Title: Fear (3/3): Story 11 in the "Who I Am, What I'll Become" Series

Author: X_tremeroswellian

Email: X_tremeroswellian@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: The Angel Investigations gang belongs to Joss Whedon. Clayton Gilman, Trudi, and Dan Wakefield belong to me.

Rating: PG-13 bordering on R for violence, adult language and sexual content.

Spoilers: Up through "Are You Now or Have You Ever Been" for Angel, the entire fourth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and the first 10 stories in this series, especially the first one, "Illusions" and the tenth one, "Descension."

Timeline: Takes place immediately following "Descension."

Summary: An old friend unexpectedly shows up in L.A. in time to rescue Cordelia; Kate and Wesley realize they are searching for a serial killer.

Distribution: Anyone with previous permission to archive the series may take it without asking. Anyone else, just ask and let me know the link. Otherwise, the entire series thus far is being archived at www.geocities.com/angel_roswell/whoiam.html.

Category: Story

Subcategories: Suspense/horror/angst/friendship

Feedback: Motivates me to write more.

Dedication: For Andrew. Thanks for the feedback.

Author's Note I: All right. Let it be known that I don't know that much about police procedure, so if some of the events aren't entirely accurate, please accept my apologies.

Author's Note II: Some people also asked whether I was going for a Kate/Wesley pairing. To be honest, I hadn't planned one. This serial killer arc wasn't originally part of the series at all so there was no intent for them to wind up together. In fact, I'd sort of planned a different route for both of them, though now I'm not certain what's going to happen. I am open to opinions/suggestions, if anyone feels like writing and letting me know what you think.

Fear (Part Three)

Wesley stepped out into the hallway and immediately locked eyes with Kate, who was talking quietly on her cellular phone. "Oz, would you please stay with Cordelia? I need to speak with Detective Lockley."

Oz glanced back and forth between the two of them. "Sure." He went into the exam room.

Wesley waited until she hung up and then followed Kate a little ways down the hall. "What happens next?" he asked quietly.

She took a deep breath. "Well, I have officers on the scene of the crime. The van was gone, but that's no surprise. So far, they haven't found anything but traces of blood, assumedly Cordelia's since she was the one who was injured. Now we try to get as many details together as we can. Work out a profile on this guy, alert the other police departments in the state, and probably our local FBI branch."

"What can I do?" he asked, determined to help in some way.

"The same thing you did tonight. You're good at research and gathering details. I need you to help me continue going over those case files your friend faxed over."

"Yes, of course." He hesitated. "What about Cordelia?"

"I'd be more worried if he'd taken something of hers. But that's not necessarily a guarantee. Someone should be staying with her just in case. We don't want to take any chances."

Wesley nodded in agreement. "We have to tell her what's going on. She knows that something's not right."

"I agree."

"Excuse me. Detective Lockley?" Wesley and Kate turned around and saw two uniformed police officers standing behind them. "We're here to take a report from a girl named..." He looked at the notepad. "…Cordelia Chase."

Kate's expression hardened. "I already took her statement. She called the police nearly two hours ago. What took you so long to get here?"

The younger officers exchanged a look. "Well, it wasn't an emergency."

Her eyes narrowed. "That's not the point," she said angrily. "I intend to report both of you to Chief Waterson. Go back to the station. Everything's been taken care of."

Wesley glared at the men as they turned and walked away. Just then, Cordelia and Oz stepped out into the hallway.

"All right. I want to know what's going on, and I want to know right now," Cordelia said, her voice demanding but Wesley could sense the fear behind her words.

Kate and Wesley exchanged a look. "Cordelia, Willow faxed over some files of unsolved murders from around the state that match the MO of Leslie Adams' killer," Wesley began.

"We've connected nine of the cases so far. One of them wasn't a murder. The woman who made the report was grabbed from behind and a knife held to her throat as she was forced into the back of a van full of torture instruments. He told her that it was time for her descension and he called her by name," Kate added quietly.

"He assaulted her, but she managed to escape when he left for a few minutes."

"Her description of the man matches yours exactly."

"So what you're telling me is that I was attacked by a serial killer," Cordelia said slowly, her expression unreadable.

Wesley met her eyes. "I think you should move into the Hyperion until we find this man."

"Uh-uh. No way." She shook her head vigorously.

"Cordelia, you said yourself that he knew your name. It's entirely possible that he will come after you again. At least there you'll have Angel and Gunn and--"

"Wesley, I am *not* moving into the Hyperion."

"Well, you're not staying on your own, either," he said flatly. Cordelia may be stubborn, but he wasn't about to budge this time.

"I'm not. I have Dennis," she reminded him.

He gave her a look. "Cordelia--"

"So then you can stay at my apartment."

"I have to assist Detective Lockley with research. We'll have to call Angel."

Cordelia glared at him. "Like he even gives a damn, Wesley. We've seen him all of what? Two? Three times in the past two weeks?"

"Cordelia, there isn't any other option here. I'm not going to let you get killed because you're too proud to-"

"Excuse me. I think I might be able to help."

Wesley had almost forgotten that Oz was standing there.

"I could stay with her," he offered, shrugging.

Cordelia nodded in agreement.

Wesley gave him a grateful look. "Oz, that's kind of you. Thank you." He turned his gaze back to Cordelia. "We need to at least tell Gunn what's going on." Before she could protest, he quickly added, "We may need his assistance."

She sighed. "Fine. But not a word to Angel."

He didn't like it, but he nodded reluctantly.

"So what's going on with Angel and Cordelia?" Kate asked curiously as she and Wesley sat in chairs at the drug store waiting for Cordelia's painkiller prescription to be filled. "I was under the impression they were pretty good friends."

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Angel's been acting...strangely. Sleeping a lot, grouchier than normal...he's been pushing all of us away for no apparent reason."

She frowned deeply and he hoped that he hadn't re-instilled her fear of their vampire friend. "And it's gotten so bad that she doesn't want him to know that she was attacked and nearly killed?"

Wesley glanced at her. "Cordelia and Angel are both very strong-willed, stubborn people. I've seen them argue before, but this...has gotten out of hand. They're barely speaking. I honestly don't know what to do about it."

Kate lowered her voice. "Has she talked to you about what happened a few weeks ago?"

He blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"About that shape-shifting alien." She shifted in her seat a bit uncomfortably. "She was clinically dead for a few minutes. And it was a very violent...death."

"She hasn't said anything. Why?"

"Well, it's just--Cordelia was attacked again tonight, and threatened with the same kind of weapon that was used then."

Wesley caught onto what she was saying. "You think she may need to talk about what happened."

"I get the feeling that Cordelia doesn't open up to people about things like that easily." Kate took a deep breath and looked away. "And I know from experience that if you hold all that inside, eventually...it's going to have to come out."

He absorbed her words. "Yes, that's probably true," he said with a sigh.

She stood up and glanced around the aisle of juice drinks. "Keep an eye on her. Sometimes the most destructive person isn't someone that's trying to hurt you." Kate looked at him. "Sometimes the most destructive person of all is yourself."

Cordelia walked up and down the aisles of the drug store restlessly. Oz was looking at magazines and Wesley and Kate were in the waiting area by the pharmacy section.

Her hand was throbbing but she did her best to ignore it, as well as all the thoughts swirling in her mind. She racked her brain, trying to remember if she needed any groceries or anything. Might as well get them while she was out. She grabbed a couple of Lean Cuisine dinners out of the freezer section, along with a gallon of vanilla non-fat frozen yogurt. She started to walk towards the pharmacy, but a bottle of pills on the shelf in front of her made her stop.

No-Doz.

Without a second thought, she grabbed the bottle just as someone announced over the store's intercom that the prescription for Cordelia Chase was ready.

Great, she thought bitterly. Just announce the fact that I'm here to everyone.

Cordelia glanced around, relieved to see that no one was behind her. In fact, other than her and the others, the store was pretty much deserted. She felt a little better. But not much.

Wesley smiled at her tentatively as she walked up to the counter with her things. She was glad that he didn't follow her up there. She set her food and the No-Doz on the counter and addressed the pharmacist. "I'm Cordelia Chase."

He smiled. "Okay. Will this be all for you?"

"Yep."

"I need you to sign here." He held out a clipboard and a pen. "Do you have any questions?"

"No." She hesitated, realizing that the hand she wrote with was her injured hand. She gingerly picked up the pen and scratched her name out, grimacing the entire time. He rang up her items and handed her the sack. "Thanks," she mumbled.

"Have a nice night," the pharmacist said cheerfully.

"Yeah. Right," Cordelia said under her breath.

"I'm going to change clothes," Cordelia said as soon as they walked through the doors at the Hyperion. She hurried down the hall and disappeared into the room she'd kept free for a few of her own clothes whenever she stayed over.

Wesley glanced at Kate, and then Oz, and then motioned for them to follow as he walked up to the front desk where Gunn was sitting.

"Any news on this serial killer?" Gunn asked immediately.

He nodded grimly. "Where's Angel?"

"Same place he's been for the past three weeks. In his room."

"Yes, well..." Wesley glanced at Kate. "Gunn, this is Detective Kate Lockley, and this is an old friend, Oz. Detective, Oz, this is Charles Gunn."

Gunn nodded his head at them both. "Should I go get Angel?"

"No, actually, we're here to talk to you."

The younger man looked at him suspiciously. "About the serial killer."

"Yes. And about Cordelia."

"And why aren't we telling Angel?"

"Because Cordelia was attacked tonight."

Gunn's eyes widened. "Attacked? She all right?"

"I'm fine."

Wesley turned to see Cordelia standing behind him, now dressed in a long-sleeved purple blouse and blue jeans, and a lightweight black leather coat. Her hair had been pulled back in a hasty ponytail.

"Wait a minute. You were attacked by the serial killer?"

"I survived. No big deal." She shrugged it off.

"It is a big deal," Wesley said quietly. He turned back to face Gunn. "He knew her name."

"And you're thinking that--"

"He's going to come after her again."

Gunn nodded. "Got that part. What I don't understand is why we aren't telling Angel."

"Why you aren't telling me what?"

They all turned towards where Angel was descending the stairs. Cordelia quickly shoved her injured hand into her coat pocket.

Wesley and Kate exchanged a look. "We've managed to connect Leslie Adams' murder with a string of unsolved cases throughout California," he said quickly.

"There are eight murders so far and one attempted," Kate added.

"So why weren't you going to tell me..." his voice trailed off as his gaze turned to Oz. He did a double-take. "Oz? What are you doing here?"

"Just visiting."

Wesley glanced at Gunn and warned him with a look to keep his mouth shut about Cordelia. The younger man nodded slightly to tell him he understood.

Angel shook his head and glanced at Cordelia but didn't say anything. She wouldn't even meet his gaze.

"Anyway, we just stopped in to let Gunn know that the killer is definitely still in the area, and to be especially careful while patrolling. He's driving a dark van, or at least we think, given his encounter with the survivor of his attack. The van's loaded with knives and ropes and axes." Wesley took a deep breath and ran one hand through his hair nervously.

"The guy's big into torture and pain," Kate elaborated.

Gunn raised an eyebrow. "You sure he's human? No offense," he added, glancing at Angel.

Cordelia looked at Gunn. "Pretty sure," she said, her voice low.

Wesley watched as Angel's eyes followed Cordelia and the vampire frowned deeply. He sighed inwardly. Keeping this from Angel was a bad idea, he just knew it was. Angel was smart. It wouldn't take much to figure out that something had happened, and it was only a matter of time before the truth came out. And when the time came that Angel found out the truth, he was going to be more than a bit upset. He would be absolutely livid. Even more so when he realized they'd all lied to him about it.

Wesley wasn't looking forward to that time at all.

Angel kept his eyes on Cordelia. He couldn't place exactly what was wrong, but he knew there was something. She was standing with both hands in her coat pockets and refused to look at him.

One glance at Wesley, who was nervously running his hand through his hair, confirmed his suspicions.

Then he moved his gaze to Gunn, who kept his usual calm demeanor while Kate and Wesley discussed the serial killer they were looking for. Gunn wasn't as easy for him to read as Cordelia and Wesley; probably due to the fact that he had known the latter so long. But even so, he had a gut feeling that he was the only one in the dark about whatever it was that was going on.

He tried to remember his last conversations with Cordelia and Wesley. Cordelia had mentioned she'd had trouble sleeping lately, but denied anything being wrong. Maybe it had something to do with that new guy she'd been seeing. Angel's eyes narrowed and he studied her more carefully. She was a bit paler than usual, and her hair was pulled back in a sloppy ponytail. And she almost never wore jeans. Other than that, she appeared calm and her face was virtually expressionless. Of course, since she wouldn't look at him, he couldn't see her eyes. If he could, he'd be able to really tell if something was wrong. Her eyes were very expressive; at least, to those who bothered to take notice.

Something pulled at the back of his mind. A far off voice that seemed to be beckoning him back upstairs to his room.

Darla.

He didn't know why he was dreaming about her so much lately. Sure, he'd been used to the occasional dream about his sire throughout the years. After all, they'd spent nearly 150 years together roaming over Europe and throughout the entire Eastern half of the world. But he'd never dreamt of her so frequently or so...vividly.

If he didn't know better, he'd think she was actually still alive.

"Hello, Lindsey."

Lindsey McDonald looked up from his desk and smiled. "Hello, Darla. How have you been?"

"Good...very good." The beautiful blond smiled back at him.

"Glad to hear it." He stood up and motioned her to a chair. She accepted the offer and languidly and gracefully dropped into it, crossing one leg over the other. "How are things going?"

"You mean with Angel, of course."

"Of course." He liked this woman. She was very perceptive, very intelligent...very deadly.

"Everything is going wonderfully, Lindsey." Her eyes twinkled and she winked at him. "He's putty in my hands."

"No problems with his sidekicks?"

"Hardly any interference. I thought you said they would be difficult to work around." She almost sounded disappointed.

Lindsey frowned. He had expected it to be difficult to pry the vampire away from his friends. "Well, perhaps you're just very persuasive, Darla," he said, leaning forward.

She smiled at the thought. "I still hold a great amount of influence over him. Ironic, isn't it? He killed me but he still wants me."

"Very ironic," Lindsey said, though he didn't really agree. Darla didn't make it difficult for a man to want her. "Then I take it everything's on schedule?"

"Perfectly."

"Excellent," he whispered as their eyes met.

"Are you sure you won't stay at the Hyperion?" Wesley asked Cordelia softly as he pulled her aside outside of her apartment building. Kate and Oz stood a few feet away, looking around. "We can take you back now, tell Angel everything. I know the two of you aren't getting along, but he would protect you." His voice had a pleading tone to it.

Cordelia felt guilty for forcing Wesley into the middle of her conflicts with Angel, but she wasn't about to stay with Angel for any extended period of time. "I'm sure. I'll be fine, Wesley. Oz is going to stay with me, and Dennis will make sure I'm okay, too."

"This is very serious, Cordelia," he began.

"I know it is," she said quietly. "And I know that you're trying to make sure I stay safe. But I'll be safe. Really. I promise."

Wesley sighed and she hugged him. He held her tightly. "If anything happened to you, I could never forgive myself."

She rested her head on his shoulder. "Thank you for caring," she whispered.

He kissed her forehead. "If you need anything, call me. I'll be here immediately." He gazed at her. "I don't feel right leaving you here."

Cordelia was touched by his concern. She had been very wrong to doubt his friendship before and she saw that now. "You go be Mr. Research Guy. Find this psychopath before he hurts anyone else."

Wesley nodded and motioned Kate and Oz over.

"You ready?" Kate asked him.

"Yes." He hesitated as she headed for the car. He looked at Oz. "Take care of her," he said quietly.

Oz nodded. "I will."

Cordelia smiled at him. "I'll be fine."

"Don't hesitate to call if you need anything," Kate told her.

"Thank you," she said sincerely. She watched as Kate and Wesley got into the squad car and drove away.

"Cordelia?"

She turned to look at Oz. "Yeah?"

"Who's Dennis?"

Cordelia poured herself a cup of tea, and then one for Oz. "So how's Willow?" she asked as she reached for the sugar.

When he didn't respond right away, she turned to look at him. His face was ridden with pain. "We broke up."

She nearly dropped the sugar bowl. "What?" Cordelia stared at him. Had she heard him correctly? Oz and Willow had broken up? By the pain that remained etched on his features, she knew she'd heard right. "I'm sorry...I had no idea. I don't really keep in touch with...you know. Everyone back there."

"Me either," he said wryly.

Cordelia felt a sudden, familiar sadness sweep over her, but it wasn't for herself. It was a deep empathy for the guy sitting across from her at her kitchen table; a guy that had once been a friend, or at least, one of the closest people she could tentatively call a 'friend' back in Sunnydale. She decided that dredging up ancient history wasn't the best of ideas at that point. "So...what brought you to L.A.?"

He almost smiled. "I've been travelling a lot. Seeing the world."

"And you ended up back here?"

"Yep. Thought I'd swing by and see how you and Angel were."

"Well, I'm really glad you did," she said seriously. "Thanks for helping me out tonight. You did save my life."

Oz nodded. "Glad I could help." He glanced around. "What happened to that other guy? Doyle?"

Cordelia looked away. "He died. Almost a year ago. Not long after you were here last time, actually."

"Sorry," he said sincerely.

She nodded. "Me too. He was a good friend." Cordelia paused, really not wanting to dwell on sad things. "How long are you planning on hanging around L.A.?"

He shrugged. "No set plan. But if you guys need help, I can stick around."

"Well, I think we could use all the help we can get," she said quietly.

Cordelia sat on top of her bedspread lotus-style. She glanced out the window into the dark night.

Serial killer.

A serial killer has been watching me.

How long has he been watching? she wondered. A few days? A month? Since I came to L.A.?

Her stomach churned, but she couldn't stop the thoughts.

Is it someone I know? Someone I've talked to? Trusted?

Was he watching right now? Maybe spying on her with some hidden video camera? She'd seen things like that happen before, and not only in movies and on The X-Files. Had he watched her undress, seen her in the shower?

Cordelia shuddered, and jerked the comforter up around her body tightly. Her hand ached at the sudden movement and she bit her lip to hold back tears. She began to shiver as she fought off sleep. She didn't want to close her eyes. She was afraid of the things she would see in her dreams. She didn't want to go to sleep, not now. Even though Oz was in the guestroom right across the hall and she knew logically that she was safe for the time being, she didn't feel safe.

The whole room was too damned dark. "Dennis?" she whispered. The lamplight flooded the room almost instantly. "Thanks."

Even with the light on she felt sleepy. No, she wasn't sleepy...she was down right tired. She needed to sleep. But not now. Cordelia sat up and reached for the bottle of No-Doz she had set beside her bed. She only considered it for a moment before she unscrewed the cap with her uninjured hand and quickly swallowed down two of the pills. No serial killer was going to catch her off guard. At least not tonight. She could stay awake as long as she had to.

The End

Back to the fanfic