“My family---the Sawyers---was one of the richest families in Georgia. My father was in the Internet business when Dot-commerce was a truly respectable and enriching corporation. But like all Internet companies, they were apt to have their highs and lows, and when we had our low because of a bad case of mismanagement on my father’s part, we lost everything he had worked for, and more. We ended up, sadly in a trailer park in a deplorable part of town, far cry from our former estate in the suburbs.

My father couldn’t take the change, it all proved too dramatic to him that we would now have to resort to welfare, and menial jobs. So he broke down and lost his mind, lost his wit, lost his sanity and turned to somebody else, a man none of us could love. He couldn’t keep a job, he didn’t try, and mama, my mother was tired of helping. She was slowly losing her mind as well. I saw her weaken and eat up from a deplorable unknown disease inside her. She aged uncontrollably and my father did nothing to alleviate her pain.

Stef, my older sister by five years had shut her self from the trauma. The change was the hardest on her because she had just reached that age where being rich was cool, and having rich friends and neat clothes were all part of being the “in” teenager in town. She had no friends in this new neighborhood, and she tried to console herself that all this was temporary but as mama and father started to decline in their mental states, she knew that this held out a great many years than she had imagined.

And when we thought it couldn’t get any worse, it took a turn for the impossible. One night, father had drunk himself to a stupor, and someone had had to drop him off at the house. He staggered into the house, and found his way into Stef’s bed. Dead drunk, he had thought it was mama, and then he found himself forcing his first daughter to satisfy his sexual wants. He enjoyed this so much that by the next day instead of apologizing he came back for more.”

Nick felt dizzy with this horrifying news. He slumped to the floor beside me, trying to control him self from speaking.

"Yes, the man in my dreams is my father and not my stepfather as I had led AJ and the guys to believe. It was my father, whatever was left of his sick demented mind. This continued, as Mama got weaker and sicker. She hardly left the house, and when she did, it was to the welfare office to get some food stamps, and then the grocery store. And my father was having too much fun sleeping with his daughter to notice her decline.

I continued, “Stef left with her boyfriend Brad; a local plumber in town she had met at one of her concerts. I knew she didn’t love him but being with him beat staying home and playing dad’s sex tool. I commend her for being that brave, brave to get up one day and walk out. I wasn’t that brave, I was too young to understand why she often cried herself to sleep, why she often bled, or took medication. I had no idea the kind of pain she was in, if I did maybe we could have put our heads together and come up with a solution. But I didn’t, I was too carefree, and soon enough I paid for all that.

The very day Stef left, father turned to me. That was the day it began for me, I saw Stef’s horror come to life, and I felt like my heart was being ripped out. That was the day love died inside of me. I couldn’t believe that the man I once called daddy could turn round and do horrid things to me. The mere thought of it was too shocking.”

Nick placed his hands on my shaking legs.

“Stef had left a poster of you guys (Backstreet boys) that she had bought at the venue of your “Into The Millennium” concert. Out of all the posters she had accumulated throughout her concert adventures that was the only one I liked. Not for any special reasons just because of the white Tuxedos you donned in the album cover. It showed so much purity and beauty, something I was not. I swore then that I would make it my life ambition to meet you guys, be a part of your group, and an avid follower of your music. Stef was, and she had talked about you constantly. She had borrowed money from her friends to buy your CD’s and had listened to it in her quiet time, to wipe the tears from her heart.

When she left, slowly I found that I had to do that too. Escape into this imaginary world while the rest of my life was crashing around me.

It all ended one morning when mama had gone to the welfare office. Father came in demanding that we do something special that day since we had the whole day to ourselves. I was still sore from the night before so I, for the first time, found the courage to run away from his advances. He beat me and felled me to the ground, and while he undressed, somebody hit him on the back with a baseball bat, slumping him to the ground. It was mama. I don’t know what came over her but I guess she had had enough of the madness too. I don’t know if he was dead, but he certainly wasn’t moving and I didn’t hang around long enough to find out. Mama urged me to get out immediately and to run as far away from the house as my legs could carry me.  I packed my bags and ran, leaving mama alone in the house with my deranged, now unconscious father. It wasn’t the best of choices, but at that point I had no choice, it was either stay and watch my life deteriorate or run. And I chose to run.

Veronica Sawyer is my mother’s name and sadly, I am only 17 years old. I would be 18 in a few months.”

I saw Nick’s face drop erasing all the color in it when I said this. But I went on with my narration, I felt the need to air everything out.

“As I ran from the house that day, I went to the nearest bus station. Of course I couldn’t get on any buses, because I had no money. I waited and thought hard of what to do, and a solution came up. There was going to be a BSB concert uptown and the sponsors had booked a bus to convey all the inner city kids to the venue, free. It was a blessing. I found some girls my age and I joined their group pretending that I was on my way to the concert so I could blend right in. At the concert, I was able to get a free ticket from one of the girls’ whose friend had failed to turn up, and that was all I needed.
Luckily for me, the girls were all groupies and were scheduled to attend several other concerts in the area. We hitchhiked to the different cities, offering sexual favors in exchange of hotel accommodation and engaging in every unpardonable act whatsoever in order to win the highly sought after concert tickets.

This lasted for about two weeks, until that fateful night two months ago when I was lucky enough to have been sitting alone in that hotel bar waiting for the other girls to get dressed, when AJ walked up to me. That was the break I needed and I didn’t look back from then, everything sort of went up hill for me. Maybe that was why I liked him so much, because if he hadn’t shown up I would have still been a groupie, bumping tickets and hotel accommodations; I would have still been a tramp much like Vikki. But whatever it was, he brought me out of my miserable life and into a newer more meaningful existence.”

Nick had crouched down on the carpeted floor next to my legs listening to my story intently, his eyes holding more sorrow than I had seen in them. He ran his hands through his hair frustrated, “So you are not sure if you’re father is still alive?”
“I don’t know. I hope he is not.” I replied, coldly.
He nodded. “That man doesn’t deserve to live. No one deserves to live after doing that to his daughters. But why didn’t you tell us…after the first concert you should have told us, told one of our people, written letters or something?”
“I didn’t think it would have worked. I was just too afraid to tell anybody all that had happened.” I started to cry. “Nick, I’m afraid. What if Mama killed him and they think it’s me. Why else would the police be looking for me? I can’t go back to that life, I can’t…” I anguished. I started to bawl in pain.

Nick held my face in his hands, trying to soothe my pain. But it wasn’t working; I was too grief-stricken. I imagined where I would be if I were to be found guilty of murder, murdering someone who deserved it all too much. I was too pained.

“Nikki’ it’s okay. I won’t let anything happen to you. Nikki, I’m here.” We both crouched down on the floor, my head cradled in his arms. “It’s okay to cry Nikki. It’s okay to cry.” Nick consoled.

The door opened and I heard voices in the other room, but before I could get up from our compromising position, Lance walked in through the adjoining door.
“Nikki…” He said in horror.
I lifted up my face and my eyes met his; his held nothing but disappointment. My legs had fallen asleep in that position and even if they weren’t, I couldn’t move them. This was not the way it was supposed to look; this was not the way I was supposed to end up with Lance.

He turned round and headed out the door, angrily. Nick practically lifted me from sitting position and gasped in shock, “Nikki, you didn’t tell me this was Lance Bass’s room?” He was still too puzzled to comprehend all the drama.
“I know, em…I must have forgot Nick, I gotta stop him. I’VE GOTTO.” I answered, confused as to what next step to take.