"Ally." Renee, her roommate came into her room all dressed for work. "Ally, you’re already late. Get up and stop thinking about Larry."

"When have you known that to be possible for me?" Ally muttered as she hugged her lion stuffed animal tight, remembering the one day that Larry had done the same.

"And let go of Larry’s lion!" Renee grabbed it away from her.

"I’m sick." Ally said lamely as she rolled away from Renee.

"GET UP!" Renee yelled at Ally. "I’m getting sick of this Ally. Call him up, write him a letter, tell him how much you hate him and how much you love him, but get over him! Apparently he’s not coming back, get used to it, and move on with your goddamn life!" Renee took a deep breath as she turned away from the wide eyed Ally.

Ally began to get up slowly and walked straight past her roommate and into the bathroom, where she locked herself in.

"Ally, I’m sorry." Renee said as she followed her and knocked on the door. "I just kind of lost it. I just hate what this- what he’s doing to you. I hate that guy." Renee seethed.

"I know. So do I." Ally’s broken voice came through the bathroom door.

"So tell him that. Get up the guts and flat out tell him that you hate him. Whether you hate him or what he did, let him know so that you can start getting over him." Renee said softly.

"I can’t." Ally sobbed from behind the bathroom door.

"Why not?" Renee asked.

"Because I love him too much." Ally said quietly.

Renee sighed and shook her head. "I guess that’s the problem then. You loved him too much."

"That’s not a bad thing." Ally said.

"It is for you now. Look at you. You’re a mess, and he’s off having a great time with his kid and ex girlfriend. Probably not even thinking about you." Renee said as she left the bathroom door and headed to get her coat and purse.

"That hurts." Ally said as she came out of the bathroom with a tear stained face.

"The truth usually does honey." Renee sympathised.

"He deserves to be hated then. If I’m the only one that’s hurt he deserves it!" Ally said somewhat angrily.

"That he does." Renee agreed. "Are you going to work today or are you writing a letter?" She winked at Ally as she left.

Ally sat down at the kitchen table and began to think. What’s the worst that could happen? He could write back saying how much he hated her… but that would just help her get over him.

"I have nothing to lose." Ally decided as she grabbed a few pieces of paper and a pen. She began to toss around some ideas in her head, before she finally wrote something on her paper.

Dear Larry,

I hate you.

Sincerely

Ally

She looked at the note in disgust and crumpled it up and threw it to the end of the table before she started writing a second one.

Larry,

Words cannot describe how much I hate you, but I’m going to tell you how much I hate you anyway.

Ally shook her head as she crumpled it up again.

"I can’t just write I hate you. I have to tell him how I feel." Ally thought out loud as she started a fresh paper.

Larry,

It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken or written, but I’m not writing to tell you that I have missed you. I need to reach my closure. I have to finally get out how I really feel about everything that has been going on in my life ever since you’ve walked in. First I want you to know that I wish that you suffer horribly throughout your life, as much as you’ve made me suffer through these past two months. While I suffer, you’re off enjoying the company of your son and Jamie. I mean, if you can’t stay five minutes without ripping each other’s clothes off, what’s two months like? If I could just tell you the way I feel, I would… but I can’t. You took advantage of me. You knew that I left my heart open to you, so you felt as if you could do whatever you pleased with it, knowing that I’d always come running back at a chance to be with you, because I love you more that I love myself. That’s never happened to me before. I’m a selfish person, I admit. But you taught me how to love and be loved in return. What do I know if it was just an act to waste time or what, but I really felt special for a while. After that, you started to change. I don’t know what I did to deserve notes all this time, okay, I’m sorry for beating you up after my dream, but I didn’t deserve a note. I obviously wasn’t special enough to you, and I hate you for that. I HATE you. I think I mean it too, but my hate is degraded because I still love you. There, I said it. I’ve never loved anybody as much as I love you, and I desperately need to get over you so I can continue on with my life. All my friends are annoyed with my moping, I can’t get any dates because all I do is sit there and talk about you, imagine I was with you and compare my dates to you. Just because I wore my heart on my sleeve, gave you no right to crush it, to break it in two. I could never trust you. I think that’s why I felt empty all along. How could I be so empty while I’m so completely in love with someone? The answer is because I never fully knew whether you were committed, whether you were trustworthy. You sabotaged that trust right from the beginning with Jamie. Maybe you felt you had to leave because you were missing something too. But I guess I’ll never know because you never talked to me. If a conversation ever got to deep you’d make a joke and back away. That’s the reason I broke up with you. You said you were a failure. Well, you failed again, but this time because you didn’t try. I wish you only had the guts, to have what it takes to be a real man, because you obviously haven’t gone there yet. You’re too afraid to experience what it is like to be without a net, a feeling I’ve had since the day I met you, a feeling that I risked just to be with you. I hope now that I send this I can begin my recovery and forget you forever.

Ally

She looked at this third letter and nodded satisfactorily. It was far from perfect, but it was something. And most of all, Renee was right. She felt fantastic. She took an envelope and a stamp from a drawer under the TV set and put it all together. As she began to put on her coat a small smile crept across her face as she realised how silly she was being. She couldn’t send this to Larry. How on earth could she tell him that she hated him? This was just an exercise to blow off steam, and it worked. There was no need to send it to him.

Ally giggled at her silliness and took her jacket off. She walked back to the kitchen and put the envelope back on the table and stared at it for a few minutes before going to lie down on the couch to watch TV. She’d figure out what to do with it later.

"Ally? Honey, where are you?" Renee asked as she entered the apartment. There was a sudden snore from the couch as if to answer her question, and Renee tried to hide a smile, when she saw an envelope sitting on the kitchen table. Sealed and set up with a stamp. Renee smiled slightly when she realised what must have happened -- Ally chickened out. Renee smiled deviously and took the envelope and headed out quietly, going to deliver her letter.

When Renee got back two minutes later, she closed the door loudly and Ally bolted upright from the couch.

"My god, how long was I sleeping?" Ally mumbled to herself as she stretched.

"I don’t know, I just got back from work." Renee lied.

Ally stood up and went to the kitchen to get a drink. Walking right by the table calmly. AS soon as she opened the fridge, she realised that something was up and she walked slowly backwards to the table as if retracing her steps and looked at the empty table.

"Renee—" Ally began.

"Yes?" Renee asked.

"Where’s my letter?" She asked as calmly as she could.

"What letter?"

"The letter I wrote to Larry." Ally’s eyes began to well up with tears.

"Oh that letter! There was a stamp on it and everything so I went down to send it." Renee smiled slightly.

"YOU SENT IT?" Ally screamed at Renee who tried to back up quickly.

"Now don’t get angry, I thought this was part of your getting over Larry thing—you know, sending the letter." Renee said nervously.

"I wasn’t going to send it! Wouldn’t I have gone down to send it if I wanted to?" Ally asked.

"Well… you did say you were sick." Renee said as she tried to hide a smile.

"What mailbox did you put it in? I’ll get it out!" Ally said desperately.

"You know that there’s no way." Renee said. "Just let it be. See what Larry has to say about your letter."

"But I don’t want him to know that I hate him." Ally moaned into her hands

"Why not?" Renee asked.

"Because I don’t hate him. I love him! Isn’t it obvious by now?" Ally said as a tear rolled down her cheek. "And I really don’t want him to see that letter."

"Honey, I’m sorry. I thought you just chickened out." Renee said sympathetically. "Ally, I believe in fate. I believe that everything in life happens for a reason. You just have to let fate take it’s own course. Whatever will be will be."

Ally nodded slowly as she tried to take in what Renee was telling her.

Larry came home to Sam and Jamie after another day of long work. He opened the front door to their house, and immediately had his son wrapped around his legs.

"Hey Sammy!" Larry yelped as he gave his son a warm hug. Jamie appeared beside him and Larry gave her a quick kiss as he put his briefcase down on the floor.

"Oh," Jamie said quickly. "Before I forget, you got a letter."

"From who?" Larry asked as he hung up his coat.

"I don’t know. The envelope just said Mr. Larry Paul. There was no return address." Jamie said.

"Oh. Okay." Larry said with a confused face. Jamie handed him the letter and Larry’s face went white.

"What? What is it?" Jamie asked worriedly.

"I know who it’s from." Larry cleared his throat nervously, and tried to stop the tears from coming to his eyes.

"Daddy! Come play Sega with me!" Sam called.

"Not now buddy." Larry said loudly and quickly before he took his letter and went to lock himself in his own room, leaving Jamie and Sammy staring at the closed door. They were never second to anything… almost.

Larry sat down on his bed and steadied himself before he opened the envelope. So many letters he had written to her, but they had never been sent. So many times he had called her, but hung up after the first ring. She broke up with him, made it clear that she wanted him out of her life, so he had left against his own will. If he had nothing left in Boston, what was the point of staying? He paused to think about what she could possibly be writing about. There were only a few major possibilities. Someone either had died, she was writing to tell him she hated him, or that she loved him and missed him. Wanted him to come back to her. As he tore open the letter, he couldn’t help but hope it was the latter. As he opened the letter, he found his breath coming shorter and quicker as he read one word at a time. As he read further he realized that she had taken every one of his intentions the wrong way. He had loved her more than anything, and had in fact almost always put her first in his life. He slammed the letter down which was almost already smudged with his tears. He picked up his phone and dialed a number he knew all too well.

"Hello?" A calm voice answered the phone.

"What the hell is this? You know none of this is true!" Larry yelled into the phone.

"Listen, LARRY! Those are my personal feelings. How dare you presume to tell me which of my feelings are true? You have no right whatsoever to judge my feelings!" Ally yelled back at him.

"But how the hell can you send this!? Get up the nerve to tell me all these things when you’re the one doing them!"

"Listen, LAR-RY! I don’t appreciate you calling me after all this time just to yell at me!" Ally’s yells made the phone vibrate.

"I can damn well do what I please, Ally." Larry said. "You say, oh, you’re so selfish, so afraid to love. Well, excuse me if I’m wrong, but weren’t you the one running away? Didn’t I pull you in with me? Didn’t I tell you right away when I kissed Jamie? Go against her advice, and automatically tell you? Tell her to move to Canada with Sam just so that I could get her out of my life, so that you could begin to trust me? My god, Ally! I told her to go to Canada with my kid! Then I wrote you a song, I always told you how much I loved you. If that’s an act, than what is true love?" Larry’s voice broke. "I stuck by you all that time because I loved you more than anything. No matter what, I stuck by you. What is true love if that’s not it?"

"It wasn’t us. True love isn’t leaving notes. True love isn’t kissing ex girlfriends, and it’s definitely not cancelling lunches to be with ex-wives." Ally’s voice was still raised.

"Well, it is writing you songs, lying close to you no matter what’s troubling you and whether you’re beating the crap out of me because of a dream. Singing, loving, laughing, talking with you through everything." Larry said as he cried silently.

"Well, that still doesn’t explain getting whip creamed by your ex wife." Ally stated quietly.

"You really want to know?" Larry asked calmly.

"Yes." Ally stated clearly.

"Okay here goes." Larry took a deep breath and began. "The night before that day at dinner, I had planned on proposing to you but the waiter brought the ring to the wrong table. I’m a big believer in omens, I thought that something had to be keeping us apart, so I talked to Coretta, and she just told me to go for it again. I couldn’t though, because I needed to find out what I was doing wrong, why all my relationships were failing, cause you were the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I didn’t choose to fall in love with you. You can’t help the ones you fall in love with, Ally. You’re not supposed to. It’s fate. It’s the greatest force on earth. I feel that everything in life happens for a reason. I just wish I knew what that reason was. So, I called Helena, asked her to lunch, cancelled with you, and asked her what went wrong with us. I told her that I was afraid of marriage, and that I was afraid I would do something to screw us up. When me and Helena were married, and whenever she was sad, I would get out the whipped cream and say, "Hey, the whipped cream is right at the end of your nose." She would immediately cheer up. So when we were at the ice cream shop, she put whipped cream at the end of my nose, and it didn’t cheer me up, so she started putting it all over my face. She told me that if you were the one, there’s no way that I could screw it up. That encouraged me because I really believed that you were the one for me… which is when you walked in, dumped ice cream on me and then broke up with me. Ally, I’m sorry but it’s not my fault that you jump to conclusions and never let anyone explain." Larry took a deep breath to keep his voice from trembling.

"It’s not my fault that you didn’t explain this to me either!" Ally began to scream again. She also began to hyperventilate as she realized that Larry had complete excuses for everything… and that he had wanted to propose to her.

"Well, I’m sorry Ally. I really am." Larry said.

"Well—you-you just go to hell!" Ally screamed into the phone through her sobs.

"Ally, please calm down. Don’t do this. Just relax. Don’t yell at me, it’s not my fault."

He heard Ally crying quietly in the background for several minutes as he tried to calm himself also.

"Well, then whose is it?" Ally finally said before she gently put down the receiver, collapsing into her bed and moaning into her sheets.