Robert Downey, Jr. and Calista Flockhart met on the set of Ally McBeal in early August, 2000, just a few days after his release from Corcoran State Prison in California where he'd been incarcerated for a year on drug related charges. Immediately after his release, he'd signed to appear in eight episodes of Ally McBeal, the television series in which Calista starred.
Calista's world had been rocked by Robert. She'd always prided herself on her control, but the first time their eyes connected, she was thrown into a place completely unknown to her. Obviously, she knew of Robert's history of drug addiction and that he'd come to the set directly out of prison. And, she'd always admired his immense talent and intelligence. But, she soon discovered that, besides being a great actor, he was the sweetest, kindest and funniest - not to mention the most charming, and deliciously gorgeous - man she'd ever met. She smiled thinking that Ally's immediate reaction would've been that he was ‘so ... yummy!' Coincidentally, David Kelley used almost that exact line in the "Last Virgin" episode in Season Four.
There was no denying that she and Robert felt sparks immediately when they'd met, but she'd had enough sense not to let herself get carried away because she knew Robert was trying very hard to reconcile with his estranged wife, Deborah, so that he could be with the son he idolized. Deborah, however, had moved in with another man shortly before Robert's release from prison, which dealt him a tremendous blow. It wasn't long after the reconciliation failure before he was again in crisis. His depression sent him almost immediately back in search of cocaine and led to his arrest in late November 2000, in a much publicized manner, just four months after his release from prison. He wasn't jailed, however, and was back on the set two days later.
Ironically, it was his November arrest that let to intimacy between Robert and Calista. They'd been close friends until then, but neither had allowed it to go any farther. Then, after his arrest, they became almost inseparable, spending almost all of their time together - talking, talking, and talking. They talked into the wee hours of many mornings, confiding in each other, discussing their families, friends. He'd talked to her about Deborah and Indio. And, they'd shared their hopes, dreams, fears, failures, successes, set backs. Soon, serious talks had turned to lighter subjects, such as what they'd been like as children, their most embarrassing moments, their first dates, their worst dates, their favorite music, movies, directors, books, authors, sports, etc. Laughter came easy because they shared a similar sense of humor, and they soon discovered they couldn't be together for five minutes without cracking each other up. It also wasn't long before they became acutely aware that somewhere along the way their feelings for each other had deepened and taken a different course. Likewise, it wasn't lost on the viewers or David Kelley, who used it to his advantage in developing the Ally McBeal/Larry Paul romance storyline.
Calista remembered the exact date that everything changed as if it were yesterday. It was a Monday in early December 2000. They'd had a very long day on the set and Robert asked if she wanted to grab a bite. She knew the press would have a feeding frenzy seeing them out together so she suggested another late night dinner at her place. They never ate. Upon entering her house, she'd suddenly stopped inside the door and Robert bumped up against her from behind. That's all it took. He turned her around and their kiss was electrifying. Their need was mutual and intense, and so urgent they never made it to the bedroom. They'd come together explosively. Then, they'd made love again, tenderly, passionately, slowly, and had fallen asleep, exhausted, tangled in each other's arms. Afterward, both knew their relationship had turned a corner and there was absolutely no going back.
Their love had intensified during the next month and a half and Calista didn't want to share it with anyone. Robert's eight episodes extended to 10 and then he was signed for the rest of the season. He and Calista soon became the most loved and quoted couple on TV. The chemistry between them on and off screen was magnetic and magical and clearly not lost on the press. Calista's happiness reflected in her eyes like a beacon. Then, to add to her elation, she adopted a baby boy born on January 1, 2001, whom she named Liam. Robert shared her joy and welcomed every opportunity to assist her with the baby. Robert was a wonderful father to his own son which only made Calista love him more.
In addition to his other talents, Robert had a wonderful, soulful voice and David Kelley showcased his singing artistry during the season. It resulted in Robert having four songs included on the Vonda Shepard CD due to be released on April 25, 2001, and she and Robert were both scheduled to appear at the signing.
Calista and Robert were each nominated for a Golden Globe and, even though they knew the press would go crazy, they decided to go together to the January 2001 awards ceremony, to support one another. The glow each possessed was hard to hide and they'd literally danced on air down the Red Carpet. As feared, the media and all the TV entertainment shows went into a frenzy, alluding to them on the Red Carpet as the Prince and his Princess, and speculating about a romance between them - whether or not they were officially ‘a couple.' Although Robert wanted to tell the whole world, he respected Calista's wish that their relationship remain private until the time was right, and she adored that he was able to do that for her. Even though Calista didn't win the Golden Globe, Robert did, and he was subsequently nominated for and received a Screen Actor's Guild award in March 2001. They had wanted to attend the SAG's together but because of Robert's pending divorce and other legal matters, they decided to avoid the media scrutiny. So, they'd departed Calista's home via two separate limos, arriving at the awards ceremony separately, within minutes of each other.
Two days after seeing Robert and Calista at the Golden Globes awards on January 21, 2001, Deborah served Robert with divorce papers. He'd been prepared for that, but not her request for sole custody of their son and that he be allowed only supervised visitation. Even so, he tried to keep it together with Calista's help. He'd thrown himself into his work and he and Calista were gleeful on the set and happily preparing to go to London to co-star in a play (his lawyers had advised that his legal difficulties shouldn't preclude him from working abroad). Their happiness was short lived.
Calista wasn't sure just when it happened, but she suspected that sometime before the SAG awards Robert was once again using drugs. She learned later that it was around this time Deborah had told him she was thinking of moving with Indio to New York. Maybe it was the thought of losing his son, or maybe it was just another convenient excuse, but Robert was once again plunged into a deep depression and he began disappearing for days at a time, without explanation. It wasn't long before his gradual downward spiral became evident to everyone. Uncharacteristically, Robert became increasingly verbally abusive to Calista and she began retreating emotionally. For the first time, Robert's drug use began affecting his work and, instead of the fourth season of Ally McBeal ending on a high note in May 2001, Robert had chosen to wander down a drug infested Culver City, California alley late on April 23. 2001, where he was once again arrested on drug related charges during the early morning hours on April 24, 2001. He was released on bail several hours later and checked himself immediately into Detox and from there went directly into rehab. Robert's incarceration left David Kelley no recourse but to write him out of the show while trying frantically to rewrite the last two episodes of the season.
Robert's April arrest caused Vonda Shepard to cancel her and Robert's CD signing in LA. Calista fainted when she heard the news.

Upon Robert's release from Corcoran State Prison on August 4, 2000, his only goal was to reconcile with his estranged wife, Deborah, and reunite with his son. It didn't happen because Deborah had moved in with Victor Indrizzi, a drummer with Beck, before Robert got out of prison. He was naturally depressed because he had unnaturally obsessed for over a year about such a reconciliation.
Therefore, because of his lingering feelings for Deborah, he was completely surprised by his immediate physical attraction to Calista. And, he was totally ill-equipped for his almost instant emotional connection to her. As the weeks passed, he became increasingly conflicted between the feelings he still possessed for Deborah and his blossoming love for Calista.
His November 2000 arrest resulted in Robert and Calista spending more and more time together and soon he could no longer deny his love for her. He knew he'd fallen ... that she'd totally captivated him. He was happy just having her near. After they became intimate in early December 2000, Robert knew that, in Calista, he'd finally found what he'd been looking for. Unfortunately, his continuing attachment to Deborah kept him on an emotional roller coaster that ultimately he wasn't strong enough to handle.
Robert had never known anyone like Calista - in her, he'd finally met his match. She was his equal in every way. Not only was she incredibly beautiful and extremely talented, she was intelligent, witty, funny, playful, silly, stubborn, mystical, warm, sweet, loyal, trusting, and the most emotionally together person he'd ever encountered. She looked fragile on the outside but had an inner strength he'd never come up against - and a ton of will power! She was always politically correct in public and brutally honest in private and in either instance she refused to let anyone take advantage of her.
He couldn't charm her into anything and, to tell the truth, as much as it annoyed and frustrated him - he loved it! Her love was something he knew he had to work hard for - and he'd never, ever, had to work at being loved. And, on top of everything else, Calista was so bright and quick that during their conversations, she not only understood where he was coming from at all times, but she stayed with him thought for thought and word for word, and could suddenly veer down a side road and take him with her to places he'd never been.
Robert got dizzy thinking of their intimate moments together. Calista's quiet, external composure completely disguised the hot, fierce, spontaneous, volcanic passion she brought to their lovemaking. Sex between them was indescribable - so much so that he couldn't look at her without wanting her. The first time they'd made love, she'd known just how and where to touch him and she'd shown him how to love her. It was as though their bodies had been molded to fit together, which they did, perfectly. The intensity of their first mutual climax was unbelievable. And, after that, Robert found that he needed to be connected to her somehow, someway, all the time, even if it was only by a little finger, a touch. He absolutely adored her and knew that he'd do anything and everything to keep her.
When they met, Robert and Calista were like two players on a battlefield. They knew instantly that they would either become very close allies or deadly enemies. The electrical current that flowed between them was so strong, the sparks could be felt everywhere. They were so different it amazed them that they'd ever gotten together. But, once they had, they each wondered how they'd ever managed apart. They both loved power and realized early on that by working together instead of against each other they could achieve anything they wanted. They playfully competed constantly and they deliberately pushed each other to higher levels day by day. They'd sometimes had difficulty understanding each other because Robert was extroverted - anything and everything was likely to pop out of his mouth - while Calista tended to be more guarded with her feelings. Their relationship was highly passionate and often argumentative, because they both had jealous tendencies. But, they'd recognized this early on and agreed to meet on neutral ground once in a while to work out a truce.
Despite differences, however, theirs was anything but a boring relationship. They both loved risk and taking chances and they had an exciting time together. Both met challenges head-on which made it normal for them to argue all the time -- they looked forward to making up. Calista was a strategist and helped Robert slow down and learn how to plan battles before jumping into them. Conversely, Robert taught Calista how to let go. She helped him stabilize and he inspired her to do things just for the experience, rather than always having an agenda in mind. Before Robert's backslide into drugs, they'd been fiercely loyal and devoted to each other and had come to understand that they could both be boss -- with Robert as the initiator and Calista as the emotional leader. They were both winners and knew that together they could almost rule the world.
Unfortunately, Robert's drug use interrupted a love that could've only deepened over time and was most likely meant to last forever. Paradoxically, it was his first arrest in November 2000 that had brought him and Calista intimately close and his second arrest in April 2001 that tore them apart.
Some of the things he'd said and done during his relapse prior to his April arrest hurt him too much to think about so he buried his feelings and refused to deal with them. But, one conversation in particular haunted him. Calista had pleaded with him to stop using drugs and seek help. He'd callously told her, "Fuck off. I can handle it. I'm Robert Downey, Jr., winner of a Golden Globe and Actor. Hell, I'm a freaking Oscar nominee. And, it's no secret that I'm the greatest talent of this generation - I've done some of my greatest work higher than a kite. I'm more important and a bigger star than you can ever hope to be. So, who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?"
He had been vicious and intentionally hurtful - wanting to push her way so he'd be free to do what he wanted to do. He got his wish. The words were no sooner out of his mouth than he watched her visibly recoil, like a retreating snail, into safety. He could've caused her less pain if he'd stabbed her in the heart. She hadn't said a word but her emotional withdrawal had been almost instantaneous. Afterward, he'd brought her flowers and gifts and tried a hundred different ways to apologize, but he knew he'd lost her. And, this had sent him in search of more drugs - with the attitude of "Fuck it and Fuck her!" He'd been able to handle it, all right. Straight into jail, detox, a court sentence of one year live-in rehab, and being completely written out of the Ally McBeal series.
Calista had set aside her hurt, anger and frustration to call while he was in detox to see if he was okay or needed anything. Their conversation had been so strained they were both relieved when it was over. She'd seen him once shortly after his arrest, in response to his pleading, and had written him a long letter which he'd kept and still reread frequently. But her subsequent unwillingness to communicate with him except for the occasional and infrequent phone calls he initiated caused him to sink into yet another deep depression. His first call, although difficult, was palatable and they'd stumbled through things each desperately needed to say. Robert's need to stay connected to her prompted his next calls, during which he'd begged her to come and see him. Reluctantly she'd agreed. Their meeting was tense. Neither had spoken of their love for the other, but they'd agreed to remain friends. He silently resolved that upon his release he'd let things take their course to see if they could once again have something more. Calista had left for two months in Hawaii shortly after that, leaving him completely alone.
During the early months in rehab, the time away from Calista had been like dying to Robert. He was totally unprepared for how much he missed seeing her all day, every day. How much he missed their closeness, their intimate talks, their play time, and just being able to hold her. To mask his sorrow, he convinced himself it didn't matter - that she didn't matter. His denial protected his heart and allowed him to go to sleep most nights without seeing her face and get up some mornings without wanting and needing to run to her. He told himself it was over and that he was over her. Then, in early October 2001 he met someone else, someone who helped ease his pain. And, although everyone warned him that he was entering into the relationship for all the wrong reasons, he refused to listen.
His new love interest wasn't a knockout, and she clearly didn't possess Calista's exquisite beauty, but she was cute. And, although he would've liked her to be a little more intelligent and well-read, and a little less ordinary, she gave him her full attention and the validation he was seeking. Most importantly, she'd only seen his good side. Then one afternoon in mid-October he was out shopping and saw something that reminded him of Calista. He stood paralyzed for a few moments while painful memories flooded over him. Needing to erase his thoughts, he immediately made his way to the nearest pet store and bought a puppy for his new girlfriend. He tried desperately to convince himself that she was his new beginning - that she would be the one to help him through. But, it wasn't long before he finally had to admit that the relationship was merely filling the void created by his separation from Calista.
Deep inside he knew that, more than anything, he needed and wanted Calista in his life. It astonished him to realize that he might actually be gaining some emotional growth. And, it saddened him that after standing on the edge of something so deep and true, he and Calista had become virtual strangers. He laughed to himself, thinking that every bookmaker in Vegas would gladly give 1,000,000 to one odds against him and Calista ever getting back together. It was then that he vowed to do everything he could to set things right and he promised himself that if the impossible happened he'd never let go of her again. Calista hadn't locked the door but he knew it was closed and that he had a lot of work to do before she'd open it and welcome him back in. But, this time, Downey, he thought, you will make it - you will finally get your shit together.

It was early November 2001 when Robert paid an unexpected visit to the set of Ally McBeal. He wasn't sure that she'd even talk to him, but he had to try. He entered Calista's trailer quietly and snuck up behind her. His finger traveled down her spine and it caused her to moan and naturally arch her back. She turned slowly. The space was so tight that she was forced to raise her arms and the only place she could put them was around his neck. She gazed at his mouth as she pushed him back and slowly disengaged herself from his embrace.
They'd seen each other at the Emmy awards just two days earlier on November 4, 2001, which had been only their second personal meeting since his arrest in April that year. They'd spoken cordially, but just barely, and it had been uncomfortable and awkward. Robert was glad he'd had his date waiting for him afterward because he needed a warm body to hold onto. It had made it easier to convince himself that Calista didn't matter to him. But, she did, and he knew she always would.

"Hey," he said softly, grateful for the chance to hold her, even if just for a second.

"Hey," she countered, glancing curiously over his shoulder.

In reply to her unasked question, he grinned slightly and remarked, "My guard dog's parked outside." He was referring to the companion that escorted him everyplace he went outside the rehab facility.

Calista's face was a portrait of the extreme anguish and stress she'd been under for more than six months and he wasn't proud knowing he was the cause. And now her large, beautiful greenish brown eyes had the same look of disapproval he'd seen many times. He was about to ask what he'd done when he noticed several open tabloids and magazines on her footstool. All were turned to pages with pictures of him and a blonde, looking very intimate, with captions reading, ‘Downey's Found Love While in Rehab,' ‘Mysterious Beauty - New Love of Downey's Life," "Kristy Bauer Jordan - Downey's New Love Revealed." Cautiously, he asked, "Isn't that reading material a little out of character for you?"

"Someone left them here - all conveniently open to the right spot. Thoughtful, huh?" Her eyes sparkled with the hint of tears.

Instinctively, he was both angry and puzzled. Angry at the person who had purposely hurt her and puzzled at her reaction.

"So, you're mad at me?"

She didn't answer.

"What's going on, Cal? Why would you even care? I seem to recall that you're the one who walked away from me months ago. Who said the romance was over - that it was just friends from now on ... remember?" He paused and looked at her intently.

"And, you're so damned thick headed ... you just couldn't see, could you? Or, maybe you just didn't want to. Oh, hell, I don't even know why I bother!" she said fiercely.

He shook his head. Angrily, he asked, "Help me out, here. What the hell does that mean?"

Her tears spilled over, "Why do you think I said that? Because I was told that's what you needed - that's why! That I had to back off - leave you alone - take romance completely off the table - so you could focus all your energy on yourself." She stopped to gain her composure. When she continued, her voice quivered, "I thought if I did ... I was hopeful ... hoped ... that this time, you'd finally start dealing with things ... grow up .. realize what's important." Then she became angry all over again, "Boy, what a fool I was, huh? You and everyone else must've really had a good laugh! Rehab's been like a damn vacation to you, hasn't it? Flitting all over the country ... and being allowed to go on ‘DATES?!' Well, so much for no romance in recovery!! What the hell kind of rehab are you in anyway?" She was almost screaming at him. "Are you really that blind or do you really not get it? Are you so needy that you have to have something .. someone .. to help you make it through the night. Is it really that frightening having to spend time alone with yourself!?"

Robert was trying desperately to grasp what she was saying. "Nobody was laughing at you, Calista," he said softly. "Especially not me." His voice rose slightly, "Why the hell are you so angry with me. And, what'ya mean - I'm afraid to be alone?"

She shook her head and then closed her eyes, knowing she was fighting a losing battle. When she looked up at him, he saw her pity and instantly looked away. "I wanna know what you meant by that," he mumbled almost incoherently.

Calista rubbed her forehead thoughtfully, "You surround yourself with people, Robert. The night lights, the glitter. You need it - because it let's you perform, play a role, be the funny, good little boy, who gets the approval you continually search for. You can't stand yourself but you refuse to do what it takes to find out why. Robert you're so endearing, but you're an emotional needy, charming, chaotic mess. I don't know .. maybe the blame lies in your dysfunctional childhood and early child rearing or, rather, the lack of it. And, then add to that equation the dynamics of biochemical genetic factors and early drug use with its resultant lack of self-development .... " she stopped, fearing she'd already said too much.

"So, you have a medical degree now?" he asked sarcastically.

"No. But, I know what I know ... and see ... and read."

Robert stood there stoically, "That was my reason for dropping by. To hear you expound on my inadequacies. So, please, don't stop now, Ms. Einstein, you're on a roll."

"First, let me ask you something," she said.

"Ask away," he said, becoming annoyed.

"Right now - today - would you think or even expect Indio to be able to make sound emotional decisions regarding love, romance, marriage, children, his future?"

Robert made a disgusted sound, "That's a stupid question."

"I know," she nodded, "but, humor me, answer it anyway."

"You know the answer," he said, looking at her incredulously, "of course I wouldn't."

"Okay, one more question. Let's assume you put two plates in front of him, brussel sprouts on one and a cookie on the other. He's tasted both before so he knows that one's bitter and one's delicious. Forget about which one's good or bad, because he doesn't know about nutrition, and he's too young to care. Now, you ... you ... knowing that brussel sprouts are good for him and will give him a strong, healthy body, and that the cookie is nothing but sugar and could ultimately be bad for him ... you give him a choice. Is he going to choose the one that's bitter or the one that gives him instant taste satisfaction?"

"Well, duh!" Robert answered arrogantly.

She stared at him for a few moments. "Exactly. Because he's only nine years old."

"Is there a point, Calista?"

"The point is, Robert," she replied, glaring at him, "that you started using drugs at the age of eight."

"So?"

"That's also when your emotional development stopped."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, Robert, that you have the emotional coping and judgment making capabilities equivalent to that of a child. If you wouldn't expect or ask Indio to make certain decisions, then why do you, when, emotionally, you're no better equipped to do so right now than he is? And, how many doctors have concluded it's highly likely you have an underlying Bipolar Disorder, for which you continually refuse to seek treatment! I can almost guarantee that you're not being treated for Bipolar in your current program, because it's generally never addressed in traditional rehab settings." Tears stung her eyes, "Don't you see? Given all these factors and more, the best rehab in the world isn't likely to help you ameliorate the massive problems which have plagued you your entire life."

Glibly, he said, "Leave it to you to throw in the big words. What the hell does that mean anyway ... life?"

She scowled, "It'd be really nice, Robert, just once, if we could have a meaningful discussion without jokes. Humor doesn't take care of any of the problems. It doesn't even hide them. It's just a damn convenient cover-up."

He stared defensively at her, "Go on, tell me more about my flawed existence."

Calista bent her head and took a deep breath, "I've told you all this before, Robert, several times, and you've hated me for it."

Robert shook his head vigorously, "No. That's not true. I've never hated you Calista .." he said earnestly. "I may hate what you say .. but I could never hate you. Tell me again what you know I don't want to hear."

It surprised her that he hadn't turned and walked out already, that he was still standing there, listening to the hurtful things she was saying. She didn't want to continue and looked at him pleadingly.

He nodded, "It's okay. I'm a big boy. I may not like it, but I can take it. Promise. This is the first time you've actually talked to me since I was arrested, so, go ahead, hit me with your best shot."

"All right," she sighed, "as I've said many times before, I think what you need, once and for all, and what you've always needed, is serious, long-term, quality, in-depth psychotherapy and psychopharmacological management of your Bipolar Disorder in conjunction with standard rehab treatment. You need to learn how to parent yourself and care for yourself, emotionally."

"Well, that was a lot," he said drolly. "You finished?"

She paused and took a deep breath. "No."

"Then, don't let me stop you."

Defiantly, she raised her chin and continued, "I don't think the problem has ever been me or any of the other women in your life. Rather, it's just that your emotional needs become overwhelming."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that ... after a time ... the charm wears thin, Robert, and taking care of you becomes a full time job. And, frankly, it's exhausting."

"So, what are you saying? That I'm so fucked up someone should just shoot me in the head and get me out of my misery?"

"Is that what you think?"

"Well," he snorted, "you're Dr. fucking Freud. You tell me!"

She shook her head sadly, "I just did. But, as usual, you didn't hear a word I said."

Robert sat down and buried his head in his hands. After a few minutes, he ran his hand through his hair and stood up. His eyes burned into her. "So," he asked, "this is what it all boils down to, huh? You think I'm nothing but an unsalvageable, worthless piece of shit?"

Not wavering from his gaze, she replied softly, "No. That's not what I said. It may have been what you heard, but it wasn't what I said. I care for you ... deeply. I think you're worth a hundred of most any man out there. But, the one person who really needs to know and believe that is you." Tearfully, she asked, "Why won't you give yourself that chance?"

"I'm in rehab, damn it!" he yelled. "I'm doing what the court ordered me to do. And, if I wanna visit friends, have a girlfriend or screw a whore on every street corner, so what? I'm not in prison and, regardless of what you think, I'm not treating rehab like a fucking vacation."

"Well, you could've fooled me! You just refuse to do it the right way, don't you? You'd rather be out skipping the light fantastic! It's instant gratification or nothing with you, isn't it? Goddamn you, Robert. Goddamn your impulsivity!"

"Cal ...," he said slowly. Instinct told him not to joke at a time like this, but he quietly added anyway, "... I don't ... think ... that's a word."

"Oh, shit, Robert! I hate it when you're glib!"

His eyes suddenly lit up with awareness, "You're jealous!"

Calista looked angrily down at the floor without answering.

"Well, I'll be fucked, Ms. Flockhart ... even with my countless flaws and my exhaustive emotional needs, you still love me!"

She kept her eyes cast downward, refusing to look at him.

"When were you planning to let me in on it? After I was married again and had three more kids?"

Lifting her head defiantly she barked, "No! I was never going to tell you at all!" Her better judgment told her to keep quiet and let it go at that. But, this time, she decided to listen to her heart.

"Actually, that's not true," she said softly, "I was waiting to see how you progressed in rehab and therapy ... and I was waiting for you to finally decide what it was you really wanted." She studied him before continuing, "And, I wasn't sure if I'd ever get the chance." Glancing down at the magazines, she added, "But, it looks like you've already decided, so it doesn't really matter now, does it?"

Robert's head dropped and he began massaging his brow. It was almost a full minute before he looked up and peered deeply into her eyes. "All these months ... all these months," he groaned, shaking his head. "Calista, if I thought there was a chance in hell you wanted me again, I'd do anything ... anything .. to make it happen."

"Shouldn't that be past tense?" she asked, focusing once again on the pictures.

He placed his thumb and forefinger under her chin and forced her to look at him. "I said what I meant."

"And then what?" she asked, "Goldilocks goes quietly home to her hot, cold and just right porridge? Is that how it works, Robert .. try ‘em on for size and if they don't fit - throw ‘em back?"

"How goddamn fair is that?" he yelled, throwing up his arms in frustration. "Every tabloid around the world has you and Garry Shandling either married, getting married, talking about marriage, thinking about marriage, postponing marriage, WHATEVER! Have I jumped your ass about that? And, I hate to keep pointing this out, but you're the one who said you didn't want me, remember? It sure as hell wasn't the other way around. Give me a freakin' break here. I thought you hated me, that I'd killed all your love. All I was holding was the pain of losing you. How was I supposed to know any different? And," he said, gesturing toward the magazines, "why the hell would you let these articles about me, out of the many thousands, get to you?"

"Why are you so adamant that they shouldn't?"

He took a deep breath. Then, searching her eyes, he said, "Trust me, Calista. She's not gonna be heartbroken, okay?"

"Well, I won't be the cause of you hurting her, Robert."

"Right," he snorted, "why the hell should you and I be happy when we can just go on playing these stupid, fucking games forever!"

"Oh, that's rich," she spat, "coming from someone who's always prided himself on how miserable he can be and whose only measurement of happiness has been by how much less depressed he is from one day to the next."

Robert flinched as though she'd hit him. He looked down and quietly said, "I seem to recall us sharing quite a few happy moments, Cal."

She knew her words had hurt him and instantly regretted them. "That was unkind of me .. and said in anger. I didn't mean it."

"Yes, you did. But, it's okay ... you're right, what the hell do I know about being happy."

"I was out of line, Robert, I'm sorry."

When he looked up, his expression was one of immense sorrow. "We did, didn't we? Have something special?" he asked softly.

Calista gazed sadly into his eyes and nodded. "Yeah. It was something I've never known before." She was thoughtful for a moment. "Just to set the record straight, Robert, I didn't throw us away," she whispered, "it wasn't me who disappeared from your life."

Robert bent his head contritely and chewed on his lower lip. "I know, I know." He sighed and, looking at the pictures once again, asked timidly, "You wanna know about her?"

"Oh, leave it to you to say something so moronic!" she glared at him. "I'm not your mother. Like you said, Robert, you're a big boy. At the end of the day you're the only one who knows where you've been. And, give me a little credit, here. Did you really think that, in the scope of time and your present emotional state, I ever considered this girl as anything more than a blip on the radar screen?"

"Then what the hell have you been busting my ass about?" he raised his hands in defeat. "Cal, can we call a truce? For once, can we just not do this? I didn't come here to fight." His face showed the strain he was under, "You know I hate fighting ... it makes me sick to my stomach ... makes me wanna run and hide."

"You mean like you run and hide from intimacy?"

Leaning his head back, he looked upward and growled. Measuring his words carefully, he said, "I'm ... not ... afraid ... of intimacy, Calista. If anyone should know that, it's you. And, I know you still remember. I sure as hell do."

"That's not what I mean and you know it. And, don't even go there, Robert. I can't do it again," she said. "It was too ... too ... I just can't right now, that's all." Despite herself, she began crying again. "Damn you, Robert! Damn you! Why do you have to be so needy? Why is it always easier for you to just move happily and effortlessly on to the next milkshake instead of fixing the wreckage you've left behind?"

He reached up and gently dried her eyes, "It isn't," he said tenderly, "it's just less painful."

"Great," she replied. "So, it just gets shoved deep inside like everything else you refuse to deal with." She sat down and placed her forehead against her closed fists. It was impossible to hide her despair when she looked up at him. "That's what's most heartbreaking ... to know that as long as you keep denying things ... until you finally decide to reach in and pull out all the guilt and hurt, and acknowledge and examine each and every one of them, you'll never be able to let go, and history will just keep repeating itself."

Solemnly, Robert stated, "Cal, do you know how the thought of that terrorizes me? Knowing it could take years, decades, to exorcize all my demons. That'd be great, huh?! To be 42 or 45 and still in therapy?"

"Well, here's a flash, Robert. One day you're gonna be 42 or 45 anyway. And, only you can decide what kind of emotional condition you wanna be in when you get there - or if you even wanna live to be 42 or 45. Damn it, Robert, why can't you understand that your life's not gonna be on hold while you're going from here to there. That the more bags you unpack, the lighter the load's gonna get and somewhere down the road the trip will get easier, and a lot more fun."

"And, what about us in the meantime?" he asked, fearing the answer, "would you wait?"

"There is no us, Robert. Not now. Maybe not ever. But, anything's possible. Who knows, one day I might just join you on your journey, if you let me," she said with a faint, hopeful smile.

This made him grin. Taking her hands, he pulled her up to him. "Look at me and tell me you don't love me," he dared her.

Slowly, she raised her eyes and gazed deeply into his. "Look at me and tell me you do."

He studied her face intently, "And, would you believe me?"

"If you mean it."

"How will you know?"

"Tell me again when I know you've learned to love and care for yourself."

"Meaning ... the only way I can tell you is to show you."

She nodded, "Something like that, yeah."

"You'd really give me the time?"

Calista cupped his face in her hands and answered softly, "Robert, what do you think I've been doing? Do you think it was easy to walk away from you and leave you completely alone? The hardest thing I've ever had to do is not pick up that phone a hundred times a day like I've wanted to do. If I wasn't willing to give you time, why do I cry my eyes out every night ... and why is there this big hole in my heart?" She let go of him and turned away slightly.

"Then ..?"

Facing him again, she said firmly, "But, I told you, Rob, I won't go through it again. The emotional roller coaster .. the drugs. I can't .. won't .. have either in mine or Liam's life. And, most of all, I don't want to worry about you anymore ... I don't want to be your nurse or your counselor or your mother."

"What do you want?"

Looking back up at him, she replied gently, "It should go without saying. But, if you need the words, then what I want is a complete you ... able to meet the world head-on without a crutch, able to take care of yourself and ... a family. I don't want to lose the boy, but ... I need the man, too. I'm so tired of being strong all the time .. I want someone I can lean on ... someone whose shoulder I can cry on." Her voice broke and she lowered her head.

Placing his finger under her chin, he lifted her face. Smiling tenderly, he brushed away her tears. "I've hurt you so badly," he said softly, "and, I'm so scared that I might not be able to become what you want ... that I won't know how."

"I'm told the only way you can do it is by breaking yourself completely down and rebuilding from the inside out. Sure, it's gonna take a lot longer than three months or six months, and maybe longer than a year. But, the sooner you get started, the sooner you'll get there. And, that scares me, too, because when you do, I might not be what you want."

"There's not much chance of that."

"I .. care .. for you .. so much .. Robert, but I can only stand two heartbreaks in one relationship. A third one would kill me." She kicked the magazines with her toe. When she looked up at him, pain clouded her eyes, reflecting the hurt she felt because he resisted drawing from his inner strength and hadn't cared enough, till now, to fight for her ... for them. "One more time and it's all over ... friendship, everything - it has to be." Then, looking at him out of the corner of her eye, she added mischievously, "And, the same goes for blondes."

"Well, then," he replied drolly, "guess I'll have to stick to brunettes and redheads." Turning her face toward him, his eyes smiled at her as he asked softly, "Okay, ya happy now? I've taken your abuse and you've brought me to my knees. And, I'll even concede that I'm a total fucking mess."

The warmth of her smile was like sunshine washing over him. He smirked playfully, "So, let me see if I've got this straight. It'll make you happy ... encouraged even... if I fight a polar bear while undergoing physical therapy dressed in biological underwear?"

She tried not to laugh but couldn't help herself and bent her head so he wouldn't see. But, he did anyway.

"All right," he said, "all right. You win. I'm willing to do it your way. The thought of it scares me absolutely shitless, but I'll do it. And," he nodded slowly, "I can handle just friends - for now .. to see if we can be something more again. We started out once before as just friends, didn't we? So, I'm okay with taking it slow and easy."

This time Calista couldn't help but laugh out loud. "When have you ever taken anything slow and easy?"

"I can learn," he grinned, "I'm not that old yet, am I? I can still learn, can't I?"

"I hope so, Bobby. Otherwise, a lot of good therapy's gonna be wasted."

"Hell, I don't need a therapist, I've got you!" he joked. Then, he fidgeted nervously, "Hmm. I think I'm gonna have a problem, though. I'll be back filming in a few days and only being able to kiss or hold you as ‘Larry' is probably gonna drive me nuts."

"What makes you think Ally's gonna let him get near her? She might just tell him to hit the road and haul his ass back to Detroit!"

Looking toward the ceiling, he squinted one eye closed, "Well, just for the record, assuming of course that Larry makes it to third base, how long exactly do you think you're gonna hold Robert off on the home front?" Grinning, he added, "You can round it off to centuries if that makes it easier."

Robert could be so lovable that it was all Calista could do to have kept a barrier between them this long, to let him know she meant business. She willed herself not to laugh at his joke this time. "I guess we'll both know, won't we? There's some serious issues here," she said thoughtfully. "Whether you want to admit it or not you still have a lot of underlying anger toward me for backing away ... and I have your words and actions purposely designed to hurt me and drive me away. You lied to me, you conned me and you manipulated me. And, you were also the biggest part of me for a long time. It breaks my heart to think that I might never be able to trust you again."

He lowered his head and nodded. "Yeah. Broken trust ... the big one." He sighed heavily and looked up, feeling hopeless. "If it's any consolation, it breaks my heart, too."

Their eyes locked.

"We were really good together, weren't we Ms. Flockhart?"

She nodded. "Yeah, Mr. Downey, we were the best."

"Do you think there's any way we can get through all this?" he asked.

"I don't know ... if it's even possible ... for us to get back to where we were," she answered softly. "One thing's certain - it's gonna take a lot of time. And, I'm painfully aware that patience isn't your strong suit, Robert. But, if it's important enough, you'll give it the time we need. If it's not, I guess we'll know that, too."

"Cal, I've lost everything in the past that mattered to me and nobody needs to tell me how badly I fucked up this last time... I don't want to blow it again. I won't deny that I've jumped into some things lately that I probably shouldn't have and I'm not even gonna try and justify it. But, I'm not stupid - slow, maybe - stupid, no. There's one thing I know for sure. Other than my son, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. So, I'll do what it takes and hope you'll be waiting ... and willing ... to try again, when I'm ready, so we can get it right this time. You're in the driver's seat."

"No, Bobby, that's where you're wrong. I've been here ... and I'll be here. The rest is up to you."

With his head bowed, he reached out and caressed her hand with the back of his and then hooked their little fingers together, gently twisting her hand back and forth. Finally, he looked at her with a mixture of sadness and hope, "Don't forget me, okay?"

"I don't see how that's possible since you're gonna be back on the set in a few days," she said sweetly.

"You know what I mean," he replied solemnly.

"Yeah."

He began to inch his way backward, slowly, not wanting to break the connection of their fingers, needing to hold onto her as long as possible. Finally, distance accomplished what he couldn't and their hands were no longer joined. Reluctantly, he whispered, "Well ... I'll ... uh ... see ya," and turned to open the door.

"Bobby?"

He looked back at her with uncertainty.

"The way home," she said softly "... don't forget."