Title: Am I Missing Something?
Author/Pseudonym: AtieJen
Email: atiejen@yahoo.com
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Rating: PG-13
Summary: : Lex and Clark's journey of discovery, with Chloe and Pete as unwitting drivers.
Challenge: Lex overhears a conversation between Clark and someone else and misunderstands. He thinks that Clark doesn't like him. Lex gets really depressed. (Kira-Nerys)
DISCLAIMER: The WB, DC Comics, MillarGoughInk, Tolin, Robbins, and Davola [along with whomever else] own this wonderful show. I am merely borrowing the characters to use in my own slashy way and will try to return them as mentally cognizant and stable as when I took them, Thank You
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Part of the CLEX Fest at http://www.kardasi.com/Lexclusive/ClexFest/.
Notes: Please forgive the mistakes and bear with me.
Beta: Not Beta'd
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
It was at times like this that Lex Luthor really felt out of place. After the disastrous meeting with his dad, all he wanted was to call a friend and grouch about it. Something he knew was what friends did, … according to Clark anyway, when the younger man did the same thing in complaining about Jonathan. Unfortunately, he'd never done that for the simple reason that he'd never had those kinds of friends, and the only friend he could complain to, was Clark.
The difference in this case, was that Clark was a teenager who lived in a somewhat fantasy world where everyone loved him, including his parents and wouldn't understand what Lex was complaining about. Really, he didn't think anyone would understand the dynamics of the Luthor family feud, even though it was only between Lex and Lionel. That being the case, he found himself a dark corner in his study and steadily drank himself to a stupor.
In hindsight, he knew that it wasn't the best way to deal with the problems he had with his father but he had no better way. What was the point of trying to be something better, when all Lionel did was put him down again and again. Lionel was never proud of him no matter what he did, and that was something he learnt the hard way.
In the dark, he tried to relearn the lessons of his youth; 'emotions were a weakness', a weakness that Lionel had tried to teach him again and again. He had almost got it down to perfection, but his only friend, the indefinable, innocent farm boy had put cracks in the wall he built round his heart and emotions. If it weren't for Clark, he wouldn't be sitting in the dark wondering why his father didn't love him. Because before he met Clark, his father's love was something he did without and didn't ever think he would need. After seeing the way Clark was with Jonathan, he realised that maybe, just maybe it wasn't something that should be written off so quickly. But if it hurt so much, then why did he keep working so hard at attaining it; why did he set himself up for a fall time and again? His only answer came down to Clark.
Clark.
It was the one friendship that he was trying so hard to change for. The one person that was so close and yet so far from him. Ever since he met the farm boy from Kansas, he tried to see himself through those innocent green eyes and didn't like what he saw. It was to stop those eyes that lit up when they saw him from looking at him in hatred and contempt that he tried to change, but it was hard.
Clark.
He knew why he was Clark's friend, but he still didn't understand why the younger boy was a friend to him. Sometimes, he thought that his money had something to do with it, but only to remember the returned truck in his garage.
'But his father made him return the truck; it was not of his own accord.' His mind tried to tell him. He discarded that, remembering Clark's defence of him in the face of his father's objections, but why? Why did Clark defend him? He was unlike any of the younger man's friends, yet Clark treated him as such. He knew that Clark lied to him about some things, but then he didn't think Clark told everybody everything.
Sometimes, he was deluded enough to think that there was nothing more to the younger man than what he saw in those innocent looking eyes, the blush and the goofy smile, but he'd learnt at the feet of Lionel Luthor that nothing was always what it seemed and he knew that there was definitely more to Clark Kent than any of them knew.
The big question then was, what more was it and why didn't he know it. What was Clark keeping from him?
In that dark corner, his many questions came back to haunt him and he was determined to figure out just why Clark was his friend, because what he was getting from Clark was not enough. He wanted everything, because he was at the point where he was prepared to offer everything; something he'd never thought would happen. But he'd looked into those innocent eyes, taken Clark's offer of friendship, basked in Clark's continuous defence of him and had fallen in love.
Regrettably, for him, the only thing he knew of love was hurt and he wanted to go in this time around with his eyes wide open. So, the next thing on his agenda, was to find out why Clark was his friend, that way, he would choose the path he wanted to follow in dealing with his father.
He'd once told his father that he would return to him like the heroes of old at the head of an army and he wanted Clark at his side if he could help it; because he knew that with Clark there, his army, and him would be invincible. It was a heavy burden to place on the teenage boy, but people learnt and grew with responsibilities and burdens, he'd had to.
~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL
By the time morning came around, most of Lex's moroseness had worn off except his determination to figure Clark out so he took to watching his young friend a lot more closely than ever.
For a week, he couldn't figure anything out, nothing changed in the way Clark behaved towards him, and even listening to gossip didn't yield anything. Rather he heard speculation upon speculation on what was going on between them. He would admit that they spent more time with each other than with others, but on his part it was because this was someone with which he'd found acceptance and as far as he could discern, had no questionable motives for being his friend.
He said questionable motives, because in the week of his experiment, he'd tried testing Clark in many ways, throwing his money, experience, cars, and even his old lifestyle in some subtle manner. He'd thrown them all at the younger man but it didn't stop him. Clark stuck to his defence of Lex unfailingly.
The most he saw that Clark knew that there was something going on was a slight tightening at the corner of his eyes and his eyes weren't as bright as they would normally be, but when it got too much, Clark would take his leave and turn up the next day as though nothing happened.
After two weeks of subtle probing and tests, he was about to put a stop to them when he overheard a discussion that changed his mind completely.
~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL
On a Thursday afternoon, he called at the school to give his young friend a lift home but didn't find him anywhere in the school yard so he strolled quietly to the torch office to make enquiries of Chloe. When he got there, he heard his friend talking and stood by to listen.
"Clark, we haven't seen you around much, what is going on?" He heard Chloe ask.
"Oh you know, I have just been really busy with my chores and trying to catch up. I registered for the advanced chemistry class and it's been tougher than I thought."
"So why did you register, there are only about five of you in that class. Why did you join?" He heard nothing from Clark for a while but then Chloe seemed to answer her own question.
"Oh, what am I saying, Lex." What?
"Lex?" It seemed the surprise ran between Clark and himself because their exclamations coincided.
"Yes!" Chloe exclaimed. "Lex, the bald billionaire with a castle, that Lex."
"Yes, I know who Lex is but what has that got to do with anything?" Clark asked.
Good question. Lex thought to himself.
"Lex. That's who you've been spending all your time with."
"Ooo_kay, Take me through this slowly, Chloe, I've been spending some time with Lex and this has to do with my taking advanced chemistry … how?"
"Right. Lex is a Biochemist, isn't he?"
So?
"Yes. But he runs a crap plant in Smallville."
"Okay, if it has nothing to do with him, then _why_ are you taking Ad-Chem?"
"I thought it was a good idea at the time."
"Right." Even he could hear the disbelief in Chloe's voice and he wasn't looking at her.
"It's fun?"
"Right."
"It's just something I chose to do."
"Okay. You're not going to tell me are you?"
"I can't really give you a single reason Chlo, it's an added subject, that's all."
"Oh. You know it means that you don't really spend as much time with Pete and I though."
"Aww, Chloe, I'm sorry about that."
"It's alright, it's not like things haven't changed since Lex came into Smallville."
"Oh, I'm really sorry Chloe, it's just that he is my friend."
"I know that. … We all know that, but it's just that recently, you've really been spending a lot of time with him and we're beginning to feel it, you know."
"I didn't mean to distance you all, Chloe, it's just …" Clark trailed off.
"I thought so. Why, Clark?"
"Why what?"
"Why Lex?" Lex thought to himself, that it seemed he wasn't the only one that was asking the question why.
"I don't understand, Chloe, why Lex what?"
"I'm not saying that you shouldn't be friends with him, but why have you let our friendship slip to the side for it. What could be so important?"
"I can't explain."
"I thought I was your best friend, Clark."
"You are, Chloe."
"Then explain it to me, Clark. I know that he has the money and the cars and all that. Is that it?"
"No." Lex felt that Clark answered a tad too late for it to be believable.
"Okay, say I believe you, that it's not his numerous riches, god knows that no one could blame you if it was, but you must agree that there is something."
"Yes, I will agree that there is a reason."
"I knew it, so despite what you have told everyone about your friendship with the billionaire Lex Luthor, you have another motive for being his friend."
"When you put it that way, then yes, but I'm sorry I can't tell you what it is." Lex heard Clark tell Chloe with a note of finality to it. He didn't stay any longer to see what else they had to discuss, just hearing from Clark that he had an ulterior motive for being his friend was enough to send him away from the high school.
~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL
Lex sped out of the schoolyard and raced towards his mansion. Halfway there, he pulled onto the pavement and laid his head on his steering wheel.
'What was that all about?' He asked himself for what seemed like the umpteenth time since he left the school. He'd trusted Clark. If there were anyone who he thought his or her friendship was just what it was, he would have bet a large amount of Luthorcorp's fortune on it being Clark.
After the whole week of test's he had done, how could he have reached the wrong conclusions? Where had he gone wrong? It was not as if he had made arbitrary assumptions, certain facts lead to certain conclusions and as far as he knew, he'd had the right facts, followed the correct steps and should have reached the conclusion he did, so why did he hear otherwise from Clark's mouth and what was Clark's reason for being his friend?
The continuing drive home was a lot quieter, at least in the car but not in his mind. When he got home, he made sure that his butler knew that he was unavailable to anyone for the rest of the day. His dark corner suited him well and he made a considerable dent in his bottle of Scotch.
The next day went smoothly for him as anyone who saw his face could discern that he was a man with a lot of problems and was averse to being bothered.
*-*-**
While he was going through some reports in his study during the late afternoon he was interrupted by the last person he wanted to see, and if he was honest, the only person he should have been expecting.
"Hi, Lex." He heard Clark call out to him from the door of his study.
"Clark." He answered him coolly, knowing that no matter how hard he tried, he wasn't sure that he would be able to muster any enthusiasm for his teenage friend.
"Hey, is everything alright?" Clark asked him as he came into the study as he usually did, sitting in his usual chair.
"What makes you think otherwise, Clark?" He asked, looking up at the young boy, who blushed, looked down at his feet and then answered.
"I don't know, you just sound different."
"Different. I suppose, … I just have some things on my mind."
"Oh. Can I help you with anything?"
"I could always do with your enthusiasm, Clark." Yes, as expected, the blush appears, "But not this time, thanks. What brings you this way?" Lex didn't care if he sounded rude; he wasn't really up to seeing Clark with his innocent looking eyes and overly bright smile.
"I just thought I'd come see you. Am I in your way?"
How was he supposed to answer that? Before yesterday, he would have done anything to have Clark spend as much of the day with him, especially since it was a Friday and the boy didn't have school the next day. Now, he didn't really want to see Clark; the boy was grating on his nerves.
In the heat of the moment, he answered, "I'm going to Metropolis for the weekend, Clark, so I'm trying to wrap up some things here." For some reason, he was really gratified to see Clark's face fall at his statement. He then stood and started making leaving motions.
"Sorry to disturb you, Lex; … will you call me from Metropolis?"
"Sure, Clark."
"Bye, Lex." And with that he watched who he thought was his best friend leave his home. Possibly for the last time, if he could keep him away.
The trip to Metropolis was a snap decision, but now, he wanted to go through with it. He had to get away from Clark and go back to what he used to be before he met the farm boy. He needed to find 'THE ICEMAN' again. The one that his father had tried turning him into; that man didn't have any friends, because everyone that came around had a motive. He was the man that didn't let himself get hoodwinked by a beguiling pair of eyes.
*-*-*-*
What turned out to be a surprise to him was the dissatisfaction he found while in Metropolis. If he were prone to deceiving himself, he would have told himself that upon his return, he'd found out that it wasn't the same Metropolis that he left, that he returned to. But in his new age of lack of self-deceit, he knew that it wasn't the Metropolis that changed, it was that the Lex that left there wasn't the one that returned.
On his first night, he went straight to his favorite club and tried to drink himself to a stupor, as that was the only option open to him. His libido was virtually non-existent so sex was out of it; drugs was stale, and since he didn't really trust their source, he left that out too.
Two hours of steadily drinking in the company of his former acquaintances, and he was more than bored out of his mind. Was there a time when this was the highlight of his life? What had Clark done to him? He returned to his penthouse apartment before he could get inebriated enough to be thrown out, but continued his drinking there. Partway through, he mused that it was so different drinking in the dark in the penthouse than it was in the castle. Somehow, the apartment didn't have the same flair that the castle did. The next two days carried on in the same vein, and he ignored all intrusions of the outside world.
By the time the weekend was over, he had multiple messages on his answering service and more than a handful of them were from Clark. He could hear the worry in the boy's voice but since it was feigned anyway, he delightfully deleted them after the first four. He ignored his Father's messages and returned to his dark corner. It would have done him some good to return to Smallville on Sunday night but chose not to.
Monday morning found him racing against time to return to his 'crap factory' because he knew that no matter his state of mind, his father wouldn't accept any excuses from him especially those rooted in his emotions.
'Why had Clark opened him up to the possibility that it was good enough to have emotions and then shut him down again?'
He trusted Clark, in spite of the fact that there was so much discrepancy regarding their first meeting. There was something that Clark was not telling him and he asked at every juncture, he pushed for it as far as it could go. He used to hope that as much as Clark declared to all and sundry his steadfastness as Lex's friend, he would come to tell him all that he was hiding.
Not in Clark's favor was Jonathan's loathing of him and all things Luthor, and not on Lex's favor was Lionel Luthor's hatred of all things emotional, but there were times, when he sat in his study and passed the time with Clark that he hoped against all hope, that if he could stand up to his father with Clark at his side, then possibly, he could stand with Clark and defend their friendship. Oh what a friendship it turned out to be.
'Our friendship would be the stuff of legends.' He remembered telling Clark once. Hnhh, what legend? A legend built on lies, and a sandcastle built in the sky. Why did Clark do it?
He spent the next weeks wallowing in selective avoidance. He told all his staff to keep Clark away and avoided the younger boy's phone calls, but of course, that didn't stop Clark.
Surprisingly, one evening, while he was sitting in the dark corner of his study with his recent hobby, a customary half glass of scotch, he heard a voice from the vicinity of his door.
"Hey, Lex."
"Clark. … What are you doing here?"
The boy came into the room and was now in from of him,
"I should be asking you that, shouldn't I? I've been trying to see you all week."
"I've had more than a few things to do, Clark, and spending time with a high-schooler wasn't at the top of the list."
"Have I done something to upset you?"
Scoff.
"What is it, Lex? What did I do that was so bad?"
"Nothing, Clark. … You bear no responsibilities for any illusions that I may have had."
"What?" He didn't answer, but took a sip of his drink, looking out through his window.
They stayed silent for a moment and at that moment he was almost sure that Clark wouldn't let it continue, the farm boy broke the silence.
"Am I disturbing you, Lex?"
Pause
"Sorry if I'm not good company for you this evening, Clark, I wasn't expecting anyone and I've got quite a few things on my mind."
He looked up at that and saw that the worried look on Clark's face hadn't left him, but rather became resigned as the boy nodded and stood.
"Sure, Lex, I didn't mean to get in your way. Call you later?"
"Sure."
"Good night, Lex."
"Clark."
That was the only time that he saw the teenager that week. Even when he was sure that Clark had come to the castle to make his delivery, he didn't see Clark and irrationally, that disappointed him. Irrationally because on his part, he was hiding from the boy and had given strict instructions that he wasn't to be admitted into the castle any further than the kitchen. He had faith in his staff, that they would do as he bid, so why was he disappointed to see that Clark had seemingly given up and taken his leave immediately after his delivery. There was a time when nothing would stop Clark from coming into the main house, not even his directions.
~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL
One evening, out of the blue, he took a call unthinkingly without looking at his caller display.
"Lex."
"Hi, Lex, it's Clark."
"I'd think that I would know your voice by now Clark, what can I do for you?"
"Ohhh, I was just thinking that since I can't see you in the castle, you could come out for coffee in the Talon."
"Is something the matter, Clark?"
"No, no, nothing like that. It's just, it's been a while since we've seen each other, that's all."
"I'm sorry, Clark, I'm a bit on the busy side today."
"Come on, Lex, it's just for an hour or two. I miss my friend."
"Clark."
"Leeex, please. I'm not asking for too much, am I?"
'You don't know how much.' He thought to himself.
"Of course not, Clark" He answered wearily, "I can't be there for another hour though and I can't stay for long."
"That's fine, I'll see you there."
-*-*-*-*-*-*
In the hour before he met up with Clark, the only thing that was going through Lex's mind was his musings on how he was going to get through the evening.
It seemed that the time since he had overheard the discussion between Clark and Chloe, he had made some miscalculations. While it should have been easy enough for him to try and rebuild the ice around his heart and purge himself of his emotions. He didn't count on how much he'd come to rely on Clark's optimism, presence and passion for life. There was only so much blandness that he could handle, he discovered as he dabbled more fully in his father's world.
His main deterrent or miscalculation, as he'd come to discover, was how much in love with Clark he'd fallen, and how much he missed him. Love wasn't supposed to be like this, it wasn't supposed to hurt, and leave him empty. This was why he was apprehensive about his upcoming 'coffee date' with Clark. While he saw the boy frequently, he was able to hide all manner of his strong emotions under the perfectly expressionless Luthor façade. But now that he was seeing Clark after some absence, he might let something slip, and that was what worried him.
*-*-*-*-*-*-
He got to the Talon and found Clark waiting for him. He took a moments pleasure to watch his friend from afar, and what he saw both pleased and worried him. Pleased because he was able to study his love and try to pick whatever changes Clark had been through in the time since they'd seen each other. What worried him was the slight shadow on Clark's face. Even the presence of his biggest rival, Lana Lang, didn't generate anything more than a slight smile.
As he saw the waitress leave Clark's table, possibly to get the young boy's order, he made himself more visible to his waiting 'date'.
"Lex!" Clark exclaimed when he saw him and he couldn't help but smile at the expressive joy on the youthful face before him.
"Hi, Clark. I can see you got here ahead of me, have you been waiting long?"
"No, Lana has just taken my order. What about you, should I get your cappuccino?"
"No, it's okay. I'll get it when Lana gets here. How have you been?"
"Me! I'm not the one that should be worried. What about you?"
"There is nothing wrong with me, Clark."
"I didn't say there was something wrong, Lex, I'm just worried that something is going on and I'd like to help."
"Ohhh, Clark, my unwitting savior. You have given me my life once and that should be enough, shouldn't it?"
"Whatever is going on, can I help you with it, Lex?" The young boy ignored his question and asked his own, looking at him earnestly.
It would be so easy to be taken in by that earnest look and at one time, he would have, it was a shame that he had learnt that it hid a bellyful of deceit. He turned from that look and watched the rest of the diners and didn't notice the look of abject disappointment on Clark's face.
"I thought that we were friends, Lex."
"Friends. … There is still so much that I don't know of your definition of friendship Clark, but by my definition, I think that we *are* friends."
"But something has changed, I feel like I'm disturbing you whenever I call or come round and it didn't used to be that way."
"Yes, things are changing aren't they?"
"Not for the better, that's for sure." Lex almost didn't hear Clark's statement.
"Change is inevitable, Clark, only you can determine how good it is, and then adjust to suit the change." While all this discussion was going on, Clark's eyes didn't leave his face, studying him and he kept his face as bland as he could. They almost had a staring contest but Clark's friends interrupted them.
"Clark, Lex, hi."
"Hey, Chloe."
"Chloe."
"You guys look so serious, what is going on?"
"Nothing." They both answered her but Clark continued, "Absolutely nothing."
Chloe looked between them before answering disbelievingly, "Suurrrre, does anyone want another cup of coffee?"
"Thanks, Chloe."
"No thanks, Chlo, I think I'll go home now, chores to finish."
"If I didn't know you any better, I'd think you were avoiding me, Clark."
"But you know me too well, Chloe, don't you?"
"I know something is going on, do you know what it is, Lex?" Chloe turned to him in question.
"Nope, I don't know a thing. I haven't been around very much."
"Is that it?" Chloe asked with a glint in her eyes that worried Lex slightly.
"I have to go Chloe, I'll see you later." Clark stood and left them in lieu of answering.
"What have you done to him, Lex?"
"Me!? I assure you, Chloe; I haven't done anything to anybody. I haven't even seen him in about a month."
With a contemplative look on her face, she told him, "About a week before all this started. What did you say to him?"
"You find it so easy to blame me, what makes you think I said anything to Clark? And where do I fit in this equation?"
"Because you are supposed to be his friend and I've tried everything to get him to tell me."
"I distinctly heard him agree with you earlier that you knew him too well, so forgive my ignorance, what makes you think that he would keep a secret from you and tell me."
"Because this is Clark we're talking about."
"Indeed, this is Clark." The boy they both told everything, but who told them nothing.
"Hey, Chlo, I thought we were meeting Clark here. … Lex." Pete broke into their discussion.
"Pete, as you can see, he's done the usual disappearing act."
"Did you talk to him?"
I tried."
"What about you, Luthor?"
"Me?" Lex was surprised. He knew that he had been keeping his distance from Clark, but as far as he was aware, there was nothing wrong with the boy or had he been so involved with his own plight, that he had failed to see the problem?
"Yes, you." Pete told him in a sneer, "He's been blowing us off to spend time with you and then suddenly, he starts with this attitude, what did you do to him?"
"It's incomprehensible to me that you would decide that I bear such responsibility."
"Incomprehensible hunh, when was the last time that you saw Clark?"
"This evening why?" He asked the black boy, puzzled.
"Before this evening."
He thought for a moment, "About a week."
"About a week, and you didn't know something was wrong?"
"Excuse me, Ross, but I've been a bit busy and if Clark didn't tell you what was wrong, if anything, then why do you think I would have that knowledge."
They shared a look and then looked at him as though they were thinking 'Where have you come from.'
"Riiight." Pete then said. "I don't know about you guys, but I have a friend to question and I'm going to get to the bottom of this."
They dispersed after that and he took off for his castle. Just when he got to the gates though, he paused for a moment and tried to think of what the teenagers had actually said.
Was there something actually wrong with Clark?
'Would the other boy tell him?'
'After discovering Clark's duplicitous nature, did he really care?'
The answer to the last question was a resounding YES. If nothing else, he thought of Clark as a friend even if the feeling wasn't mutual and while he was able to feel it, he loved the farm boy from Kansas.
~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL~*~CK~*~LL
Turning his car around, he sped towards the Kent farm, hoping against all hope that he hadn't succeeded in driving Clark away so far that he wouldn't tell him the problem if there were one. On the other hand, did he really want to get himself embroiled in Clark's teenage angst and problems again?
In the past week, he'd barely encouraged external distraction for himself and found alternative entertainment in his past times even though the highlight of it was wallowing.
By the time he got to the turning for the Kent farm, he saw Pete Ross not too far ahead of him and almost changed his mind, wanting to leave the discovery of Clark's problems to his other friends, but his curiosity had been tweaked.
It also occurred to him that Clark might be more open to Pete than he would to him and that purpose would be defeated if he saw him coming as he was wont to do if anyone drove into the farm. So he parked his car at some distance and walked the rest of the way into the farm, keeping to the shade, since it was early evening.
His first port of call was the barn, where he knew almost all of Clark's visits occurred and major decisions were made. As he got closer, he heard the tail end of Pete's statement and stood beneath the window, away from them so that he could hear everything. His first thought was that at his age, it was somewhat galling that he would be hiding in the shades of teenage discussions in order to discover anything of import.
"… … … So you have been acting like a boy who has had his favorite toy taken away from him." Pete said to Clark.
"That's not true, Pete. He's my friend."
"Some friend. But that's not why I'm here."
"Why _are_ you here?"
"I don't know what you've been thinking, but you're my friend and I know there is something wrong. If you don't tell me, then who would you tell?"
"There is nothing to tell, Pete. I'm sorry that I have been ignoring you, I just had some things to think through that's all."
"Fine, you've had some thing to think through, I can get that, what I don't believe is that it has nothing to do with Luthor."
"He's my friend, Pete, what can I tell you."
"You can tell me why it is that the moment he ignores you, you take it out on the rest of us. One minute you are the best of friends and the next, he says he hasn't seen you in weeks. What did he do?"
"You spoke to Lex?"
"Yes, earlier in the Talon. So what did he do?"
"What? He didn't do anything."
"Then why is he ignoring you, or are you the one ignoring him like you are ignoring the rest of us?"
Silence
"I'm still your best friend, right, Clark?"
"Of course, Pete, why are you asking?"
"There is something that I would like to know. We grew up together with Chloe, Lana, Whitney and everyone else, but me, you and Chloe have been best friends, right?"
"Mmm hmm."
"When Lex Luthor turned up, you suddenly started drifting away. It would have been different if Whitney suddenly dropped Lana and you started to spend time with her after you summoned up courage to chase her but we don't understand, what is the deal with Luthor?"
"He's just a friend, Pete, just like you and Chloe."
"There is nothing about Lex Luthor that makes him like me, Clark. Don't deceive yourself."
"Okay, maybe not, but he is still my friend. No matter how hard it is."
"Yes. … You see, that is what I don't get. Why is he your friend?"
"What?"
"I've known you a long time, Clark, and I don't mean anything bad about this, but you can't blame people for thinking that it's just the things he's got that makes you his friend. Now me, I'm different, I know that there is something else. There is, isn't there."
"What? You think that I'm Lex's friend just because he has money?"
Minuscule pause
"Not really Clark, but that's because you're my friend but you gotta see that your friendship weird."
"What, you don't think that I'm good enough for Lex Luthor to want to be friends with?"
"No!! I'm your friend and I know what a great guy you are, but it's the other way round that I think is weird."
"I don't think it is, Pete, and yes, I have a reason for being his friend, a good reason and it's not what you think."
"Then explain it to me. Please, because all I know is that I'm losing my friend to flashy cars, a castle and a whole lot of money that I can't compete with."
"That is where you are wrong. Both you and Chloe don't even try to understand and you're the ones that are supposed to know me. The thing is, when you refer to him, I don't hear you call him Lex. Why is that?"
"Because he is a Luthor, Clark, and nothing will ever change that."
"I think that that's the difference. You see him, and what you see in Lex Luthor is the Luthor part of it and I don't see that. You pass the first name and place your emphasis on the second while I see the first before I even go on to the second. Lex is my friend. He doesn't come out often, and definitely not in public but I know that he is there. That is why I put up with Lex Luthor.
"Luthor is the legacy of his ancestors and the future of his children, and that comes in form of a large amount of dollars but it's not him. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Lex was so shocked at what he just heard, that he almost didn't catch Pete's reluctant response of, "I guess."
"When I saw his eyes as I saved him, I didn't care about his name, and when I pulled him out of the water, I didn't know who he was, but I knew I had to help. After that, I saw the way Lex Luthor works; he gave me a truck and I tell you, that is sooo far out of my experience. But what made me hang on was that the eyes of the person that gave me the truck was different from the one in the river. How did that happen? He was so different from anyone I ever knew and I wanted to know him, so I delivered produce to the castle, had coffee with him, and shared a few laughs. That was when I saw shades of Lex and to be honest, I liked him. I thought that since people always say stuff about me that isn't true, then maybe what they say about him isn't true as well."
"But it is true though, Clark. You don't know all about his past and the things that people say, even if not all of it is true, some of it must be true and that's pretty bad. You can't trust the Luthors, and for all you say about Lex, he is still a Luthor."
Lex felt a stab in his heart at this. Would he ever be able to move from his father's image? Ironically, the thing he'd been seeking for the past month was not what he needed at all.
Silence
"Pete, … Lex is my friend. I'm sorry if I can't explain it in a way that you understand but what I've told you is the only way I know how to tell it. Alexander 'call-me-Lex' Luthor is a 22 year old man who is a brilliant biochemist with a genius IQ, who owns a crap plant and has a trillion dollars to his name and I tell you, the only thing I need to know about him, is the first thing.
"I'm not saying that it's all he is. He is also an arrogant, cynical, sarcastic, manipulative, mistrustful and calculating bastard."
"I'll say." Lex heard Pete chime in.
"And god love him, he knows it; but he probably had to be that in order to grow up with Lionel. I put up with it because without him, I don't get Lex. My father says that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but we're not all like our fathers. I mean look at Whitney, he's a jock like my father used to be and he hung me up on a cross. I try not to imagine my dad doing that to me since I don't play any sports."
"I guess I'll never see it, Clark."
"Yes, you don't see it because you don't see Lex and you don't want to see Lex. I will not deny that your family has legitimate grounds for your dislike because of your past, but it's easier to place a blanket blame on the name rather than accept that you have to let go of your hate because the grounds you've built them on are shaky. I'm not blind, and I'm not saying that he is a multiple personality, so get that look off your face. It's just that where you and my Dad see only one thing, I see that and the beautiful man who helped me down the cross. That's the person who laughs with me, the person who makes me comfortable, the one who buys me coffee, and the one who gave himself as a hostage so that he could save me. The same person, who, despite the Luthor family policy of never giving interviews, gave an interview to Chloe just because she is my friend. He is the one who didn't press charges against you for the simple reason that you are my friend. That is my friend. It's just the same way someone would ask me why you are my friend, or why Chloe is my friend, it's all for different reasons, and not all of them are material. The way I look at it, if I have no reason to be your friend, then I'll have no reason not to be your friend, so why bother being your friend at all."
"Beautiful?"
"What?"
"You said beautiful."
"What? Wh… Why?" Lex could almost see the blush on Clark's face as he stuttered.
"Clark, you said Lex Luthor was beautiful."
"Have you listened to anything else I've said or are you just stuck on that?"
"O.o I heard you alright, but I just want you to explain the beautiful part."
"Pete. I'm a klutz, tall for my age and I have no rhythm. You're handsome, Lana looks like a model, Chloe is pretty and Lex is beautiful. Does that answer your question? Get over it."
"So you're just saying that?"
'Good question' Lex thought from his hiding place. The barn was silent for some time after that, and he heard some movement.
"You know what Lex told me once?'
"No, Clark. What did Lex tell you?" -'Was that sarcasm?'
"He stood here and told me that our friendship would be the stuff of legends and I believed him. Sometimes it's hard to take, like the past month when he was being all arrogant and superior Lex Luthor and throwing his money and weight around but I cant, … I wont.
"I don't think I want to lose Lex to Luthor."
"You're a weird one, Clark. But we already knew that."
"Thanks." That was definitely said wryly.
"You know, there is still one thing I want you to tell me."
"You haven't asked me enough questions already? I thought Chloe and I were the reporters."
"Oh, you are, but it's my moral obligation as your best friend to question you."
"So…?"
"You and I have had our fallouts and you didn't take it this bad, so why? Why are you fighting so hard for this? Is there something else you're not saying?"
"I fight so hard because not all legends are good legends and with Lex, I get the feeling that it's one strike and you're out. I do this to show him that his money isn't important to me and I'd still be his friend no matter what he can afford, and as much as I love him, I don't think he'll give me a second chance when I mess up, and I'd like one because everyone messes up."
"What?!"
"I think I've said enough now, Pete. I'll talk to you later."
Silence
"Are you, …, are you okay, Clark?"
"I'm fine. … You should go."
Quietly, "Does Lex know any of this?"
There was no answer to Pete's question, and then Lex could hear the footsteps that indicated the other boy was on his way out.
This was a lot more than he expected to hear, and somehow, it was therapeutic. It was just what he needed to know. It threw all his presumptions out of the window, but he didn't mind.
How did Clark do it? It was funny how a week earlier, he was asking the same question but in the context of, how could Clark be so deceptive. Now he wanted to know how a sixteen-year-old boy was able to see so much in him, that no one else did and why.
Should he just make his way back to the junction undiscovered and talk to Clark after he'd had the time to digest all he'd discovered, or should he confront Clark right away. It was heady to know what Clark was feeling and he suspected that with that headiness, he wouldn't be able to hide much. Not that he wanted to, considering that Clark saw him a lot more clearly than most.
Keeping himself aware of his surroundings, he made his way round the barn to the door and making enough noise to announce his presence, he entered to face his friend.
"Hi, Clark." The boy whipped round and smiled at him but there wasn't a lot of surprise on his face, if Lex didn't know any better, he would think that the other boy was expecting him.
"Lex. … What are you doing here?"
"Do I need a reason to visit?" He asked the other boy speculatively, trying to recapture the carefree tone of the months before.
"Um, no of course not." Blush and look down at his feet. "It's just that, … you said you were busy." Clark finished in accusation.
"Yes, that."
"Yes that. Lex, have I done something wrong?"
"No, Clark, whatever gave you that idea?"
"Uhmmm gee, could it be that I haven't seen you for a while and you don't take my calls?"
"About that, Clark, I told you that I've been busy."
"You've been busy before, Lex."
"I know." Lex couldn't help but agree with the young boy.
"What's wrong? … You know you can tell me anything, Lex."
Taking a seat, Lex made himself comfortable. "You know I've been here for over a year and a half, and I was just trying to keep up with what used to be my life." He just about caught the disappointed look on Clark's face.
"You're going back to Metropolis." Statement not question.
"No." Clark studied him for a while before asking,
"How was your life?"
"What?"
"The life you were keeping up with, how was it?"
Deep breath
"Not what I thought."
Clark joined him at the other edge of the couch, and asked quietly, "Why are you here, Lex?"
"No beating about the bush, huh."
"That's not why you came though, is it. So why did you come?"
"I heard you talking to Pete?"
"What?!" Clark jumped from the couch and was almost on his way out.
"Clark. Stop. Wait." That of course didn't get rid of the 'caught in the headlights' look on the boy's face or his instinct to run.
"Stop, Clark. I don't mind."
"What did you hear?" He could hear the defeat in the young boy's voice and knew that he had to get rid of it somehow.
"Almost everything."
"Dang. I'm sorry, Lex, I never meant for you to find out."
"I can guess that. The question is why?" Lex asked him, genuinely puzzled. If he were the one, despite what he knew of himself and his less than stellar motivations for doing most things, he would have been making the best of his feelings. 'Ironic since he'd chosen to hide'; his mind told him, to which he blissfully ignored the voice in his mind.
"Why? Lex, look at you, look at me. What do you think?"
"I think, … that you haven't answered my question."
Deep breath and silence for a moment.
"Lex, you're one of my best friends, and I couldn't afford to lose that."
"What? Did you think that I'd shun your feelings or what? Is that the kind of person that you think I am?" He had to admit that the prospect of that being Clark's reason hurt him.
"No. You're the kind of person that would put up with me, my problems and my father's attitude even when they drive you up the wall. But I didn't want you to come to resent me for my feelings or for me to resent you for knowing them and not returning them."
"Why do you think I don't return them?"
Scoff
"I've seen the caliber of company you used to keep, Lex, and not to talk of your girlfriends."
"And Lana?" Lex shot back at him in response.
"She is my friend."
"Forgive me for doubting you, Clark, but ever since I've known you, there is one thing that has been constant, and that's Lana being your ultimate romantic dream."
"Things change, Lex; I know that."
"Okay, and if I told you that I returned your feelings?"
"I might have believed you if I hadn't gone through the past month."
"I can only apologize for that Clark. It wasn't easy for me."
"What happened?"
"… Just some things that went wrong after a meeting with my dad, that's all."
"Oh, Lex. … Is it better now?"
"So much better." He told the boy and there was no way that it could be mistaken that he was talking about anything but the boy beside him. At that, Clark blushed a bright red and peeked at him from between his long lashes.
Lex smiled at the beguiling picture before him and for a moment wondered how he could possibly have thought it a façade. Cupping the face before him, he looked into the blue-green eyes that first caught his attention and did one of the rarest things he ever did. Lex Luthor apologized. "I'm sorry for the past month, Clark, and trying to push you away. I had to do it on my own."
"But you know I'm here and I'd help if you let me." Clark whispered to him in slight wonder, probably from the closeness between them.
"Now I know." And with that, Lex leaned forward and placed his lips on Clark's alluring lips. He felt Clark freeze for a moment and he almost pulled back in embarrassment, but the lips beneath his moved and opened up to him. He wasted no time in licking around them with his tongue before pushing his questing tongue slowly into the cavern that was Clark's mouth. He'd kissed many before, but none like this, Clark completely opened up to and swallowed up his tongue, slowly massaging Lex's tongue with his own wet one. By the time his tongue withdrew, it was slowly followed by Clark's, which went questioningly into his own mouth before mapping out all the hidden parts.
They only broke off to take their much-needed breadth and even that was barely enough because their foreheads leaned on each other and he heard Clark's hushed whisper "Wow." If he weren't supposed to be the sophisticated one, he would have echoed the sentiment. Wow indeed.
Clark placed some tiny kisses all around his mouth, licked his scar sensually and then kissed his lips again. Their second kiss was no less shattering than their first and they had to sit when they finished. They continued in that vein, and by the time Lex caught sight of his surroundings again, he found himself lying comfortably on top of Clark on the couch in the barn and he wasn't even tempted to ask how they got there because, ... Wow.
He rested his head on the heart beneath him and for the life of him couldn't think of the first thing to say. The ball was taken out of his court when he heard Clark say from above him into the silence,
"I love you, Lex."
He couldn't remember the last person that said that to him, in that tone of discovery and awe that it couldn't ever be mistaken for anything but the truth.
"And I love you also, Clark."
Now that he was here, he wanted nothing more that to stay forever, but he knew that he couldn't hide anymore. If he hadn't been hiding for the past month, he would have discovered this sooner, and the real world was waiting."
Unfortunately, the real world had Lionel Luthor and Jonathan Kent in it, and if there was anyone whom it wouldn't benefit to find out how Clark felt about him and vice versa, it was the two men. Something of his musings must have been visible to Clark because he shifted them so that he was sitting up, but with Lex still leaning on him slightly.
"You have to go, Lex." Clark said with some finality and something that Lex couldn't identify in his voice.
"Clark?" Lex's voice was questioning. When had they gone through a reversal of roles? He wondered.
Deep breath
"You're my best friend, Lex, and I love you. If you heard Pete and I talking, then you know I wouldn't want to lose that for anything. Our friendship will be the stuff of legends, remember."
"I remember. I also know that we love each other and that means something." He answered him.
"That you could love me, means everything to me."
"Then what are you saying?" Lex asked him standing up to watch him intently. Clark also stood and went to lean on the wall beside his telescope. Lex saw Clark look at him for a moment as though trying to summon his courage, and he knew that he wasn't going to like whatever the boy would say next.
"I'm saying that we should be friends."
"We are friends, Clark. Why are you doing this? I thought, …"
"Lex."
"I don't understand you, Clark. I would have thought the kiss would show you how much we could be together, but the way you are standing and talking gives me the impression that it wouldn't be happening again."
"It won't." Now Lex was getting angry "Why? If we know how we feel, then why won't it be happening again?"
"Because this is the real world Lex, and in the real world, I'm sixteen and you're twenty two."
"So? That didn't stop us the first time. I don't think that's it at all. I just think that you wanted to find out how I feel and then you could just …"
He couldn't continue and in his anger didn't hear Clark call his name, it seemed more than once. He stopped when the boy stopped him on his way out of the barn by pulling on his shirt.
"Lex, I love you, I do and I would make love with you, today, right now if you wanted. But there is something I think I can be sure of and that is that I don't need you to doubt my friendship. If we become lovers now, there are so many factors against us that they might tear us apart rather than bring us together and I don't want that to happen; I don't want to lose you. I'm sixteen, Lex, and the law says I can't be with you. I won't want you to get in trouble because of me. Also, let's not forget that my father and your father will look for any way to keep us apart.
"Right now, you don't need me in your bed, you just want me there and I can't be that for you. I've thought about this, On my eighteenth birthday, without qualms, I can show up in your bed absolutely naked and if you let me, I'll stay there and love you for as long as you let me. But now, please be who we both need us to be, best friends."
Lex looked into the tearfully shining eyes that were watching him in slight trepidation as though afraid he would refuse and he knew that he couldn't say no to Clark. There was more emotion in Clark's eyes than he'd ever seen before. He couldn't even resist it when the other boy pulled him into his arms and held on to him as though he was a lifeline. As they pulled apart, they couldn't help kissing each other again and though their eyes were closed, Lex could feel the salty tears on his mouth and couldn't be sure whose they were.
Against that mouth, Lex asked, "On your eighteenth birthday?"
"Yes." Clark answered him in surety.
"I *will* wait for you."
"And I will be there. I really love you, Lex." Clark declared to him sincerely and he took hold of the younger mans shirt and tugged him till their eyes were level. Looking at him with his most intense look he told Clark fiercely and possessively,
"And don't you *ever* forget that, Clark Kent." Even though their eyes were intently on each other, he couldn't miss the blush and smile that took over Clark's face.
After another short but deep kiss, he released his friend and future lover, "Come on, walk me to my car, we've got some ways to go."
"Where did you park?"
With that, they fell in step and made their way out of the barn and into the darkening sky. As he started to explain to Clark the reasoning behind his parking so far away, he accepted that his last statement was the truth, they had some ways to go, in everything. But with Clark beside him, he could go the distance and until the other boy's birthday, he would take the time to learn about Clark and be his best friend, after all, that was the first thing that Clark had ever asked him for and nobody had ever needed him before.
THE END.
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