These Questions
Chapter 28 - Freezing Waters, Part Eight
Carter's jaw dropped as his fingers fumbled with the belt, and the small black box connected to it. He handed the boy to Pratt, who accepted him unexpectedly. He worriedly unattached it from the belt and grabbed it. He ran to the entrance and threw it out the door.
It was just like a scene from an action drama movie. It blew up midair. He breathed out, watching the sudden burst with a shudder. There were even more workers now screaming at him, upset with his decision.
He threw his hand to the direction of the door and shouted back. They were quickly engulfed in their own argument. Abby appeared at his side and hugged his waist. She came between the two parties, and Carter felt her tense against him. While his opponent raged on, he looked down at her. His arms slowly came around her small body and hugged her back.
Eyes closed against her mess of hair, he breathed in and looked out to the doorway. He clutched her waist tighter again, nodded in a blank goodbye. They still managed to scream the regulations at him, even following him, as he took Abby to his side and began their way to the elevator.
He yet kept their voices from his head, not allowing the men behind him to catch up. He could feel her hand in his and he wanted to hold it forever. He felt like this was it, like this was what he was there at that moment for.
And he felt like this was the end...
---
He felt like this was the end. The end of it. All.
---
He snapped back into reality. He suddenly became aware of his dampened forehead, and it was only becoming worse. He feverishly attempted to sweep it away with a barely trembling hand. He looked down to her face.
Mane of that chocolate hair, still framing her face. As always, and those eyes. The captivating, nearly tantalizing eyes. The chestnut eyes that had managed to capture him one too many times, but it was something he had never grown tired of. Something he could never, and would never. Ever.
Her small body hardly leaning against his. Rather, her short form. The slender shape of her arms finding their way to snake themselves around his. His eyes fell to the one hand in his hold, as her other joined it. Searching for comfort, something he barely imagined he could give her now.
Her hand traced his arm worriedly down to his hand. He turned to see her face, as he gripped her hand and held it higher. He saw her wince with her pain.
"You okay?" he asked, stopping.
She shrugged. "In which way?"
He stared at her until she turned away. He nodded to himself and walked on, still holding onto her hand.
They reached the elevators and stepped inside. It was empty, thankfully, and as soon as it had taken off Abby had sat on the floor.
"You okay?" Carter asked, startled and stooping to her level on the floor.
"Yeah," she said, her eyes closed. She breathed out and said, "This hurts." She put her hands in her face to cover her expression from him.
"How far along do you think you are?" he asked. Stupid phrasing. "How long has it been?"
"I guess it probably started this morning," she said.
"At home?" he asked, surprised. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"I didn't think that it was real," she said. "It felt like a false alarm."
"You don't know when you're having a false alarm," he said. "So, therefore, it should've felt real."
She shook her head and let it hang toward the ground. She breathed out and stared back up at him. Her eyes were sadly empty. That one thing had been bothering her for a full nine months had taken its toll even now, or rather even more apparently now.
"I want to thank you," she said, breathing out deeply in attempt to defeat the oncoming pain. "I have to thank you."
He looked hard at her. He tried to soften his gaze. He didn't know whether it would make a difference. He didn't know why he was so afraid of the outcome.
"Why?"
Swallowing as if to flush pain away, she turned her head alone to look at the wall to her left. He felt like reaching out for her hand again. Just to help her. If he could. He doubted that.
"You've helped me," she said softly, "like no one's ever done for me before."
His eyes were cast upon her face again. It was trembling, obviously, and her hands were twisting together, as always. They always would.
"I never opened up to anyone the way I did to you before," she said quickly, knowing that it wasn't like herself to say something so revealing. Her eyes were raised to his for an instant as she opened her mouth to speak, then diverted once again to her lap. She stammered, "I've never cried to anyone like that. I don't like to cry."
He opened his mouth as well, but she continued.
"You know it," she said. "And that's why I did it. Because you know me."
Eyes again. The stare.
"Better than anyone."
He sighed softly and thought to say something. Never mind.
"Abby, no - "
"Why?" she asked quietly. She shook her head and said, "Thank you."
He contemplated his answer. Whether he had one or not, he didn't know.
Improvisation.
To say what he felt.
That he did.
"You're welcome."
She began a smile, but it was interrupted with another yelp of pain.
"False alarm," he chuckled.
"Well, it didn't feel strong enough." She breathed out, then called out in pain. Carter took her hand, which she gripped enthusiastically. "That," she breathed. She couldn't finish it. "Contraction."
"Oh, God," he said. He held her hand and led her through it. Rather than get frustrated and tell him to 'shut up,' like the movies, she listened to his instructions. He nodded his head and stroked her damp hair in encouragement. "You sure?"
"Yeah," she said sarcastically. "I'm pretty sure, Carter."
She let her head fall back. The elevator jerked as she started in again.
"What was that?" she asked between breaths. She held his hand tighter.
"Damn elevator stopped," he said. "Probably the explosion downstairs." He beat the wall with his fist. "Damn it!"
"Oh God," she said. "Can you call someone? Use the phone right there!"
"Yeah," he answered, accepting her idea. He moved toward the phone and came to a halt in front of it.
"What?" she asked, out of breath. "What is it?"
"Someone detached the thing," he said, upset. He held up the phone, the frayed cord falling shortly. "And I take it that was planned. Most likely by the same damn person who started this whole thing." He hit the doors now. "Damn it!"
Another idea came to his mind.
"My walkie's in the lounge," he said with pure disappointment. "Crap."
"Mine, too," she breathed. "Carter," she said. "I can't have the baby in here." She shook her head, violently, nervously. "I can't."
John shook his head as well and came closer to her. "Someone will know we're in here. You booked the room in the OB."
"So?" she asked, panting. He reached up to clear her forehead of fast sweat as she said, "What are they going to do?"
He opened his mouth but nothing came out for a second. "I-I bet they'll just page us. Or something."
She laughed a phony giggle and said, "Yeah, that'll save our lives for sure. Pagers give us the ability to jump through doors - "
"We aren't going to die," he said.
"You don't know that," she answered.
The room became quiet. Her answer hadn't been a cautious, or a quiet one. They both were finally coming to understand that it was a definite possibility. He sighed heavily, and almost apologized. He grew afraid of worrying her.
For once her expression was strong.
"You aren't scared?"
She pouted and said, "What can we do?"
He squinted, attempting to deal with the heat. "That's all you can say?"
"Carter," she said, slightly louder. "What can I do now? I'm not saying I want to die, but is there anything we can really do?"
He shrugged, realizing barely. "Pray?" he suggested with another shrug.
She giggled quietly to her lap. "That's a extremely cliché answer."
He chuckled as well, a true laugh. The only one he could remember from that day. He could barely remember that night.
He knew that was a lie. He remembered it all as if were minutes ago, and it very well could have been to his knowledge, no matter how long the night had been in reality.
He remembered another day. That fateful day that had changed his life. And only now did he realize that it had indeed changed his life. Only right now, watching her in front of him...
-
"Why Luka, Abby?" he said, light tears starting from his eyes. He hugged her tighter, closing his eyes when her hair surrounded him. "Why not me?"
She cried on. "God, you're my best, my best friend. I love you, John." She reached up without looking at him. Touching his lips, then his cheek while her face was still buried in his chest. "Too much."
He breathed out, considering the words in disbelief. "I love you." His tears came harder now, not sure if they were still of sorrow, or of a different feeling. "God, Abby. I love you."
-
He shuddered at that thought. He didn't want to think of it. He watched her for another minute. Her eyes were barely open, and were closing sporadically. He became frightened and went to her side.
"Just tired," she said with a small smile. "You mind if I take a nap?"
He smiled back. "Lie down then."
"Not very comfortable." She pointed to the floor. "Against the corner."
He shook his head and scooted even closer to her. As if reading the other's mind, and without a thought in their mind, they came together. She rested against him, and Carter slipped his arm around her. It felt natural, and neither thought for a second about it.
Carter was aware of it, sure. But it was inborn. Instinct, maybe.