John and Ally had decided to not say anything to anyone at work about this. It had been an escalation in their friendship and they figured, what with Ally's recent break-up, nothing could be said about what people would think of her then, if they knew that she went from a break-up with the supposed love of her life to sleeping with her best friend the night of.

Three weeks went by, no call from Larry, no sign, no nothing. Ally had really started feeling the sorrow that she needed to have from losing him. They WERE together for almost a year after all. Her and John, well, they didn't sleep together after that, but they spent a lot of lonely nights together at his place, curled up on his couch, watching television, well sometimes, other times, they would listen to music softly while talking, kissing, or just relaxing in peaceful silence. That was what Ally always liked about John's presence; it was peaceful. They hadn't fought about anything, Ally even confessed to John her mourning of Larry and he sympathized; after all, he had sensed it coming for a while, right? Ally always assured John that her missing Larry had no effect on her feelings for him. She loved him, she told him it...every once in a while. She was still coping with loving Larry and then losing him. But she had John, so she should be happy, right? She was more confused than John had been the day everything happened.

It was after hours at the firm and everyone had left for the bar as usual. Ally was alone in the unisex in a stall. "Oh my God," she kept repeating softly over and over, her face covered by warm tears. In her hands was a pregnancy test. The result: positive.

John had noticed that Ally wasn't anywhere to be found and he went by her office. She wasn't there so he decided to check the unisex. Ally heard the door open and then John's voice echoed, "Ally?" he said. Ally wiped her face and stood up, smoothing her skirt out and hiding the test behind her back, trying to be casual.

She responded, "Yeah, John, I'll be right out." The first thing that ran through her mind was, how the hell was she going to hide this? Did she WANT to hide it? It wasn't honest, that much she was sure of, but honestly, Ally forgot what she had wanted. Was she using John for comfort? It was just one single time! she thought worriedly. She wiped her face once again, and opened the stall door slowly.

John was right in front of it leaning against the other side of stalls. His face broke into a smile as the stall door started opening and was replaced by a worried frown when he saw Ally's face. She was crying, he knew it. "Ally, what's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked immediately scared for her.

Ally knew she couldn't get out of this, she had to bide a little time though. "John, please go to my office and wait for me, I’ll be right there." When she noticed the hesitated look on his face she spoke a little louder and firmer. "Please John, please just go!" she almost yelled at him. John scampered towards the door and took a look back. "GO!" she bellowed.

Ally walked towards the sink and set the test on the counter. She turned on the water and placed her hands under the running cold water, splashing her face with it every now and then, but mainly just feeling the water run through her fingers. John would want this baby; she knew it. Ally, hell, she just wanted Larry back, honestly. What the hell is my problem? I can't wanna be with Larry! That would betray John. He loves me, so much. It's SOOOO evident! Ally turned the water off and went to dry her hands. She took a deep breath, threw the paper towel away, grabbed the test, stopped briefly before opening the door then made her way through it, clutching the pregnancy test for dear life.

"But Ally," John was flabbergasted. "It was just one time," he shook his head in disbelief.

"That's all it took John," Ally was looking at the floor fidgeting with her fingers.

"Well, um, what are you going to do?" John looked at Ally, his eyes full of question, sudden happiness, hope, and worry, all at the same time.

"Well gee John, I wonder," Ally got snappish. Suddenly a phone started to ring and Ally searched her desk for her cell. She found it and picked it up. "Hello?" she answered.

John noticed the sudden color change in her face. A good description...white; white as a ghost. For some reason, John felt this wasn't good. He felt a sudden change in feelings, not his, hers. He could sense that something was wrong. He knew who it was...Larry Paul. Ally hung up the phone and sat down silently. John had tuned out what was being said on her end, too preoccupied by his own thoughts. "Who was that?" he couldn't help asking the obvious.

Ally looked down at the desk; her hands holding the cell phone were placed on the desk limp, no life at all in them. It was surprising she was able to hold the cell phone. Her strength was drained. "It was, it, it was, it was Larry, John," Ally finally made eye contact with John.

If John felt his face couldn't fall anymore, he was mistaken because it did. It fell so low, he couldn't pick it up if he had superman help him. "Well um, uh, what, what did he want?" that part, John HADN'T figured out yet.

Ally looked John dead in the eyes. "He wants to talk. He, uh, he uh, he still," Ally sighed. "He still, loves me."

John felt like Goliath had punched him in the gut. "He does, does he?" John was trying to hold in anger that was slowly but surely surfacing. He loved Ally, and it looked as if she wanted Larry...and would go to him on a second's notice, slowly, but surely. "And you still love him, I take it," John gritted his teeth.

"Of course I still love him John," she looked at the ground. This time, she didn't say anything about her feelings for John not being in competition with Larry, like she had done every single other time.

John was defeated; he had no choice. The love he thought he had FINALLY gotten had slipped away, yet again. Who knows, maybe he never really had it to begin with. All of John's thoughts were angry, and he didn't want to take them out on her so he chose the only possible solution. "Go to him Ally. You know you love him. If you can make it work, make it. Be that one for him, once and for all," and with that, he left before Ally could stop him. She was still in such a daze she had no idea what to do. Okay, so she DID know what she wanted...she wanted Larry. She wanted her Larry.

John got into his car, the tears starting to fall. He had lost Ally. Once and for all, he lost her. He knew that there was no way to get her back. Even if Ally and Larry didn't make it this time, it truly was over.

John got into his car and the tears falling down his face became blinding. He knew he shouldn't be driving, but he just wanted to get away. He didn't know where, but he would go somewhere, somewhere far away for a while. There was no way he could watch Ally become happy again due to Larry, of all people. He couldn't really help but hate Larry at that moment. Larry had brought so much pain to him, all because he had Ally and John didn't. John resented him for that. Larry was a lucky lucky man.

Then John remembered. Ally was pregnant. Ally was pregnant with HIS child. What would happen now? John's foot hit the acceleration a little harder. Would Ally have the child? Oh of course she would! John knew Ally better than that. But, would John get to see the child? John's head was swarmed as he drove down the road, a little too fast for comfort, his tears still blinding him, not making the situation any better.

John kept speeding down the road through lights. Luckily they changed to green cause there was no way he was stopping. Then, one light, it didn't change...quick enough...

Ally drove down the road towards her apartment. Larry wanted to meet at "home" as he had called it. The music was playing on the radio and Ally couldn't help relating. She was pregnant with John's child, Larry had left saying he would fail again and that was that. John had stuck by, even when she had been mourning Larry. What was it about Larry? What was it?

I can't sleep babe
I can't think babe
I can't live babe
Without you in my life

I can't go on babe
This is my song baby
Don't wanna do nothin' if I go away baby
And I can't do nothin' if you're not around

All Ally could remember was the electricity that flowed all throughout her body when Larry and her embraced. The sound of his beautiful voice ringing in her ears, singing the song he wrote for her.

Though I must admit
That things got out of hand
When you told me that he was just a friend
I should of had my trust in you
From the very start darlin'
Cuz I never meant for this to end
How can we get it back again?

Oh sometimes a man can say things
That he really don't mean
Well I'm sorry baby
Bring your lovin' back to me

Minus the references to a girl, being that a man sang this song, the lyrics were very on point as far as Ally’s situation was concerned. However, she couldn't indulge in the rest of the song, she was being slowed down by backed up traffic. Ally saw an ambulance, a fire engine and a few police cars; it was the scene of an accident. It looked pretty bad and she knew that she wasn't getting anywhere anytime soon in her car, so she pulled over to the side of the road and parked. Ally could pick up the car later; at that moment in time, she wanted to see Larry again. Ally started walking down the sidewalk but her curiosity got the better of her so she craned her neck to see the accident. It looked like it was a head on collision of some sorts. There was someone the firemen were trying to get out of one of the cars and the other person was hanging out of his car, having gone through the windshield it appeared. Ally walked a little bit closer to get a better look. The curly hair looked rather familiar. Wait a second, she recognized the car...John.

Ally froze for a minute and then snapped back to reality and began running, screaming, towards John. "John! John! OH MY GOD JOHN!!!!" she got to the car and was about to touch John's head which was covered by glass shards when a police officer pulled her away by bringing her arms behind her back, trying not to hurt her too much. Ally apparently wasn't paying attention to the police officer because tears were streaming down her face and all she kept uttering was "John, John, hang in there! You'll be okay!" The police officer looked at the fireman standing by and they shook their heads in sympathy.

"Miss," the policeman said softly, "Miss, I don't think he made it." Ally whipped around and glared at him, fire shooting from her eyes.

"How dare you say he didn't make it! How dare you!" Ally started beating on his chest accusingly with her fists, crying harder, then she just collapsed and the policeman found himself cradling this crying woman. A woman who had lost someone who apparently meant something to her, meant the world. If only John knew that before...before...

Ally sat at the police station, her feet on the seat right in front of her, her head buried in her arms, which were propped up on her knees. Larry, followed closely by Renee, rushed up the stairs to the part of the station where Ally was sitting crying and ran over to her. "Ally," he said, pulling her up into his arms. Ally collapsed in his arms crying so hard she couldn't speak without losing the ability to breathe. "Shhh," Larry tried to comfort her, "shhh honey, it's okay. It's gonna be okay." Renee watched all of this sadly, rubbing her friend's back softly.

"No it's not!" an enraged Ally shot back, pulling away from Larry causing Renee to jump back. "He's not coming back to me! He went through the damn windshield! He went through a damn red light! He's gone! Do you understand me? HE'S GONE!!!!" Ally was able to get out in an enormous rage, taking all of her strength just to yell at Larry. She fell back into the chair and bent her head down towards her lap, her body convulsing in sobs once again. Renee attempted again to rub Ally's back, looking at Larry apologetically. She knew Ally was just hurting.

Larry realized she was right. John really was gone. Wow, he thought, stunned at the thought that someone he knew had died. That was a hard thing for anyone to cope with. "You're right Ally, I’m sorry. He's gone, he's not coming back," Larry thought a moment, "But he loved you, he will miss you," Larry was trying something, anything to get her to feel just a teeny bit better.

Something he said got to Ally; she looked up at him. "He did love me. He loved me. And he would have loved my baby," Ally didn't realize what she had said, but Larry heard her, and he was puzzled.

"What, baby?" Larry looked at Renee who shook her head, just as confused as Larry was. Ally hadn't even told Renee, surprisingly, about her and John.

The tears had subsided and Ally was looking straight ahead blankly. "I was gonna have that man's baby," she said simply.

Larry's legs gave way from the shock and he fell to the table set behind him, ALMOST missing it.

"Ally honey, what are you talking about?" Renee asked softly.

Ally's focus was turned from straight ahead of her to Renee, "It was one night, that was all it took," she started. "He wanted me to love him. He wanted me to say it. I said I loved him. We made love at his place. We, I, I don't know. I missed Larry, but I told him it was all about him. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. I don't know anymore.” Tears started brimming in her eyes.

Renee didn't know what to say. "Well, if that, then it was only what, three weeks ago? Are you sure it's his and not Larry's?" Renee and Ally had not seen Larry get up and leave amongst all the conversation about the baby, and John and Ally, and, well, he was gone.

Ally looked over to where she thought Larry was, but he wasn't there anymore. "Larry?" she called out. "Well MAYBE, but, I just thought..." Ally trailed off.

Renee rose her head up, "Larry?" she started looking around and then her eyes made their way to the stairs a few feet away. "Larry?" she let out again, hoping maybe he just needed a moment.

"Oh no! I just lost John! I CAN'T lose Larry too!" Ally got up and put her heels back on. She started yelling "Larry! Larry!" and then she proceeded to run down the stairs. One of her heels slipped off and Ally fell wrong on her ankle causing her to tumble down the stairs roughly, getting thrown all over the place.

"ALLY!!!!!!!" Renee screamed running after her friend, worried to death.

Larry was at the entrance to the police station when he heard his name being screamed and he turned around to see Ally come flying down the stairs. She landed with a thud...and it didn't look good.

Larry rushed over to a lifeless Ally and cradled her in his arms instantly just as Renee made her way to the bottom of the stairs and proceeded to grab one of Ally's hands trying to revive her.

"Ally honey, Ally, please wake up, Ally, ALLY!" Renee's cries got more insistent and a nearby officer called an ambulance.

Larry and Renee were in the ER waiting room waiting to hear about Ally. Larry was holding one of Renee's hands trying to calm her down. Suddenly, a doctor appeared and Renee rushed over to him.

"Are you Ally's doctor? Is she okay? Is she going to live?" Renee was shaking frantically.

"Friends of Ally McBeal?" he asked, making sure.

"Yes, I'm her boy-" Larry cut himself off. "This is her roommate," he indicated Renee, "and I’m a close friend."

"Well, she's suffered some internal bleeding, a concussion, and a sprained ankle but she'll be okay," the doctor looked over a clipboard he had come out holding. “Yup, that about does it,” he turned to walk away.

“What about the baby?” Larry stopped him. “She was pregnant doctor. She just took a home pregnancy test I assume because she said she was pregnant,” Larry studied the doctor’s confused expression as he looked down at his clipboard and walked back to Larry.

“Um, there was no baby sir. Miss McBeal was not pregnant. The test must have been a scare.”

Larry felt a weight lifted off of his shoulders and he quickly replied, "Thank you doctor," he shook his hand.

"Can we see her?" Renee asked, scared.

"She's unconscious," Renee nodded as if it didn't matter. "Okay, she's in room," he looked at his clipboard again, "234, down that hall," he motioned behind him, "and then to the left."

"Thanks," Larry said again. Renee was already rushing down the hall towards Ally's room.

Larry looked after Renee about to walk towards her, but decided to take a moment and he went back to the waiting room and sat down, staring at his hands. Okay, so maybe she was just lonely, maybe, oh hell, Larry didn't know what had happened. He left Ally in fear of never being able to make her completely and utterly happy. She leaned towards John in her time of need. They shared a probably magical night, and she almost wound up with his child. Larry couldn't help wanting it to be his child that she would eventually carry. He couldn't help it. No matter what he did to that woman, he loved her with all of his might and wanted nothing more than to be with her. Through thick and thin, he had concluded. No matter what. Larry stood up and made his way to her room.

"Larry?" Ally was tossing her head back and forth through a troubled sleep. Renee was asleep in a chair next to Ally and Larry was sitting on one in the back of the room watching over Ally. "Larry, Larry, don't leave me, I need you," Ally kept moaning over and over again as her head tossed back and forth.

Larry had had about all he could take. He walked over to the other side of Ally from where Renee, who was still soundly sleeping and whimpering from time to time, was and knelt on the bed by Ally. He picked up her hand and started stroking it with his other one. "Ally," he began whispering. "Ally, baby, I'm here. I'm here." Ally's eyes started fluttering as a smile crept to her face.

"Larry, Larry is that you?" Ally moaned softly.

"It's me baby, I'm here," Ally opened her eyes and looked at Larry.

"Larry," Ally said softly, highly relieved that he hadn't left her too.

"Ally, you uh," Larry couldn't believe he was about to tell her this. He couldn't help feeling selfish though. "You were never pregnant, Ally. There was no baby," he looked into her eyes, waiting for her, as always, unpredictable reactions.

"No, no baby?” Ally choked out.

Larry shook his head sadly, "Yeah, the doctor said whatever test you must have taken was a false alarm.”

Tears rolled down Ally's face as she remained silent. Larry began to slowly pull back his hand that was holding hers, but she squeezed it, so he left it there. "Larry," she began, "do you still love me? I mean, even after what happened?"

"You mean John?" Larry questioned, already knowing the answer to his question as well as hers.

Ally looked Larry in the eyes. "You know I love you right?" she squeezed his hand again.

Larry silently nodded and then mouthed 'I love you' and reached for her other hand.

"Are you going to leave me again?" Ally asked cautiously.

Larry looked at Ally. He knew damn well he couldn't leave her again. He would be the most screwed up man in the world if he did. "I'm yours," he began, looking into Ally's questioning eyes, "forever" he finished, squeezing both of her hands and bringing them to his mouth, kissing each softly, gently, slowly, never losing eye contact. Ally smiled, she looked over at Renee and reached for her hand causing her to stir.

"Renee," Ally began, smiling softly at her friend. "Thanks for being here for me."

"Ally, you're up," Renee looked at Ally and Larry's hands intertwined, a smile coming across her face. "Are you okay honey?" she yawned groggily.

"Well my head hurts a little bit, but I think I'll be okay. Dr. Larry here gave me my diagnosis," Ally chuckled a little trying to escape the sobs that were wrenching in her throat. Although the pregnancy had been a false alarm, she felt emptiness...like she didn’t have any part of John anymore...like she never did in the first place.

"I was so worried honey!" Renee got up and hugged Ally.

"Well thanks for caring," Ally reciprocated the hug, dropping hands from Larry.

It had been a week since the accident, since Ally's fall down the stairs, since her and Larry's sad but sure reunion. It was time for John's funeral. Ally had been happy to have Larry back in her life, but that conflicted with her feelings for the deceased John Cage. She was more than depressed about him leaving the world too early.

The funeral went off without a hitch, Ally was crying silently the whole time holding Larry and Renee's hands. Nelle shed a tear and Ling was holding Richard who looked like his favorite little puppy dog died and he was only seven years old. Melanie even showed up, surprisingly.

Ally and Larry were on their way to the small gathering that was taking place at Richard's apartment for John. The radio was playing softly and Ally was looking out the window. It was raining, of course; perfect match for Ally's mood.

My time has come the clouds are calling.

December wind has come my way.

And now I feel the world falling.

All at once, it's too late.

Life fades away.

The night is my day.

All thoughts slip away

And even though, I must leave you.

Remember I love you.

I'll always be in your memories.

I will always be with you when I'm gone.

Hey, life fades away.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Life fades away.

I'm tired on tomorrow, lost for today.

I long to be at peace forever.

My dull peace

And even though, I will miss you.

I must leave you.

Hey, life fades away.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Life fades away.

So please forgive me, and try not to cry.

I long to be at peace forever more.

Forever more.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Life fades away.

Life fades away.

Life fades away, away.

One last thing to say

Life fades away.

Ally found herself crying again and she turned to Larry. "I don't want to go to Richard's anymore."

Larry smiled sympathetically. "Okay, we'll go home," he reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it. "Are you okay honey?" Larry asked her, noticing the tears and wanting her to know that he was there for her. He had finally got over the jealousy. John was there for a lot longer than he had been, but he would be there for the rest of their lives. He would give Ally this time to mourn John, and even to mourn the child that she thought John had fathered. To be honest, HOPED he had fathered. At least then there would still be a little part of him left in the world.

"No, honestly, but," Ally sighed. "I will be," she turned her body to face him. "Thank you for being so, so," she paused looking for a good word.

Larry didn't need it, "You're welcome Ally." Larry smiled reassuringly.

Wow, that was intense, Ally thought as she put the newspaper clippings down for a moment. I can't believe all of that really happened... she couldn't help thinking after having such a happy afterlife...all of that DID happen before she was married you know. Okay, you have to keep sorting through, she told herself and she picked the clippings up once again putting the previous read one, and memory, in the bottom of the stack. The rest of the newspaper clippings were pretty useless...just articles about court cases, wins and losses, about her and her husband Larry Paul. Ally set the clippings down beside the box and dug a little deeper.