Instinctive Behavior
by Astra <astraplain@yahoo.com> 

Another frission of pleasure made her gasp as he 
claimed her mouth again.  Before tonight she had 
never imagined it could be like this.  *Could this be 
what I’ve been waiting for all these years?* she 
wondered.  *Does this mean I’ve finally found the one 
thing that’s been missing in my other relationships?*

Every past encounter, every intimate relationship 
passed through her mind, lingering just long enough 
for her to feel a pang of bittersweet remembrance; 
Colin with his wild passion, Timothy and his gentle 
smile and shy caresses, even Jay and the ridiculous 
way he wore his odd bargain basement clothing and 
tinted hair; all of them mere incidental flings 
before the big three arrived in her life with 
laughter and poetry and intense presences that molded 
and shaped her - even now she could still trace the 
origins of some of her behaviors - especially the 
habits she picked up from Jean-Luc Picard.

Frission after frission shook her again, drawing her 
back from the memories that beckoned so strongly.  
*Go with it.* she scolded herself, allowing her body 
to respond even more, reaching and touching and 
caressing to match his touch.  *He’s offering himself 
to you at last, woman, take it.   It’s not like these 
opportunities come up very often.  Just accept it.  
Keep your mind on here and now.  Let this happen and 
enjoy it to the fullest.*

Making small sighs of pleasure she followed his 
caresses, pushing away her doubts.  Nothing would 
stop them, she vowed.  

Opening her eyes she looked directly at him.

“Perfect.” he murmured to her, stroking her here, 
touching her there, moving with her until she cried 
out.  Quietly, she cried, tears slipping from her 
eyes and tracking the side of her face.  Silently he 
kissed them all away, suddenly realizing how wrong he 
had been to do this.

Taking her into his embrace he held her.  Until that 
moment he had been so sure of himself, so confident 
of his actions.  Very gently he stroked her, holding 
her until she drifted off to sleep, trying to atone 
in some small way for the wrong he had done.  

With all his being he wished he had never started 
this; that he had never taken on this form and come 
to her like this.  Xera what had he been thinking to 
do this to her - a woman he barely knew?  Years of 
living with humans, merging with them, depending on 
them must be making him weak - deluding him into 
thinking that survival was everything, regardless of 
the cost.

“Zalconia, indeed,” he muttered, leaving the bed and 
crossing to the mirror, studying this form he wore - 
a copy of the being she named John Doe (who was 
currently sleeping in his guest quarters) - and 
wishing he had never left Caldos in search of this 
woman; wishing that he could stop this relentless 
quest for life and just let himself die, trapped 
within the body of the aged and ailing Felisa Howard; 
yet knowing that he could never be as strong as the 
Howard women he loved so dearly.

::: end :::