These Questions
He didn't know how he was supposed to feel about her.
But he didn't focus on that. There was a little baby in his arms. The most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. This baby with deep brown eyes that he had seen open five minutes ago. His skin was softer than anything he had ever felt before.
With this child in his arms, anything was possible. The last thing imaginable had happened; it was straight from a happy ending. He wasn't prepared to be a father, he thought. But this baby changed everything in his life for the better. He didn't think at all about what someone at County would say, what his grandmother or parents would think, or anyone else's opinion.
He had a son. He was perfect. Every once in a while, Carter felt the need to count his ten little fingers, ten little toes. Each one of them was tender to the touch. Each one of them looked so pale and helpless. The baby pouted simply in his sleep and looked so innocent.
Abby was asleep against his shoulder still. This baby had been born, Carter guessed, ten minutes ago. He reached over, carefully balancing the baby in one arm, to Abby's wrist. She had a watch. The time read 4:34.
All of this had happened in such little time. It seemed like much longer. It seemed like days since he'd enjoyed the warmth of his bed, or the simple things he'd taken for granted. Coffee, for example.
The baby shifted again against his chest. He choked on a small yelp against the cloth. Carter soothed him softly, "Shh..."
The baby breathed out through the small lips stuck into a frown. Carter reached up to his forehead and smoothed the infant's skin, attempting to send him back to a slumber. He succeeded; the baby sighed and his head turned to the side.
Carter caught a smile trip across his face. The corner of his eyes burned with a weary grin. He reached up again to run a soft thumb down the baby's cheek, tracing his skin to remember this moment for a long time.
A very long time. He didn't think he could forget, however. He knew that this was something he would never, ever forget. It was the biggest, and most pleasant surprise of his life.
Suddenly, the baby stirred and his eyes opened again. Carter chuckled quietly. The baby was restless. If he was hungry, he'd have to wake Abby up. He'd only resort to that in at least thirty minutes, unless he started crying before that.
His small cry escaped his mouth again. Carter smiled in reply. How was it that he was a father? He had had no time to get ready or this; he didn't know anything about being a dad.
He had wondered back to the news Abby had given him. That was why Luka had gone after him, why he had left, and why she hadn't been herself. Everything had finally come together. Pieces finally fit.
The baby started to squirm in his arms. The heat was unbearable in this elevator. Carter was without a shirt, there was a mess on the floor, and Abby was still without half of her clothes. Not to mention that the baby was naked under a simple scrub top.
"Abby," he shook her arms. "Abby, wake up."
She groggily straightened herself up and looked over to him. "Oh, hi."
"He's hungry," Carter said, wrapping him tighter into the blanket and loosening it at his chin. "You're going to have to feed him."
Abby nodded. She took him from Carter instinctively and pulled her shirt up slightly. "How much longer do you think we can be in here like this?" she asked quietly looking down at her son.
He shrugged. "Look what we did to this place."
"Do you know where we might be if we had just brought that cell phone?"
"It doesn't matter," he reminded her, his head resting against the back of the elevator. Lazily, he tilted it to the side and closed his eyes. "The phone mess up the hospital's system."
"It wouldn't matter now," she repeated. "The elevator's stopped, there's a bomb downstairs somewhere - "
"Yeah, true."
They sat in silence again. Carter cracked his knuckles against his chest with two hands and sighed.
"Tired?"
Carter laughed, "I delivered your kid - "
"I wish you wouldn't say that," she whispered. "He's not just mine."
Carter nodded. It still hadn't settled. "It doesn't feel like he is," he said, just as quietly. "You have to understand. I was convinced, I had just come to terms with the fact that he was Luka's."
Abby nodded slowly. "Okay." She sniffled and sighed. "I'm sorry, I should have told you. That was a big mistake on my part. I know it is."
"Yeah," Carter agreed, looking up at her. Abby met his eyes and swallowed hard. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."
"I didn't ask you to be involved - "
"That's not what I mean, Abby," he said gently. "I want to be involved if he's my son."
She bit her lip and nodded.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel now," he said. "I'm happy, don't get me wrong. I have a baby."
Abby continued to stare at the newborn.
"I just don't know where to go from here," he said.
"Me either," she answered quickly. "But, hey - "
He looked up.
"You believe me, right?" She put her shirt down and wrapped the baby's temporary blanket around his chest tightly.
"He doesn't look like Luka," Carter smiled. He let his hand linger on the baby's small body.
"Yeah," Abby said, the smallest giggle emitted from her mouth. "Do you love him?"
Carter didn't tear his eyes from the baby's. "I love him."
She wiped her eyes. "God, me, too."
The baby blinked into another deep sleep, falling away to peace. Oddly enough, that peace was the exact opposite of what he'd been born into: chaos. The two of them watch the baby lay quietly in her arms. He snored softly, bringing a short laugh from Abby.
"How is he so perfect?"
Carter shook his head and watched Abby smile further at the baby's image there. His eyes went back to the baby's form. He would never tire of watching this baby sleep. Or smile. Or eat. He began to wonder when he would first smile, or speak, or walk. When he would scoot across the floor on his stomach for the first time. When he would say "Daddy" or "Mommy."
"Were you serious about his name?"
Abby laughed. "You get to choose, too, you know."
"You did all the hard work."
"I don't know about that."
Silence streamed between the two and rung in their ears. The baby they looked at was so innocent, and so new. Carter let a finger fall into the baby's palm; the infant's fingers wrapped around Carter's finger in his sleep.
He was a dad.
--
"Jonathan Truman," she repeated quietly.
"And he's the fourth one," he smiled. Abby giggled and rocked the baby tenderly close to her.
All at once there was a sharp beating at the door above them. The baby started to cry, then began to scream. Abby shushed him, and in a moment's time, he was quieted. Carter yelled up toward the door, "Hey!"
"Is someone down there?"
"We have an hour-old infant down here!"
"How's the mother?"
"She's fine," Carter shouted, his voice suddenly weakened and raspy. "We need a blanket down here and some warm water."
"And some scrub pants."
"And some scrubs!"
"Scrubs?"
"Yes," Carter answered, rubbing a hand over her throat.
There was murmuring above them for a second. The men talked among themselves, then they replied,
"Does the mother need any assistance?"
"She could use a wheelchair," he said. "She had a baby an hour ago!"
"Got it!" the man shouted something to the side, out of Carter's hearing. "We're going to try and pry open the door. Who's down there?"
"We're from the ER," he yelled. "Dr. Carter, and a nurse, Abby Lockhart."
"Lockhart?" the man said. "They've been looking for a Lockhart and a Carter for a while."
"I would hope so," he said. "We were on our way up to the OB and we never got there. You'd think they'd pick it up - "
There was another sharp bang on the door. For a while, there was only beating, and at some times machinery was clearly run. The drills, crowbars and others were used to break the door in. Within ten minutes, with a screaming baby inside, their requested items were sent inside: the bag of warm water, set of scrubs for Abby, a blanket, and towels.
Carter took the baby and set it in a bundle of towels as so he could assist Abby in dressing her in the scrubs. She weakly stood up, almost stumbling at first.
"Thank you," she said catching herself. She steadied herself with his shoulders.
"No problem," he said, "Here."
When she was dressed, he set her down back on the floor, where she sighed heavily and breathed out. He handed her the baby, freshly wrapped in the blanket and began to clean the mess on the floor.
"Wait," he interrupted himself. "Use this to clean him up a little."
She nodded quickly, expertly, and wiped his face with one of the extra towels. The baby cooed soft cried until he fell asleep again.
"He's tired," she said, but it was quickly stopped by the men's shout from above.
"Hand the baby up!"
"I think you should get Abby up first," he said, "she's warm. The baby look good."
Abby shook her head. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, he's okay." He smiled warmly and picked her up. "You did a good job."
She nodded dizzily.
"By the way," one of the men shouted, "is it a boy or a girl? Is it okay?"
"Healthy baby boy," Carter said happily.
There was a short chorus of clapping. "Congratulations."
"Thanks," Carter and Abby said. Abby accepted Carter's help in lifting her through the opening at the top of the elevator. When she was through and had been taken off in the wheelchair, he packed the towels into a pile. Picking up the baby, he slid it upward, reminding the men to support his head.
"Hey, look at 'im," one of the men said. "Adorable." Carter smiled at their comments as he was helped climb up the elevator's door. He looked back for a second at the chamber, then slipped through the opening.
[Part 31]