These Questions
Chapter 7 - Baby Talk
He felt her chest rise and fall. He watched her. He couldn't help it. He loved the way she looked. She really was beautiful.
She was struck with this, now. She was having a baby with Luka. There was nothing he could do about it. Well, to be accurate, she wasn't *having a baby with Luka.* She was having Luka's baby. And, once again, there was nothing he could do about that.
But he would be there for her. Someone would have to be. He wanted to. He didn't want to burst into her life suddenly, but he wanted to be there for her. He wasn't asking to be there for the baby. It wouldn't have upset him, but he would have to be there for her. He owed it to her. And she deserved it. She needed *somebody.*
"God, I'm sorry," she whimpered, rising from her position against his shoulder.
"No, no," he said, smoothing her hair down and bringing her head back down to his arm. "Don't be sorry," he chuckled.
"I need to get up," she said, lifting herself again.
"Why?" he asked. "Pregnant women need their sleep, don't they?"
She looked at him convincingly. "Could you, um," she began, "lay off the baby terms for a while? It's all a little hard to deal with."
He shrugged. "Why?"
"Because," she said. "It just is."
He shrugged, half-heartedly and sighed: "Well, it's gonna be obvious pretty soon." He smiled as he said this, but it wasn't easy. The difficult part wasn't evident, but it still wasn't easy. "How far along?"
"A few weeks," she said shakily. "Seriously, John, just leave it alone, okay?"
"Abby, its your baby," he said with a suggestive voice.
"John, I had an abortion," she said quietly.
There was silence again. The silence that had held them out so many times. So many times had they been in suspense with one another. It lasted for as long as whenever. He didn't know. He didn't know what to say.
"What?"
"Not recently," she assured him.
"When?"
She put her hands in her face. "When I was married to Richard."
He shook his head. "Why?"
She laughed, but it wasn't a laugh. "I was scared. Of it being sick."
"Like your mom?"
"Yeah," she said. She looked up at him. "And I didn't want to have a baby with Richard." One tear fell down her cheek, but she was quick to take it away. He took her hand, though, stopping her.
"It's okay, Abby," he said. She looked down. "You're not going to forget that, you know."
She took his hand with both of hers. She was still staring at the intricate design of the couch cushions.
"But," he said, "in nine months, you're not going to be so afraid when you're holding this baby." He patted her stomach. "I'm not a father, I don't know what it feels like." He watched her eyes lie there, still paralyzed for a moment. "But I heard it's not too bad."
She looked up. "John," she said. "This baby doesn't have a dad. This baby barely has a mom - "
"This baby has a wonderful mom," Carter said. He held her face in his hands and stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. "You're going to be a great mom," he continued, "I know it."
Another single tear left her eye and fell down her cheek. She leaned forward and hugged him.
"I'll be there for you, too," he said. "If you ever need anything," now taking her and pulling her in front of him. "I'll help you. Don't ever hesitate, please - "
She nodded with a smile. It was a rare smile. "Thank you," she said simply.
He watched her eyes search his. They always did. It was their only way of communicating when both of them were at a loss for words.
"Can we talk about this baby now?"
"Do you want to?" Abby laughed.
He nodded. "Babies are okay," he said. "Not exactly my specialty, but you know - "
"You're great with kids," she said, sniffling as she recovered from her small fit.
He shrugged modestly. "I don't know." He looked at her again.
"You think I should find out if it's a boy or a girl?"
"It's a little early for that, isn't it?" he giggled.
"Not yet," she said. "But when the time comes, do you think I should?"
He cocked his head and sighed. "Either side has their advantages."
She threw her head back. "Answer like a human, Carter. For once."
"I mean that!"
"Oh, okay," she said, a little sarcastically. "What's the advantage to not know?"
"It's a surprise."
"Isn't it enough of a surprise when you get to see what it looks like for the first time?"
"I don't know," he said with a grin. He found himself a little excited all of a sudden.
"Okay," she gave in. "What's the advantage for knowing?"
"You know whether to buy boy or girl baby stuff," he answered matter-of-factly. "Like toys, clothes, you know."
"Well thank you for stating the obvious," she said. She sat against him, until he wrapped his arms around her.
It was an inborn move. He didn't know if it was wise. She was sensitive at the moment. He immediately regretted it, and almost apologized. But she pulled them closer to her.
"Thank you," she said. "I needed that."
He smiled and kissed the top of her head.
"I needed that, too." Her head leaned slightly into his upper arm.
"You've already helped me through half of it."
"I doubt I did really anything, Abby," he said. But she squeezed his arm gently.
"You have."
"What's the other half?"
"Oh, I don't know," she said. "Morning sickness, and then labor, I guess."
"If you want I can help you through that, too."
She turned toward him and looked at him. Her eyes met his. He felt immediate to break the stare. But he couldn't. He wouldn't.
"What do you mean?"
[Part 8]