Today is your first anniversary Andrew. Not that anniversaries mean a lot to an Angel. You have eternity in paradise. They only mark time to those of us left behind. Time to miss you, time to be lonely, time to cry ...... Time spent trying to make up ways to keep busy so the days will pass, the nights will blend into one another. How did I make it this far ? How will I make it tomorrow ? I wanted so to go back to Colorado Springs to spend the 4th of July. Watching the fireworks, remembering you like I did last year. I felt so close to you there. I know you were there with me last year, watching all the fireworks in the sky. It was so beautiful. I don’t imagine the fire works were as spectacular to you.... You have the Glory Of Heaven and nothing on earth could compare to that. It’s just that I felt you there with me, so close. Will next year be any easier, or the one after that ? I still have your ashes with me. I can’t bear to put them in the ground. Somehow that would finalize the end to me. I am not ready to give you up. Not today, not tomorrow, not 100 years from now. What is Heaven like Son ? I know I should be more anxious to see God, but Heaven to me means being with you again. The days here are so long. Sometimes at night, when I close my eyes, I catch a glimpse of you and you are always smiling. Oh how well I remember that smile. If I could only reach out and touch you. Would that make it any easier for me though ? Probably not. I would only want more. More of your smiles, more of hearing you call “ Hey Mom”, more hugs, more time to tell you how much I love you...... Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and miss you. Your pictures are the last thing I see at night before I close my eyes and I tell you good night, and the first thing I see in the morning when I tell you hello again.. Today is just another day for most of the world. Does anyone out there know how special and yet so hard today is ? Does anyone else understand ? Does anyone else care ? I feel so alone today. I know that God has a plan for each of our lives, but I wish I knew what mine was. Why am I still here and you are gone? Why must a Mother go through this agony ? So many questions, so few answers. I am not sad for you my precious Son. I would not want you to have to return to this earth and take the glory of Heaven away from you. I just wish it could be easier for us who are left behind. The sun is up again and the beginning of this new day is here. Maybe today will be easier than yesterday, tomorrow easier than today. I pray so. I love you Andrew. Please come to me again in my dreams. Mom Midi selection ~ Hero