From: D
To: alysabeth.com
Subject: gallery peanut
Date: Thu, 14 Nov 2002

I didn't get into every corner of your web site, so I don't know if you do seriously address the potential dangers of dancing, but as far as I saw, I fear that you may be glorifying exotic dancing more than it deserves. I think much of what you said is true, but by not really talking about the hazards involved, you may be encouraging some people into sensitive territory. People talk about "gateway" drugs, and from what i have seen, dancing can be a gateway drug as well. Many many clubs, even the best (and sometimes, especially the best) are environments saturated with drugs and "exchanging favors". I do not intend to generalize the acts of a few unsavory people to a whole population, but it is an important detail to know that some of the stereotypes prove to be true. Young women, more impressionable and less level-headed than yourself, are likely to get influenced by these temptations, and some of them have a terrible time trying to get out. I'm sure you know, but women who go into dancing "temporarily" sometimes get themselves onto a cycle of bad decisions. I just fear you may be influencing some delicate people into a situation that is more extreme than they can handle. Yes, it can be liberating and fun, and that's a reality, but alcoholism, drug addictions, and prostitution are also realities to be faced. (Not to mention possibly becoming the object of some dangerous person's affections). Becoming involved in these sorts of things doesn't necessarily come with the job, but the opportunities are there more than in other lines of work.

I am concerned that your enthusiasm for this line of work may overshadow the potential dangers. I am aware that people need to live their own lives, make their own decisions, and live with the consequences. If people are looking at your site while entertaining the idea of becoming a dancer, I feel as though a more representative description of the profession, including the bad parts, is needed.

Concerned,
D

D has a point, one that has been brought up before, and which I haven't overlooked. I've mentioned many times that one shouldn't enter this profession without definite boundaries and a strong sense of self. I haven't gone point by point, enumerating the potential hazards inherent (or maybe not) to the business, for a reason: for the most part, that's all anyone ever hears about. Far from never considering the dangers of sex work, society assumes them. My writings and feministstripper.com came about in answer to the glaring lack of positive representations of strippers and our work.

For the most part, although it's starting to change now, the information available about sex work and the popular image of sex workers has been overwhelmingly negative. Any girl thinking of exploring that option is likely to be bombarded with cartoonishly two-dimensional stereotypes: substance-abusing, dissipated Unfortunates who sell their souls along with their bodies, and often come to bad ends - think Robin Wright in Forrest Gump. Society already assumes that the misguided young woman who gets drawn into the world of erotic commerce has started down a bad road, one that will lead her far from the 'wholesome' rewards of mainstream conformity. We call it a tragedy when it happens, but lots of people are comfortable with that, because it doesn't disturb their worldview: really, they wouldn't have it any other way.

I began to write about this specifically to defy those stereotypes and offer a firsthand and much more positive voice to the increasingly widespread discussion surrounding the issue of sex work. There are already an army of women who used the industry when they were down to get a quick leg up, who are ashamed of their bad decisions and want to lay blame anywhere but at their own feet, where it belongs. These women have perpetuated this insidious victim mentality and turned on the very business that gave them the resources to move forward. Spent your money on cocaine instead of college? Blame the business! Didn't use the twenty extra hours a week you had while everyone else was working full-time to improve yourself and your life? Don't worry! The industry is there to take the fall! Got nothing to show for the time you spent in the clubs but bad knees, a chronic cough and a trunk full of zebra-striped Spandex? Poor Thing, you got sucked in! You didn't know what you were doing. Not your fault. That Bad Old Strip Club just sat there at the other end of town waiting for you, no locks on the door or anything. Nobody even tried to stop you when you filled out the application, or bought your first costume, or put it on and marched up onto the stage. How were you supposed to know to save some of your money, or not to do that line of whatever someone was snorting through that rolled-up $20? For God's sake, don't people know that grown adults need supervision?

I have a problem with the 'gateway' theory, just in general. I don't think it really applies to drugs any more than it does to people (I've been on a Gateway computer for years, and never used anything harder). It's human nature, in pursuing an experience, to start out tentatively and then gather steam. That's why kids that jump off of the roof when they're 10 jump out of airplanes when they're 30. When it achieves a desirable end it's called progress; when it turns out badly we say we could see it coming all along. If someone starts out in the mailroom and makes their way up the chain to supervisor - even in a job they hate, even if they spend their lives dreaming of something better and never seeking it out - we approve. If someone starts out as a stripper and eventually finds that they'll make better money working in adult films or a legal brothel in Nevada, though, it's a problem, not a professional choice.

I thought it was important for me to balance things out a little by bringing some of the fruits of my personal experience to this table. I've been in the business for over a decade and haven't become the stereotype or suffered from most of its fabled dangers. Neither have most of the women I've worked with over the years, which I'm sure you can imagine has been a considerable number. I don't deny that it can mess with your head sometimes, even if you're careful. I'm not saying it's all roses, or that everyone involved always has a universally good experience or comes out in better shape than when they went in. There are aspects of the profession that have worn on me after a while, and most women who have been in the business for very long need to take a break from time to time, but that's true of many professions. That's what vacations are for.

I'm the first to admit that the industry can have a strong effect on self-esteem. That effect can be positive or negative. Sauntering across the stage covered in feathers and glitter, towering over a crowd of gape-mouthed admirers, can be a tonic for the ego. Leaving the dressing room on the wrong day of the month when you'd rather be at home eating ice cream and crying can be an exercise in misery. There are days when you can't get out of the way of the flying cash, and days where it seems like the crowd is telling you that if only you were good enough or pretty enough, you'd be able to pay your utility bill. One well-placed comment at an inopportune moment can wreck your whole week; another time someone may give it their best (or cheapest) shot and not be able to make a dent in your ironclad self-love, and come out looking like a jerk to boot.

The reason one needs a strong sense of who they are and where their boundaries lie to thrive in this business is that those boundaries and their understanding of self are going to be tested time and again from every possible angle, and probably moved around - a little or a lot. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be. Money and the Bacchanalian sense that anything goes can be an intoxicating combination: a girl, even a smart one, can lose her head. We all make mistakes, but when it's about sex and your own body it can be hard to forgive yourself later, no matter what you have to show for it. There's more good than bad to be had in strip clubs, but it pays to be vigilant and keep a level head - and to love yourself enough to move past a misstep or two. You may step outside your own comfort zone at one time or another, but you can step back in again and know where that line is next time. It's not the end of the world; you just found out something about yourself, and knowledge is power. At the core, that's what we are: the sum of all the lessons we've learned. Most of us were taught an especially good one when we were young, one that we would do well to carry with us into the dimly lit places where sex and money meet: you don't ever have to do what everybody - or anybody - else is doing.

Sex work has its risks, it's true. Not everything that's risky is inherently bad, however, and those who are willing to take risks in order to gain great advantages will fight vehemently for the right not to be protected from themselves. Some of those people will suffer the consequences, and some will reap the rewards. That's Life: those who live it to the fullest know that best.

Maybe it's time, once and for all, for me to take these demons on, to address some of the hazards one may encounter when mounting the stage.

The Pitfalls of the Profession:
A Stripper's Guide to Survival

These may seem like common sense to you, and I could swear that at least some of this information is available to the general public, but you'd be surprised how many 'victims' of the sex industry have found them to be a total surprise. If only they had known:

- Drugs are addictive, and expensive, too. Not only that, but if you use them your health may suffer, and if you take too much, you can die.

- Alcohol is a drug.

- Save your money. If you don't, you won't have any later.

- Don't take money for anything of yours that isn't for sale - and don't be ashamed of charging top dollar for anything that is. If you do something that embarrasses you or makes you feel violated just because someone offered you a lot of cash to do it, you'll feel bad later, long after the money is gone.

- You'll feel worse if there are pictures.

- That said, you'll only be young and beautiful once; if you feel good about what you were doing in them, pictures can be GREAT.

- No isn't a bad word. In fact it's really a girl's best friend - much more useful and valuable than diamonds. Learn to say it without embarrassment or regret, and it will serve you well. You don't have to justify your position or listen to arguments. No is the end of the discussion. You can add 'thank you' and a smile to it while you stand your ground if you want to soften the blow a bit. Say it to yourself a few times a day, and learn to savor the sharp taste.

- Protect yourself. Lots of women already know this, but if you don't then you should: a certain percentage, larger than you think, of the people who find you attractive feel hostile about it and want to make you feel bad or even hurt you. Read up on stalkers and other sex criminals, and how you can keep yourself safe from them. If you believe that secretaries are any safer than strippers, you've got a lot to learn - and it's not the stripper's fault any more than the secretary's.

- If your whole life revolves around your work, other aspects of your life and your Self will suffer or maybe even die. Branch out. Read. Take a class. Don't stop growing and changing. Believe you deserve to be happy.

- Complacency breeds inertia. If you get too comfortable with what you have and don't ever look for anything better, you won't find it. If you don't do anything to change your life, then it won't ever change. If some aspect of this business or any other demands too much of you or doesn't make you happy, move on to something else. Life is too short, and its circumstances will defeat you often enough; don't do it to yourself. If you do, it's nobody's fault but yours.