As soon as the elevator doors open I am looking for her, Cage & Fish is more like a second home for me at the moment. I wave to John he nods his head in my direction, he’s a strange man but he knows Ally inside out, well for that kind of information it is worth having to put up with the fact that we really don’t get along.

She’s in her office, sorting out some old case files. I close the door behind me trying not to let it make a sound. It doesn’t matter she knows that I am here I can tell by the smile on her face. “Hi sweetie.”

“Larry, what are you doing here, I thought we were meeting for lunch?”

“Well I guess that I wanted to see if you were following doctor’s orders.”

“Why do you think I am sorting through case files, I only get up to pee, which is about every two minutes.” Ally glared when she saw him pull his face, indicating that that was more information than he had needed to hear. “Don’t you look like that it is your fault that I have to pee all the time.”

I shrug my shoulders and just smile, there’s no point in arguing with her but I seem to remember the cause of her constant peeing slightly differently to how she does. As I remember it she seduced me, admittedly she didn’t have to do much, I think it was the sight of her in my old college jumper that did it.

“Larry, earth to Larry.” She laughed, I will never grow tried of hearing her laugh. I look at her and she stops, I move over to the window and sit on the corner of her desk. She jumps slightly all of a sudden, I understand why I saw the tiny clenched up fist that momentarily poked out. We smile at each other.

She puts her hands on her belly, whispering she says “I know daddy has that effect on me too, what I meant the increased movement.” With that she takes my hand and lies it across her ever-increasing bump. She closes her eyes as I gently rub back and forth.

“Hi baby, you feel like coming out any time soon?” I laugh self consciously at the idea that I am talking to my wife’s stomach, but it doesn’t seem so silly when I feel our baby moving under my hand, our baby mine and hers. I mean I love Sam more than anything but it never felt like this and I know why it’s because the mother of my baby is Ally, Ally my wife and the love of my life.

“How about we go for a lunch a little early, we could go home.” I smile at her, sure we could go home after all she seems to be hungry it’s just that I know that food isn’t what she is hungering for.

“Honey you know that the doctor said that we shouldn’t.” There isn’t anything in the world that I would rather do but I won’t do anything that might hurt the baby, she’s too important. I guess I should explain that I refer to the baby as I girl because that’s what I believe it is, Ally decided that we shouldn’t know until the day it arrived, I personally am dying to know and I know that she is too.

“Larry she didn’t say anything about sex just that I should take things easy at work, and since we will be at home that doesn’t apply. I know you’re worried but it’s safe really it is.”

*Ally POV

This whole abstinancy thing is going to end, it’s ok for him I mean I look like a whale but he just seems more sexy the more pregnant I get. Take today for instance he‘s taken off the tie that he was wearing this morning, and undone the top button of his shirt, I know it isn’t much but trust me it doesn’t take a lot when you have been deprived for months.

Even though he is just being protective over the baby it really doesn’t make me feel attractive to know that my husband doesn’t want to have sex with me. I look up into his eyes, there’s so much love there that I have to smile. As if he knows what I am thinking he says.

“It’s not like I don’t want to I just think that the baby should come first.” The smile I was wearing just seconds ago disappears. I really don’t appreciate the suggestion that I don’t put MY baby first. He knows his mistake, and I know that I shouldn’t make a big deal of this but my hormones seem to have different ideas.

“I really think you should rephrase that, in a way that doesn’t make you a complete ass. I have carried this baby for eight months, taken every kind of vitamin that the pharmacies have in store, not drank even the one glass of red wine that MY doctor says it’s ok to have. I am the one that has eaten things that you wouldn’t even feed to a dog, and I’m the one that has drank only milk since the day I found out I was pregnant and YOU stand there and tell me that I don’t put MY baby first!”

“OUR baby.” He corrects me knowing how much I hate it when he does, but he looks sullen like I have really upset him this time, that is until he shrugs his shoulders and smirks.

“No I think I was right the first time and you know what I don’t want to have sex with you now or ever again!” And with that I storm out of my office, well it was more like a waddle that is about all I can manage nowadays.

*Larry POV

So in the space of ten minutes I have managed to talk my wife out of having sex with me ever again, that has got to deserve a pat on the back. I fully understand that it’s just the hormones that are making her crazy but I can never say the right thing and staying silent just annoys her even more.

I stay sitting on the desk, debating whether I should go after her or stay as far away as possible. I was thinking that the second option would be the safest that is until Elaine comes running into the office, she looks pale “It’s Ally she collapsed…” She says something else but I don’t hear her all I know is that there is something wrong with my wife.

There is a crowd of people gathered in the unisex, I have trouble pushing through them but I need to get to her, make sure that she is ok. As soon as he notices me John ushers everyone out leaving only me, Richard, John and Ally in the room. “Ally baby, it’s me come on you need to wake up sweetie.” She doesn’t stir, she looks ashen, I look down when I feel something warm seeping through my the knee of my trousers.

I don’t need to look to know what it is, blood hers. “Call an ambulance! Come on Ally it’s me you’ve got to wake up now.” I look around me but I can’t see anything clearly it’s all a blur, she’s a blur all that is clear is the puddle of blood that I’m kneeling in.

I want to scream but I can’t, I have to stop thinking like that everything is going to be fine, I can’t consider that it won’t be it hurts to much to even think about. At last the paramedics arrive and stretcher her away, I go with them all the time holding her lifeless hand.

We reach the hospital somehow I’m not sure how, I don’t remember anything except that she was still bleeding. Everyone is running, somebody says something about surgery, and I am given a form to sign, I try to read it but I can’t so I sign it and hand it them back. A nurse ushers me into a waiting room.

I am not in the room alone for long soon Renee and John appear at the door, they come in tentatively I must look awful because Renee comes straight to me and envelopes me in a hug. I cry it’s not up to me anymore Ally has been taken out of hands so I can cry. “Larry she will be ok, you can’t lose faith in her.”

I have never had any faith in anything except for Ally and our marriage. But I know her she would rather die and have the baby live than live without the baby. If the baby didn’t make it Ally wouldn’t make it either I knew, and that made me cry even harder.

Finally a doctor came into the room, I was going to be allowed to see her. “What about the baby?” He dropped his eyes to the floor and I knew in that instant that my world had come crashing down around me.

“I’m sorry we did everything we could but only one of the babies survived, she lost too much blood.” I don’t understand what he is saying Ally wasn’t having twins only one baby, the baby that he would never get to see. “She’s still asleep from the surgery but she will be waking up soon.”

I had to see her, I needed for me to be the first thing she saw when she woke up. I try to enter her room but I can’t what am I supposed to say, what can I say to take away her pain.

She is stirring, trying to pry open her eyes. ”Larry…Larry.” And I’m there by her side stroking her hair so that she knows I am here with her.

Her hands instinctively go to feel the baby that isn’t there anymore. I pull her hands away and hold them with mine, but she knows, she looks at me for a second she doesn’t do anything. Then she pulls her hands away from me, she hides her face not wanting me to see her cry, the violent sobs rack her body, I can’t do anything, I have never felt so useless in all my life.

“Ally listen to me. They couldn’t save both of the babies.” She snapped her head up to look at me. She doesn’t believe me I can tell she thinks that I am lying. She puts up her arms towards me I fall into them. It is an acknowledgement that I am hurting too, and I am.

“Larry I want to see our babies.” The words are only just audiable but I hear her, I leave her only for a second to ask the nurse if it is possible, she tells me that they will arrange for us to go to the nursery to see our daughter.

I lose her then I’m a father I have a daughter, me and Ally have a daughter. “I will have somebody bring your son to her room, you can have as long with him as you want.” And the joy I feel about my daughter is suddenly gone because I have lost my son.

I return to Ally, Renee is with her now holding her as she cries, Renee whispers to her that I am back.

*Ally POV

I barely notice that it is now Larry holding me, it doesn’t make a difference who it is the pain doesn’t go away. He is rocking me back and forth trying to calm me, I don’t want to be calmer I want to see my baby, my babies both of them.

“Baby the nurse is going to bring him in soon.” I hear how his words are disjointed because of his crying but I can’t say anything to comfort him, I can’t even look at him knowing how much he must hate me for losing our baby, one of our babies, we were blessed with two miracles and now one of them isn’t here and it’s all my fault.

The nurse enters, all I can see is a blue blanket, a blue blanket that is holding our son in it. Larry pulls away from me so that I can take the baby. I feel his weight on my arms as the nurse positions him. His eyes are closed, just like he is asleep. I pull the blanket open so that I can see more of him, he is so small but perfect, I count his ten tiny toes and his ten tiny fingers that I will never get to see move.

Larry sits behind me on the bed and looks over my shoulder. He takes our sons hand in his hand, it makes him seem even smaller when compared with Larry. I study he features so they are imprinted on my memory, he has so much of Larry in him his nose, his mouth, and his dark hair and I swear for just a second that I see him smile that little half smile that Larry so often does.

John knocks on the door. ”I really didn’t want to interrupt but I thought that you might want this.” He hands Larry a camera, I can’t say thank you even though I want to. Larry takes the camera and takes some pictures of me and the baby.

“I think we should call him Will.” I look up at Larry hoping that he agrees with my suggestion he nods. “Do you want to hold him?” As much as I want to hold onto Will I let him go to Larry because he needs to have time with him too. Larry sits on the end of the bed and just stares at his face, the tears landing on Will’s forehead. I gently stroke them away.

*Larry POV

He is the most perfect thing I have ever seen, so small and fragile that all I want to do is love him and never let go. William Christopher Paul, I wonder if he has Ally’s eyes and it finally hits me that I will never to see them open and I can’t hold him anymore because it hurts too much, I try to hand him back to Ally but she won’t take him.

I don’t know what to do, he is so silent and all I want him to do is open up his eyes and scream. I rock him trying to comfort him I begin to sing. I don’t know why but it seems like something that I need to do. I feel Ally wrap her arms around my waist and her head on my shoulder.

Eventually the nurse returned she has brought a wheelchair so that Ally will be able to go to the nursery. I pass Will to the nurse so I can carry Ally to the wheel chair. I take our son from the nurse and hand him to Ally.

We arrive at a huge glass window, the nurse goes into the room that holds at least fourteen babies, I don’t need her to point out my daughter I spotted her as soon as we arrived. The nurse brings her to us, I hold her, she is just stirring, her eyes fluttering open and shut.

She is so warm, so full of life, she finally opens her eyes and looks straight into mine. That is all it took for me to fall in love with her, that one look that I will never forget, the pain of losing Will is there but it is softened slightly by the little girl looking at me.

I bend so that Ally can see her, Ally looks for a few seconds before she turns away to Will.

*Ally POV

I can’t look at her, I can’t love her it isn’t fair, why can’t I have them both, I’ve waited so long to see her and now I can’t even look at her. It hurts too much to see her so full of life when I will never feel Will move. I can see that Larry is besotted with her already, but I just can’t. I know that makes me the worst mother in the world not being able to look at my own daughter but it just doesn’t feel right that I can have one but not the other.

She’s crying, the nurse takes Will from me so that Larry can put her in my arms. I snuggle her against me and she stops crying like she knows who I am already. With her eyes closed she looks just like Will.

“Ally why don’t we call her Sophie?” I look at him, truly look at him and I know that he is hurting just as much as I am. I look her and think, I shake my head, she just doesn’t look like a Sophie.

“I prefer Emily, Emily Catherine Paul.” Before today I had never thought about Emily but at that moment it just seemed me, Emily and William Paul they just sounded right together.

“I like Emily.”

“Hi Emily I’m you’re mommy, I’ve been waiting so long to see you.” I had, I had been waiting my whole life and I still wasn’t able to comprehend how much I loved her, how much I loved them both, they were a part of me and Larry. “This is your brother William…” I tried to say something else but I couldn’t the words wouldn’t come.