These Questions
His eyes focused on the black print on the paper, every word. But he wasn't really reading it. He was staring at the logo located at the top of the section, the Chicago Sun Times. Nothing new to him, something he'd read everyday for a long time. Most of his life as an adult. Nothing new.
But a lot was new now. Maybe not the paper itself, but his paper and coffee routine now seated a second member.
It was warmer that usual in the apartment. The drapes were drawn and the room was dark. It was still only four-thirty in the morning, he saw, as he glanced sideways to the clock resting on the wall above the sink. He sighed in content and shrugged comfortably.
It wasn't hot in the building, but the temperature went wonderfully with cold morning attire: robe, slippers, and flannel. Soft on his skin, they had kept him with a smiling feeling, even through his exhausted field around him.
He sighed again, adjusting the small weight in his arms. Seven pounds and four ounces, a few days ago. The infant obediently took in the liquid being fed to him, as Carter continued to smile slowly. He watched the baby lie there gently, not so much as a single whimper escaping two lips.
He remembered back to the day of his birth, when he'd been so pale. Now, color had flushed throughout his cheeks and body, bringing that once-in-a-lifetime beauty only found in babies. That indescribable perfection it brought.
He'd awaken to the same cries for a few nights now. They were frustrated, but small. Nothing more, and nothing less expected of a baby. This perfect little baby in his arms. Just watching him pout with two tiny fists made him smile, even chuckle lightly at some times.
Abby had been tired. She'd smiled at the same things Carter had felt so delightful, and it was evident, clearly evident, that she loved this baby to death. She had curled up into the easy cushions of the couch numerous times since they had arrived home, and looked at her new son. Just looked at him.
It was hard to do anything else. Carter, if he could, would scoop him up and hug him tightly forever. It was a weird thing, being a dad for the first time. He wondered how you could love something so much. He would see these lines in a movie and disregard them especially. But it was different when he was on the opposite side.
And he loved being on this side. It was amazing that this bundle of blankets and cries could bring someone this much joy, this much love into their eyes when they smiled or laughed.
The baby's head calmly turned away from the bottle. Carter took it as his sign and set the bottle on the table, next to his coffee mug. He kept up with watching himself perform this task, so regular and so innocent, to this child.
He held him against his shoulder, and rubbed his back with a tender hand. In slow, tiny circles. Over and over again. Encouraging, like he'd been for the time he had spent with this newborn.
"You're up early."
He turned his head to the side justly and saw Abby coming toward him, dressed in apparel similar to his. She flashed him a tired, but kind smile and slid into the chair next to him, reaching up to give the baby a kiss on his bare head.
"He was first," Carter replied in a whisper, careful not to disturb the baby now. When the baby had burped once or twice, he brought him back down to his arms and proceeded to rock him leisurely.
"I think he's got a little bit of hair," Abby said, sighing peacefully and fixing her gaze on the two of them.
"A little," he said. Smiling, "Blonde fuzz."
She nodded with a smile and looked toward the paper. "Anything in the news today?"
"Oh, yeah, check this out," he said, sliding the paper to himself with one hand. He mumbled to himself as he flipped through the pages and came to an entry, then an article. "Right here, next to the picture."
She looked at it and grinned funnily. "Hey, we're in the paper."
"You and Jonathon," he laughed.
"You're the hero," she chuckled. "It says right here: Dr. John Carter was in the elevator with Nurse, Abby Lockhart - "
"Yeah, yeah," he laughed and turned back toward the baby.
"Healthy baby boy," she smiled. "We gotta save this."
He nodded, looking up at her briefly. "Wonder why they put it in this paper. Not Monday's."
She shrugged. "I thought the media would be faster. I was talking to Susan, and it turns out some of those criticals we had were reporters in the other hospitals."
"Really?"
She nodded, shrugged, and stretched oddly.
Abby laughed quietly and sighed once more. She pulled her knees to her chest, under her chin on the chair and folded her arms over her knees. "Do you want me to take him? I feel so bad for letting you do it all - "
"No," Carter said, hushing her nicely. "He's almost asleep again. Besides, you've got him all day."
She nodded and continued to watch the two of them, admiring their beautiful embrace.
"When I have to go back to work," she began, "are we just going to drop him off at the daycare at County?"
Carter considered it, and nodded. "I think they'll take one month olds." The baby's eyes had been closed for some time, so he stood surely and wrapped a few stray segments of blanket around him. "I think he's out."
"Me, too."
Carter and she padded to the crib in another room and he placed him down gently. They stared adoringly at the baby for a few instants, then he yawned and squeezed her shoulder.
"I've got a shift in about four hours," he said, slightly blinking to ease away another yawn. "so, I'm going to bed."
"Okay," she said quietly. "I'm going to catch a few while I still can."
He laughed. "Good idea."
They smiled once more, awkwardly, and Carter parted from the room. He was tucked fast away into his bed, covers brought to his chin, in less than two minutes. He didn't bother to shed the robe from his shoulders and smiled at the added warmth of the comforter.
Sure, there was one thing that had been on his mind for the last couple of days: Jonathon. He had a baby. He couldn't explain how happy he was.
But, he'd kissed Abby. Something he felt he shouldn't have done. They hadn't talked about it since that one day, hadn't even repeated it. He still slept in the bed down the hall, still was her best friend, but still the father of their baby.
Things were different. Definitely something new.
He didn't know how he felt about Abby, though. He had wanted her for so long, he told himself over and over again. But, now, he found the main priority in his life being the baby he had just set down.
And, in a twisted, forlorn way there was a new respect for the girl two doors down.
[Part 32]