By - Linnet
Xelloss: Hi there, boys and girls. ~charmed smile~ I’m glad you all came today, are you? Good!
Lina: This is ridiculous. ~glares up from inside old fairy tale book~ Who gave you the liberty to shove us in your messed up story?
Xelloss: My boss. ^^
Zelgadiss: Oh, really? Xellas actually agreed to this cruel and unusual punishment?
Xelloss: No, no, no! Not the boss, the author! ^^ ~points up at Linnet who is typing text~
Linnet: Hi minna-san! ~whispers~ Whoo-hoo! Self-insertion!
Lina: Oh, brother…
Xelloss: Anyway! Shhh you guys! I’m reading to the kids! ~points at an empty space in the middle of the room save for scattered ashes~
Gourry: What kids?
Xelloss: …Eh…What are you talking about? They’re right there!
Lina: You blew them up, didn’t you?
Xelloss: ^^() no…Can’t you see them?
Filia: How atrocious! You destroyed another group of children?!
Xelloss: Ah…Well…Moving on! This is the story of Snow White! ^^ How I perceive it…
Zelgadiss: …Good grief…
Xelloss: ^^ Once upon a time, there was a lovely little princess named Snow White, but her parents were screwballs. So she wasn’t white. She was blue!
~POOF! Zelgadiss is in a Cheap Imitation™ Snow White dress and shoes~
Zelgadiss: AHHH! What the hell?! You must be joking, Xelloss!
Xelloss: ^^ mmm…Well, Snow White lived in a beautiful castle with her wicked stepmother, the Queen!
~POOF! Filia now stands dressed in Cheap Imitation™ wicked Queen costume with scary makeup and clay putty witch nose~
Filia: Wha…?! XELLOSS! ~vein pulses~ I REFUSE to be the Queen! Especially in…This!
Xelloss: Come, come! That makeup brings out your inner dragon. ^^
Filia: ~Shakes fist wrathfully~ I’ll get you for this, namagomi…
Xelloss: The Queen, because of natural envy, always pestered Snow White and her good looks. But the Queen was positive that she was the fairest in the land, but to be sure, she always asked her magic mirror…~Pokes Filia~
Filia: ~Huffs~ Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all?
~POOF! The disembodied head of Colonel Sanders appears in the mirror~
Sanders: My queen, Snow White is the fairest in the land.
Filia: O.O ?!?! X…X…Xelloss? Why is the KFC guy in…the…mirror? ~Steps away slowly from the mirror~
Xelloss: To keep the readers’ interest. ^^
Lina: Oh, jeez.
Xelloss: Well, the Queen was not very happy with the mirror’s response. But before she could summon her ravishing relation-
Zelgadiss: Don’t even kid about that.
Xelloss: -A gallant prince from afar came into the courtyard. And, noticing Snow White’s extraordinary beauty approached her.
Zelgadiss: I don’t see a prince.
~POOF! Linnet takes over reading (Whoo-hoo!) and Xelloss appears in the story wearing puffy sleeved princely outfit~
Zelgadiss: …
Xelloss: ^^ Hey, sweety.
Zelgadiss: ALRIGHT! I’ve had enough! I am not doing this!
Linnet: Shushup and lemme read! The prince told Snow White how much he loved her, and Snow White admitted her own love.
Xelloss: ~Hugs Zelgadiss~ ^^
Zelgadiss: -_- No. ~tries to squirm away~
Linnet: But just then, the Queen called for Snow White.
Filia: Snow White!
Zelgadiss: Coming. ~tries to pry Xelloss off~ Dammit Xelloss! Get off me!
Xelloss: ^^ Oh, okay. ~lets go~ But I’ll be back. ~disappears~
Zelgadiss: ~Walks up to the Queen~ Yeah?
Queen: I want you to-
Linnet: So the Queen went on to tell Snow White to go into the forest to get flowers. Snow White, being the good girl that she was, obediently set forth to the forest.
Queen: Hey! Who’s playing the Queen here?
Zelgadiss: ~While walking through the "forest"~ I would appreciate it if you’d stop calling me a she.
Linnet: Shush! The little princess walked deeper into the forest and came across a most puzzling sight.
Zelgadiss: Oh, what a puzzling sight. -_-
Linnet: She came across a small cottage where seven little people lived. They were dwarves, and they were playing croquet. Curious, Snow White approached the dwarves.
Zelgadiss: Hi.
Lina: Hey, princess lady! I’m…~squints at script~ Spicy? ~eyes Linnet~
Linnet: I couldn’t think of any other adjective name that would suit you!
Amelia: I’m Justice-y? ~blinks~
Valgaav: I’m Moody.
Martina: I’m…eh…Fussy.
Rezo: ~sighs~ I’m OpticallyChallenged-y.
Linnet: I’m so awesome! ^^
~All glare at Linnet~
Linnet: Moving along…
Sylphiel: I’m Wussy.
Gourry: I’m E.
Lina: "E"?
Linnet: I had to think of something the man could read! ^^()
Lina: Right. Okay.
Linnet: The seven dwarves allowed Snow White to stay with them. Meanwhile…
Filia: Mirror, mirror, on the wall…Who’s the fairest one of all?
Sanders: Snow White.
Filia: Well! Then I’ll just have to make a-
Linnet: The Queen went down to her lair and started to plot Snow White’s demise.
Filia: -_-*
Linnet: She finally finished creating a magical shrink-wrapped brook trout.
Filia: A…a…What? ~picks up the trout~
Linnet: Work with me! The Queen then set out into the forest right after the dwarves went out clubbing. She appeared in front of Snow White.
Filia: Hi Snow White.
Zelgadiss: …It’s a fish.
Filia: Yeah. I know…-_-()
Linnet: Determined to be the fairest in the land, the Queen put Snow White into a deathly sleep.
Filia: How?
Linnet: Improvise. It’s a fish.
Filia: Okay…~shrugs and bashes the fish over Zelgadiss’s head~
Zelgadiss: ~stands there~ …Um…What now?
Linnet: Cheeseandrice…Just fall into a deathly sleep, will ya?!
Zelgadiss: ~does so~
Linnet: Good. Ahem. Victorious, the Queen then went out for a tequila or two, started to walk home, and gets run over by a hoard of pedestrian bandits.
Filia: WHAT?!
Linnet: Come on, falling off a cliff is so unoriginal.
Filia: ~mutters and leaves~
Linnet: After their wild night out, the dwarves came home to find the dead Snow White on their lawn.
Lina: Oh, look there.
Rezo: What?
Amelia: How terrible!
Rezo: What is it?
Martina: Is it dead?
Rezo: What?! What’s dead?!
Valgaav: How much do I get for doing this again?
Rezo: WHO’S DEAD?
Sylphiel: This is terrible! ~tears up~
Rezo: Dammit, I want to know who’s dead! ~feels around for something to throw~
Gourry: Why is Zelgadiss wearing makeup?
Rezo: ~grabs Gourry by the hair and ends up throwing him back to chapter two~
Sylphiel: Gourry dear!
Linnet: While the seven…er…six dwarves mourned over their poor houseguest, the gallant prince arrived.
Xelloss: Here I am! ^^
Valgaav: Scumbag.
Linnet: Concerned for his love, the prince knelt down and kissed Snow White.
Xelloss: ~kneels down to kiss Zelgadiss~
Zelgadiss: Oh NO! ~jumps up and hides behind Lina~
Linnet: …Ahm…
Lina: ~shrugs and looks at her script~ Hooray. Snow White is alive.
Amelia: Oh happy day! ^^()
Rezo: What just happened?
Martina: ~whines~
Sylphiel: Oh my…Where is Gourry dear?
Valgaav: This is just messed up.
Xelloss: Spoiled sport! ^^
Valgaav: Shuddup, you $&*(#$!!#$#)(^*$@.
Linnet: Is that a word?
Valgaav: -_- @$&*(%^…
Linnet: What about that?
Rezo: What?
Linnet: Er…So, anyway! They all lived happily ever after!
Lina: Finally. ~tears off the dwarf costume and leaves~
Amelia: Wait for me, Miss Lina!
Sylphiel: Gourry dear…Where are you?
Zelgadiss: Get away from me, you perverted fruitcake!
Xelloss: ^^ ~grabs Zelgadiss and kisses him~
Martina: Ewwww…~walks away~
Rezo: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
Linnet: The end. ~munches on chicken~
Yeah…Okay…^^() I’ll just put a disclaimer. I don’t own the Slayers, KFC, or any Cheap Imitation™ Disney costumes. But before I go, I would like to accept any donations of Paxel for our dear friends Rezo and Valgaav.
Rezo: What just happened?!
Valgaav: ##@)(*^^$@&#$(*@.