Title: Flying Away 1: That Ship Has Sailed
Author: Anne Taul, anne_taul@gowebway.com

Summary: The first in a series of stories which explore Harm and Mac's relationship during the time that he is away from JAG flying.

Disclaimer: JAG, its characters, premise, etc, are the sole and exclusive property of CBS, Paramount and Bellasarius productions. No profit is being made or sought from this purely recreational endeavor. No infringement of copyright is intended.

 

Flying Away 1: That Ship Has Sailed

The tall sailor rested his head against the back of his seat on the plane. He was tired. Just as he closed his eyes, though, the aircraft bounced sharply from contact with a turbulent air pocket. Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb returned his seat to the upright position. He was too excited to sleep anyway. After six weeks in flight training in Pensacola, Florida, this was his first trip home to Washington.

In just 6 days he would report to the USS Carmudgeon to begin his life as a Naval aviator, again. This short leave was to allow him to take care of any personal matters that needed to be tended to before the cruise began. And Harm felt like he had some really pressing business to conduct.

Six weeks ago, when he left Washington, he'd left behind friends at JAG, a small godson whose life he wanted to be a part of, an apartment with an ongoing lease, a girlfriend who didn't understand (he cringed just thinking about Jordan) and Mac ­ his partner who really believed that he was making a huge mistake. She was the one that he really needed to see, because they hadn't left things good between them.

Much to his surprise, Mac was what Harm had thought about most in the past six weeks. Not even anticipating regular flights on a Tomcat could take his mind off her for very long. He felt more for her than he'd ever realized --­and he had to talk to her about it.

Once on the ground and walking through the airport, he began to have more energy. He moved rapidly to collect his luggage, then outside. It was a swelteringly hot day.

He jumped into the back of a waiting cab and gave the address of his apartment. As he leaned back in the seat, he was overcome with a sense of déjà vu. His mind was taken back to cab rides through the streets of Moscow, over a year ago now, while he was looking for his father in Russia. Alexei had been one of the most colorful drivers he'd ever met. And...Mac; she was there, she was always there.

When he realized that he was thinking about her again, he tried to concentrate on something else.

A LITTLE LATER


Harm entered his apartment and surveyed the room. His eyes fell on his desk and two framed photographs there. One was a picture of him with Jordan on the day of little AJ's christening. The other was him and Mac holding their godson, taken the same day. Harm sighed. He knew the baby must have grown a lot during his absence. But gazing at the photo, it wasn't the child that he was focusing on. It was the lovely woman with the broad smile and the sparkling brown eyes. Why wasn't he thinking about Jordan instead? They had had a good relationship, so why wasn't she invading his thoughts?

Harm definitely wasn't looking forward to seeing Jordan. He didn't know how he was going to tell her that their relationship wasn't going to work out. But then again, how was he going to tell Mac that he wasn't sure what was going on between them. Of course, if all else failed, he knew that he and Mac would always be best friends. And that was good; he missed his friend.

He planned to go early tomorrow to JAG headquarters. No one knew that he was coming, so everyone would be excited to see him. It had been a long day and he had eaten on the plane, s he turned in early, anticipating his morning reunions. Sleep didn't come easily, though. His mind kept turning over scenes of his former partner, and of their escapades together.

There was a rose garden, then caves and cliffs rising out of the desert. He could visualize an image of her sitting in his beloved yellow Stearman. A frightening picture of wooded wilderness and the two of them running frantically, and a wound in her leg.

He could see her sitting on his bed, laughing, the way her eyes danced when she smiled, pacing in front of the jury box in a court room. There were so many memories. One of the ones that recurred over and over was seeing her in a Navy uniform (she really looked good) and tasting her in the one and only real kiss they'd ever shared. If he had only had the courage to follow through with his feelings on that night! But they had never spoken of that again; it was as if it had never happened.

She had looked so beautiful wearing gypsy clothes in Russia ­ and so many other times. He could see them all playing through his mind. The talks they'd had, the secrets they'd shared, it all came back to him, instead of sleep. He couldn't be sure what it meant, but clearly they were connected.

He wouldn't fool himself ­ he and Mac were only friends, and they would never be anything more. Still, he was truly looking forward to seeing her tomorrow.

NEXT MORNING
JAG HEADQUARTERS


The elevator doors opened in front oh him, the same familiar way they had so many times in he past. He quickly surveyed the bullpen area before stepping off. It was aflurry with activity. Everyone was busy.

Harm exited the elevator and took several steps forward. Bud Roberts nearly jumped out of his skin. "Commander Rabb, Sir. What are you dong here?"

Bud extended a hand to shake Harm's, then fumbled his words, as only Bud can. "That didn't come out right. What I mean Sir, is, it's good to see you, Sir. How are you?"

Harm tightly grasp his friend's hand. "Good to see you, Bud. I've finished my preliminary flight training and I'm back in town for a few days. What's going on around here? Where is everybody?"

"Commander Brumby and Major MacKenzie are in court. Commander Mattoni's on leave. Commander Imes is working on a case out of town. Let's see...Harriet is in the admiral's office. Oh, Harriet...Sir, she'll be so excited to see you. Why didn't you tell us you were coming?"

"Well, Bud, I wasn't sure myself until a couple of days ago."

The elevator opened again. This time it bore Mac and Brumby from a recess in their trial. Harm looked past the Austrailian exchange officer to catch a glimpse of Sarah MacKenzie. He was aware that his heart had skipped a beat or two. But she didn't look at him.

Mic Brumby extended his hand and smiled at Harm. "Hello Mate. It's good to see you Harm. Are you back to stay or just on holiday?"

Harm shook his hand and mumbled some kind of answer to his greeting, but he couldn't quit looking at Mac.

She walked right past him, not even acknowledging his presence, heading toward her office.

He called after her, "Mac!" as if startled out of an intense dream, she turned to see him. "Commander Rabb, hi. What brings you to town?"

His heart fell. Was this Mac? His best friend?

It was about then that Admiral Chegwidden opened his office door, ushering out Harriet Sims.

Harriet hugged Harm fiercely, welcoming him back. The admiral made a sweeping gesture toward his doorway and said, "Mr. Rabb, my office, please."

Once the door was closed, he questioned, "How's it going, Harm? I hope it's everything you wanted it to be."

"Well, Sir, it's wonderful, actually. I report to my first assignment next week. I can't wait. Admiral, I want to make sure that you know how grateful I am to you for making my years at JAG so enjoyable and productive."

"I appreciate your saying that, Mr. Rabb. Thank you."

"No, Sir, Thank you."

"We miss you here, Harm. Is there any chance that you might still reconsider and return?"

"As I explained to the admiral before, this is something that I feel I have to do. But, Sir, I mean no disrespect to you or to this office."

"I know, Son, and I understand. I may not like it, but I understand."

Harm was disappointed to see that Mac and Brumby had already returned to court by the time he'd finished his conversation with the admiral. He had really hoped to talk to her.

LATER


Harm stood in the doorway of Mac's office and watched as she read through her notes. Finally, she looked up and asked, "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Mac, it's me...Harm."

"Oh, I recognize you."

"Then why are you acting like you don't know me?"

"Because I don't know you."

"What are you talking about? I'm your friend, probably your best friend."

"No."

"We're not friends?"

"Well, I haven't seen you, or heard from you in over six weeks. No, I can't say we've maintained a friendship."

"Aw, Mac, I meant to write and to call, but..."

"But what, Harm? You're gone for six weeks, I don't get a letter, a postcard, a phone call, an email, a carrier pigeon...nothing. You knew that I was upset when you left, but you didn't make any attempt to keep in touch. Now, you come waltzing back n here expecting everything to be just the same. Well, it's not the same. I don't even know you anymore."

He walked toward her and cautiously lay a hand on her arm. "Mac, I'm sorry."

She pulled her arm quickly from his grasp. "Sorry doesn't feed the bulldog, Harm. I can't trust you now."

"Give me another chance. We can get back to the good relationship we had before. I know we can."

"Not interested, Harm. Just get out." With this, she made a sweeping gesture toward the door.

"It's lunchtime. Will you go to eat with me? Come on, let me buy you lunch. We can talk."

"Harm, stay away from me. Being your friend has brought me nothing but misery."

Her words hit him hard. If he knew that he could only bring her pain and suffering then he would have to stay away, but it was the one thing that he might not be able to do willingly ­ even for her.

He turned to leave, but left her with the words, "It's not over yet, it can't be. We have to try to salvage our relationship. Since it's what you want, I'm leaving now, but I will see you later. I'm in town for a few days, call me. You have the number."

"Don't hold your breath." She muttered silently after him.

When he was gone, she put her head down on her desk so that no one would be able to see the tears she couldn't hold back in her eyes.

THE NEXT DAY
COMMANDER JORDAN PARKER'S OFFICE


Jordan stood in front of her desk, reading through a patient's chart, her back was to the door.

Harm entered quietly and laid his hands on her shoulders. She jumped, turning around in fear.

"Harm!" she yelled, as much in scolding him as in delight at seeing him. "What are you doing here? When did you get into town?"

They sat down and talked for a few minutes. Finally, she told him, "You can't just be gone for all this time and expect nothing to be changed."

"Funny, but that's what my best friend said."

"You've already seen Mac, then?"

"I was at JAG for a little while yesterday. It wasn't any big deal."

"But you saw her before you saw me. That just tells who you think is more important."

"It's different, Jordie, you're my girl friend."

"No, Harm, not any more. I told you I couldn't wait. Even if I had wanted to wait for you, I wouldn't wait in line behind somebody else."

"There's nobody else. You know that."

"How could I believe that, Harm. I haven't seen you in a month and a half, but when you come to town, do you come to see me? No, you go running to her first."

"You've got it all wrong. It's not like that."

"It's you who's got it all wrong. Goodbye, Harm, for good this time. It was fun."

As he walked down the hospital corridor, Harm couldn't believe that Jordan had broken up with him again; that she thought that he and Mac...The very thought was absurd. Wasn't it?

Harm took a long walk. In two days, he had lost his best friend and his girlfriend. So far, this was one heck of a trip.

The next day, he was back at JAG. Bud and Harriet questioned him about the coldness between himself and Mac. It was all he could do to talk about it. It's too painful to be that close to some one, then have them just drop you, Like a stranger.

He walked past Mac's office. The door was closed, but he could see in, between the blinds. She was seated at her desk, and Commander Brumby was with her. He stood beside her and leaned over the edge of the desk, where they were working. Harm couldn't help but notice that he was awfully close to her. He watched for just a minute. Mac looked up at her companion and laughed.

Harm turned quickly away. He couldn't stand it. That should have been him that she was close to, him that she smiled at and laughed with. He left JAG headquarters and headed out to run errand before going home. As he walked past a florist, he stopped to order some flowers ­roses, they were her favorite. On the card, he wrote: "No matter what you think, I'll always be your friend. Love, Harm." They would be delivered right after lunch.

For the next few days, Harm stayed away from JAG. He visited the memorials and other sites that he wouldn't have the opportunity to see for a long time. He got all of his business dealings taken care of, and even managed to have part of an afternoon to spend with little AJ. When Harm took him home, he planned to stay, as Bud and Harriet had invited him to dinner. Soon it was obvious why.

Mac arrived shortly after he did. He was genuinely glad to see her. But when he tried to talk with her in their old, familiar way, she excused herself and left. He couldn't believe it. It really wasn't like Mac to be rude.

Bud looked pleadingly at his former mentor, "Sir, what's going on with you two? I've never seen Major MacKenzie like that."

Harriet's comment was more practical. "Go after her, Commander. If you don't go now, you might not get another chance."

Harm left and headed straight for Mac's apartment.

She opened the door and, reluctantly, let him in.

"What do you want, Harm?"

"I only want my friend back."

It was obvious that she had been crying.

She shot him a rather sarcastic look, when she said, "Well, there were a lot of times in the last six weeks that I wanted my friend too. I didn't know if you were okay, if you'd ever be back, if you missed me, or even thought about me."

He moved to her side and tried to put his arms around her. She moved quickly, so that he was left holding air.

"Mac, I'm in town for one more day, then I'm leaving for at least six months. If we spend time together tomorrow and work on it, I know we can get our relationship back. Even if we have to start all over again and rebuild our whole friendship, we can do that ­ and it will be worth it."

"If I open myself back up to you, then you'll leave and I won't hear from you for six months."

"No, Mac. It won't happen that way, I promise. This time I'll keep in touch. You can trust me, really."

"I don't know."

"Well, we missed eating at Bud and Harriet's, so...have dinner with me. I can start proving myself right away.'

She nodded, and off they went to a nice restaurant.

The food was good and they talked comfortably. In some ways, it was as if no time had passed.

Back at her place, she said, "You've got one day left in town? Well, pick me up in the morning and we'll go to the gym before I have to go to work."

"Great," he said. Maybe this was going to work.

HIS LAST DAY


They spent most of the morning arguing. He told her it felt like she didn't really trust him, and she responded that it was because she really didn't ­ not yet.

Harm busied himself at his apartment all day, thinking that she would stop by when she got off from work. He was surprised that he hadn't even thought about those extra feelings for Mac that he had been worried about when he left Pennsecola. No, he'd been too preoccupied with trying to regain the friendship he had known before to even think about that.

When the time came that she should be leaving work, he got anxious. He waited.

But she didn't come.

He waited until very late, thinking she'd show up just any minute. His mind planned, over and over exactly what he would say to try to make sure that this would not be the last time he'd ever see her.

Finally, at three a.m., he started toward her apartment.

He had obviously awakened her, when she came to the door.

"Harm." She murmured softly, as if still in a dream.

He entered her door, and turned to face her. "I'm leaving in a couple of hours. I couldn't go without settling things between us."

"Harm, it's the middle of the night."

"I know..." he trailed off. There was so much he wanted to say, but his mind couldn't form the words. He was distracted. She looked so beautiful in the sculpted nightgown she was wearing. She had a robe on, but it was very sheer, and he could easily see through to most of the clinging curves. His brain focused on her, so that he had problems formulating thoughts to send to his mouth. No words came.

"Are you okay?" she questioned.

"Yeah, I just want to spend some time with you, so you'll remember how important we are to each other."

"Oh, I remember. It's just not the same, now."

"Mac... Mac, it can be. Nothing has to be different."

"How?"

"I know you've been hurt, but if we spend time together, we can get to know each other all over again."

"Harm, I don't think so. It's too late. That ship has sailed, now."

"No!" he yelled.

"Harm, what do you want from me?"

He stared into her eyes. Then, he grabbed the back of her head and pulled her close to him. His lips teased against hers. Then, he used his tongue gently parted her lips. The kiss became very intense. She welcomed his tongue as it explored the recesses of her mouth. She relaxed against him, just a bit.

The kiss lingered for a long while. When they finally parted, she was breathless. She panted out, "Harm...Wh..Wh..What...?"

His fingertip touched her now swollen lips. "Nothing." He said.

He walked toward he door. She followed after him, automatically. Stopping at the door, she stared into his eyes, waiting for anything he would say.

He touched her cheek. "I've got to go. Promise me that you'll be willing to give our friendship a chance."

She looked deep into his eyes.

"Goodbye, Mac. I'll call."

"You better."

"Count on it."

They both knew that the relationship was about to be redefined.