These Questions
Chapter 4 - Dog Bite
His eyes opened, but it was a reluctant move. He waited an instant before sitting up, taking himself from the one time he was secure. Only sleeping had brought him away from his thoughts of her. His dreams were still occupied by her image, but at least there were happy endings.
His shower, his breakfast, his conversation with Gamma were all droned out in reality. He faked a few smiles, cautious with them for Gamma's sake. She had sensed a change in him, he knew, but she didn't say anything.
He was silent as he reached the streets near County. His head hurt, and he didn't feel like being a doctor today. He didn't feel like seeing anyone, talking to anyone. It had been this way for a week, now, and he hadn't expected it to change.
The ER was silent. The entire desk was encircled in the staff, chatting in complete boredom. There wasn't any sign of Weaver, though, as was there Susan or Abby.
He felt slightly relieved. It was hard to face her now. The first days had been awkward, but now the atmosphere was chilly and uncomfortable. They had been hesitant to work together in traumas.
It hurt most when Abby was with Luka. She was next to him, his arm sturdily around her waist. He wished everything was different, of course. But when he saw her with Luka, something fell out of its place. He hated the way he was with her. He didn't want to say he was jealous of Luka, though; mostly, he just wanted to be the one with his arms around her.
Abby appeared from the lounge, her head just turning around as she left. Her gaze was set in the lounge as she talked back to someone.
Carter saw her hair settling angelically on her shoulders. It was simple, but it worked. He bet himself that her conversation partner was none other than Luka. She was laughing now, lightly, but she was happy enough. In a way, for some reason, he was glad. Not glad for Luka, but at least she was happy.
He won. (Or lost.) It was Luka. With his form suddenly coming out of the lounge, he took his arm to her and pulled her to him. She looked towards the floor as they walked to the desk to stand next to Susan.
He had to push himself to turn away from her smiling face. His glance was brought to the floor, where his dismayed eyes were stinging with feeling.
"Hey, Carter," Susan called as soon as he reached the lounge door. He whirred around to see her smile.
He gave a phony smile towards her, and proceeded into the lounge. It was warm, but he was still cold. As he removed his coat and went to his work uniform, the unanticipated but knowingly due "what if's" had already started to play with his mind. The only question that kept in his head was about Luka, though. Why Luka?
He left the lounge and headed for the desk. He had to make sure that Abby was out of reach from him. She was on the other side, thankfully not near him.
Susan had started a talk with him, but he held up his hand. "One second, Susan." He began towards Luka, just a few feet away.
"Luka, can I talk to you for a second?"
Luka came around, with a confused expression. "What?"
"Can I talk to you for a second?" he repeated.
Luka shrugged silently, leaving his position at the computer. "Sure, what about?"
He shifted uneasily, and looked around. "Actually," she said, "could we go somewhere else."
Luka shrugged again and folded his arms. "Sure."
Carter nodded restlessly. "Exam two."
Luka followed him into the room, as Carter walked ahead. He didn't know what to say, but knew what had to be said. He felt like an idiot, an intruder, but wouldn't let it stand in his way. His life was confusing for some reason at the moment. He had hoped over and over again that -
"What's up?" Luka asked. He towered above Carter, making him slightly nervous.
Carter paused following a sigh. "Abby told me about the two of you."
Luka breathed out now and he scratched the back of his head. He rested his hand on the gurney now. "She did."
Carter nodded. He hated this situation, this moment. "Don't ever hurt her."
"What?"
"Don't hurt her."
"I don't intend to." His face was stern.
"She needs a lot of comfort."
"I know what she needs," Luka fired.
"She's had troubles," he said, tensely.
"I know that she has problems," Luka said. His voice was haunting Carter as he spoke. They kept in silence for another minute, gathering themselves for nothing in particular. Carter could feel Luka's anger in the room. His heart was ready to cry out. The physical pain was near outgrowing the emotional pain.
He'd wanted her for so long. He imagined her in his arms sometimes when she walked past him. Now he had kissed her. He had made love to her, and everything was a million times better than he had imagined it.
"Don't *ever* hurt her, Luka." He looked around the room. "She means everything to me. She's my best friend, Luka." She was his best friend. Besides the awkwardness with the two of them now, she would always be his best friend. He forced himself to stick to that.
Luka nodded in understanding. "She means everything to me as well."
The words, dripping with the Croatian accent, hit him and stung in their place. He nodded now. He felt somewhat dizzy as he spoke again, not knowing why he had chosen these words. "She's beautiful when she's happy. When she smiles."
Luka looked away. Carter didn't know what he was thinking.
"Luka," Abby said quietly. She had heard everything, Carter knew it. She stared hard at him before Luka took her hand. He kissed her, but she obviously didn't give much back. Her head was bowed as soon as he parted from her. He looked at her oddly, but she didn't say anything. Instead, she shuffled uncomfortably from the room. Luka looked back at them. If eyes could hiss, Luka's would have then without a moment's hesitation.
Carter stared directly back at him, despite his knowing of what Luka could do to him. Luka walked out of the room, leaving Carter dumbly staring at his hands as he climbed to the gurney. Before a minute could have passed, Carter looked up to see Abby entering the room. He felt her instantly.
"Carter," she said.
"Yeah," he whispered gently.
"Don't do that," she said, staring off into space.
"Do what?"
"Don't piss Luka off with that protective crap."
"Protective crap?" he stammered. "I'm just watching out for you."
"Has Luka ever done anything to me?"
"Yes," he answered, almost shouting. "He's done some things to you before, I think we all know that, Abby. And he has definitely done some things to a few others. Why are you with him, Abby?" he emphasized the words "why and "him" in a hopeful dare.
She looked at him. Carter swore that he saw doubt in her eyes.
"Because," she said. "I love him, Carter. I love Luka, okay? Doubt it all you want, but my life isn't any of your business. Some friend you've turned out to be." She looked around then turned up, her eyes beginning to mist, and reading anger. "If you care about me, you'd be happy for me."
"Why?" he asked. "I want to be with you."
Abby couldn't look at him. She shivered with something other than cold and left the area.
Carter leaned his head back against the wall. The ceiling glared back at him. His eyes closed and took him away. Daydreaming about anything but Abby would help now. He rubbed one of his arms with another hand in attempt to scare away an itch.
"Carter," Susan said. "Dog bite needs the room."
He diffidently took himself away from the bed and turned to Susan. "Need me?"
"We got it," she smiled.
He nodded. "Okay."
[Part 5]