wednesday, february 13, 2002

i still have no idea what to give to y for valentine's day tomorrow. i've never given my boyfriend valentine's gift before (except to my girlfriends which is so easy because we only trade cards). it's always me who get flowers and CDs and stuffs, so this is going to be my first time. i only have like 80,000 and everything's so expensive nowadays. i can't even get a medium black forest cake since it costs like 125,000. i spent too much money buying nothings this week so now i'm broke. :(

y just messaged me @ msn. he asked me how's betty going. aura mauria's been jealous of freddy having a date with jenny. and sophia cs are going to where freddy and jenny go for lunch, sophia's ex husband is also going to that fancy restaurant, and now betty's having a fantasy dinner with armando, her boss whom she's been having a crush on. ok, this is getting funnier. and y just got dc. i don't know if he would message me again when he's back online.

now the film's over. i have to take my bath now. i haven't taken one since this morning. hmmph! :P

dad! give me my money for this week! i need to buy something tonight. it's getting late, ugh. this valentine gives me headache. if only i knew what would i buy for y. if only i had the money.

idea: a pack of heart shaped chocolates (duh, as if we had that kind of chocolate here), two scented candles, a towel, a bottle of aromatherapy bath gel (bodyshop, where are you when i need you?!), and a lovely photo frame in a little basket covered with plastic and decorated with flowers and ribbons. cute eh?

@ 7:00 p.m. GMT+8
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wednesday, february 13, 2002

i went to my room upstairs. they're still working on the bathroom, putting on tiles and setting up the electricity and water installation. i think my bathroom will be totally gorgeous once it's finished. but it's kinda hot up there even though there are windows. or maybe because today is really hot (is it going to rain?).

anyway y just called, asked me what i was doing. i said i was with mom. i asked him where he was and he told me he was at home. there was a minute of silence then he said i'd better go back to what i was doing earlier. that's all. he didn't tell he would come later or anything. i feel so empty. i couldn't even hear my voice when i was talking with him. i don't know what to do or what i'm supposed to say if i see him today. whether to hold him or run from him. or would i ever see him. would he ever want to see me again?
i wish i've never been born.

@ 2:42 p.m. GMT+8
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wednesday, february 13, 2002

i went to bed at 400 a.m., didn't sleep well, and woke up at 900 a.m. i feel so alone and miserable. when i was awake, i couldn't go to bed. once i slept, i didn't want to awake. yesterday was the last time i saw y. i know he will never come back. mom just told me the breakfast's ready, just in case y would come early and have breakfast here. i told her he'd be busy today. or should i say he would be busy for the rest of my life? because he's not coming back. ever. see. i always hurt people who love me. and this time it hurts me too because i love him.
so here i am, don't know what to do or where to go to ease my worries. surfing to indo bloggers, found some nice logs with cool layouts. simple yet cool.

are you a lover or a loner? and ...

goodie. so i still have hope.

and my date rate ... nothing does it better!
holy casanova, batman! you are wasting your time on this test! geez, you could've even written this thing!
you're a catch, a prize. you are the rarest of dates - the kind that someone wants both to take home to mom and get wikked with. in fact... uh, do you have any plans for tonight?

am i that worthy? last night when he left, i felt like i could just kill myself.

would you survive a horror movie? find out @ she's crafty

@ 1:55 p.m. GMT+8
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wednesday, february 13, 2002

fw: valentine

little david comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of valentine's day.
"since valentine's day is for a christian saint and we're jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
david's father thinks a bit, then says "no, i don't think God would get mad. who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"osama bin laden," david says.
"why osama bin laden," his father asks in shock.
"well," david says, "i thought that if a little american jewish boy could have enough love to give osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving eople a little bit. and if other kids saw what iI did and sent valentines to osama, he'd love everyone a lot. and then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
his father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfoundpride.
"david, that's the most wonderful thing i've ever heard."
"i know," david says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the marines could blow the crap out of him."

as sent by nirmala

now that's what i call love.

i can't sleep. i feel so guilty and all. i'm sleepy though but i can't go to bed. my heart says no and my mind is still awake. help me so i can go to sleep.

@ 3:30 a.m. GMT+8
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tuesday, february 12, 2002

i don't know if i will ever see this movie. m called me this afternoon, said that she had gone to TO and there were still lots of people going to the movie. it's only the 4th day for crying out loud! and she couldn't get a ticket because they were all sold or even booked. congratulation ruddy (the director), dian and nicholas! you all have rocked the country.

and we also talked about p and her recent feelings towards en. m said that while they were going out together few days ago, he looked like being forced to get close with p as p was all over him. and everytime p asked him on the phone about their relationship, he never gave her exact answer. just saying, "you already know it. why you keep asking me that?" shit. why didn't he just say yes or no? he obviously doesn't think there's something special between them. he's such a jerk.

and about today, yes, i again have ruined a possibly-would've-been-great relationship with y and i think this time is really-really for good. i failed each relationship anyway on purpose duh! but today i've been such a moron. ow well nevermind, i'd better off alone so i won't hurt anyone anymore.

@ 11:20 a.m. GMT+8
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tuesday, february 12, 2002

you are a beautiful person, in a wistful kind of way. if you could, you would spend all your time daydreaming and writing poetry. you are a tragic beauty. you are sensitive and caring, and you don't take insults well. you don't smile much, but when you do, you really mean it.
people like to be around you because you are a calming influence. you have an appreciation for all things beautiful, and you probably have some potted plants. you also most likely own a cat.
you like sundays and hot tea. you will spend your entire life yearning for quiet beauty, which is a rarity in this world, so you read a lot.
everyone you know thinks you're "nice."

Take the Which Led Zeppelin Song Are You? Quiz

@ 10:23 a.m. GMT+8
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tuesday, february 12, 2002

amazing sexual positions and 48 japanese traditional sex positions. woohoo!

@ 9:46 a.m. GMT+8
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tuesday, february 12, 2002

t is back online again, yay! big flood over jakarta is finally over and she had her electricity fixed yesterday. i just checked her blog and found out that someone left her rude messages there. s/he said very rude things about t and i, getting so pissed off, has left messages too so when s/he's back in t's blog one day, s/he would see my messages there.
y sent me a couple messages to my cellphone. he's so sweet. he thanked me for making the invitation (he was a big help too) and that he loved me (i love you too!!).
and i just got another call from 4217. this time he didn't hang up when i answered. he said his name's ivan and we had talked a few times on irc long time ago. i can't recall i ever knew someone named ivan. he didn't even tell me his nickname. so i told him i was watching a movie on tv and it's already late. he told me he would call tomorrow and i just said "uhm uhm" which means sure and fine.
i just talked with t and we talked about the person who had left her messages in her blog and also in her guestbook. t said that it's really her fault for getting inspired by felisha's blog but i think that person has no right to say such thing as b***h to t.

@ 4:55 a.m. GMT+8
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tuesday, february 12, 2002

happy chinese new year! gong xi fa cai!

@ 4:45 a.m. GMT+8
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monday, february 11, 2002

i'm a wind spirit.
thought above feeling and mind over matter are your mottos. others come to you for advice and guidance. some see you as introverted and snobbish, but they are merely jealous of your common sense knack to think things through. don't be afraid to listen to your heart though.

@ 12:15 p.m. GMT+8
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monday, february 11, 2002

we were busy making vanka's first birthday invitation all day, y and i. we had lunch at 4 and even had dinner at 1030! geez ...
click here to see the invitation we finally finished after 9 hours!!
anyways, i've been watching betty la fea monday-friday 600 p.m. on rcti. read the review here.

@ 11:55 p.m. GMT+8
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monday, february 11, 2002

chatted with geoff @ msn. he sent me some new photos of him. he looks so cute. and as always, he started flirting lol. so anyway we were talking about valentine and he said he would want a date for valentine as he's not seeing anyone right now. gimme a break. geoff? no girlfriend? yea rite. he asked me whether i would want to be his girlfriend, for real! we're thousands of miles apart, how come this is going to be a real thing? and duh, i do have a boyfriend.

@ 2:10 p.m. GMT+8
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monday, february 11, 2002

the simpson's character you are most like is: lisa simpson

lisa information

name: lisa simpson
voice: yeardley smith
age: 8
hobbies: listening to jazz music, playing the sax, watching itchy & scratchy, studying, reading
first kiss: with nelson muntz
typical sayings: "if anyone needs me, i'll be in my room", "bart!!!", "bart, you are a dimwit", "cut it out bart!"
once called herself: "the saddest kid in grade number two." mentor: bleeding gums murphy
past addictions: the corey hotline, trucker's choice stay awake tablets

classic lisa quotes

"but mom! if you take our cartoons away, we'll grow up without a sense of humor and be robots."
"a man who envies our family is a man who needs help."
"why do i get the feeling that someday i will be describing this to a psychiatrist!"
"oh no, the dead have risen and their voting republican."
"mom, bart's taking pictures of his butt!!"
"is my brother smarter than a hampster?"
"...it's just hard not listening to TV, it's spent so much more time raising us than you have."
"don't you think it's odd that the same day utter dissapears the cafeteria starts serving a new food called utterbrotten?"

@ 11:12 a.m. GMT+8
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