These Questions
Chapter 5- Message in the Morning
"Carter, are you there?"
The device on the nightstand beside Carter awoke him with a start. He groaned, until Abby's voice filtered the early morning air.
"I know your shift starts in an hour, but I was hoping you'd be up and still there."
He rubbed his eyes with a weary hand. Should he pick it up, or should he let it go?
"I want to apologize for yesterday."
He remembered yesterday. It all came back with a bang. His head fell back to the pillow, but he found himself turning towards the machine slightly to catch the rest of her message. He imagined her at her apartment at this very moment, speaking to him as she continued.
"I talked to Luka," she went on, "but I don't think he understands our friendship at all. I hate that he doesn't, you know."
Friendship. What friendship did they have now?
"Look, Carter," she said, "I hate the fact that we aren't close like we used to be. I hate the fact that we aren't better friends."
So did he. He despised it, but still he wanted more. He wanted to be more than friends with her. But if friendship was all he could get with her -
"I want to be your friend."
The words were crying for him. He was her friend. Her best friend, and he would always be, no matter what.
"And, um," she said, "I have something to tell you."
Carter sat up at this and looked around the room nervously for nothing as she proceeded.
"But I really don't want to tell you over a machine."
He nodded invisibly at her remark and started to get dressed.
"I want to meet you somewhere. It's important. Please don't be mad at me."
He froze as she spoke again. He caught himself again and kept up getting dressed. He searched for anything suitable and inspected himself in the mirror.
"If you can, meet me at Doc's today at noon. If not then, just call me or something. Please just come."
I will, Carter thought. What was she going to tell him?
"Bye."
The machine clicked. Carter breathed out heavily. In suspense, he asked himself again, What was she going to tell him? It killed him that he couldn't answer his own inquiry, so he again began to prepare for his shift.
By the time he reached the lounge, he found that Abby wasn't even working today. It was near nine, so he thought to ask Kerry if he could take his break at noon. However, he had a hard time reaching Kerry as well.
"Trauma, Carter," Susan interrupted his thoughts as she stormed inside. Carter, still in full outside dress, bounded from the room with a rush. It was the doctor feeling that all doctors had. The rush through their body. He loved it.
The paramedic followed them through with the situation. They came to trauma one and began immediate work. At that moment, Carter was oblivious to everything. He had only this man in front of him to save, and that was it. Nothing else took him away from it.
They were successful. A slight smile escaped from Carter's trouble-felt phase and for an instant nothing else mattered.
Then the message hit him again.
Still wearing a slight grin, Carter searched for Kerry. He spotted her in one of the hallways, talking to a student.
"You are not to burst into traumas like that unless you are with your intended doctor," she stated. "You aren't even on today. Dr. Trip isn't on today."
"I know," the student said, head bowed.
"You are not in charge," she said. "Do something as stupid as that, and you won't get a such easy treatment next time. I am tired of being so lenient with you. We've had a few doctors like you; they're gone now."
The student looked up in quiet horror. "I'm sorry."
"Go home, think things over," she said. "Dr. Trip is on tomorrow. I'll see you then."
He nodded and walked away.
Carter approached her.
"I think I see another Pratt or Benton headed our way," she said.
Carter nodded. "Brace yourselves."
Kerry chuckled, but as always maintained her work face. The stiff smile was always there. "Did you want something?"
"Actually, yes," Carter said. "I know its early, but I wanted to take my break at noon today, if that's okay."
"Sure," she shrugged. "It shouldn't matter. It's been slow lately."
Carter looked up to see Malik come around the corner smiling at him, but then quickly dash away at the sight of Weaver. Carter rolled his eyes to himself and went on.
"Thanks, Dr. Weaver," he said.
She nodded. "Abby?"
"What?"
"Is it about Abby?"
Carter tilted his head, breathed out with a shaken laugh and ran a hand through his hair. "A little, yeah."
She smiled stiffly again and nodded. "Good luck."
"What?" he asked in astonishment.
"I've seen her with Luka," she said. "And I've seen her with you. Good Luck."
Carter smiled. "That means a lot, Kerry."
She nodded again and walked away. He stared after her for a bit then took to the admit desk, now filled with another strength, thanks to Kerry.
-
Noon came too quickly for Carter. He nervously rounded the corner outside of the ambulance bay to begin toward Doc Magoo's. The fact that he knew she was waiting for him at that instant crept up and down his spine in disbelief. He wanted to go and see her, but he was frightened of her words. What she would say would be important to them, them together. Her message from this morning had insisted it. He had every reason to be scared.
Or not scared, perhaps. A different thing. Half scared, half hopeful.
He saw her hair first. Her back was to him in a booth. He opened the door and walked inside. Her hands were upon the table, twisting together as she did many times. He wondered again why she was with Luka, who knew nothing about her. Carter knew everything about her and more.
"Abby," he said to himself. He wasn't near the booth. The name just escaped his mouth.
However, she sensed he was there. She turned around, and searched for his form. She found him and smiled.
The smile called him to the table where he sat down. He looked at her, but hoped that his expression wasn't too anticipating.
"What's up?"
"Do you want something to eat?" Abby suggested.
He shook his head. "You want anything?"
Abby said the same, shaking her head in refusal. "I have to tell you something."
Carter stared at her hands. "Yes, I know."
She breathed out. "I didn't want to tell you over the phone."
"What is it?" he breathed. He couldn't breathe.
"John," she said. Her eyes changed then. They started out one way when she said his name, but they changed. Carter didn't know what to do with this.
"What is it, Abby?" he said. "You're starting to scare me."
She lifted herself slightly and settled again. "Well, it isn't easy to say."
"Abby," he said simply.
She looked at him. For a while, their frowns shared a gaze. Everything hazed away as she spoke.
"I'm pregnant, John."
Her head fell, and when it came back up, she bit her lip.
"Is it mine?" Carter asked, his voice a stone.
Abby looked out the window. Her hands covering her face, she sniffed out of site. Out of her hands, her eyes were misty. "Uhm," she stuttered, "No, it's Luka's."
[Part 6]