Ass and Titty
(Based on 'Coffee & TV' by Blur)

Don't feel you're a camwhore
You're one classy broad
He's not just ones and zeros
and a phone cord
Family's asleep and you're lonely
You want too in your heart
be told that you are lovely
by an inter-admirer

I just want ass and titty,
pics please
It'll mean so much
Don't say I'll go blind
You're gorgeous to me
Now you're my lady
Life's been full of glee
You make me forget this cold harsh world
You know you can trust me
Baby, say you like me again

He's in the same country
He could visit by car
He said he'd never hurt you
He loves you too much by far
Your mind is full of his language
You're the one he adores
He's just so very gentle
He deserves to see more

I just want ass and titty,
pics please
It'll mean so much
Don't say I'll go blind
You're gorgeous to me
Oh baby
You do something to me
You're the prettiest thing in the whole wide world
I thought you liked me?
Baby, say you like me again

You sent ass and titty,
pics to me
You ugly whore
I'm going blind
You're a naive cunt you see?
Such idiocy
I cannot fucking believe
I'm gonna post these things for the whole damn world
and Daddy's gonna' see
Bitch, say you love me again!

Oh...he's going to beat you again
Oh...he's going to beat you again
Oh...he's going to beat you again
Oh...he's going to beat you again

Trev the Admin
(Sung to the tune of Mack The Knife)

Yeah that Trev babe, has such skin, dear
Oh it's so, pale and white
Just an albino, with no pigment, babe
And hairless, oh what a sight
but when that Trevor, posts on hot or not
Those inter-ladies, begin to spread
Expensive pads, oh, wears those e-babes
So there's never, never a trace of red

Now in the bedroom, huh, whoo sunday morning, uh huh
Lies an e-lady just oozin' potential life, yum
And someone's sneakin', out the front door
Could that someone be Trev the Admin?

Now there's a country, below Canada dontcha know
Where this lady's lag, is gettin' her down
So that lady, throws her weight around
Better hide your ten year olds, Manda's back in town
Now d'ja hear 'bout this girl Jodie? She disappeared, babe
After her mind, had a hard-drive crash
And now Miss. Jodie hangs 'round the sailors
What a bargain, anal for ten bucks cash!

Now Jen and Telivarn, ho, ho, yeah, Sukieo and PT
Ooh, Miss Katey yeah and old Emiru
Oh, the line forms to her right, ladies
Manda's the chick, who run's this town

I said Jen and Telivarn, whoa, Sukieo and PT
Look out to Miss Katey yeah and old Emiru
Wait who's that there, emerging from the night, black?
Looks like Mandy's back in town
Look out ol' Mandy's back!

Axiom's Party
(Based on Casey At The Bat by Ernest L. Thayer)

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the men of OMGJ,
the clock about to strike two, and not one had been laid.

And then when Mark didn't to get to first, after Jeremy failed the same,
an Albert entrance-esque silence fell upon the guests of Ax's soiree.

A beaten few got up to go in a deep despair.
The rest clung to the hope that she would be soon be arriving there.
They thought, "When Mandy arrives, I'll get me some of that".
They'd put up even money then, of getting Mandy on the mat.

But only Karma Cat and Amanda, so far had made the hike.
Sadly, the former was a tranny, while the latter was a dyke.

So upon that horny multitude, grim melancholy sat,
for there seemed but little chance of getting anyone on the mat.

But Eclipsed and EDward arrived next, to the drooling mouths of all.
Kristen with her huge ones, Fay with boobs quite small.

And when their eyes all focused,
they could not believe what had occurred.
There was Amanda petting the Pom while Karma necked the busty bird.

Then from two dozen throats alike there rose a mournful gulp,
they could see it in their futures, their cocks being beaten to a bloody pulp.

But then it pounded through their eardrums and recoiled throughout the flat,
for she, 'Bury me in a Y-shaped casket' Mandy, had arrived with cat ears as a hat.

There was ease in Mandy's manner as she sashayed into the place,
Fay caught the men all staring and smacked them in the face.

And when, responding to their eyes, her ears 'fell' to the mat,
She lingered bending over and even Fay couldn't help thinking, 'I'd so tap dat'''

All the eyes were on her as she re-adjusted her shirt.
There were none who were not dreaming of getting a hand and more, under that skirt.

Then the men all huddled, deciding who'd be first to take a shot.
A twinkle flashed in Mandy's eye, who'd get to pound her brown love knot?

And then a young looking blonde man strode up to her chair,
and Mandy did wonder, down there, did he even have hair?

From the mouth of the handsome Scotsman was then uttered a naughty query --

"That ain't my style," replied Mandy.

"Strike one!" said Guy, much too cheery.

From the couch, black with spunk-stains, they let out a collective groan,
hope was fading fast that one would hear sweet Mandy's moan.

"Let's rape the bitch! Like I did my sexy cousin" screamed Atari taking a stand,
and it's likely they'd have done so, had Mandy not raised her hand.

With a smile of angelic serenity, Mandy's visage shone,
With two motions of a finger, she let them know the game was still on.

She signalled to the birthday boy, and once more a suave line flew,
but Mandy still ignored it, and Guy screamed, "Strike two!"

"Fag!" cried the maddened dozen and the echo answered, "Fag!"
"If not Ax then who?" thought the boys, restless for a shag.

Trev pushed Guy forward, a plan formed in his mind,
after dealing with Incognito, Mandy would be his to grind.

But a wry smile formed on Incognito's lip, not unlike an obese elf,
as he strutted, with eerie confidence, close to her shapely self.

He pressed his lip against her ear, and whispered his line slow,
and then her face did seem to crumble and wide her eyes did grow.

Oh, somewhere in this World Wide Web, hearts still shine bright.
Women finding validation, cam-whoring through the night.
And somewhere Goatse is posted, causing newbies to scream out,

but there is no joy in Oh Em Gee --
For Mandy did put out.

Yesterday Taco
(Sung to the tune of Yesterday)

Yesterday,
Taco didn't seem so far away
Now I may as well just be gay
Oh I fapped lots, Yesterday

Suddenly
Life's not half as fun as it used to be
Pussy's so close, yet far from me
It went away, suddenly

Why's she saying no
I don't know, she doesn't say
Is there something wrong?
Do you have, an STD?

Yesterday
I looked past a Realdoll on Ebay
Now only fake-vag I shall lay
Flesh wasn't optional, yesterday

Why's she saying no
I don't know, she doesn't say
Is there something wrong?
Do you have, an STD?

Yesterday
Love was a couple'o beers away
Now it seems I'll have to wank all day
My cock didn't bleed, yesterday

The Magical Mystery Nut
(Sung to the tune of The Magical Mystery Tour)

What would, you do for a mystery nut?
What would, you do for a mystery nut?
Sign up FOR THE COMPETITION. Compete for the mystery nut.
Sign up MAKE YOUR RESERVATION. Fight out for the mystery nut.
The magical mystery nut is ready to be given away,
Ready to be given away.

What would, you do for a mystery nut?
What would, you do for a mystery nut?
Sign up BELLE'S GOT IT YOU SEE, one more mystery nut.
Sign up DELIVERY GUARANTEED, your address goes the mystery nut.
The magical mystery nut is to be given today,
Is to be given today.

What would, you do for a mystery nut?
What would, you do for a mystery nut?
Roll up YOU'VE GOT AN INVITATION, who'll win the mystery nut?
Roll up FOR THE PRESENTATION, who won the mystery nut?
The magical mystery nut has been won by Mr.Darth Taffy,
By Mr.Darth Taffy?
The magical mystery nut won by persistence today,
Won by persistence today, persistence today.

Lady Isabelle
(Sung to the tune of Lady Madonna)

Lady Isabelle, I'm wonderin' you see
Wonderin' how you managed to overlook me
Losing to Tokka, that I can see
Riv, Shad and Dempro but Darth Taffy?

Tuesday night arrived home at my place
Wednesday morning checked if I had won
Started writing this song of protest
Ax has not won

Lady Isabelle, yee of the shapely breast
Wonderin' if somethin' is wrong in your head

Darth Taffy won?

Lady Isabelle, I contemplated bed
Listened to the Beatles so I wrote this instead

Monday morn for you is never ending
Friday night never lasts as long
Tuesday after your mind must be bending
Darth Taffy won?

Lady Isabelle, I'm grovellin' at your feet
Crying there's no peanut though my song was 1337

SuperNintendoVixen
(Sung to the tune of Supervixen)

Come down to my house
Stick a cart in the slot
You can pull my pad out
If I beat you too much

It's a whole new religion
A blinking star that you cannot do without
Link will feed your obsession
You'll be nothing if your health bar runs out

Samus is hard to resist
And she's never missed
She can take you out
With just a flick of her wrist

It's a whole new religion
A blinking star that you cannot do without
Link will feed your obsession
You'll be nothing if your health bar runs out
If your health bar runs out

Link will feed your obsession
A blinking star that you cannot do without
SNES will be your religion
This thing you'll never doubt
Who needs Out-Run
Who needs Out-Run

Buy SNES for me, Buy SNES for me
Buy SNES for me, Buy SNES for me
Buy SNES for me, Buy SNES for me
Buy SNES for me

ISABELLE
(Sung to the tune of Billy Jean)

She looks like a beauty queen near the fax machine
I said don't mind, but what do you mean I'm not the one
Who will hump on the floor with you now?
She said I'm not the one who will hump on the floor with her now

She told me her name was Isabelle, as she caused a scene
Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one
Who will hump on the floor with her now?

People always told me be careful of what you do
And don't be led around by your own private part
And mother always told me be careful of who you lust
And be careful of who ya' do 'cause her pill may need a boost

Isabelle is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I'm not the one
And Axie still gets none
She says I'm not the one, and Axie still gets none

For almost thirty days and thirty nights
Time was on my side
But who can stand when she's in demand
My schemes and plans
Watched her hump Jude Law on the ground
So take my strong advice, just remember to never play nice
(Don't play nice)

I told her baby that’s a threat
As she looked at me
Then showed a photo of her hazel eyes
Porno I did find
Can I hump on the floor with her now?

People always told me be careful of what you do
And don't be led around by your own private part
She came and stood right by me
Then she turned into a loon
My screams filled the room
As she tossed me to my doom

Isabelle is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I'm not the one
And Axie still gets none
Isabelle is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I'm not the one
And Axie still gets none
She says I'm not the one, and Axie still gets none
She says I'm not the one, and Axie still gets none
Isabelle is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I'm not the one
And Axie still gets none
She says I'm not the one, and Axie still gets none
She says I'm not the one, never again Axie gets some
She says I'm not the one
Isabelle is not my lover
Isabelle is not my lover
Isabelle is not my lover
Isabelle is not my lover
Isabelle is not my lover
Isabelle is not my lover

Leia In The Trees With Ewoks
(Sung to the tune of Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds)

Picture yourself on the bridge of a supply ship with cool tinted windows
and fins on its sides
Your presence is sensed, while the code gives you clearance, by a man with
mechanical eyes

Woodland treehouses of ochre and green, towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the buns in her hair
and she's gone

Leia in the trees with Ewoks
Leia in the trees with Ewoks
Leia in the trees with Ewoks

Followed her down from a bike to a treestump, where hairy tall people eat
suspicious meat pies
the rebels are pissed as they look at the natives,
marching incredibly high

Four-legged robots appear at the dish,
waiting to take you away
You talk to your dad, in him you sense conflict
and you’re gone

Luke is in the sky, with Vader
Luke is in the sky, with Vader
Luke is in the sky, with Vader

Viewing a battle on the bridge of a starship
With Ackbar commanding shooting prototype ties
Suddenly the readings change at the station
So the Falcon blows it sky high

X-wings lighting the sky with fireworks
X-wings lighting the sky with fireworks
X-wings lighting the sky with fireworks

Hump Moose
(Sung to the tune of Footloose)

I've been working so hard
I'm punching my card
Eight hours for what?
Oh, tell me what I got
I've got this feeling
'Long time since you've tied me down
I'll hit the ceiling or else
I'll tear up this town

Now I gotta hump Moose

Hump Moose, wearing come-fuck-me boots
Please, Sunny, get down onto your knees
Dan, get Artax, come get yourself a midnight snack
Lose your blues, everybody go hump Moose...

You're playing so cool, obeying every rule
Deep way down in your heart
You're burning yearning for some Sun
Somebody to tell you that humps ain't passing you by
I'm trying to tell you
They will if you don't even try
You'll get some if you'd only

Hump Moose, hump Moose, wearing come-fuck-me boots
Oo-wee Missie shake it, shake it for me
Woah, Zill-O come on, come on let's go
Lose your blues, everybody go hump Moose...

I've got to turn you around...and put your
knees on the ground, you gotta be takin' it all
I'm humping Moose
(rpt 1...)

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