Title: We Can't Do This
Author: Anne Taul, anne_taul@gowebway.com

Summary: An alternate ending to The Martin Baker Fan Club.

Disclaimer: Don’t own it never will.


 

We Can't Do This


It all happened so quickly. There was hardly time to react at all as the apartment was thrown into sheer pandemonium. The police SWAT team was outside, then they were inside. There was relative peace, then the sound of gunshots filled the air. Harm's head reeled. He felt like he was in a dream, where things were happening, but you couldn't really distinguish reality. He saw Roscoe hit by a flying bullet. Trying to rush to his side, though, he saw something else, infinitely more frightening. Brookhurst, Roscoe's comrade was making his way toward the window. Mac moved rapidly after him, as if she meant to prevent his escape. One of the officers leveled a rifle in that direction, obviously with the same intention. ButŠ. Mac was moving into his line of fire. He heard the firearm discharge, and saw his partner fall.

He couldn't think straight. How was this happening?

Harm called her name as he literally dove across the floor to where she lay. When he hit the floor he rolled toward her, coming to rest almost on top of her slender frame. He used his bulk to shield her. Two more shots were fired, but he didn't see much of what had gone on, by this time. The hand he had lain on her shoulder was covered with blood. He was truly frightened.

Moving his head close to hers, he whispered her name. There was no response, so he raised his voice. He quivered and the sound of his words betrayed the uncertainty that he felt, "Mac! Mac! Can you hear me?"

Her eyelids fluttered a little, then she opened her eyes. A smile curved her lips as she replied, "You don't have to yell."

He had never been so relieved. "Are you okay? You're bleeding. We've got to get you to a doctor."

"No. Harm, I'm fine, it's just a flesh wound."

He needed more reassurance. "Are you sure?"

She moved her injured arm, as much as she could with him lying on it. Her grimace belied some pain that this caused, but she said, "Sure, I'm fine."

"You're positive?"

"Harm, I said 'I'm fine."

He breathed a deep sigh. "Thank God." As he began to move in order to allow her to get up, he bent back close to her face, andŠ..kissed her lips, very quickly.

Before she could react, he was up talking to the police officer. He walked to the other side of the room to check on Roscoe, who appeared to be hurt badly.

Mac was helped into a sitting position by one of the policemen, who immediately exited through the window in pursuit of the escapees.



Mac didn't know when she had lost consciousness. She came to in a foggy haze. There were lights, bright lights, and a noise. The sound was somehow familiar, but alarming. It was a siren. In her confused state, she thought about getting out of the way to let an emergency vehicle pass. ButŠ she wasn't in her car. When she tried to lift her hand, it didn't move. Something was holding it in a tight grasp. She almost panicked, until it seemed in some way comforting. Not being able to think of anything else to do, she spoke the name of the one person that she knew would help her..no matter what. Yes, she could count on Harm.

Then, she felt a squeeze on her hand. A reassuring voice told her not to worry, that everything would be okay. Suddenly she had bearing. Apparently, she was in an ambulance on route to the hospital. She remembered being injured, but knew nothing bad would happen to her, Harm was with her.

After a thorough examination, a doctor (he really looked too young to be a real doctor) told her to take it easy and get some rest for a few days. She would be fine, if she didn't overexert herself. Harm assured the physician that she wouldn't. She was ready to leave almost immediately.

On the way out, they had run into Bud and Harriet having a pregnancy scare. They stayed with their friends until everything was cleared for them to go home. Thank goodness that Harriet was going to be all right, too.



Finally, they arrived back at Harm's apartment. It was a mess from all the activities and confusion. He sat her down to rest on the couch, then began straightening up. She watched him with a bemused expression, but when she rose to help him, he stopped her. "Mac, you're supposed to rest. Just sit there for a few minutes."

"Harm, I'm not an invalid."

"Of course not, but you're body's been through a big shock. You've got to take it easy."

"Harm, I really think we should talk about this. You've been through a big shock too."

"What do you mean?"

"Roscoe's dead. You're going to have to deal with that. I know you, it's eating you up inside."

"No. I'm okay."

She caught his arm, steering him down to sit beside her. "Talk to me, Harm."

He leaned back, taking a deep breath. "Okay, I'll admit that I'm a little upset."

She took his hand, holding it between both of hers, "So, is that why you kissed me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You kissed me."

"When?"

"You really don't remember? When I was lying on the floor over there. I said I was okay, then you kissed me."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"Why did you?"

"Well, I was worried. I was glad you weren't hurt badly. You'd have been worried about me too, if the positions had been reversed. It was just an impulse. Don't make anything out of it."

"Just an impulse?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Then, that was one heck of an impulse."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there are lots of different kinds of impulses. What kind of impulse was it?"

"Mac, I don't know. Why is this bothering you so much?"

"Because, sometimes I have impulses, too. I just wonder if it's the same thing."

"What kind of impulses do you have?"

She flashed him a broad grin. In one motion, she moved very near, wrapped her arms around his neck, and initiated a deep, lingering kiss. He felt a huge wave of passion sweep through him, as he enfolded her in his arms, pulled her closer and responded with all his being. After a long moment, he pulled away, looked into her eyes and said, "We can't do this."

Very reluctantly, she disengaged her hold on him, sitting back up. She avoided looking into the eyes where she knew she might lose herself. "Of course not. It just isn't right. I'm sorry."

"Mac, I really am glad that you weren't hurt any worse tonight.. I feel guilty. You only came here because you were trying to help me, then I invited you in. I put you in all kinds of danger."

"Hey, don't give yourself so much credit. I'm a big girl, remember?"

"Sure you are, but you're my partner. I should be taking better care of you."

"I'm your friend, and you always take pretty good care of me. At least when I let you."

"You are kind of stubborn sometimes."

"Me? Well, that's probably why you like me."

"No kidding, Mac, I really am glad that you're okay."

She rose and moved toward the door. "Time to go. We've got to be at work tomorrow."

Stopping, she walked back to where he sat, leaned down and placed a short, quick kiss on his cheek.

He sighed, then reached for her, intending to pull her back to him.

Anticipating his move, she easily sidestepped his hands. "No, Commander. Remember, we can't do this."

Quickly she was out the door and gone.

Harm leaned against his front door, and sighed heavily. What on earth was going on? Why had he lost his composure and kissed her? Even more surprisingly, why had he backed off so quickly when she had kissed him? Something very strange was going on here. These thoughts crowded their way through his head, as he finished picking up the mess of his apartment.. Roscoe had no one else, so he'd have to go make arrangements for the funeral in the morning.

It was going to be rough to see Mac in the office tomorrow, after what had happened between them tonight. ButŠ nothing had happened, had it?

The drive home was an especially long one for Mac. It had never seemed this far before. She tried to tell herself that she was upset at having been shot, and having Roscoe Martin die like that, but deep down she knew it was something else. How could she have thrown herself at him? She'd hidden those feelings for so long, why did they pop up tonight. She wanted to hide from him, forever. He cared, of course he did, but not the way she wished he did. This was something that she couldn't control, and that made it all the worse. A renegade tear glistened in her eye, but she would not allow it to fall.

A couple of hours had passed since she had left. He found himself sitting, once again, on the couch. He was doing nothing, but doing it rather intently, when the phone rang. The noise startled him. He picked up the receiver, and what he heard on the other end startled him, even more.

The breathing was heavy, and a bit labored. The voice cracked, but it still, was distinctly Mac's. "HarmŠIŠ.IŠ.oh never mind."

"Mac? Mac, are you there?"

But he knew it was too late. The line had gone blank. What was wrong? Why had she called? Did they get cut off, or had she hung up? These thoughts whizzed through his mind, as he grabbed his jacket and ran out the door.

Fortunately, at this hour of the night there weren't many police officers patrolling the streets of the city, because he wasn't too faithful to observance of traffic rules as he rushed across town.



He knocked on Sarah MacKenzie's front door, impatiently. When she didn't immediately open it, he began to be gripped by a strange fear. He pounded more heavily this time, calling out to her. When she unlocked the door to admit him, she had a confused expression on her face. "Harm, IŠ What are you doing here?"

He didn't let her finish, nor was he even listening. As soon as the door began to swing open, he pushed inside. He reached out, enfolding her in his arms, pulling her close.

She rested her head briefly against his chest, then pulled away.

But he didn't let her go.

Their eyes met. "We can't do this. Harm, you said so yourself.."

He bent down to kiss her, gently. "Nobody can find out, but we can't not do this."

She only smiled.

His hands found their way beneath her clothing to caress the smooth skin of her back. His touch made her shudder, as she eagerly sought his mouth, returning his passion-filled kisses.

She heard herself breathe his name against his chest, as he lifted her from the floor. He carried her urgently toward the bedroom.

Waking, later, in her arms, was the most fulfilling experience he could ever have imagined. The embrace was tender. He felt safer, more secure than he'd dreamed he would. Passingly, he wondered if this was a reward for having suffered through his demons. But why think about that? Right now it was enough just to hear her steady, rhythmic breathing beside him.

Because he was sure that she was asleep, he lowered his mouth into her hair, whispering, "I love you, Sarah." He might never be able to say that when she could hear it, but now seemed the perfect opportunity.

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