My Precious Andrew, Oh how I miss you. It is 3:00 a.m. and I can't sleep. The ache of my loss is so overwhelming. I need to talk to you so I am writing this letter and will send it by Angels wings. I was coming to see you. I just thought I had to wait for my cancer treatments to be over. I wanted to see all the places you loved so much. Where you lived and played, where you worked, your new motorcycle, meet all your friends. I wanted to do all these things but I waited too long. Oh yes, my baby, I saw them, but it was too late. You weren't there to share them with me. Please forgive me Andrew. My cancer is gone Drew. They got it all sweetheart and I am ok now. I know you'll be happy about that. Nancy told me how you worried about me. I am so thankful that I got to talk to you the night before you were taken and to tell you that I love you and that the cancer was shrinking. Stacie misses you so much. She took the news really hard. She still worries me because she wont cry about you. Remember how she'd always puff up and get mad and lash out at people when she was hurt? Well, she still does that and especially about you. She is mostly mad at the Insurance company for cashing that check for you so you could buy your motorcycle. You two were so close. I know you talked over all the problems of the world together. Your loves, your fears, your disappointments. She misses that. Maybe this is just her way of handling her grief and I should butt out but I can't help but worry. She is all I have left. You used to be afraid that after your Dads and my divorce, and you went with him, that you might never see me again. Time showed you that a Mothers’ love is forever. My dear son, I never once held it against you for going with your Dad. I knew that you needed your Dads approval so much. You knew without a doubt that I loved you and would always be there for you no matter what. I still do Andrew. I love you so much, sometimes I don't know if I can take the pain of not having you here. We went to your crash site. Oh baby, it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The lamp post was still laying there but someone moved it across the street, and there was broken glass and tire marks on the curb where you hit it. The young man riding with you that night stayed right by your side the whole time. He wouldn't leave you alone and cradled you in his arms till the ambulance came and took you away. He said it all happened so fast that you didn't have a chance to think and that the Angels took you immediately. I thank God that you didn't suffer. You really had some terrific friends honey. The place was filled with flowers and balloons that all your friends left for you. I left you a single little red rose bud and Stacie left a bouquet of beautiful wild flowers. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay there because it was the last place where you had been. Walking away was almost harder than visiting the place, but I did not leave you there. I carried you away with me in my heart where you will always be. Remember, " A mothers love is forever." Remember the 21st birthday present I promised you? Well, I brought it to the funeral chapel for you. You would have loved it. It was a huge basket filled with cheese and crackers and champagne and even some silly string and all sorts of goodies to help you celebrate your 21st. Even champagne glasses and it was all tied up with blue cellophane and ribbons. I made your friends promise to take it with them and share it in a toast to you. Nancy chaperoned them. She and I write each other now. She really is quite a lady. There must have been over 500 people at your funeral Andrew. I got to meet your friends and I loved them all. I took time out from my treatments so I could be there for you. Oh why, dear Lord, didn't I come more often while you were still alive? I looked kind of weird with hardly any hair and my big floppy hat and most of the people didn't even know who the kooky looking woman was till it was all over. Your Dad was there. I think he was really sorry for the way he treated you. I think he finally realized how much he loved you, but too late. I know you loved him and I am using your love to help me get over my bitterness toward him. I know you would want me to forgive him and I am working on it. Today is Mother's Day. I look at the card you sent me last year and wish there could be another one for today. Some people say the holidays are the hardest time to get through. I don't think so. Nights are. Save a room for me in your mansion Andrew. One day we will be together again. Until then, you are in my heart, my thoughts, my dreams. Remember "A MOTHERS LOVE IS FOREVER." A mother holds her child's hand for a little while, but their hearts forever..... ~HEARTSTRINGS~ A mother's love knows no bounds, No stronger bond can be found, Mother and child are connected from the start, There is a string from heart to heart. Nothing can break this heartstring, No matter what the future may bring, A mother loves her child forever, The heartstring holds them together. It is a love of the sweetest kind, There is nothing more beautiful you will ever find, And even death cannot break this bond, It knows no earthly ties, it is here and beyond. We are connected to our children forever by this love, Even when God calls them to his home above, Nothing can change this love, not time, nor words or even death's bitter sting, We are connected forever by the "HEARSTRING" Judi Walker Copyright: July 7, 1999 Midi Selection: One More Day