These Questions
"If you take one more step near me, I swear to God, doctor - "
"Sir, no one wants to hurt you," Carter said into the crisp air. He felt
the eyes around him, the bustle of the ER"s duty at full swing. He could
feel the tile through his shoes; he noticed the minor details plaguing him
now with this culprit in front of him.
"One more step and I'll do it."
"No one wants to take you," he whispered gently. "We just want to make you
better."
"Do it and die."
"Come here," Carter said, taking that dreaded step. The patient flinched
and threatened him again with raising, and a pressing of the eyebrows.
"I told you nor to come forward!"
Carter swallowed against the world around him. He felt Haleh's hard stare
from the corner behind the man. Her frown permanent against her coppered
skin, she nodded toward the patient. Carter blinked slightly in response.
"Can I see what you have in your hand?"
"No!" he shouted. "Now get out of here, and go call my wife before I hurt
you! And you know I can!"
Carter gritted his teeth, exchanged another few glances with Haleh. But
Haleh's gaze was fixed on the man. His fingers ran slowly over the object
behind him. Haleh shook her head, almost nonchalantly.
"What are you looking at?" he growled against the cold. The cold that had
hit the room suddenly, causing him to shiver. Oh make it stop, he prayed.
"Let me see it, David."
"So you can confiscate it? Like you did to the rest of my things?"
"Your things are in a bag under the bed, David. Do you want me to show
you?"
He looked to his sides, then proceeded to nod feverishly. Carter agreed
with a whisper tenderly, and followed to the bed. The patient turned
himself to meet his eyes with Carter's every move, careful to monitor his
activity. Critical eyes watching every move made. They burnt through the
coat on his back.
He straightened up. "Here."
"Everything's in there?" the man asked, starting to settle for this option.
"Everything you came in with."
"If I give you this," the man offered, stretching his hand to Carter, "will
you call the police?"
"I promise I won't call them at all." He eyed the small pill in the man's
frail palm. Withered with the ailing skin, like that upon his brow.
"You promise me?" the man whispered harshly. "Because your promises have to
hold."
"It'll hold," Carter breathed. "Can I please have the medicine now?"
The man hesitated, shrinking back to a cruel frown as his eyes caught the
bag Carter held.
"Come on," Carter exchanged, fighting any bitter tone that might escape on
accident. "We'll trade."
"You said medicine will make people better," the man bit the air. "Doctors
give people medicine everyday."
"Not that medicine," Carter said, hushed as he glared at the capsule.,
something that had ruined his life at one time. He looked back up to the
face baring down at him. "Not that one."
The man stared blankly to the wall, a pair of feet barely announcing
foundation. He collapsed onto the bed behind him and whimpered small cries
until the pill fell from his hand. Carter frowned sympathetically, walking
toward him. Haleh brought her chin downward as she approached the man.
Holding him in her arms, he sobbed as she patted his back and his hand.
Carter placed the bag quietly at his feet and turned to Luka behind him.
"Call Psych," he whispered.
Luka nodded solemnly, and turned out of the exam room. As Carter watched
him do so, he saw Abby pass by. He peered through the glance, blanketed in
cheap blinds, and tried to read her lips as she talked to Luka. He
couldn't. Luka pointed inside, and before Carter could have a chance to
turn away, and pretend not to notice, she was looking at him.
He smiled. Something he had tried to do a lot lately. She could only smile
back, look back to Luka with a frowning nod, and continue down the hallway
with her armful of charts and boxes. He wondered where she was going.
He stepped out of the exam room into the rest of the ER. Carrying on with
the job he had walked to for the last ten years. His life, beside his son.
And Abby..
He wished he hadn't proclaimed Abby part of his life, if she weren't going
to be part of it, for the rest of it.
Following her steps kindly, not wanting her to hear, they appeared together
in an empty trauma room. She sighed heavily as she stocked the shelves with
numerous things. Things that he would use some time this day, or tomorrow,
or the next day to help someone.
She turned around and saw him, sensing someone else in the room.
"What are you doing in here?" she asked with that same, sweet smile.
He walked toward her. His mind was in a daze. "I need to be with you."
Her smile remained, but it was of a different nature now. It was basically
expressionless. Not emotionless, though. She stared now, deeper into his
eyes.
"I have to go put this back," she said pointing toward the box before
lifting it.
"Don't tell me you're going to walk away - "
"Follow me, then," she said as she headed away from the shelves. "Who said
I didn't want you to come?"
He pursed his lips, and when she turned to meet his face briefly, he saw
her pursed lips as well. They continued down the corridors, winding their
way into another exam room. An empty one. Her back was turned as she slowly
replaced an unfilled area of the shelf now with her box. Realizing her work
was done, she turned around to see Carter standing there. She waited as he
did.
"I want to be with you."
"Why now?"
"'Now?'" he said, shaking his head. "No, not just now. I managed to ask you
now."
Their eyes met hard in the middle of the room. She was three feet away.
"I am sick of being on this edge," he whispered hoarsely.
She stared back up at him.
"Where I feel like we're there, and I wake up." He looked down briefly,
then back up. "And we never are really there."
She choked slightly on a breath as she began to talk, but Carter shook his
head quickly again.
"Wait," he said, taking another step. "You have to know how I feel."
Her eyes were soft.
"I want to be with you," he said, taking one more step and filling the gap.
"Because you're the father of my son."
She chewed on her bottom lip and looked down, attempting to count the floor
tiles.
"Because you're my best friend."
The world stopped spinning, and as far as he knew, the world grew silent.
And dark as they stood there. They were alone for now.
"Because you're. you're Abby. You're you."
Their eyes met again. This dance between them, he wondered when it would
end. He knew it would end. He felt a pain in his foot from the side of his
shoe as the work wore into him.
But, in another sense, he felt nothing. Nothing to do with pain.
She glanced up again. Another look in her eyes that he couldn't read.
He stepped backward and onto a chair. Resting arms on the sides, he pushed
a foot slightly onto the tiles. He slid inches from his original spot,
desperate to take his mind elsewhere. His fingers wove together, creating a
shelter for his forehead to sit in.
"I can't do this anymore," he sighed. "I will, but I don't want to do it
just because we have a baby." He could see only the palm of his hands with
his eyes open, but as he closed them, the world walked away.
To Carter's disbelief, he felt her single pair of lips drop onto the top of
his head. His head came upward from his hands. Her eyes were still soft,
the way he had left them.
"Me either."
Their gaze was a tough one. Everything unspoken. It filtered through the
dark room, slowly spreading across, wall-to-wall.
Carter pulled his hands apart. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed
him. His body froze. Her lips were gentle against his, taking no form at
all.
They didn't face each other. Instead, she climbed into his lap while he sat
in the chair. Their hands were slowly crawling up the other's body,
refreshing their own touch. Something they had extablished, and hadn't
forgotten, a long time ago.
She bent her head down to meet him in a longer, softer kiss. He pulled
away from her lips and kissed her jaw, her neck, her cheek. She set her
arms around his neck and nestled into his shirt, breathing heavily.
Breathing in a thankful sense.
He kissed her again, the top of her head, his fingers grazing her back all
the while.
[Part 39]