I Do... pt 2a by Astra She leaned forward barely able to breathe, her hand in his, and whispered the words that would shape their future. ***** "Jean-Luc, I..." He stopped her with a kiss. "Don't give me an answer now," he whispered. "After all these years, there are a lot of reasons we shouldn't do this. All I'm asking is that you take a little time to think about why we should." He stood, looking down at her, the velvet box still closed, balanced on the palm of his left hand. "Please take this. No matter what your answer, I want you to have it." She took it and opened the box slowly, surprised to find a small jade pendant rather than the ostentatious diamond ring she expected. "I know you don't like rings." "It's beautiful, Jean-Luc. Thank you." She rose, stepping close to him, her eyes soft. "I'll think about what you said." "That's all I ask." He kissed her softly and left, the door sliding shut behind him. ***** She took to the lower decks, trying to avoid Deanna. She was a good friend but her well meaning questions were driving Beverly crazy. It certainly wasn't helping her make up her mind. *I'm too old for this.* she told her reflection as she stared out the window in the rec area. It was late and the room was nearly empty, with just a couple of ensigns off in the corner trying to appear uninterested in her presence. She was studying the nothing between the stars as the ship moved, using it to soothe her confused thoughts. She understood Jean-Luc's reasons for proposing, or at least some of them. Growing old alone is a terrifying prospect - why else would he have taken to Anij like that; there was little fear of losing her before he himself died. She also knew that his days as starship captain were nearly over. Starfleet had been making overtures for several years now. Neither of them really believed he could refuse an admiralty for much longer. And then there was the vineyard. The reality was that even if they did marry, there would be no children. They'd waited too long for that. But Wesley was Jack Crusher's son - and he was as close to a son as Jean-Luc ever had. It all made perfect sense. The only piece that didn't fit was their feelings. They were best friends, certainly. But was that enough to make a marriage work? She really didn't know. When she and Jack were married, she had no doubts, but the honeymoon phase hadn't lasted long. Although she loved him, there were hurts and anger that had been exacerbated by that love. She never allowed herself to wonder if the marriage would have lasted, for fear of the answer she would give. It would be worse with Jean-Luc. She knew that. She'd been trying to tell him that for years. Yet still he came back to her, again and again, his fears and insecurities stronger than his hurt over her rejection. And in truth, she admitted, he knew her too well to always believe her. ***** She made him wait a week, not out of cruelty, but because she wanted to give him time to withdraw his offer. He didn't. In the end, she accepted, her eyes misty. It wouldn't be roses, she knew, but she preferred camellias anyway. And if there was the danger of thorns, there was also the promise of blossoms. Who could ask for more than that? :::end:::