Andrew Aelfwine was born somewhere towards the middle of the North American continent in the year 1975. The facts surrounding his early education are obscure, but the rumour that he was kicked out of kindergarten for unauthorised possession of a siege engine is completely unfounded.

He attended a moderately renowned liberal arts college (once described as "the second-best Italian restaurant in town"), and has ever since slept with a rubberband gun under his pillow. He is later believed to have lived on the wrong side of a major city while pursuing a graduate degree in some vaguely unsavoury social science. This is thought to contribute to his dislike of concrete, Freudianism, and student bars with bad beer and overamplified juke boxes. Sources generally agree that he has also lived in Cork City, Ireland, and there acquired a number of his many bad habits and evil companions.

At present he is reported to inhabit the State of Confusion (not to be confused with either the Empire of Confusion or the People's Republic of Confusion), which, most geographers assert, lies somewhere on the eastern coast of North America. There he ekes out a living by guiding mastodon hunts and collecting minor historical treasures for wealthy deviants. Despite persistent reports to the contrary, he is neither a practicing bounty hunter nor a professional assassin and was nowhere near Bogota on the day that Deposed Revolutionary Leader Smurf was trampled by stampeding green rhinoceri. He occasionally serves as interpreter for the Rohan and Elvish delegations to the UN. He has also interpreted for the Waest Seaxna delegation, but prefers not to, as translating dueling challenges and rough propositions to New York City traffic officers is not his idea of an enjoyable experience.

His other hobbies include playing Irish music (the real thing, not ballad group songs or sentimental Irish-American drivel), practicing martial arts (kung fu and SCA rapier), and plotting world dominance with his dear old friends and colleagues. His addictions include strong horses and beautiful women. He is known to drink stout and brown ale and to use excessive and archaic profanity. His political views tend towards monarchism. He denies having been born and raised in the seventeenth century and flash frozen until the early nineties.

We have found no evidence supporting the contention that he holds Draka Citizenship and is a close personal friend of Archon Tendou-Ingolfssen Kasumi. The photographs are fakes. The Archon told us so, and, as everyone knows, she is always truthful. As well as adorable and very, very merciful.