SWEAT

By Antonia "My Antonia" Wyatt

I sure don't voluntarily walk to the ice cream shop
Many behaviors are a complex mixture of voluntary and involuntary influences. Take swallowing, for example. You can voluntarily swallow or inhibit swallowing, but only within certain limits. Try to swallow ten times in a row voluntarily (without anything to drink). The first swallow is easy and the second is almost as easy. But before long, you will find additional swallows difficult, unpleasant, eventally almost impossible. Now try to inhibit swallowing for as long as you can. Chances are you will not last more than a minute or two. (You're not allowed to spit.) Can you think of a purely voluntary movement--that is, one that is independent of external stimuli, with no unintentional components? The question probably sounds easy, and you suggest walking, talking, scratching your head . . . However, most examples turn out to include involuntary components. Consider walking: When you walk, you automatically compensate for the bumps and irregularities in the road. You probably also swing your arms a bit, automatically, just as an involuntary consequence of walking.

GO TO THE HOSPITAL
Q: I recently got a very deep cut on my forearm, and I'm losing a lot of blood. What should I do? -Shantelle, Sacramento
A: General practitioner Marla Patenkin says it really depends on how much blood you're losing. "If we're talking, like, a puddle on the floor, then you need to go to the emergency room right away," she says. But if you're just bleeding a little, you're not in a lot of pain, and you don't feel lightheaded or groggy, just slap a Powerpuff Girls band-aid on that thang and go about your business.

ATHLETIC GUINEA PIG: CACTUS WRESTLING
Ane wanted to try something new and exciting, something that you can only do in certain parts of a single continent. And yes, the locals do call it "rasslin."

IT'S ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE
A big part of cactus wrestling is getting yourself really psyched up. Another big part is intimidating your opponent. Both are accomplished by yelling and pointing.

RIGHT IN THE KISSER
This cactus got in a couple of good hits, but only one of us walked away (me, because the cactus is rooted in the ground).

THE HUG OF DEATH
This one is temporarily getting the better of me, I think. Hugging moves are central to cactus wrestling, especially when you're going up against the mighty saguaro. One of the advantages of hugging is that it exposes a large surface area to the cactus' spines. Unfortunately, this is an advantage for the cactus.

THIS PART ESPECIALLY SUCKED
It's too bad that this photo came out looking like nap time in the shade, because some shit was really going down right here. Mostly what was happening was I was getting thousands of tiny spines embedded into my skin.

DOES THIS WORKOUT DO ANYTHING?
ENDORPHIN QUOTIENT: Are you scared of being scratched and stabbed by hundreds of itchy cactus spines? I thought so.
SORE SPOTS: Skin, mostly--although I did get some butt bruises from falling down, too.
THEY SHOULD HAVE WARNED US: Any kind of protective armor is a good idea.
ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION: Don't ever fucking do this.
SEE FOR YOURSELF: The Sonoran Desert, in southern Arizona and Sonora, Mexico has the most cactus species and is the only place you can find the giant, anthropomorphic saguaro cactus. The Desert Bandit bar in Douglas, AZ, home of the WCWF, has ameteur cactus rasslin' on Friday nights. If you liked being taken snipe hunting, you'll love this.

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