THE SUSPENDER PHENOMENA (An FAQ for the Uninitiated)

Before we get to the top 10 list, I bet some of you are wondering, "Wait a
minute. Alexei doesn't wear suspenders". Well, that's because he doesn't wear 
them _outside_ of his clothes. Yep, the only layer of clothing between Alexei 
and his suspenders is usually... None. I'll let that sink in for a moment... 

The suspender phenomena was first observed during the '94 season, due to 
cameramen who dared to venture into forbidden territory: the men's changeroom. 
First spotted during the '94 Olympics thanks to the efforts of CTV, suspenders 
were duly noted on the bare torso of the subject, despite the added 
distraction of an equally shirtless Kurt Browning. This leads to my associate 
Sarah Holland to conclude that Alexei's suspenders may have been a factor to 
his winning the event.  Another observation was made at the subsequent Worlds, 
a much more risky venue for the ABC cameraman this time because of the 
additional presence of a bare-chested Philippe Candeloro; though, admittedly, 
that's nothing new.

Now, this accessorizing phenomena of Alexei's just might be considered a 
coincidence, attributed to the fact that the suspenders were probably attached 
to to his costume for that season, but for an astute observation made, thanks 
to Eurosport, during the gala at '95 Europeans. There, Alexei had a brief if 
memorable costume change at the boards (i.e. took off his shirt), and if my 
eyes didn't deceive me, suspenders were in evidence on his person. This leads 
me to conclude that suspenders are an essential part of Alexei's wardrobe and 
that I am far too observant for my own good...

So without further ado, I give you...

Top Ten Reasons Why Alexei Urmanov Wears Suspenders:

by Cherryne Edejer and Sarah Holland

10. Russian spandex doesn't stretch, it sags.

 9. For ease of handling, transportation and storage.  

 8. Suspenders act as lightweight structural support for an elaborately
ornamented outer shell, a centuries-old Russian form of costume
construction known as "ruffle buttressing".

 7. Secretly hates frilly costumes and would rather be a yuppie
stockbroker

 6. Suspenders are attached to lead weights on his ankles, to prevent
his jumps from getting *too* high

 5. He always wanted to be a fireman?

 4. To distract from the ruffles and gloves.

 3. To distract from his costume... At least, until he puts it on.

 2. To distract from the fact that he's not wearing a shirt!

 1. He needs *something* to hold up his pants.