An Odd Engagement: A Ranma « Alternate Universe Fanfiction By Andrew Aelfwine ********** The characters and situations of Ranma « belong to Takahashi Rumiko, and I am merely borrowing them for this non-profit work of fanfiction. It may be archived, distributed, and translated freely, as long as this disclaimer and my name are not removed. If you care to translate it into Irish, French, Scots, or Old through Early Modern English, please drop me a note--I'd love to talk about it. Many thanks to Suika Roberts for reading and giving of advice. Many thanks to Takahashi Rumiko for creating Ranma «. ********** This is also old, as shown by the delimitation system. I'd like to continue it, if I ever have the time. It may need a fairly heavy rewrite first. ********** <...> indicates unspoken thought. "<...>" indicates use of a language other than Japanese, although all dialogue is here represented in English. Chapter One: As the sun rose over the rooftops of Nerima, Japan, Tendou Kasumi was already awake and in the kitchen. That didn't bother her; she'd been an early riser ever since childhood. Back then it had been to train with her parents in the ways and techniques of their family school of Anything Goes Martial Arts. They'd just get in the way. "And I really don't think they need to know how we keep the kitchen so neat, do they?" she said to the three mice who were busily cleaning the counter. She hadn't spoken in the cheeping code-language she used to communicate with them, but they squeaked cheerfully at her anyhow. The mice liked Kasumi; a basic rapport with animals was the foundation of her Talent, and she had taken that further, into an abiding mutual affection. She filled a pot with water and began to make the miso soup. The mice hopped up onto the windowsill by the stove. "Finished, are we?" Kasumi reached into the cabinet and took out the last of the cookies she had baked the day before. The mice carried their booty off into a crevice behind the cabinets. she thought absently, knowing it for the silly thought that it was. It simply wasn't in the nature of a mouse. She remembered her grandmother's lessons, when she was seven and her parents had just left with Akane on her first training trip. ***** Thirteen Years Ago: Grandma woke Kasumi early that morning. Nabiki was still asleep; she'd cried and cried when Mama and Daddy left the day before, but that was all right. Nabiki was only five, and didn't understand about training trips, but Kasumi was a big girl and Mama had told her crying would only make Akane and Daddy upset and make it harder for Akane to become the best martial artist she could possibly be. So, when Grandma whispered to get up and be quiet, that she had something to show her, she listened and didn't make any noise. She put on her yukata and slippers and followed her grandmother down the stairs to the kitchen. Outside the kitchen door, Grandma leaned down and whispered in her ear "Kasumi, you're going to meet some very special friends of mine. They are very shy, so don't make any loud noises and be very careful not to frighten them. Now, will you promise me you won't scare them?" "I promise, Grandma." "Good. Now be very quiet." Keeping the promise was the hardest thing Kasumi had ever done, because when she came into the kitchen there were mice everywhere. And they were doing things! Some of them were gathering crumbs off the floor. Others were pushing sponges along the counter. And they were all working together in teams, like a little army. It was all she could do to keep her mouth shut. "What do you think, Kasumi?" Kasumi didn't answer for a moment, watching a pair of big black mice push a straw across the table, scraping the crumbs from the cookies she and Nabiki had eaten the night before into a neat pile. Three little brown mice picked up the crumbs and carried them away behind the stove. She looked more closely, saw how pretty their fur was, how clean and shiny, and how delicate their little ears and feet were. "Grandma, I never knew mice were so cute before." Grandma smiled. "I thought you'd say that. Now, Kasumi, how would you like to learn how I work with them?" "Grandma, you train them? Please, I'd love to." "Well, I don't really train them. Better to say that we work together. It's something people in our family have done for years and years and years. My grandmother taught me. Now, if you want, I will teach you." "Oh, grandma, thank you." "Are you sure you should thank me? It's hard work. You'll have to learn to think like a mouse, how to see and hear like a mouse. You'll even have to learn to talk to them." "Really? To talk mouse language?" "Well, not quite. Human people can't really talk like mouse people. But there is a code that we use. You'll learn it. And how to talk to other animals, too. Like moles, and rabbits, and cats." "Moles and rabbits and cats?" "Why do you think my garden is the best in all of Nerima? Because I give the little garden animals their share of what I grow, and so they leave the rest of my plants alone. And as to cats, how do you think I make friends with the mice? I give them food, and I protect them from their enemies. Do you know what a bargain is?" "That's when you do something for somebody and then they do something else for you, isn't it?" "Exactly, Kasumi-chan. Now, everyone has to learn how to bargain with human people. But a person who practices our Art must learn to bargain with animal people, too. All kinds of animal people." "Our Art, Grandma? Like Martial Arts?" "In some ways. Everyone in our family does at least some Martial Arts, but not everyone in our family does this." "Does Mama?" "No, your mother doesn't. I thought about teaching her when she was little, but she never quite seemed ready to learn. She was always too busy learning martial arts. I don't think I'll teach Akane or Nabiki, either. They don't seem too interested in houses and kitchens and growing things. Oh, that reminds me. I have to ask you to promise me not to tell them. Or anyone else." "Not anyone? Not even Mama and Daddy?" "Not even them. Maybe someday you can tell your children. Or their children. Or maybe, someday when you marry a really nice boy, and you know you can trust him with anything, maybe you can tell him." "Ewww, boys." Kasumi made a face. Her grandmother smiled. "You won't always think that, Kasumi-chan. Now, will you promise?" "I promise." ***** Kasumi smiled, remembering. "Thank you, grandma." she said softly. From the stairs she heard the creak of the treads as her parents came down for their morning sparring session. That meant that about the time they reached the bottom of the stairs she would contrive some way to turn the tables. And sure enough, when they passed the kitchen door Tendou Soun, all six feet of him, was being carried by Tendou Kimiko, slung over her back like a sack of rice. They were both giggling insanely. Despite herself, Kasumi felt a sting of envy. she thought, She banished the thought from her mind as her sister Akane came bounding down the stairs. That meant that in another hour or so they would be done with their morning exercise, and it would be time for breakfast. She looked back to the soup. It was doing nicely. She gave it a stir and turned her attention to the window. Outside the little birds were talking about the spring, and the gardens that would soon be planted. Kasumi whistled a greeting. Even if it was irritating to be twenty and single, it was at least nice to have friends with whom to gossip. Even if they weren't human. ***** The same morning, perhaps a day and a half of walking away, Saotome Ranma and Kuonji Ukyou were engaged in a quiet romantic moment in a forest clearing. Well, maybe not such a quiet moment. "HAAAAASSSSSAAAAAA!" Ukyou shouted, swinging her spatula in a blow that would have taken his legs at the knee if he hadn't leapt above it. Or, at least if it hadn't been a feint, changing in mid-swing to a thrust at his midsection. He rolled backwards, coming up with his bokken in a mid-level guard. A half-second later, he leaped into the air, screaming like a wildcat, wooden sword held above his head. Ukyou side-stepped the blow which would have bisected her, whirling into a pattern of lightening fast blows as he touched down .He backed up, parrying with the back of his weapon. A sudden back-jump took him out of engagement and onto a large branch of a nearby tree. Ukyou followed, nimbly landing before him, spatula raised. He lowered the bokken, leaned forward and kissed her. She slipped her spatula into the harness that held it to her back, wrapped her arms around him, twined his queue around her fingers, returned the kiss with interest... and pressed the edge of a smaller spatula into the back of his neck. "Got you, Ranchan." she said softly. "No fair, Ucchan." he replied. "You knew it was coming." "Well, yeah, I should have known you'd do something like that. My very own evil fiancee." He embraced her one-armed for a moment as he slipped the bokken into his belt, wooden edge up, katana-style. She kissed him harder. "My very own ridiculous Ranchan." "Love ya, Ucchan." "I love you too, Ranchan." She wrapped her arms more tightly around him. "Time to get down." she said, and sprang off the branch, dropping to the ground. "Ucchan, let me down." "And why should I do that? I seem to have caught you very neatly, sweetest fiance. Perhaps it's time to carry you off and have my wicked way with you." Her brown eyes twinkled, and she bore him off beyond the edge of the woods. ***** That afternoon, Kasumi was busy planting a few new herbs in the garden when her father gave out a great cry of pure joy. She would have figured it was just himself and Mama again and ignored it, but then he called out "Girls! Exciting news!" She stood up, brushing her hands on her gardening apron, and went inside. He was hugging Mama with one arm and holding a postcard in the other. It depicted a panda sitting in a bamboo grove. Kasumi looked quizzically at them, but neither could quite manage to speak. Soun held out the card, and she took it into her hand. was her first thought. It read "Coming from China. Bringing Ranma. Should arrive 10 May. Yours, Saotome." Nabiki and Akane came into the room. "What is it, Sis?" Nabiki said, recognizing her parents' inarticulate state. "Mr. Saotome's bringing Ranma from China; they're coming tomorrow." she said. "Oh." Nabiki said, disinterested, and wandered off before Kasumi could say anymore. Akane simply scowled. Kasumi sighed and laid the postcard on the table. Someone would have to see that the house was ready, and it looked as if it was going to be her. Papa and Mama were too far overcome with joy, and Nabiki could evidently care less. And Akane... well, Akane was hopeless in almost anything to do with maintaining the household. Oh, she could manage basic carpentry well enough; she and Daddy and Mama often destroyed parts of the training hall, and they had all long since learned to make repairs themselves. But her cooking bordered on the deadly, and the last time she'd tried to wash dishes she'd destroyed a full set of the everyday china. "Soon our little Akane will be wed!" Soun cried happily. Kasumi set her teeth, and turned away so they wouldn't see the look of anger on her face. "Hmmm, does that make you feel old, Sou-chan?" Kimiko murmured. "Oh, I don't know, Kimi-chan." "Well, it shouldn't. And I'm going to prove it to you." she said, and picked her husband up, ignoring the difference of ten inches and eighty pounds between them. Kasumi went to the kitchen as her mother carried her father up the stairs. She would have to do at least some of the baking today, and a bit of the sorts of cleaning that her friends couldn't manage. ***** Genma Saotome took a deep breath of Japanese country air. "Ah, the memories!!" he shouted happily. "The air just doesn't taste as good in China. We've been away from home too long!" "" Ukyou commented in Mandarin. "" "" Ranma agreed. The young couple linked hands and kept walking. It was a quiet country road that they walked upon, unpaved and little-travelled. Aside from the stink of petrochemicals in the air, it was pretty country; flowers were blooming, and the small birds were warbling happily in the trees. "" Saotome Nodoka said in the same language. "" ***** The walls shook as two bodies impacted the dojo wall in quick succession. "Sounds like they'll be done in a little while." Kasumi said to no one in particular. She went to the bottom of the stairs. "Nabiki, would you mind giving me a hand?" "Just a minute." her younger sister replied. And sure enough, exactly sixty seconds later she came down the stairs and into the kitchen. Together they began to set the table for dinner. "Well, Nabiki, are you ready to meet the Saotome boy?" "I'd suppose, Sis. Not that it really matters. We all know it's going to be Akane, don't we?" "Not necessarily. All Daddy and Mr. Saotome ever said was that two of their children would marry, right?" "But Ma and Da have been training Akane as their heir since she was four years old. And Mr. Saotome's had his son on the road ever since he was five. They're practically made for each other." "But just because they've been raised the same doesn't mean they're going to get along. Let's wait and see." "Anyhow, why would either of us want to marry a martial arts fanatic?" "We don't know he's a fanatic, do we?" "How could he be any different, raised like that? Look at Akane!" "Akane isn't a fanatic, she's just... driven." "Kasumi, she starts every morning at school by beating three dozen boys into a bloody pulp!" "But they start it, don't they?" "Well, maybe. But I'm sure she deserves this Saotome, and vice versa. Besides, I don't have any luck with boys, do I?" "Nabiki, I said I was sorry about Tatewaki, didn't I? I didn't know you were interested in him. And besides, how was I to know a simple kiss would be so intimidating?" "You practically smothered him, Kasumi! And then you tried to kiss his sister!" "I didn't know she was his sister, Nabiki. They don't look very related." "Kasumi, how would you feel if someone tried to seduce, say, the two of us, at once? The Kunous have led a very sheltered life! 'Dachi won't even come back to Nerima, and Kunou-chan won't come within ten blocks of this house! He's depressed, too; he and his sister have hardly ever been apart, and now they only see each other at the holidays." "I'm sorry, Nabiki. Really. I was trying to shock Mama and Daddy, and the Kunous were just... convenient." "Trying to shock Mama and Daddy. Please, Kasumi, it's not worth bothering." "No, I'd suppose it isn't, Nabiki. After all, I'm just the home-maker, amn't I? Just the one who runs the house while Mama and Daddy are too busy training Akane to do anything parents are supposed to do. Just the one who cooks and cleans, just the one who finished high school a year early and never even got to apply to college, just the one who's supposed to stay close to home and take care of them for the rest of their lives! Do you know how long it's been since I so much as sparred, Nabiki? Ten months! You get more practice than I do, and you don't even particularly like martial arts! "Sure, I'll never be a world class fighter. I know that. I know I'll never fight challenge matches, and I don't want to. But, gods curse it, I do like to stay in condition, and nobody seems to care!" She gave a sharp laugh. "Sure, I know it's not worth trying to shock Mama and Daddy. They wouldn't notice if I got a motorbike and started wearing leather bikinis! So, Nabiki, I am sorry for traumatising Tatewaki and Kodachi. But I'd appreciate it if you would think before you go attacking me!" Nabiki's face fell. "Kasumi, I'm sorry, I didn't think..." "I'm sorry, too, little sister. I didn't mean to scream at you like that." To Kasumi's surprise, Nabiki hugged her. Her middle sister hadn't been so demonstrative in years. "Oh, dearest big sister, please don't be sorry. I deserved it. I was worried about Kunou-chan, and I forgot about everything Da and Ma put you through. I shouldn't complain." "No, Nabiki-chan, it's all right." "No, it isn't. They've been trying to set you up with older men since you were still in high school. I still remember that greasy medical student they wanted you to meet when you were sixteen. The bastard was checking me out, and I wasn't yet fourteen, and looked it. If I were Da, I would have killed him on the spot." "Now Nabiki, you know they never asked him back..." "It doesn't matter. They shouldn't have asked him to visit in the first place. For gods' sake, he was nearly twelve years older than you. And they've gotten worse. I swear I think some of the men they've brought round have been nearly Da's age. Bloody doctors and lawyers. And people call me mercenary!" "That's not fair, Nabiki, they've never pressed me to go beyond a first meeting with any of them..." "It doesn't matter. For gods' sake, Kasumi, if they want you to find a husband, why don't they join the twentieth century?! Let you get out, go to college, find one yourself?" They fell into a companionable silence for a little while. Then Kasumi said quietly "Nabiki-chan, would you mind if I take Ranma?" "A seventeen-year-old martial arts freak? Sure, if you really want him, but Kasumi, you deserve better." "Nabiki-chan, I'm only twenty. Maybe he'll be mature for his age, if he's been out on the road so long. I know I used to think younger men were boring. But now I've seen enough older men, and they were just the same. Age doesn't matter too much to me, anymore. All I want is a good man." Nabiki grinned. "Is that all you want, Big Sis?" "Well, strong legs and firm pecs, and a cute little rump, and long pretty hair that I can play with would be nice, too..." ***** Late in the afternoon the Saotome family made camp on a wooded hill near a little stream. "Mmmm, easy travelling." Genma said happily, lying back in the grass. "Feel like a bit of sparring, love?" Nodoka said to him. To Ranma and Ukyou: "Why don't you two go off for a walk? You could come back for dinner in three hours." Ranma flushed slightly. "C'mon, Ucchan, let's be off." he said. She linked her arm with his, and they set off down the hill. Then Nodoka called out "Ranma!" He turned back, and Ukyou saw his mother whisper something in his ear. He blushed more brightly. She handed him a rolled blanket. "What did she want to say, Ranchan?" she asked once they were out of earshot. "Oh, just more of the usual." "Let me guess: 'Skinny dipping with your fiancee is a very manly thing to do, my son.' Did I get it right?" "Not quite. It was more like 'Son, why don't you and Ukyou-chan go find a soft place by the river?' And she gave me this." He held up the blanket. A series of rather loud screams rang out from the hilltop. Ranma blushed furiously. Ukyou kissed him on the cheek. "Don't worry, Ranchan. Just because we find a soft place by the river doesn't mean we have to do anything you're uncomfortable with." she said. she thought. ***** That night, Kasumi went out to sit on the roof. It was something she hadn't done in a while, and it felt a little funny. How long had it been since she had worn pants? It was a lovely night. The stars were pretty, despite the glow of Tokyo on the horizon, and the air was fresh with the new flowers. Overhead the bats were circling and sporting, hunting insects. She could hear their high-pitched clicking and chittering as they sought their prey; expanding the range of her ears had been among the earliest lessons she had from her grandmother. She reached out for a moment and slipped into telempathic rapport, felt She smiled softly. The little life with its simple needs and wants was pleasant to touch, but falling into envy of her friends would be a grave error. ***** Nine Years Ago: "Remember always, my child, that although their lives are simpler than ours it does not mean they are easier. You will learn this tonight, I think." They were a few hundred yards from Grandma's house , on the edge of a small woodland that had somehow managed to survive nearly untamed on the outskirts of Nerima. Mama and Daddy and Akane were off training again, while Nabiki was sleeping over at a friend's. Eleven-year-old Kasumi looked up at the stars, happy to be up past her bedtime and out training with her grandmother. "This isn't the place for woolgathering, grand-daughter." Grandma said quietly. "Now, extend your senses outward. That fox, over there, the one who stalks. By the mulberry." About twenty yards away. Too far for ordinary senses, but Kasumi had been raised a martial artist, and her grandmother had been training her for more than four years in all aspects of their particular Art. She found her easily. A vixen, about three years old. "Remember what I taught you about rapport, Kasumi-chan? Go into it." Kasumi reached out as she'd been taught, further than she ever had before. She locked into the breathing patterns, matched them, let her mind flow out to the fox-mind, and The flow of information was almost overwhelming, and she could taste the rich salty flavor almost as clearly as if the blood were in her own mouth. It was delicious... Grandma shook her lightly, and the link broke. "Well, my grand- daughter?" she said softly. "I don't know, Grandma. It was good, and awful, and all at once." "Not a bad way of putting it. All things must kill to live, Kasumi-chan, and we must never forget it, nor hate ourselves or our world for it. Animal people do not. But neither do they take excessive joy in the kill. Human people are prone to both extremes, but we must learn to avoid them if we wish to remain sane. You've just had part of tonight's lesson. Now for the other. The hare by the edge of the wood, the one by the firs. Go into rapport with it." ***** Kasumi still shuddered at the memories of both hunter and prey. She would never be tempted to romanticise animal lives again. Nor would she be tempted to condemn their cruelty. Each little life was precious, she knew, but it was equally needful that some might die so that others might live. She was disturbed from her meditations by a soft furry body that landed beside her. A head rubbed against her thigh, and a tail brushed her cheek. "Hello, Tiger-chan." she said quietly. Tiger belonged to one of the old ladies down the street, and she was one of the cats with whom Kasumi had negotiated to protect her birds and mice. She took a piece of fish sausage from her pocket and fed it to the sturdy queen-cat. Tiger courteously accepted the treat and curled up in Kasumi's lap, purring. "Oh, Tiger-chan, what am I to do?" Kasumi whispered. "Mama and Daddy want Akane to marry a stranger, but I think they'll kill each other. And I'm willing to give him a try, but they can't even imagine me doing it. What am I to do?" Tiger only caught bits and pieces of Kasumi's meaning, but she was concerned for her friend, and more than willing to give such motherly advice as she could. Kasumi laughed. "Oh, Tiger-chan, thank you, but I don't think that will work. Then again, I can't think of anything that will. Maybe I'll try it." ***** Late that night, Ukyou sat up in her sleeping bag, and gently tapped Ranma on the shoulder where he lay beside her in his. "Ranchan, wake up, love, I want to talk." "Zzzz, ah, Ucchan, my love, you're so..." she shook his shoulder. "Ah, Ucchan, what is it?" She leaned over and kissed him. "Silly Ranchan. I just want to talk a while." "Sure, Ucchan." He looked about the campsite. "Ah, where..." "Are they? The woods. About twenty minutes ago. We can talk in private. Could I have a hug?" They embraced, and sat for a moment in silence. Then Ukyou said quietly "What if there's another fiancee waiting for you in Nerima?" "Why would there be that, Ucchan? We've been engaged ten years. Surely even Da wouldn't be that stupid." "I don't know, Ranchan, I don't know. But I had a dream, just now." "Oh, Ucchan..." Ranma said softly, and held her more tightly. "Don't worry. If there is, she'll just have to give up. I'm yours, remember?" "But what if it's a matter of family honour?" "You're a matter of family honour, my dearest Ucchan. And personal honour as well. And besides, there's no way her okonomiyaki could be even half as good as yours." She laughed. "My dearest Ranchan, you say such nice things. I suppose I'll have to fight for you." "She won't stand a chance, my Ucchan." "No, she won't. If nothing else, all I'll have to do is splash you." She nuzzled him. ***** Kasumi awoke from a confusing dream, a tangle of images: a pigtailed boy and a brown haired girl, a sword and a giant spatula, sparring, laughing, loving. She lay in bed, staring up at her dark ceiling. "Oh, my." she said softly. "I hope he doesn't already love someone else." ***** The next morning dawned bright and clear. Ranma and Ukyou woke as the first rays of sunshine crept through the branches of the trees around them. Genma and Nodoka snored on in each others' arms. "Ewww," Ukyou whispered, "he's gone panda again, Ranchan." Ranma flushed, and Ukyou briefly regretted her comment. "Don't worry, love, I think he just fell into the stream last night when they were coming back to camp." ***** Half a day's easy walking away, Kasumi was already up and about. After all, there was quite a lot to be done today, and precious little that could be done by mice. While they worked, Kasumi reminded her friends that they were strictly not to show themselves. She remembered the last time a rodent had made an appearance when a guest was about. And thank the kami Mr. Yamaguchi had been there; as it was, they'd only needed a contractor for one of the holes in the wall. ***** "Sorry, Ranchan, I thought that branch would support the both of us." "'S okay, Ucchan. Ma and Da will have the kettle on, I'm sure." She linked an arm about Ukyou's waist, and together they trudged back to the hill, dripping. Within an hour the Saotomes (and the one Kuonji) were on the road again. Gradually the character of the landscape around them changed; the road turned to pavement, and there were more signs and more little roadside establishments. Cars began to appear, and several times they were forced to dodge as one vehicle or another sped on its way. "How much further to Nerima, Da?" Ranma asked. "Oh, about five kilometers." Genma replied confidently. "Nonsense, love, it's eight at least. Do you not remember the time Kimiko was challenged by that girl with the weird school, what was it, Martial Arts Flower Arranging? We haven't yet passed her dojo." "And surely that was only three klicks out of town, my love." "Seven at the least." "Not more than four." "All right then, Gen-chan, we'll just have to stop somewhere and ask, will we not? How about that little teashop?" The teashop was small and dark, and looked as if it hadn't had any repairs since the Meiji emperor's time. The four men who sat at the corner table had probably helped to make them. The young couple on the other side of the room were obviously day trippers out from Tokyo, soaking up a bit of the rural ambiance, wearing the sort of comfortable yet elegant designer sporting wear that marks their kind. He was tall and blonde, she the very opposite, and the old men had made a few muttered comments when they first walked in. But whatever their feelings and those of the owner, tourists were good money, and most definitely not to be harassed. The sort of folk that came through the door, however, were not in the same category. Their clothing was dusty with hard travel, and its eccentric mix of styles marked them as nothing more than adventurous wanderers. The notably heavy Chinese influence did not help matters. "Just another pack of stinkin' gypsies." one ancient commented to his cronies. "Oh, look, Harold-chan, how quaint. Travelling people." the young woman burbled to her husband.. "We don't serve..." began the proprietor. Then he noticed something beneath the dust on the strangers' clothes. Perhaps it was the proud samurai bearing of the older woman who stood behind her husband, deferent, yet not in the least bit subservient. Or perhaps it was the look of nobility in the face of the young pigtailed man, and the classic beauty of the young woman who stood beside him. Then again, it might have been the swords and the battle spatula, worn with the unconscious grace that only comes from lifetimes spent ever armed and always ready. One tends to want to stay on the good side of highly skilled martial artists, in spite of one's opinions of their level of hygiene or apparent mode of living. "...any but such distinguished and honourable guests as yourselves, O noble warriors." he said hastily. "How fortunate for us that such honest persons as yourself exist in these decadent times, O seller of tea." Nodoka answered in pure classical Japanese. "Four glasses of barley-tea, if you please. And how far is it to Nerima?" ***** "Everything looks wonderful, Kasumi-chan!" Kimiko exclaimed. "So beautiful, so perfect. Oh, I just know your sister and Ranma will hit it off so wonderfully!" Kasumi sighed. She knew full well which sister her mother was talking about. "It might be that Ranma will prefer one of the rest of us, Mother." But as usual her mother didn't even hear her words. She grabbed Soun and they started dancing around the room again. "Soon our little Akane will be a fiancee, my love." she said happily. They kissed, and kept kissing, and Kasumi had to turn away. ***** "What do you think, Ucchan?" "Of Nerima, do you mean? Too crowded, too noisy, and too built up. You?" "About the same." "Show some respect, son." Genma interjected. "You were born here, after all. And you'll get married here, live here--maybe even have a dojo here." "Why would I do that, Da? Ucchan's people are still in Kansai. We'll probably move back there once we're married." "If we don't go back to China." Ukyou added. "But son, the Saotomes have lived in Nerima for nearly six centuries! How could you turn your back on so much history? Oh, the horror of a younger generation bereft of all respect for the ages!!!" "I thought you said the Saotome Clan ruled three quarters of Hokkaido until the Meiji restoration, Uncle?" "And if we've such deep roots here, Da, why'd you raise me on the road?" Genma hemmed and hawed a bit, but before he could think of a suitable answer, Nodoka broke in to the conversation. "I'm going aside for a bit of shopping. I'll meet you at the Tendous' in a bit." "Love, how could you abandon me in such a time of need?" "Gen-chan, surely you can introduce our son and his fiancee without my help. I'll only be a few minutes." "But love, what am I to..." "None of that, husband. I'll see you there." Ukyou nudged Ranma. "" she said in Mandarin. "" Ukyou sighed. Her fianc‚ surely wasn't stupid, nor even slow, but he certainly could be just a touch thick at times. "" "" "We are back in Japan, kids. You might speak our own language, perhaps?" "You're just jealous 'cause you never learned to speak Mandarin right yourself, Da." ***** "Akane, you're home!" Soun cried happily. "Today is a great day for our family." "Hurry quickly and bathe, Akane-chan." added Kimiko. "The Saotomes might be here any minute." Akane grimaced, but didn't say anything. Her tread on the stairs was about ten times heavier than it usually was. Nabiki came in the door a few minutes later. She flopped down and began to leaf through the latest issue of Forbes. Kasumi sat down beside her. "Aren't you going to bathe and change, Nabiki? After all, we do have guests coming." "Ah, and what use would that be, sister dear? Da and Ma will simply shove Akane at Ranma, the Saotomes will shove him at her, and one of two things will happen. Either they'll fall madly in love, or she'll beat him to a bloody pulp. And I wouldn't lay money on the first." "But what if you find him fetching yourself?" "Listen, Kasumi, I'm not interested. For gods' sake, you saw the father's handwriting; the son is probably illiterate. If you really want the boy, be my guest; maybe you can help sew him up when Akane's done with him." "Well, you still should at least change. After all, we will have guests." Nabiki sighed, and went to find clean clothes--preferably something she wouldn't miss if it were splattered upon during the coming brawl. ***** "Here it is, kids, the Tendou Dojo scene of many a grand party and many a mighty battle, back in the old days when we were your age. Ah, the memories! The joys, the sorrows, the..." "Will you not ring the bell, Da? Or will we just stand here all day?" "Oh, yes, the bell." Genma's hand shook slightly as he reached for the button. ***** "Now, Nabiki, shouldn't you wear something nicer than those shorts and that tee shirt? Wouldn't want your brother in law to think you a slob, would you?" "Mother, I really don't think..." The ringing of the bell cut off Nabiki's words. "They're here!" Kimiko cried happily. "Why don't you go meet them, Sou-chan? We'll be right behind you. Girls, let's meet them in the courtyard." ***** Tendou Soun was tall and slender, with an unusually full mustache, and wore his black hair loose and well past his shoulders. He made an odd contrast to Genma as the two pulled each other into an exaggeratedly masculine back-pounding embrace. When they released each other, Genma said simply "These are Ranma and Ukyou." They bowed. Soun returned the formal greeting. "Pleased to meet you." Turning back to Genma, he raised an eyebrow. "I did not know you had a daughter. I'm sorry I have no son." "Ah, actually..." Ranma began, but Genma waved him to silence. Puzzled, he complied for the moment. They stepped into the courtyard just as three young women and one older left the house. Soun beamed with pride in his beautiful daughters and his lovely wife. Ranma and Ukyou stayed where they were, a trying to get a feel for these new acquaintances. "" Ranma said. "" Ukyou replied. The older woman in the gi seemed harmless, but the three daughters seemed to be looking at her fianc‚ in a manner she didn't much fancy. The stocky one in the gi seemed mostly irritated, but the girl in shorts and tee shirt reminded her of a bettor examining a race horse. The tall one in the pink dress and white apron had a friendly smile, but to Ukyou she seemed just a little too eager to meet her Ranma. "Genma!" the older woman called out happily. "How long has it been?" "Too long, Kimiko." Genma said. "We've all missed Nerima. I'll tell you, China is lovely, but ah, there's no place like home!" "So, this is Ranma?" Kimiko said. "What do you think, girls?" "Not bad." The casually-dressed daughter drawled. "Cute!" the tall daughter said happily. The third merely scowled. "Now wait a minute, ladies. Ranchan's mine!" Ukyou snarled. "What!" Soun spluttered. "I've heard of sisterly affection, but isn't this a bit much?" Kimiko commented. "Who said anything about sisters?" Ranma said. "Ucchan's my fiancee!" "Saotome! What is this?" "Well, ah..." "Ucchan and I have been engaged since we were children!" Ranma said, slipping an arm about her shoulders. She slid hers about his waist, and together they glared defiance at all and sundry. "I don't mean any offense to you three, but we love each other and by God I'll not leave her behind." "Why in Hell's name didn't you tell us!" Soun snarled, his head expanding to dangerous proportions. "Well, I figured..." "You figured what? That you'd have another child? Then why didn't you stay home and live in peace, instead of wandering all over the world? Unless..." Soun's head abruptly returned to normal. "Saotome, you old devil, where's he hiding?" "Well, actually, this is all I have. But I thought, well, it's not the first time there's been a man with more than one wife..." "And our Ranma is a man among men, isn't he, husband? I'm sure he needs at least two!" "Nodoka!" Kimiko cried. The two women promptly embraced. Soun cleared his throat. "Ah, Nodoka?" "Yes, Soun-kun." "When did Ranma get another fiancee?" "Oh, ten years or so ago." Kimiko jumped to conclusions immediately. "Genma, you overgrown panda, was it yourself who did this? Engaging your son for a meal while your wife was away?" "Don't worry, Kimi." said Nodoka. "I'm sure they'll get along famously with one of your daughters. That's what I said to Genma when we met Kuonji-san and his daughter. 'Genma,' says I, 'isn't little Ukyou such a lovely girl, and isn't it such a shame for her to grow up out on the road without a mother's touch? Let's engage her to our Ranma.'" "I'm sorry." Genma said dejectedly. "I tried to persuade her. Really. But there wasn't any stopping her." He hung his head and began to cry. Soun promptly began bawling himself. "Ah, my little Akane, condemned to a life of..." "Stop that, husband." the two wives said in chorus, and two mighty *thwacks* echoed through the courtyard. Ranma and Ukyou held to each other more tightly. Kasumi was entranced. He was about her own height, with glossy black hair pulled back into a queue, down to the middle of his back. She was a few centimeters shorter, and had lovely brown hair, tied back in a waist-length horsetail. Both were strong and graceful. She flicked her eyes over to her sisters, curious to see if they were apt to compete. Akane glared; there were naginata and fire in her eyes. Nabiki simply looked away from the whole mess with an abstracted expression. Nodoka and Kimiko turned away from their families and held a brief whispered conference. Ranma strained his ears and could barely hear his mother say "...ly Kimi, they'll be fine with one of your daughters, I'm sure of it." The two women turned back. "Well, Ranma," Nodoka said, "we've settled it. You're engaged to Ukyou and whichever Tendou daughter you want; how the three of you work things out is up to yourselves, but work them out you will. So, pick one." "Maybe it would help Ranma-kun if he knew their names?" Kimiko said dryly. "Ranma, these are Akane" the short girl in the gi glowered "Nabiki" the girl in shorts and tee shirt briefly lowered her gaze from the sky, but shrugged and quickly looked up again "and Kasumi." the tall girl smiled brightly. Ukyou's grip on Ranma's waist would have damaged a lesser martial artist. "Hmmmm, aaah, well..." he said uncertainly. "Girls?" Kimiko asked. "I'm not marrying a polygamous pervert!" Akane declared firmly. "I've never cared to play second fiddle." "But Nabiki-chan, I'm sure you could be First Wife, after all, it's only fair." Soun said desperately "Don't worry, Daddy, I'll be happy to have them." Kasumi chirped. "And don't be shy, now, give us a hug!" She glomped them where they stood together. was all Ranma could think. Ukyou was a little more insightful. Despite her intentions, her free arm slipped around Kasumi's back At the very same moment, Ranma's moved as well. Their joined hands rested against Kasumi's spine. "Ah, my son and his two future wives. Truly a man among men!" Nodoka exclaimed, and drew a camera from her robes. "Just the shot for the wedding album!" she observed as she snapped a picture. Nabiki sighed. Akane stomped off to the dojo. The sound of breaking bricks and boards quickly followed. Inside, Kasumi laid out a tray of sandwiches, a pitcher of water, and a pot of tea. Nodoka pulled a thick stack of catalogs from her rucksack. "I'd think it well if the young people were to go off and get acquainted a bit. As for us, we've a wedding to plan, no?" "So soon, Nodoka? Shouldn't we let them get to know each other? It doesn't do to rush these things." "I'd like to have grandchildren before we're too old, Kimiko. And isn't your Kasumi nearly twenty?" "She's twenty last month, actually. But that's not so old to marry, these days." Ranma cleared his throat. "Couldn't you at least wait till Ucchan and I are eighteen?" Ukyou smiled. "That seems reasonable." Kimiko said. "But that doesn't mean we can't start thinking about the wedding, does it now?" "Well then, Genma-kun, let's be off to the pub." Soun said. "Not so fast, my love. We might need yourself and Genma-kun, mightn't we?" Nodoka smiled assent. The two men sighed. Neither alone would dream of defying his wife, and the two of them together were practically unstoppable. Ukyou reached for a glass of water. "Pardon me, but there's just one thing my beloved fianc‚'s parents are forgetting to mention." She sloshed half the glass over Ranma's head. The Tendous' eyes widened at the display, then grew even wider as Ranma's height shrank, and his...chest grew, and his hair turned red. "Oh, my." was all Kasumi could think to say. Soun's response was more dramatic. "Waaaaaaaaahh! My poor daughter is engaged to two other girls!" Attracted by the commotion, Nabiki came down from her room. "Who's this?" she asked. "I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this." Her voice was a low soprano--it would have harmonised quite nicely with his original tenor. "Hmmm, all I can say is you're one of the best transvestites I've ever seen. Ever thought about a singing career?" "Hey! I am _not_ a transvestite!" "I don't know what other word there is for a guy who wears falsies. Although I do have to admit, those are better than most I've seen." "It's a curse." Ranma said through gritted teeth. "Addicted to dressing like a woman, are we? I'm sure I could find you a therapist, future-brother-in-law. Wouldn't want my sister to marry a pervert, would I?" Kasumi found her voice at last. "I think she means it's some sort of spell, Nabiki. He changed when Ukyou splashed him with water." "It could have been a trick." "It took less than five seconds." "Smoke and mirrors. I bet those breasts are inflatable." Nabiki reached for Ranma's chest, only to find her hand clamped in Ukyou's. The brown haired girl didn't even use enough pressure to bruise, but Nabiki could feel the strength in the fingers, and knew that this hand could easily break bones, and probably had in the past. "I'd suggest keeping your hands off my Ranma." she said gently, and released the other girl. "This," she continued "is no act. Rather, it's the result of a curse. One for which Uncle Saotome is entirely to blame. Have you ever heard of the Cursed Springs of Jusenkyo?" ***** Four Years Earlier: The valley was full of little ponds, with tall bamboo poles randomly distributed among them. There was a sign. Ranma didn't read Chinese too well yet, but it seemed to be saying something about curses. He didn't like the looks of it. "It says it's, ah... 'Jus-en-kyo.' Weren't they telling stories about it in the inn last night, Ucchan?" "That they were, Ranchan. I think we should get out of here." Genma gave out a great roar. "Yes!!!! So, kids, here it is! The Training Ground of Jusenkyo. Some of the greatest martial artists ever to walk the earth have trained here, or so the legends say. Are you ready?" "Da, they say it's cursed!" "Don't be ridiculous, Ranma! That's just a story they made up to keep people away, I'm sure of it." "But all the people in the villages are terrified of it, Uncle. They say horrible things happen to people who fall into the springs. I really don't think we should try to train here." "Ah, that's just stories. You know what I think, kids? I think the Amazons use the springs in their secret training exercises, and they spread the horror stories to keep others from learning the roots of their powers!" "But what about the people who fell in and were turned into animals?" "Son, that's exactly the point of it!! The most deadly technique of all--battle transformation! A martial artist who trains in Jusenkyo may come out with the ability to become a raging tiger! Or a great bear! Why, they say men once came all the way from Europe, and went home as "bear-shirts' and 'wolf-men,' gifted with powers so great that they were thought to be nothing less than sorcerers and the chosen of their gods!" "But what about the people who are transformed into monkeys or rabbits or housepets, Uncle?" "Obviously, the springs turn a person to their animal self!! Great warriors become deadly animals, the rulers of the forest, while weaklings and cowards become small game! And we are neither weaklings nor cowards, are we?!" "Da, you can't understand the stories they tell in the inns and the taverns. But they all say that people just fall into the springs and come out as something that drowned there, whatever it was, a mouse or a piglet or a Buddhist priest..." "" The speaker was a stout Chinese gentleman, getting on in years, wearing surplus Chinese army fatigues. He sounded to be a bit out of breath, as if he had run from some distance away. "What did he say, son?" "He says we've reached the Cursed Springs of Jusenkyo, and to watch out!" "Good. Tell him we don't need to watch out, we are great martial artists and the springs will only help us!" "" "" "Da, he says he's the Jusenkyo Guide, and the springs won't make us better fighters. We shouldn't go near them!" "Ah, he's just telling old stories. The Amazons probably hired him to keep people away." "No, Sir! I no tell lies! Springs cursed! Evil! Only horror there!" The Chinese man said desperately in broken Japanese. "I don't believe you." Genma said, speaking slowly and rather too loudly. "Son, tell him we will go ahead and take the technique of transformation for ourselves!!" "Da, I ain't goin' t' tell him any such thing!!! For gods' sake, Ucchan and I are leaving now!" "That we are." Ukyou said. "" She switched back to Japanese. "Come along, Ranchan, let's be going. If Uncle wants to become cursed to turn into an ox or something, he can do it alone." She and Ranma linked arms and headed back along the path. "No, my son! You will learn the art of transformation and become the greatest martial artist of your generation! Or maybe your mother will kill me!" Genma grabbed Ranma, threw him over his shoulder, and ran back towards the springs. Ranma struck at him, but at thirteen he was still too slight to escape his father's grasp. Ukyou ran after them, but there were only a few spatula blows she could throw without hitting her fianc‚. Genma kept running, but he was too distracted to watch the path, and so it came as no great surprise when he tripped on a branch and flipped head over heels, throwing Ranma in a great arc to land with a splash in a nearby pool. Genma himself went rolling some distance to land in another. Ukyou dropped her spatula and prepared to jump in to save her love, but the Guide held her back. "" Dripping, Ranma hauled himself out of the pond. "" From some little distance away came a series of loud grunts. Neither Ranma nor Ukyou nor the Guide understood them, but any panda would have heard them as "HA! I have fallen in the Waters of Jusenkyo, and I am reborn! Now I wear the deadly warrior's fighting shape of the invincible, the magnificent, the merciless king of the forests, the...Panda Bear? Shite! I wanted razor-sharp claws and fifteen centimeter fangs! For feck's sake!" "" said the guide. "" ***** When the story was over, Nabiki was laughing, Soun was crying, Kimiko was looking mildly appalled, and Kasumi was glaring. "Mr. Saotome! That was perfectly awful! Why didn't you listen to the guide? If I were Mrs. Saotome, I would have killed you!" Soun stopped crying. His eyes widened. "Kasumi-chan, are you sure you're all right?" "Oh, I'm just fine, Daddy." "I considered it for a while, Kasumi-chan." Nodoka said dryly. "But in the end, I'd miss the great stupid panda. You'll need to think about these things when you're my son's wife." "So, cold water transforms you." Kimiko said. "And hot turns you back?" she reached across the table with a tea kettle. "Ouch! It needn't be quite that hot, Mrs. Tendou." "Well, Kasumi," Ukyou said softly "do you really still want to do this?" "Maybe Akane would fancy Ranma if she knew he wasn't a boy all the time." Soun sounded hopeful. Ukyou thought about kicking him. "No, really, I don't mind." Kasumi smiled. "Actually, I think your female form is quite... fetching, Ranma."