ragtag group of officers and soldiers in an effort to reunite with a larger force. All though I did not experience the final minute or two of the memory then, I now know that it was the night I died - gunned down by Soviet troops as I attempted to surrender. The dream shook me and I found myself unable to sleep again after I awoke in the earliest hours of the morning. I tried to dismiss it as my imagination but the experience had awoken something within me.
From then onwards, I began to experience regular flashes of this life in my dreams, my meditations and even in my daily waking life. Often they came as involuntary glimpses into my life as this Colonel, quick snapshots of my service on the eastern front. As I began to study more about the possibility of reincarnation, having recently come to accept that as my belief in our "afterlife", I began to experience more memories. Over time I was able to learn more about my military career, my wife and our son and some of my life before the war.. To this day I still experience those involuntary glimpses into times past.. There is much that I have yet to learn and much more that I wish I understood.
I think that, from my own experiences and talking with others who believe themselves to be reincarnated Nazis, we all have our own inner demons from this period to face and challenge. I know that I was responsible for terrible things during my military career - though they are insignificant crimes compared to those committed by the SS and similar groups, grave crimes they remain. Though for most of my career I was a German officer fighting for his fatherland, that does not absolve me of the guilt I have for partaking in the crimes committed by several units on the Eastern Front.
One of my most potent recent experiences involved an avid neo-Nazi who fanatically followed the teachings of Hitler's state and also held a belief in reincarnation. He knew himself that he had not been part of the Nazi state because of a conflicting life at the time and wanted desperately to know what it was like to remember what he regarded as a golden age in our history. My answer to him was true: though there were positive aspects to the Nazi state, it was a time any of us who remember it would rather forget. I know that in my past life I was a supported of the NSDAP and I must confess that, even in this life, I acknowledge National Socialism can have it's benefits. More than anything however, I know that my life as the good Colonel was wasted on the half-baked visions of Hitler and his henchmen. It was because of them that we lost the war and Germany suffered a humiliating defeat. All though there are undoubtedly some reincarnated Nazis who are neo-Nazis, I imagine most of us are in agreement - we must never allow another Hitler to rise anywhere in the world. The pain and suffering Hitler wrought upon the people of Europe and indeed the world far outweighs his good deeds. To me, he will always be the man who betrayed his people in their hour of need and who butchered millions on his own personal whim. This is not a change that has come only in this lifetime - it began some 65 years ago, in 1943: the year I finally realised the truth about Hitler. The year I learnt my son had joined the Hitler Youth.
- Oberstmaxima