Disclamer: Here's a piece of humor for FSU fans. It's not intended to offend 
anyone; just to lighten things up.

81 Ways For an FSU Fan to Waste Time at Work
(Originally posted on the Kataniye mailing list; written by Anonymous)

Do you ever get bored at work? Here are some suggestions for an FSU fan to
pass the time.

1. List the 3 best costumes ever worn by Maria Butyrskaya.
2. Imagine Olga Markova if she were fat.
3. Come up with a new hair color for "Pasha."
4. Picture yourself designing a new outfit for Alexei Urmanov.
5. Recount to a coworker the time you met Pasha and Platov. (If you've
never met them, make something up.)
6. Calculate how many medals Russian pairs have won at the last 7 World
Championships.
7. Make a list of all of Alexei Mishin's pupils, past and present.
8. Guess the heights and weights of all of the reigning Russian Champions.
9. Make a list of the last 4 pieces of music your favorite FSU skater
skated to.
10. Guess what Angelika Krylova does with all the soaps she collects at the
hotels she stays at.
11. Visualize yourself giving Artur Dmitriev a haircut.
12. Write a love poem for an FSU skater you are enamored of.
13. Write a letter to Alexei Mishin describing your last trip to St.
Petersburg. (If you've never been there, just wing it.)
14. Make a list of what you would cook if Ilya Kulik, Evgeny Plushenko,
Irina Slutskaya, and Irina Lobacheva were coming to dinner.
15. Try to figure out who was the tallest FSU man to win an ice dancing
World title.
16. Look at a copy of Alexei Urmanov's signature and try to forge it.
17. Map out an itinery of where you would go in Europe, if you were
vacationing with Alexei Urmanov.
18. See how many words you can make out of ANTON SIKHARULIDZE.
19. Estimate how long Vadim Naumov would need braces to totally straighten
and close up the gaps in his teeth.
20. Play an imaginary game of tic tac toe with Irina Slutskaya.
21. Try to remember what color eyes Alexei Yagudin has.
22. Guess why Yagudin's last name isn't Yagudinov or Yagudinev.
23. Try to imitate Ilya Kulik's voice.
24. Sketch a picture of Alexei Urmanov.
25. Re-decorate the Urmanov's apartment. (Pretend to.)
26. Re-style Maria Butyrskaya's hair. (Pretend to.)
27. List all FSU skaters who have won a World silver medal.
28. List all those who have World silver and World bronze, but no gold.
29. Make up middle names for your 6 favorite FSU skaters.
30. Make up funny nicknames for 3 FSU skaters you don't like.
31. Think of all the FSU skaters who's fathers left when they are young.
Imagine what Dad is doing now.
32. Count Artur Dmitriev's moles.
33. Hum a piece of music that B&B skated to and you liked.
34. Imagine Alexei Urmanov dressed as an American businessman.
35. Imagine yourself dressed as Alexei in Swan Lake.
36. Write out what you would say if you ever met Viktor Petrenko. Have a
oworker make up his replies; role play.
37. List the 10 best looking FSU men.
38. List the 10 best looking FSU women.
39. Guess what K&P might name their child. Then make a list of all FSU
skaters who have kids.
40. Try to think of which skater has the most difficult name to pronounce.
41. Make a list of all FSU skaters who have had injuries, what the nature
of the injury was, and when they had it.
42. In your office or cubicle, do as many moves of Ilya Kulik's
"Liebestraum" as you can. If your boss comes in and asks what you're doing,
ask him/her to dance along to Bechke and Petrov's "Lady and the Hooligan"
with you.
43. In your office or cube, imitate Oksana Kazakova's spiral. Have a
coworker help you, if necessary.
44. Create a diet plan for Elena Tchaikovskaya.
45. Pretend to give Alexei Urmanov a massage.
46. List every time an FSU skater was ripped off as a pro or amateur.
47. Imagine Elvis Stojko as a piece of fruit.
48. Make a Mother's Day card for Galina Urmanova.
49. Script a dialog in which you explain to Marina Eltsova how to use
Microsoft Excel.
50. List FSU skaters who have been seen wearing fur. Send them anti-fur
literature in care of the ISU.
51. Guess where Oleg Ovsiannikov keeps that white lab coat he used to wear,
early last season, for the tango OD.
52. Imagine a game of hop scotch played with you, Marina Anissina, Irina
Slutskaya, and Oleg Tataurov.
53. Think of what you and Alexander Abt would say to each other, stranded
on an island together.
54. Imagine Alexander Abt explaining the Russian prepositional case to you.
In Russian.
55. Think of how Oksana Baiul would look without hair.
56. Imagine if you had septuplets, which skaters you'd name them after.
57. Imagine Tamara Moskvina's face, when you've just told her you're
donating $3 million of your own money to the Yubileny Palace of Sport.
58. Pick out a pet cat for Ilya Averbuhk.
59. Guess what Evgenia Shishkova and Vadim Naumov looked like at their
wedding. Write to Blades and ask them why they never ran wedding photos.
60. Make a list of which Russian pairs are married to each other, divorced
from each other, just dating, or never dated each other (that you know of).
61. Make up families for any FSU skater who's family you know nothing about.
62. Count how often you think "Pasha" has to touch up her roots in any
    given month;
63. Count how many cups of strong coffee Ilya Averbukh has to consume
    before doing a typical program;
64. Imagine which parts of Ilya Kulik's anatomy you would like to apply
    nicotine patches to;
65. Contemplate a good joke that would bring a smile to Zaggy's face;
66. Ruminate over the best intensive care ward to visit AFTER imitating an
    Oksana Kazakova spiral.
67.  See which list of names is longer, famous Russian skaters named Irina
     or famous Russian skaters named Marina.
68.  Do a hair colour chart to see how many people went blonde each year,
     how many turned red, how many got short haircuts, how many got
     perms, etc.  Analyze the curve of each chart and describe its
     mathematical function.
69.  Decorate your dream home in swaths of fabric from famous Russian
     skater costumes.  For instance:  a settee in teal velour a la
     Oleg Tataurov, a bedspread in aqua frosted stripes a la Aleksei's
     Bolero costume, a lampshade in Yags' white Ruslan & Lyudmila
     costume, a bean bag in Ilya Kulik's yellow & black vinyl...
70.  Transliterate Russian names back into Cyrillic and find out
     which ones have more letters in them written in English
     (Plyushchenko) and which have more letters in them written in
     Cyrillic (Dmitri).  Try to decide which names have an "u" in
     them and which have an "bI" in them.  (e.g, Krylova, Mishin)
71.  Imagine the great pairs teams that never were, and the
     announcers who are happy never to have to say their names
     aloud:  Beloussovskaya & Sirokhvatsova.  Mishkutyenok &
     Ovsyannikov.  Stekolnikova & Ponomarenko.  Zagorodniuk &
     Sikharulidzhe.
72.  Make up an aerobics routine with a tape of all Russian skater
     songs and moves lifted from Russian skaters' programs.  Make
     up names for the moves.  Everybody!  Knee waggle! Macarena
     mambo!  Snort aaaaand extend!  Poke poke poke!  Die, Tybalt,
     die die die!!!
73. Recount the number of deaths that have occurred in all FSU
programs (pro and amatuer) and calculate the standard deviation from
the norm. You will know there is a mistake if the number is less than
20. If so, please try, try, try again. Follow up by researching
whether this death toll number is enough to go into the Guiness Book
of Records.
74. Calculate how many yards of fabric Aleksei
spends on ruffles, wings, gloves etc. Then figure out how many
costumes you can make out of them for Marina Anissina. :-)
75. Try to think about how Aleksei would have washed out all the crevices
in the Night on Bald Mountain costume, or did he even bother to do
that??
76. Figure out how much tissue (in tonnes) the skaters (esp Mishin's
group) use, and then work out the percentage relative to the world's
consumption. If the figure falls below 30%, there has been an error. Go
back and work it all out again.
77. List the number of creative, wonderful, exciting and overall tres
cool but unfortunately inconsistent FSU skaters. Then list the ones
who are boring but solid. Do the same for the North American skaters
and graph them. The results for the two continents of skaters should
be inversely proportional to each other. Try to devise a mathematical
and scientific explanation for this phenomenum and present it to all
skating publications in order to obtain a PhD in subjective skating
analyzation.
78. List the times you have felt like throwing bricks at the TV when
Barbara Underhill has been commentating. Or if you are playing the
drinking game and taking a swig whenever she disses an FSU and
praises a Canadian, how many hangovers you have had the mornings
after.
79. Dream up a new role-reversal lift for Anassina & Peizerat. Then
put yourself in Marina's place.
80. Imagine yourself doing an "Anassina" lift with Alexei Urmanov.
81. Try and determine what colour Alexander Abt will dye his hair next
season (red, black, checked).

Okay, back to work....

Additions by:
Vashty Hawkins
Eda Tseinyev
Severine Chandeloy
Cherryne Edejer