New
Virus's
Joke by Alpha added on October 22, 2000
Virus |
Definition |
|
| Oprah Winfrey | - | Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB. |
| AT&T | - | Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. |
| MCI | - | Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. |
| Paul Revere | - | This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack once if by LAN, twice if by C:>. |
| Politically Correct | - | Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." |
| Right To Life | - | Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives. |
| Ross Perot | - | Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits. |
| Mario Cuomo | - | It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. |
| Ted Turner | - | Colorizes your monochrome monitor. |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger | - | Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. |
| Dan Quayle | - | Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network. |
| Dan Quayle 2000 | - | Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer. ewe jsut cant figyour out watt! |
| Government Economist | - | Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. |
| Federal Buerucrat | - | Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. |
| Gallup | - | Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.) |
| Texas | - | Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. |
| Adam and Eve | - | Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. |
| Congressional | - | The computer locks up, screen splits eratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. |
| Airline | - | You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. |
| PBS | - | Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. |
| Elvis | - | Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. |
| Ollie North | - | Causes your printer to become a paper shredder. |
| Sears | - | Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks. |
| Jimmy Hoffa | - | Your programs can never be found again. |
| Congressional #2 | - | Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. |
| Kevorkian | - | Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy. |
| Imelda Marcos | - | Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy. |
| Star Trek | - | Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before. |
| Health Care | - | Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500. |
| George Bush | - | It starts by boldly stating. "Read my docs.... No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus. |
| Cleveland Indians | - | Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT. |
| LAPD | - | It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self defense". |
| Chicago Cubs | - | Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it. |
| Oral Roberts | - | Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars it's programmer will take it back. |
| Michael Jackson | - | It can never be found because it is constantly altering its appearance. |
| O.J. Simpson | - | Deletes two files and then says it positively 100% didn't do it but vows to find the one that did. |
| PLO | - | Begins destroying files and says it will not live peacefully in your computer until you hand over memory. When you do...it claims that you owe it more and more until it claims the entire computer as it's own. |
| New England Patriots | - | Your computer runs at 286. As soon as you get a new operating system, it keeps on getting better. When it's finally the best, the OS quits and the computer starts over. Submitted by: Chickenshit |
| Reagan | - | Your system can't remember what it is and suddenly goes into sleep mode. |
| Lewinsky | - | Sucks all the data out of the hard drive, but saves 1MB Just in case. |
| Clinton | - | Corrupts the system, smokes the monitor, then plays with the floppy until the hard drive kicks in. |
| Viagra | - | Attacks old 286 computers and makes them run like Pentium Pro 6000's. Smokes processor after 2 minutes. |
| Jake the Body | - | Convinces the computer it's the Governor of Minnesota. |
| Mike Tyson | - | Corrupts new files, takes a Byte out of memory, then convinces the CPU that It'll never happen again. |
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