At 5:30 Wednesday evening, Calista and Liam took a flight to her parents' home. Robert left at the same time, on a different airline. Thanksgiving with Calista's parents was actually quite enjoyable and, even, relaxing, if such can be said for any holiday. Her folks were great, and welcomed Robert into their home with open arms. He was grateful, revealing to Calista that he thought most people pictured him as a demon with horns. All in all, they had a very good time. They played in the snow with Liam, went ice skating on a pond near her parents' home, played games and cards with her family and their close friends, and ate far too much. The only thing that had bothered Robert was that Calista had insisted they take different flights so the press wouldn't get wind of it. And, she knew that if Robert had had his way, he'd not only have been on the same flight, but probably would've invited - or paid - all the other passengers to watch him make love to her in the middle of the aisle.

They'd been back from Illinois for about four days. Since his divorce had become final, Robert had had regular supervised visits with Indio, plus the times he'd been allowed to come to the set after school. It worked out well that Deborah had agreed to let Calista act as supervisor, because they were able to spend a lot of quality time together with both kids. The supervised status of his visits with Indio both lifted Robert's spirits and distressed him at the same time, but he seemed to be holding his own.

At Robert's November 15, 2001 review hearing, the judge had found him to be progressing well in recovery and instructed his counselor and probation officer that he could gradually be granted more freedom as they thought appropriate. The judge didn't know that they'd already been giving him a longer leash.

Calista had long ago been approved by Robert's counselor and probation officer as a suitable escort/companion and Robert had been spending many nights sleeping on her couch, not wanting to return at night to rehab. Warren knew he was in good hands when he was with her and, in fact, he'd granted Robert a four day post Thanksgiving pass based on Calista's guarantee that she'd monitor him constantly while they were on a mini hiatus from the studio. Most importantly, a 10 day pass had already been pre-approved for their trip to Barbados over the Christmas holidays.

Calista noticed that Robert had been a little edgy for several days, but she simply attributed it to his excitement over their upcoming trip. She'd thought about taking Liam with them, but recognized the need for her and Robert to spend some time alone together. Deborah had already promised Robert that he could see Indio on Christmas morning, and instead of them taking Liam to her parent's home, her folks had decided to fly to California on December 22 and stay there with Liam until Calista and Robert returned from the Caribbean.

She marveled at the fact that while he'd been staying with her, Robert had been true to his word and behaved like a perfect gentleman, if flirting with her outrageously wasn't taken into consideration.

One evening after dinner, Robert was in the living room watching television. "Hey, Cal," he called out. "You're nominated for a Golden Globe! They're making the announcements on TV now."

She came running in from the kitchen, "Oh, god! I hate this. I always get knots in my stomach. Hey, Downey, wait'll the Emmy's! You'll be there again this year!"

"No way. I haven't done anything to deserve it - but, you have," he said.

"Oh, Rob, be quiet. After the ratings fell through the basement and the network came begging to you when the advertisers threatened to pull out if you didn't return to the show? Don't tell me the ratings aren't gonna go through the roof once the viewers are let in on the fact that you're back. You'll have all the critics raving once again about your absolute brilliance. So, tell me you're not gonna be nominated!" She hit him playfully with a dish towel, "You know it - you just wanted to hear me say it!"

"Well, now we're faced with a dilemma, huh?" he said.

"What?" she asked.

"The Red Carpet? Who's gonna go with who, or who isn't gonna go with who to the awards dinner?"

"It's whom," she corrected him.

"All right, whom's gonna go with who ...."

She hit him again with the dish towel, this time a little harder.

"Hey, that hurt," he got up and started chasing her around the couch. "You've injured me now. I need some immediate tender loving care," he joked.

"In your dreams."

He stopped and looked at her intently, "Seriously, are we gonna go together, or what?"

"Rob..." she began.

"What? What? Why can't we go together? And don't give me this shit about the media. I don't give a fuck about the press!" he said earnestly.

"I know you don't, but I DO!" Calista countered, raising her voice a little. "You know how they went crazy last year after the Golden Globes!"

"Yeah, so what? You're not gonna suggest that we date our damn cousins again, are you? And, who the hell were we kidding at the SAG's? We were the most together, untogether, couple there. We didn't fool anyone!!"

"Well, I think Lucy Lui was clueless, considering the way she was almost humping your leg. I guarantee, if she'd thought we were together, she wouldn't have wanted to tangle with me!" Calista retorted, "And, I seem to recall that because of your legal problems and the situation with Deborah, we agreed to keep a low profile and not rub salt in the wound."

"Yeah, I remember," Robert said, "but, guess what? I'm divorced now. Deborah's calling the shots on my visitation and she's also taken everything I have. What the fuck else can she do to me? And, I might point out that my legal problems are also behind me. So, come on, give me another excuse."

"They're not excuses Robert."

"Oh, right, right. We can't go out to dinner together, we can't go to the park together, we can't enjoy a movie together, we can't go shopping together, we have to take different planes to the same destination, and I have to park five blocks away and sneak into your house late at night like a fuckin' criminal! Were you gonna have me wear a bag over my head while we were in London?" he asked, becoming clearly agitated.

"Robert, please lower your voice, you're going to wake Liam." Then angrily, "And, what happened to ‘wait until April?'," she demanded.

"Well, I sure as hell didn't think we were gonna have to act like total strangers until then!" Robert yelled. "We're co-stars on the same freaking show, for God's sake, doesn't it stand to reason that we'd want to celebrate good fortune together?"

"The problem is, Robert, that no one knows yet that you're back on the set. So, how's it gonna look to the media if they see us together, and believe me, there's never been any mistaking when we're ‘together!' " "Well, is that really so bad?!" he asked.

"I don't wanna go down this road, again," Calista said, throwing up her hands.

"Yeah, well, me neither. Because it's a fuckin' dead end!"

"Don't you dare talk to me that way after what I've been through with you!" she spat at him. "If you weren't the most important thing in my life next to Liam, I would've told you to go to hell a long time ago!" She forced herself to calm down and, quietly, she asked, "Okay, what's going on Robert? I'm not blind. And, I'm certainly not a fool. You've been tense for a couple of days now. Talk to me. Please. Tell me what's happening. I know a damn awards dinner didn't bring all this on."

He pushed his palms together and made a frustrated growling sound. He sat down and looked up at her. Calmly, he said, "Are you ashamed to be seen with me?"

"How can you ask me a question like that!"

"How? Well, gee, let me see. We work together, we play together, and we laugh together on the set for 12-14 hours a day. But, God forbid that anyone should see us together outside the studio. So, from where I'm sitting, that's sure what it looks like. Just tell me straight out. Are you ashamed of me?" he asked.

She hesitated ... and that was enough for Robert. "I don't fuckin' believe this," he said. He jumped up and grabbed his jacket and car keys.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to rehab. At least, there, I know where I stand. You know, Cal, if you'd just been straight with me, we could've saved ourselves a helluva lot of time and heartache."

"Robert! Don't do this!" Calista pleaded.

He turned and looked at her grimly, "You think I'm gonna run out and score don't you?" He gave a defeated grunt. "Why the hell would you even care." He walked out, slamming the door behind him.

Calista stood looking at the closed door feeling dead inside. The emptiness she felt made it hard for her to sleep that night.

The following day, she kept hoping Robert would come back so they could talk about what had happened. No matter what, they'd always been able to discuss everything, openly. They'd had arguments in the past, especially during the two months before Robert's arrest when he'd started using again. He'd not only damaged their relationship by his words and actions, but his use of drugs and alcohol had disrupted the entire cast and crew, and some of their fights had been real doozies. But, still, they'd been able to talk, even if neither of them had especially liked the outcome.

When the phone rang about 2:00 that afternoon, Calista raced to answer it, thinking it was Robert. It wasn't, it was Warren calling to speak to Robert. Immediately, she felt an undeniable dread. "Um .. he didn't return to rehab last night?" she asked fearfully.

"No. He's not with you?" Warren sounded alarmed.

"Warren, we got in a big fight last night over nothing," she said on the verge of tears, "and, he stormed out of here about 9:00. He told me he was going back to rehab. Oh, my God, where would he go ... where would he be? What does it mean?"

"Well, let's try and not jump the gun, Calista. Right now, he's clearly AWOL. But, I may have some ideas on where to find him. I'll get back to you. And, if you hear from him, you'll call me immediately, right?"

"Absolutely," she guaranteed him. Trembling she hung up and then placed a call to her cousin requesting that she take Liam for a few days. Her cousin didn't ask questions but knew something was going on and made Calista promise to call her if she needed anything.

Calista got no sleep that night, in fact, she didn't even go to bed. She cursed the fact that she'd stopped smoking because she wanted a cigarette so badly she could scream. She paced and kept the TV on all night, watching it with a fearful eye, praying she wouldn't see a news alert saying that Robert had once again been arrested .... or worse.

The next two days were absolute hell. Calista and Warren were in constant contact, but neither had a clue where Robert might be. She'd called all of the friends she thought he might turn to, and the fact that there was no news on TV about him didn't make her feel any better. It was like dying, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Her mother called the evening of the third day and, after learning that Robert was missing, confessed that Calista's dad had had a long talk with him during their Thanksgiving visit. "What about?" Calista wanted to know, demanding to talk to her dad.

"What did you say to him?" she asked.

"Honey, I just explained to him that we all cared for him very much but that it was unrealistic for him to expect a future with you, since your one and only concern right now has to be Liam."

"Dad, how could you. You had no right to interfere in something that was between me and Robert."

"We're just concerned for you sweetheart, that's all. We love Robert, but he's just got too many problems for you to take on right now," her dad said sympathetically.

"Wasn't .. isn't that for me to decide, dad?" she asked. "Being concerned is one thing, but it clearly doesn't excuse what you did. Robert's divorce gives him only supervised visits with his son, dad, plus he's in recovery and therapy, meaning he's about as emotionally fragile as anyone can be right now."

"Calista, I think you have to be prepared for ... "

"Don't say it, dad," she warned, "don't ... say it!"

"I'm sorry, honey, but I have to. You have to be prepared for ..." her dad paused, but there was no other way to say it, "sweetheart, as hard as this is, you know he could be lying dead somewhere."

She closed her eyes tightly and held her breath, willing the image in her mind to go away. "I .. I have to hang up now, dad." She was suddenly violently sick to her stomach and her nerves were so tightly wound that she would've jumped right out of her skin if anyone had so much as said ‘Boo.'

As she hung up the phone, a sound out by the pool caught her attention. She went out to the patio and her eyes finally focused on Robert standing in the corner by the barbecue, disheveled and unshaven. He looked like hell, worse than any of the mug shots that were constantly being plastered all over the tabloids and TV.

They stared at each other for a long time and Robert cringed at the disgust he saw in her eyes. Calista finally broke the silence. "I hate you, Robert," she said in a voice cold as steel. "I hate you for always disappearing from the lives of those who care about you. For what you've done to you, me, to us. I really hate you!" Angrily, she said, "You almost had me believing you loved me, but you don't care about anyone or anything except you and what you want, do you? You wanna fucking kill yourself? Well, go ahead! It's obvious I can't stop you. Just do it and get it over with!" She paused and glared at him. Vehemently, she hissed, "But, don't you dare ask me to stay around and watch you die!" She turned angrily to go back into the house.

"Don't just walk away from me!" Robert yelled pleadingly. Calista stopped and looked back at him, her eyes full of tears, fury, fear and sorrow. "Oh, I'm not walking, Robert. This is me ... RUNNING ... FOR MY LIFE!"

In three strides he was next to her and took hold of her arms. "Look at me Cal. Look at me!" he demanded. "I'm clean! I'm clean! Can't you tell? Look at me, damn it. LOOK AT ME!"

Except for his despicable appearance, his eyes were clear.

She continued to glare at him, "Where the hell have you been?"

Embarrassed, he said, "Holed up in a Ventura flea trap."

"For three days?"

He nodded. Then, slowly, he pulled a vial out of his pocket. "This is what I've been staring at for three days," he said, "wondering what I was gonna do, whether I was gonna choose to have a life - or nothing." She stared at the object in his hand.

"Here, toss it," he said handing it to her.

"No," she replied, more scared now than angry, "if it's gonna mean anything, you have to be the one to throw it away."

He bent his head. After several moments, he uncapped the vial and turned it upside down. The cocaine inside mingled with the breeze and blew away.

The emotional release was too much for Calista and she fell to her knees sobbing uncontrollably. Robert reached out and she angrily pushed his arm away. He grappled with her, trying to put his arms around her but she fought him off. "Don't touch me. Just ... don't touch me!" she snarled at him through clenched teeth. He continued to try and hold her but she kept fighting him and then began beating him on his chest, her head rolling in despair. "Damn you, Robert ... FUCK YOU!" she screamed at him, "I thought you were dead." She moaned, "Oh, God .... oh, God." She wept convulsively while she continued to hit him. "Goddamn you! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"

He was afraid that she'd hurt herself and finally pinned her arms down and then cradled her in his. She collapsed against him, gut wrenching groans coming from deep inside her. Robert realized that, for the first time, he was comforting someone else because of his drugs instead of the other way around. He wanted to run away and hide because of the pain he'd caused her. Words couldn't express the guilt and shame he felt. He closed his eyes in anguish and whispered, "Baby, baby, baby, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Go on ... hit me .. scream ... cry .. I know you need to. It's all right. Go ahead." And she did because she couldn't stop - and Robert continued to hold her.

Calista cried for the better part of 30 minutes, mostly from exhaustion because she'd had little or no sleep in the past few days. She was emotionally drained. Finally, Robert helped her up and dried her tears. "Cal, I've got no excuses. I was hurt and thinking only of me. God, forgive me," he said with such grief he could hardly speak, "I didn't even stop to think what I was doing to you. I was just selfishly trying to get myself through it. I'm so sorry, I need to know you believe me." He whispered, "Please tell me you know."

She nodded.

"Are you gonna be okay?" he asked.

Calista nodded again, noticing that he had begun to tremble and perspire. "You need to call Warren," she said becoming concerned.

"Yeah. Guess I have to face the music with the studio and probation, too."

"Nobody knows except Warren," she said softly.

He turned toward her. He truly cherished her and knew he never wanted to hurt her like this again. Dialing Warren's number, he told him where he was and Warren said he'd be right over.

Abruptly, Robert slumped into a deck chair and started to shake. Calista was suddenly scared to death. "Robert, what's wrong. What can I do."

He looked up at her panic stricken. "Hold onto me, lock me in the bathroom, anything, just don't let me walk outta here again. It's not over, Cal. Oh fuck. FUCK! Help me - please help me!" He was frightened and started crying. His shaking became more violent.

"What's happening, Robert? Tell me!" she yelled in fright.

"You wanna know? You really wanna know?" he asked "I feel like my brain's exploding. Like every muscle in my body is pushing it's way through my skin, screaming at me in pain. My insides feel like they're sideways and a voice inside is shouting at me - begging me - to do anything ... anything ... to make it stop!" He looked at the fear in her face, "Pretty, huh?"

She was frightened beyond belief.

Robert's teeth were chattering and his eyes pleaded with her, "I really need a cigarette," he said shakily.

Calista didn't allow anyone to smoke in the house, but she nodded, "Okay, okay. Where are they?" she asked.

Robert pointed to the desk and Calista went over and began frantically searching through the drawers. Finally, she found his cigarettes and lighter. She hurriedly placed one in Robert's mouth and lit it for him. He inhaled deeply, shivering almost convulsively.

She grabbed onto him and held him tightly, rocking him back and forth. Thankful that he couldn't see her tears. All she could think was, 'dear God, how can I ever depend on him to me and Liam when he can't even take care of himself.'

Robert moaned in pain, "I'm here, baby," she comforted him. "You're gonna be all right. We'll get through this. You're gonna make it. It's gonna be okay. Warren's on his way."

Warren got to Calista's house in less than 15 minutes. Slowly, he walked with Robert the length of the house five of six times, making him take deep breaths to calm him down, and then he took him into the kitchen. Calista was terrified. The hardest thing for her was the feeling of inadequacy and helplessness ... and the waiting. She looked at the clock. It was almost 11:00 p.m. - a little over four hours since Warren had gotten there.

Finally, Warren came out to where she was sitting. "Scary, huh?"

She nodded solemnly.

"He's fine," he said giving her a reassuring smile. "You don't realize what a big deal this is. It appears that Robert may have finally passed that milestone we've been waiting for - and he turned the corner on his own. Any other time he wouldn't have thought twice. He would've had it up his nose in three seconds and been back on the streets 15 minutes later. He wouldn't have cared about you, his job, his son ... anything."

Calista looked at him questioningly.

"But, this time was different, Calista. Finally, he's realizing he's not as smart as he always thought he was - and he cared about the consequences. Most of all, he reached out for help. He reached out to you. I hope you understand how much courage it took for him to face you .. to let you see him at his absolute weakest and ask you for something he wasn't sure you wanted to give. I've been there, I know."

She was thoughtful for quite awhile before asking, "What made him not do it this time, Warren? I mean, those three days. What stopped him?"

"Nobody knows what makes an addict finally say enough! It just happens. It's usually about finding something that matters more to you than ... getting high .. something, someone, important enough to make you wanna stay sober."

Calista closed her eyes and laid her head back against the back of the couch wearily. Warren sat down beside her and took her hand. Her eyes were filled with pain when they met his. She was emotionally drained and visibly exhausted.

"Calista, I'm feeling really good about our guy right now," he said. "I really think he's gonna be okay. I'm not saying there won't be other times, because I'm sure there will be. But, he knows what to look for and, most importantly, he's dealt with this crisis - successfully. It's given him a little more strength to help him through the next time. I won't lie, it never goes away entirely, but it gets easier and easier to handle. One day he'll wake up and realize that he hasn't even thought about it for months. That revelation's gonna be intoxicating - the natural high he's been looking for. When the brain doesn't need it anymore, neither will the body."

Silently, Calista tried to absorb everything that Warren said.

He patted her hand, "I've scheduled Robert to come in for extra sessions over the next three days, just as a precaution. If you have the time, why don't you come with him during his last visit. We'll talk. I can help you learn more about what to look for .. how to help him, if that's still an option for you."

She nodded vigorously. "Yes, absolutely, of course it's still an option. I'll make a point of coming with him. Thanks, Warren, for everything. And, for staying so late."

"Time doesn't exist when it comes to saving a life. But, something tells me you already know that." He rose to leave, "Goodnight."

"You're not taking him back to rehab with you?" she asked in wonder.

"Rehab's not a day care, Calista, and Robert's not in lock-down. My goal isn't to be his babysitter, but to teach him to function on his own by learning how to recognize and deal with life's situations - which will unfortunately always be around. But, he's getting there - with your help. Besides," he winked, "his pass is still good through Monday evening."

He started to go and then turned and said, "Calista?"

"Yes?"

"Robert's lucky to have you. Very few have your strength and courage, or the amount of love it takes to withstand all that you've been through. But, I guess that's why, in you, Robert sees hope for the future he's been looking for. Somehow, I think you already knew that, too. You have a really good man there, you know. And, with him doing his part, we'll get him through this .. he's gonna make it."

"I know," she said.

After Warren had gone, she walked slowly out to the kitchen. Robert looked up embarrassed. "Sorry," he said, "for .. everything. I didn't mean to put you through this .. or scare you the way I did." He bent his head in remorse.

"Oh, you didn't scare me, Robert," she said trying to lighten the situation, "believe me, I was way past scared." She failed in her attempt to smile. "And, Rob, my dad told me what he said to you. I'm sorry. He had no right to do that .. and he wasn't speaking for me, I hope you know that. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. No. Shit. I'm so ashamed. Christ, you must despise me for being so weak," he groaned.

She gazed at him for several seconds realizing how much he had to offer his son, her, himself, if he could just overcome this. "On the contrary, I think what you did the past three days and tonight took a great deal of strength. And, I have faith that from here on you're just gonna get stronger. Despise you? No. I love you. I believe in you and I'm feeling very proud of you right now."

He gave her a look of astonishment and shook his head, "Ms. Flockhart, you blow me away."

"I know. I'm amazing," she managed a grin. "Ah, no work again tomorrow, remember? ... So, Rob, you don't have to sleep on the couch tonight .. unless you want to."

He looked up, raising his eyebrows in surprise. "Did you just say you love me?"

She ignored him but her eyes smiled at him, "No sex, okay? I just need you to hold me. I want us to hold onto each other."

"We're making some progress?" Robert asked softly with a slight smile.

"We're making some progress." She leaned in and kissed him gently. His eyes told her how much she meant to him.

She took his face in her hands, "And, although you're an incorrigible derelict, I'd be an idiot to turn down every woman's fantasy as my date for the Golden Globes."

"Yeah, right." he said making a face, "a drug addict with a prison record. I'm just what every mother dreams of for her daughter."

They went to bed and, curled up in each other's arms, each fell into a sleep of complete exhaustion.